Page 2

Chapter One

Ashland, 1 Year Later

Someone stirs next to me. It doesn’t register at first. My brain is foggy with sleep and alcohol, maybe weed. Who knows at this point. Last night is a blur, and I’m not quite hungover yet. There’s another stirring, and I groan. A large hot arm wraps around me, and I shove them so hard they flail off of the bed.

Some guy coughs trying to get his bearings. “What the fuck?”

I squint, forcing my eyes to focus. The guy is attractive, no doubt, but he's still in my fucking house. Is he familiar? Fuck no. Does it matter? Also no.

“I’d leave if I were you,” Penny giggles, leaning against the frame of the door with a towel wrapped around her head. She must have just gotten out of the shower. She knew. She knew he was here and left me in here with him. I could strangle her for that.

He rubs his eyes in complete and total confusion. “What?”

“This isn’t a fucking bed and breakfast. Leave,” I demand, pointing toward the door. At least my personal space wasn’t disrupted.

We live in a shitty house, but we love it. It’s a three bedroom. We usually use the third as a studio, but today it’s for regret.

Penny is my best friend. She’s my family. Someone who has never left my side despite it all. The girl is my ride or die, and there is no one out there who can tell me their best friend is better. I think we could be married and live happily ever after, fucking whatever men we felt like. She has blue hazel eyes and a delicate nose with high cheekbones. She kind of reminds me of a porcelain doll, but she’s not breakable. Just looks it.

She’s taller than me, her copper hair reaching past her shoulders. Today, it’s in two French Braids. I can still feel the makeup on my face, and it’s driving me mad. Usually, she convinces me to take it off, but last night I must have been intolerable. I still have zero recollection of this guy.

He starts to protest. “Wait, but you—”

“I nothing, Chance.”

“It’s Avery,” he snaps, standing up and snatching his shirt from the floor.

“Okay. Get the fuck out, Chance.”

“You should go before she stabs you in the face. I’ve seen her do it before,” Penny adds.

Chance pales at the thought. It must have been a wild night. I don’t know what the hell he thought was happening, but he isn’t fucking staying here. They don’t leave you alone after that. Penny snorts while he fumbles with the door handle.

“It’s not even locked, Chance,” I tease.

“God, you’re such a bitch,” he mumbles under his breath, tossing the door open and slamming it shut behind him. Once he’s finally gone, Penny bursts out laughing.

“You fucking cunt!” I screech, hurling pillows at her.

She doubles over. “You needed to be humbled.”

“That's a dignified way to say ‘for the plot’ and you know it.” I jab a finger in her direction as I head to the bathroom, the feeling of grime coats my skin.

“You blacked out, didn’t you?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny the events that may or may not have unfolded last night.”

“Mhm.” She heads back through the bathroom into her room. Her discarded towel comes flying through the door, missing the basket entirely. “Well, Cole was disappointed.”

“About what?” I call out, inspecting my sore legs. Bruises are all over them, per usual. I feel rough.

“Uh.” Her head pokes through her doorway, narrowing her eyes at me like I’m an idiot. “New Chance.” She gestures to the door.

“Why would Cole be mad about that?” I yawn and get to work brushing my teeth. Nothing like hangover morning breath to make you feel like death. The longer the mint assaults my mouth the better I feel. I head over to the shower and twist the nob, ready for the water to start steaming.

“Because he's in love with you.”

I step into the water, my body shivering, and sit down on the floor. “Not this again.” I roll my eyes, turning the heat up to burn my skin.

“Why the hell else would he keep inviting you to happy hours? Guys don’t do that unless they're trying to get your attention.”

“First of all, he invites us . Second of all, he knows we like to drink, and we’re not boring. Third, I go home with someone every single time so it seems like a stupid move to keep inviting me if you’re trying to fuck me. You should probably suggest something else. Fourth, you’re wrong,” I list.

“Mhm. Whatever. He’s still hopeful. What time is it?” She checks her makeup in the mirror.

I reach for my phone laying on the edge of the tub and check it. "Almost eleven,” I groan.

“He’ll be here any second to bring you coffee and breakfast,” she sing songs.

“ Us ,” I remind her.

“Listen Ash.” She leans against the counter. “He doesn’t give a fuck about me. He just knows that if he doesn’t try to treat me like a queen, then you definitely won’t be interested in anything long term.”

“Everyone should treat you like a queen. If they don’t, I’ll kill them. Also, I’m not interested in anything long term and never will be.”

There’s a tentative knock on the bathroom door.

“Come in!” we shout in tandem.

“Told you.” I can hear the smirk in Penny’s tone. I get a handful of water and throw it at her outside of the shower curtain.

“Everyone decent?” Cole has his eyes covered with a bag balanced on a drink carrier full of coffee and Gatorade. Penny quirks an eyebrow, giving me an ‘I told you so’ look.

“Yes,” I huff, shutting the curtain.

“Penny,” he says cordially. I hear a rustle and then a loud slurp.

“You’re a life saver, Cole.”

“It’s just an excuse for me to make sure the two of you are alive,” he chuckles. “Speaking of, where’s Ash?”

“Here,” I groan, thrusting my hand outside of the curtain, opening and closing my fist like a baby reaching to be picked up. He laughs, and I feel a cup placed into my hand. I bring it into the shower and take a deep sip. The macchiato from hell, is what Penny calls it. It’s basically a shit load of espresso with a ton of caramel, and a splash of milk. Cole always complains that someday when it gives me a heart attack he doesn’t want to be held responsible.

“That hungover, huh?”

“Burrito.” I stick my hand back out and feel foil against my skin. I bring it into the shower and unwrap it, sinking my teeth into the egg, sausage, and cheese. The effect is almost instant. Life starts to course through my veins, and I feel like I can maybe walk again. “Mmm.”

“That’s a good sign,” Cole says. “Pretty sure you were blackout last night.”

“It’s because you won’t stop her," Penny sings.

“What?” Cole laughs. “Have you ever tried?”

“You’ve gotta be creative.”

“Just keeping her in the same building is impossible.”

“I’m right here,” I snap.

“She had a rough morning,” Penny whispers loudly.

“Fuck. You.” I glare at her from the side of the shower curtain.

Cole stands there with his light brown hair swooping across his brown eyes and a dimpled smile. Over the summer, he exchanged the glasses for contacts and stopped looking so soft. He's cute. I won’t deny that, but I like having him around. I have self-destructive tendencies. If I sleep with him, he’ll want a relationship. I don’t. Our friendship will be destroyed in the process. It’s better if we're flirty friends.

“Well, I’ve gotta go. Brunch date.” Penny finishes her mascara.

I can't even think of who she could possibly be meeting up with. “Who?”

“Short Chance.”

“Didn’t he ghost you?” Cole asks.

Penny shrugs. “Free brunch. See you cunts later.” She doesn't bother closing the door behind her.

“So I saw Avery on the way here,” Cole says nonchalant.

I dump soap into my hair and scrub. “Who?”

“Tall? Skinny? Still in his clothes from last night?”

“Doesn’t ring a bell.” I rinse my hair out and comb in conditioner.

“Jesus.” He sighs. “Chance?”

“Ohhhh,” I reply. “Yeah. Don’t get me fucking started. He was trying to cuddle me, and I almost chopped his arm off before I kicked him out.”

Cole snorts. “I’ll bet that was a first for him.”

I wash all of the makeup off of my face, finally feeling human again.

“Towel.” I turn the water off and reach out. Cole puts one in my hand, then I hear him in Penny’s bedroom. He knows mine is off limits.

“I was kind of surprised you left with him." He picks at the drink carrier.

“Big mistake. Weird dick.”

Cole coughs. “I really wish you would stop talking to me about dick. Please reserve those details for Penny.”

I waltz into Penny's room and get dressed while Cole keeps his back to me. “What? I’m just saying that—”

“No!” He plugs his ears. “Nope. No.”

I throw my bra at him, and he flinches before facing me again. “Fine. Whatever. I saw you talking to Stacy last night. Great rack.”

“Her name is Ava." He rolls his eyes. “And objectifying her is not what I’m trying to do.”

“I said great rack. I’ll tell her that.”

“You already did,” he deadpans. “Like six times before you left with Avery Chance.”

“You sound mad.”

He follows me into the kitchen and sits at the island while I finish the coffee and chug a Gatorade. “I’m not mad.”

“Then what is it that you have a problem with?” I sit onto the counter top.

He scratches his head and studies me with pleading eyes. “I don’t have a problem, Ash, or I wouldn’t take you. It just sucks when you leave with someone.”

“As opposed to what?”

“I thought we were going to get pizza?”

“Like I said, you were talking to Ava Stacy,” I argue.

“I don’t want to get pizza with her.”

Penny’s wisdom from earlier echoes in my mind. It’s not that I didn’t know he has expectations, but I don’t want to admit to her that he’s brought them up before. This is the first time he’s started to voice them directly though. I try to think of a way to divert the conversation. I pull out my phone and check Penny’s location. She’s at Sunny’s, which isn’t far from here. They have the best mimosas.

“How about I make it up to you right now?” I show him the phone.

He shakes his head. “We’re gonna spy on Penny, aren’t we?”

“Oh, hell yeah. You thought I wouldn’t?” I give him a sneaky grin, grabbing my sunglasses off of the counter. “We should wear disguises.”

Am I ridiculous? Absolutely. Delusional? That too. Flighty? Might as well be a pilot. I also think I’m fucking hilarious. But I’m mostly self-destructive. Penny knows that, but Cole hasn’t quite figured out that it’s an integral part of my personality. Maybe when he does he’ll finally lose interest.

“Are you going to make me wear a dress?” he groans.

“Do not suggest things you aren’t willing to do.”

I grab two hats and shove one onto him. With his hand in mine, I drag him out of the door.

“I’m gonna end up paying for this aren’t I?” he laughs.

“Oh, absolutely. Let’s make up our back stories.” I walk backward, almost tripping over the uneven sidewalk. “You’re Chance, and I’m Stacy.”

“Here we go again.” Cole drags his hands over his face. “Why is it always Chance and Stacy with you?”

“Long story.” I’ve probably said that to him thousands of times, but I never explain. If you want to come off as unhinged, that’s how you do it.

We waltz up to the podium, and I demand a seat at the open table directly across from where Penny is sitting.

Cole gives her an apologetic smile. “Ashland, this is so wrong,” he whispers.

“What? It’s a free country. We can eat brunch here, too.”

“No, because I know that’s not why we’re here.”

“Then why are we here?” I ask as if I’m completely innocent.

Cole orders us a pitcher of mimosas and gives me a knowing look. “You’re here because you’re being fucking nosy. Penny deserves her privacy.”

I hold my hands up in the air, stunned. “Um, excuse yourself. There is no privacy between Penny and I. It’s way too late for boundaries. I’m not sure if you remember, but this guy took her on three dates before ghosting her. If she’s gonna keep insisting on seeing him, I want to know what he’s like when he doesn’t know her friends are around.”

He levels his gaze at me as the waitress delivers the drinks. “Fine." I start to reach for the pitcher, and Cole stops me. “Don’t get trashed.”

I stick my tongue out. “You can’t tell me what to do."

I hear loud annoying giggles erupt from the door. “You are so funny,” a nasally voice says.

“Right, so funny,” a whiny girl says.

“Well, thank you, ladies. I do try,” a guy responds.

Cole’s eyes widen as the sound of chairs scraping against concrete kills my ears.

“What the fuck are you all star-eyed about?” I pour myself a mimosa. I follow his gaze to two huge guys who look like they belong in a fraternity, and three girls who look like they’re trying to be the modern day Heathers. And they’re sitting at the table directly behind us blocking my sight of Penny.

“Shit,” I groan.

“Shit is right,” Cole whispers excitedly. “They’re—”

“Blocking my view from Penny,” I interrupt. I lean sideways trying to see through the two guys to no avail. “Fuck.” I keep maneuvering around, trying to catch a glimpse. One of them finally moves, abandoning his seat, and I sigh with relief. Penny looks bored out of her mind.

“Oh shit,” Cole whispers.

“Well, hello,” a man’s voice says next to me. Expensive cologne fills the space around me.

I look up and notice one of the guys from the annoying group. The brown haired one is making himself comfortable next to me. He’s the one who moved.

“Hi,” I say with disinterest, sipping on my mimosa and still watching Penny. She blows air out of her mouth and looks around for an escape. Dude must be real boring if Penny can’t even pretend.

The guy flips the chair around and sits in it, placing his chin across the top. “I saw you staring at me.”

“Huh?” I finally turn to give him my full attention.

“You were staring at me. Working real hard to get a look. Don’t worry. I noticed." He winks.

I squint, analyzing him. Self-centered for sure. “I wasn’t looking at you.”

“Right, right," he chuckles. “And I’m Chris Evans. Actually, I’ve been told I look a lot like him.”

“You don’t."

He crosses his arms across the top of the chair and sets his chin on top of them. “Alexi. And you are?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t remember inviting you over here.”

He gives me a fake frown. “It’s okay. No need to be embarrassed. I’m used to the attention.”

“Alexi,” the whiny voice says, suddenly standing over us with her hand on her hips. “Why’d you leave?”

I glance over to the table and notice everyone is staring at me, including a girl I hadn’t even registered before.

Alexi leans back. “Oh, just making new friends. Why don’t you guys come join?”

The sound of someone clearing their throat gets my attention. “That’s Ashland. I’m Cole.” He sticks out his hand, and Alexi shakes it. “Can’t wait to see what you do this season. Big fan.”

I ignore them until I notice they’re all picking spots at our table.

“What the fuck is happening?” I glance between the invaders quickly. They’re all plastic, their faces piled with makeup making them look unrealistic. The other guy has an arrogant look about him, and he seems annoyed. Same, bud. Same.

Alexi starts introducing his posse. “This is Stephanie, Mandy, Stacy—"

I spit out my drink. It spews onto the table and dribbles down my chin. Alexi tilts his head, giving me an inquisitive look with amusement in his hazel eyes. They scream mischief.

Cole shoves his face into his hands. “Ash." He looks at me, pleading. “Ignore her. She’s not great with people.”

“I’m not a dog,” I retort.

“Fucking feral if you ask me,” the annoyed guy says. I finally look at him. He’s got on a university shirt that is just tight enough to see his muscles. He looks like a typical frat bro with a backwards hat. His coal eyes are trained on me in a challenge.

“You look like a cave man, but I wasn’t going to say anything.” I pour myself another mimosa. “Cole, can you get the check?”

“We just got here,” he argues. I roll my eyes and twist in my chair, ignoring all of them. Cole is always so eager to socialize. It pisses me off. Mark this as another reason as to why I would never date him.

Penny brushes her copper hair behind her ear and sips her water. I can tell she’s dreaming of a mimosa.

I flag down a waitress. “Send a mimosa to that table.” I point. “Tell her it’s from him.” I point at Alexi.

She looks to Alexi for confirmation, and he shrugs. Once she scurries off he leans over. “Who is that? You in love with her or something?”

I roll my eyes. “I don’t like women. I just don’t like you.”

Are these people serious? I hear a snicker come from the guy whose name I didn’t hear. I ignore him and turn back to Penny, watching as the mimosa gets delivered. The waitress points in our direction, and Penny locks eyes with me. Short Chance gives the waitress a confused look, turning in our direction.

I shove my elbow into Alexi’s side. “Wave,” I command.

He obliges, giving Penny a small wave with a wink. Really selling it. Short Chance purses his lips and scoots his chair over, attempting to block our view.

“If that guy comes to fight me you better bail me out of jail,” Alexi chuckles.

“Look at him.” I smirk. “That guy couldn’t even fight me. He doesn’t have the balls.”

“Sheesh. Harsh critic, huh?”

“What are you two laughing about?” one of the Stacy's asks.

“Just return to your regularly scheduled programming, Stacy,” I answer sweetly.

She gives me an evil look. “It’s Stephanie.”

“Same thing." I shrug.

Cole’s face turns red with embarrassment. I don’t really give a fuck. The guy at the other end of the table stares me down, so I give him the middle finger. His jaw clenches. Before he can react further, the Stacy who got mad at me taps him like an annoying child looking for attention.

“You’ve got balls.” Alexi leans against the table and places his elbow on the surface, putting his chin in the palm of his upturned hand.

“Gigantic ones.”

“I like your tattoos.”

“Thanks. They’re permanent.”

“What do they mean?”

I huff, ready to be done here. “That I’m mentally unstable.”

“Self-proclaimed crazy girl, huh?”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” I groan. “Do you ever shut up?”

He gives me a crooked grin. “No, my mom said it’s my best attribute."

“Mommy lied.”

“Wow,” he says, the sarcasm bleeding into his words. “I think I’m having an epiphany. Are you telling me I’m also not the best boy in the grade?” I can’t help it. I laugh. “So you do have a sense of humor?”

“I’m lifeless, not soulless.” I turn back around to give Penny another glance. Under the table she makes a motion like she’s cocking a gun and pointing it at herself.

The Stacy’s are having a full blown conversation about some reality TV stars and their latest gossip. I want to fucking barf. I pretend to wrap a rope around my neck and hang myself, which causes Penny to cover her mouth to stifle her laughter.

“I’m sorry, Ashland. Are we boring you?” Stacy asks.

“I don’t think I’m the only one thinking it.” I annoyingly slurp my mimosa. Alexi tries to hide his laughter, and the guy at the other side of the table looks up at the sky, biting his cheek. “Don’t worry, Stacy , they’ll still fuck you.”

She narrows her eyes at me, trying to calculate a witty response. “Jealous?”

“Of you? No, I’m not really into the whole ‘let’s do anal so I can pretend I’m a virgin’ thing. I’ll take my dick like a real slut, thanks.”

“You should get some therapy. You might have daddy issues.”

“Might?” I laugh. “Maybe you should put a dick in your mouth to keep you from stating the obvious.”

“Alexi." She redirects her attention. “Why the fuck did you bring us over here?”

“Probably because my PornHub history isn’t passionate missionary,” I continue.

“Classy,” another Stacy says.

I lean back in my chair and pull out my phone. “Cultured, not classy.”

“Can we go?” Ring leader Stacy asks. “I’ve lost my appetite.”

“Don’t pretend you were going to order anything in the first place. Gotta get ready for all that anal.” I raise my glass, toasting the air.

Stephanie looks pointedly at Alexi and the other guy, but they don’t make eye contact. “Neither of you are going to say anything?”

Alexi chokes and ends up coughing. “What do you want me to do, Steph? Lie?”

Stacy snatches her purse and glares around the table. “Let’s fucking go,” she commands the others. They get up and quickly follow her out.

I sigh. “What a gem."

“You didn’t have to humiliate her like that,” the other guy finally speaks.

“Shut up, Armory. You’ll be getting laid by midnight, and you won’t even have to apologize,” Alexi grins.

“Yeah, shut up, Armory,” I mock him.

Armory stands and pushes in his chair, giving me one last glare before he stalks off after the girls.

“I guess that’s my cue,” Alexi sighs.

“Ta-ta,” I shoo him away.

He starts to leave but does a one-eighty and comes back, leaning next to me onto the table. “I don’t think I caught your last name?”

“Bradshaw.”

“Ashland Bradshaw,” he muses.

“I don’t have social media, so you can’t stalk me.”

“Do you have a phone?”

“No.” I level my gaze with my phone clutched in my hand.

He glances down at it and smirks. “Right. Well, maybe I’ll see you around Ashland Bradshaw.” He puts his hands into his pockets and winks before leaving.

“Hope not,” I mumble.

“Why do you have to make enemies everywhere you go, Ash?” Cole angrily leans over the table. “You’re fucking embarrassing me.”

“Stop caring what everyone thinks, and you’ll stop being embarrassed.”

He sighs and pours another mimosa. After a few tense moments he starts to laugh. “I can’t fucking believe your virgin comment.”

“Where’s the lie?” I start laughing.

“Fuck." He gasps for air. “Oh shit. You need to call Penny.”

I flip around, and Penny is signaling S-O-S. “Call?” I give him a sly smile. “I’m right here.”

“Oh no." He puts his head in his hands.

I grab a glass with mimosa and head over to the table she’s sitting at. I stand over Short Chance with my hand on my hip, and I dump it on his head.

“What the—?” he starts.

“What the fuck? How dare you not call me, and then I see you with another woman?” I screech. The entire patio is watching. “I’m pregnant. How could you!?”

He immediately turns to Penny to explain that he doesn’t know me and has never seen me in his life.

She puts her hand up to stop him. “I think I’m going to go. Don’t call me.” She stands and leaves as fast as possible, and I run out after her. When we make it around the corner, we both double over laughing.

She wipes tears from her eyes. “That was truly your best one yet."

“I have wanted to do that for so long.”

“Bravo. Top performance. You should be a theater kid.” She places her arm around me as we strut back toward the house. “Oh no. What about Cole?”

“He’ll live. He knew what he was getting into.”

“You use that boy,” Penny warns.

“And he still doesn’t leave.”

“So who were those people sitting with you?”

“Ugh,” I say dramatically. “Some assholes.”

“And the one who sent me the drink?” She raises her eyebrows in question.

I skip ahead to the front door and head inside. We never lock it. It’s pointless. We lost the keys the day we moved in. “Some guy named Alexi. He was trying to fuck me.”

She puts her stuff onto the kitchen counter. “He was cute.”

“Yeah, in the frat boy way. Not interested.”

“You’re not interested in anyone,” she argues.

I throw myself down onto the couch. “Why would I need a relationship? I have you.”

“Don’t use me as an excuse for your commitment issues.” She sits down next to me with a bowl of candy, offering it to me.

“What’s so bad about enjoying my own company?”

She rolls her eyes and gives me a knowing look. “Some day you’re gonna wake up with a boy in your bed, and you’re not gonna want him to leave.”

I roll a candy wrapper into a ball and throw it at her. “Impossible.”

“I’m serious, Ash." She pulls her knees up and a blanket over us.

“So am I,” I say with my mouth full of chocolate. “Who could possibly like me? I’m fucking unhinged.”

“Only because you wanna be.”

“If you think it’s a choice, then you don’t know me at all.”

Penny opens her mouth to argue, but decides to turn the TV on instead. I’m grateful she knows when to end a conversation. She’s not wrong and I know that, but I’m not ready to hear it. This past summer we spent a few weeks in Europe, crossing tons of shit off of our bucket lists. The second we got on a plane to come back, she started asking me what I want out of life. We’ve talked about everything under the sun, including our delusional dreams in our four years of friendship, but not a future beyond this place. Now it's hanging over us like my impending doom. I have no fucking clue what to do.

I’m starting to wonder if she’s inadvertently trying to prepare me for the day that she finds someone. I don’t want to think about it. This year we’re juniors in college, and real thoughts of the future are starting to become topics of conversation. Penny is a planner. Not in an annoying way, but she knows that there is an adult world that we need to prepare for. I, on the other hand, have been pretty unwilling to accept that. I’ve always been the type to just go wherever a wave tosses me and figure out how to keep myself from drowning.

I love sitting here with Penny just being lazy. Once upon a time, I never thought my life could be like this, and I want to savor it like a fine wine or whatever the fuck people like to say. We’re not seniors yet, and that means this is the year to really live it up. Next year she’ll be stressed, and I’ll have to have a real answer to her questions about what’s next.

Until then, I’m going to watch trash TV with my best friend and pretend everything is fine.