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Chapter Eleven

Koda

Sex with Ashland is mind bending. The way her skin glistens with sweat; the way she moans; the way she feels wrapped around my dick; the way she runs her mouth on purpose just so I’ll slap her; the way she looks so innocent when I tell her what the fuck to do; and the way she says my fucking name. I’m addicted.

I always thought addicts were being ridiculous. I’m not an idiot. I know withdrawal is hard, and I understand the chemical imbalances, but if this is what being high feels like, I fucking get it. She’s always so present in the moment with almost everything she does. She’s reactive to the simplest touch. I do that to her. Not Cole. Not anyone else. Me.

I’ve never been able to control another person like this and that alone is intoxicating. It feeds right into my obsessive nature. I know it’s not healthy for me and probably not for her either, but I keep telling myself it’s not a big deal. This is just sex. I keep telling myself that when this arrangement ends it will all be fine. It's easier if I don't think about it.

When we were in the bar that night I thought I might die from being hard for so long. Every shift, every time those teal eyes watched me with curiosity, her smell, and every other fucking thing she did was so sexual. I don’t think she realizes it. It took everything inside of me to keep calm and not drag her away. The first few times we had sex were so fast that I didn’t want to fuck her in the bathroom and have her leave. I wanted to make a point, and I wanted to savor it. I needed to show her that I hold the key to her orgasms. That’s a language she understands. She said she uses sex to communicate, and I can fucking do that.

But I couldn’t keep my hands off of her after seeing her arm in arm with Cole. He kept acting like a smug prick with Ava under his arm and eyes on Ashland, and I wanted to draw a line in the fucking sand. There is no room for him here. Touching her drove him insane. ‘Are you okay?’ That’s what he asked her, as if Ashland has ever needed someone to stand up for her. Driving Ava away meant that nice little Cole had to go, too. I wasn’t going to let her piss Ashland off and send her into a fit where she would storm away.

When Ashland asked if I had a condom, I could tell she wanted me to say no. It was a half-hearted attempt to pretend she’s not my personal slut, and I corrected that immediately. Alexi left a pack somewhere in my place, but I’m not using them with her so I threw those fuckers out. Coming inside of her is another animal entirely. I get why people end up with six kids because I can’t fucking stop.

I’m getting obsessive, and I know it. I lasted two hours checking my phone every five minutes during practice. I checked the art studios. The Roost. The quad. There are three libraries and that one was the last shot before I went to her fucking house. That’s what crazy people do. Once I found her, I was fucking pacified. Even when she talked shit she didn’t really stop me. She’s too fucking curious for her own good. Too driven by the promise of sex with me .

Alexi knows I’ve lost it. He won’t say it, but he’s thinking it. He wants to ask, but I’ve never been like this before. I dated a few girls in high school, but I didn’t really concern myself with them. They didn’t like that and moved on pretty quickly. I hardly noticed they were gone. I had way more chill than I do right now.

I know she ruined her orgasm the other night, and I haven’t figured out how I’m going to handle it yet. I know she’s not having sex with anyone else. There’s no way she can last much longer without it, and I’m not waiting to see. I know she has class with Alexi on Thursdays and until I have her full schedule, I’m going to take advantage of it. When they stride out, practically arm in arm, I’m fucking standing there.

“Oh, hey, Ko,” she says as if I didn’t rail her on my kitchen counter and ruin it all. Like this is the most casual interaction. But, damn , if it doesn’t make my dick hard when she says Ko.

Alexi bats his eyes. “Awe, here to walk me home?”

“It’s fine, Lex. See the way he’s brooding? He’s probably here to kidnap me again.”

Lex. She called Alexi, Lex. I don’t fucking like it. I get Ko. He doesn’t get Lex. I remind myself to calm the fuck down. They’re just friends. I’m in control. I am. I really am. I’m just angry about the way she left me standing there like an idiot. That’s all.

“Alright, fine. I’m meeting Penny at The Roost. Are you two coming?” Alexi asks.

She takes one look at me. “No. I’ll talk to you guys later.”

Alexi looks between us, hesitating for a second. He actually looks like he might grab Ashland and run. It pisses me off, but he probably should. He should probably call our mom and send me straight to therapy, but it won’t help. Not when Ashland exists. Once he’s gone she rolls her eyes and drops the nice facade.

“What do you want? I have to go to work.”

“At the tattoo place?”

“Yeah. Prince is prepping for a whole thing, and we didn’t finish yesterday.”

So that’s why I haven’t heard from her. She’s been spending her time with Prince the tattoo god. I want to meet him.

“I’ll take you.” I grab her bag and stalk off.

The shop isn’t far. It doesn’t make sense to drive, but I do anyways. Ashland doesn’t fight me about getting into the car this time, and she turns on a song that isn’t meant to drive me crazy. I kind of wish she would. Instead, she seems fucking tired and a little reserved. I park and she starts to get out, which is unnerving.

“Don’t do that,” I growl, grabbing her on the sidewalk.

“Do what?”

“Get out of the fucking car until I get the door.”

“And they say chivalry is dead,” she snorts before shoving past me. I follow behind her, and she stops mid step. “You can go.”

“I want to see the place.”

She narrows her eyes and tips her chin. “Fine.”

When we reach the lobby, a woman with jet black hair and a heart shaped face dressed head to toe in black and purple, is standing behind a counter. The sound of buzzing is background noise.

“Hey, girl,” the woman greets her without looking up.

Ashland goes up to the glass counter and sits on it, leaving me to stand there. “Hey. Is Prince in, yet?”

“Bright and early. You know how he gets when it’s convention time.” The woman glances up with purple eyes and catches me standing there. “Sorry, uh, can I help you?”

“This is Chance. Chance this is Angel.”

“Nice to meet you, Chance,” Angel smiles sweetly, then looks at Ashland with morbid curiosity.

“It’s Koda. Not Chance.”

“Oh, sorry,” Angel apologizes. I can see her trying to figure out if she heard Ashland wrong.

Ashland looks at me with a devilish grin. “You ruin everything." Fucking brat.

Angel looks between us. “Are you tattooing him or something?”

“No, he’s just stalking me.”

That makes Angel concerned. “Should I get Prince?” she whispers.

A door opens and a man strides out. He looks like a fucking tattoo influencer. He’s got on a tight shirt with some design and black jeans that are rolled up on the bottom with a backwards hat. Tattoos cover his arms, just like Ashland’s. Both of his hands are tatted up, too.

“I thought I heard you.” He smiles at her. Despite how he looks, the guy seems shy. He takes a look at me, then glances at Angel. “Is he here for a tattoo? I have an opening.”

“No,” Angel says, uneasy. “This is Koda.”

The guy just kind of stands there, unsure of what to say. He glances at Ashland, then back at me. “Is he bothering you?”

“Always, but he’s just being annoying right now.”

He looks at her carefully before sticking his hand out. “I’m Prince.”

This is Prince. This guy. This is the tattoo god Alexi said was her situationship, and she denied that. He’s exactly what I would picture Ashland’s dream guy to be. I shake his hand because I don’t have a read on him, yet. He tries to crush mine, but this is my throwing arm so I squeeze until he lets go. It was a fight for dominance, but I’m not sure what kind.

“Nice to meet the guy Ash spends so much time with.” My tone is easy but the guy hears the threat in my voice.

“Cool,” he says dismissively. “So, Sweetheart, I was thinking that maybe we could go through your sketchbook and use one of your designs.”

“Oh, uh, really?”

“Yeah. I liked the one you did with the chains and the hands.”

As he speaks, I take Ashland’s hand and put her phone in it with a charger and her bag. She glances in my direction, deep in thought.

Prince doesn’t even notice. “I want you to come to the convention and tattoo it on me. Put yourself out there. It would be a great opportunity for when you take over my chair. Let’s face it. You’ll probably win.”

“I don’t know,” she mutters to herself.

“Come on." He waves her inside of his room. “I’ll show you what I was thinking.”

She stops herself, glancing at me. “You’re still here?”

“Charge your phone." I nod to the stuff I put into her hand. It’s like she’s seeing it for the first time. “Call me when you’re done, and I’ll come and get you. Eat something.” I shove a power bar in her hands.

“I can walk.”

“You can, but you won’t.”

She rolls her eyes and doesn’t even say goodbye before shutting the door behind her.

“So, are you going to stand there all afternoon?” Angel raises a penciled brow at me.

“When does he usually let her go?”

“Probably never if he could help it.” Her words are suggestive, and I don’t fucking like them. “Maybe eleven,” she continues. “Prince sleeps, but Sweetheart doesn’t. I’m sure you know that, though.”

I don’t know that. Now I do. Cole working at the Roost is looking really convenient.

A plan forms in my mind. “Do you drink coffee?”

“I’m listening." Angel tilts her head.

“What does everyone want?”

“You’re serious?”

“I’m always serious.”

“Clearly,” she mumbles, pulling out a piece of paper. She writes down five orders, and I know exactly which one is Ashland’s. There’s enough espresso to send her into cardiac arrest.

“I’ll be back.”

I don’t have shit else to do and if coffee is how I can get into these people’s good graces, it’ll be easier for me to see her when I want.

When I get to The Roost, Alexi and Penny are sitting at a table.

“Did you kill Ashland?” Alexi asks with actual worry. Penny studies his face before looking at me, ready to pounce.

“She’s with Prince,” I explain. “Some sort of convention thing.”

“I thought you two were just fucking.” Penny straightens. “Are you two a thing? Is this why you kidnapped her and got us Chinese?”

“We’re just friends.”

Penny crosses her arms. “Ashland doesn’t want friends.” She’s fucking skeptical.

“She didn’t want to be friends with Alexi,” I point out. “Now she is.”

“Does she know you’re friends?” She giggles, relaxing.

Alexi chuckles. “He won’t give her a choice.”

“Probably for the best.”

“I’ve gotta go grab some coffee. I’ll be back in a few.”

I head inside, but I hear Alexi behind me. “He doesn’t drink coffee.”

“But Ashland does,” Penny says mischievously.

When I get inside, low and behold, Cole is fucking standing there behind the counter. “Hey, Koda.”

“Armory.”

“Right. Armory. You gonna study with those two?” He nods to where Penny and Alexi are sitting.

“Nah, gotta go take these to the tattoo shop.” It’s a dick move. I know he knows where Ash is supposed to be, but he bites his cheek and rings me up. After I pay, he starts making the drinks.

“So, you’re their errand boy now?” He asks the question like it’s innocent, but it’s fucking not.

“I just offered.”

“That was nice of you.”

“Make Ashland’s half.”

He looks over to me. “What?”

“Half the espresso.”

“But she likes—”

“Yeah, I know what she likes.” I give him an easy smile. “But she doesn’t need to die from a heart attack.”

Cole weighs his options. “Your funeral.”

When he hands me the drink carrier he almost doesn’t let it go. Then he tells me to tell Ashland to text him later. I fucking won’t. The tattoo shop has two people sitting on the couches when I get inside.

Angel's eyes widen in surprise. “Wow, you came back." The guys on the couch give me the once over before taking their coffee.

“So you’re Ashland’s new puppy?” One of them snickers.

“You don’t look anything like the other one,” the other guy says.

“So you know Cole?” I ask casually.

Angel immediately rolls her eyes. “The guy is helpless.”

“Hey, free coffee though.”

“Does he come here a lot?” I ask.

“He did for a while,” one guys says. “She had Prince scare him off with some shit about this not being a hangout.”

That actually makes me laugh. Fuck Cole. They start talking about the convention as I push open Prince’s door. They’re sitting there huddled over some sketches.

“Coffee?”

“Oh, fuck yes.” Ashland rushes me and snatches them out of my hand.

Prince offers me a confused smile. “Thanks, man.”

This guy seems nice. Not the overbearing Cole type of nice, but just like a chill guy. I honestly feel better about her being here.

I start to leave when Ashland calls for me. “Ko?”

“Sup?”

“I’ll be off at nine.”

I stick my tongue in my cheek. Victory tastes sweet. “I’ll be here.”

They immediately go back to whatever it is that they’re discussing. On my way out everyone actually gives me a wave. Angel smiles. Her canines have been turned into vampire teeth. Usually that would irritate me, but it just fits the atmosphere of the whole place.

Over the course of the afternoon I hang out with Penny and Alexi, who manage to constantly talk. When dinner rolls around they grab food at some sandwich place a few doors down from the tattoo shop, then they manage to talk that entire time, too. Alexi takes Penny home, and I’m left to sit in my car and wait. I fuck around on my phone for a while and eventually I get a text from Slut.

Give me dick.

Fucking gladly. I head upstairs and grab her stuff. Prince is already gone, but Angel is still hanging around chatting with her. Ash doesn’t acknowledge me until she’s back in the car. Her mood is better, but not all the way. She turns on some heavy metal shit and doesn’t say a word while I take her back to my place. Once we’re inside, she drops her stuff in the foyer and trails me into the kitchen.

“Can you take me home after?” she asks nonchalant.

“Is this a fucking appointment?”

“Fine. I’ll get a rideshare.”

“No, you won’t. I’ll take you home.” I don’t know what it is, but she seems relieved. “So they call you Sweetheart?” I pry.

Ashland turns to me, looking exasperated. “Couldn’t we have just had sex in your car? I don’t really wanna talk.”

I advance on her grabbing her by the neck, and her breath quickens. “I was trying to be nice, but we’ll fast forward to your consequences if you want.”

“Someone’s sexually frustrated,” she says smugly.

“I’m not the only one.”

“What are you gonna do, edge me?”

“I have something else in mind.”

I grab her arm and drag her into my bedroom, tossing her onto the mattress. Before she has time to think about it, I take her wrists and wrap a leather cuff around one.

Her teal eyes spark. “Moving up in the world, huh?”

I ignore her, grabbing the other wrist and pulling it as tight as I can. It’s probably cutting off her circulation, and I fucking hope so.

“All you’re doing is turning me on,” she warns.

“When we’re done you’ll be begging me to stop.”

There’s excitement in her eyes, and her thighs squeeze together. I want to make her cry. I want her to beg me to stop, but I know she won’t. Something drives her toward pleasure and pain. Something inside of her is broken. I tear her shirt down the middle. Her nipples are already pebbled.

“Penny is going to kill me. This is her shirt." She pouts before I take them and twist, making her squeal.

I grab her leggings and rip them in the center. If she wants to be a slut I’ll treat her like one. She doesn’t complain, just pants. Her underwear are soaked, which isn’t any sort of surprise to me. I brush my fingertip over her pussy, and her hips buck. I do it again, watching her react to every touch, until she realizes that I’m not going to do anything other than this. I circle her nipples, barely grazing them one at a time.

“Koda,” she says breathlessly.

“What’s wrong?”

“This was fun. Now fucking do something.”

“Oh, I am.”

I don’t stop, and I don’t touch her the way she wants. She tries to push herself into my hand but the restraints stop her. Every time I brush one of her nipples she squirms, trying to squeeze her legs together.

I cluck my tongue. “Baby girl, you’ve got to stop closing your legs, it’s not time yet. I’ll fix it.”

I grab the ankle restraints and she tries to kick, but I catch her foot and slide it on, effectively tying her to the bed. She huffs like a bull and growls when I put the other on. “Now where were we?”

“This isn’t funny.”

“Do you see me laughing?” I lean over her, gently licking her nipple until her back arches.

When she pushes it into my mouth I bite down, causing her to whine. She doesn’t scream, just whines. It’s music to my fucking ears. I suck the tip and keep trailing my finger over her pussy. She’s sweating and shaking. I slap her cunt, making her squeak. I let her ride my hand while I alternate nipples until I know she’s close, and then I stop. Her hips keep moving desperately as she tries to squeeze her thighs together.

“I get it. You’re mad,” she snaps. “Point taken.”

I ghost my touches over her body, just enough that she knows I’m there. I like watching it. I love the way she’s squirming and fighting the frustrated tears.

I blow on her clit. “You can come whenever you want.”

“No, I can’t it’ll…” her voice trails off.

“Ruin it?”

I know she needs it. So do I. She might need it more than I do. Ashland loves to orgasm. I think it might be her favorite thing in the world besides Penny.

“You’re teasing me,” she says point blank.

“I’m going to keep doing it until you come, and then I’ll think about giving you what you really want.”

“I have shit to do, Koda.”

“Then be a good girl and come all over yourself.”

She yanks on the restraints, but they don’t budge. “I can’t.”

“You can, and you will. I’ll wait all night if that’s what it takes. You might not be patient, but I am.”

It takes an hour of torture for Ashland to finally finish. It’s an hour where every second tortures me, too. Seeing her eyes roll into her head. The frustrated disappointment on her face is a high. I control that.

I’m fucking dying to be inside of her. I let her out of the restraints and give her no time to recover before I dive in. My dick throbs just at the prospect of feeling her around it, and with how much she came it’s not a fight to get myself inside. Not as much as it usually is.

I want to take my time. I want it to last because it’ll be three days before I see her again. It’s like I’ve just discovered porn. She’s the best porn I’ve ever watched. I can’t hold it though. I’m too amped up. So I pretend I’m not going to come inside of her because that’s what she wants to do. It’s all fucking make believe.

“Ko,” she whines, with her legs over my shoulders.

“Shut up.” I put my hand around her neck and squeeze, feeling her clench around me. “If you keep squeezing me like that, baby girl, I’m not going to be able to stop myself.”

She moans and clenches tighter.

“I’m serious, Ash. I…I can’t.” And I can’t. When she’s choking my dick like that I cannot control it, not the way I want to.

Her eyes roll into her head again while her face turns red from lack of oxygen. She’s such a cum slut. Ashland rides my cock, and it’s like a week of pent up cum leaves my body. She’s fucking exhausted. Her eyes are fighting sleep, and I would let her pass out except she forces herself up. She gives me an irritated look and gestures to the shirt then to her leggings which have been shredded at this point.

“Take a shower. I’ll get you clothes.”

“I’m not fucking showering here.”

“You’re covered in sweat and cum. Shower. I’ll get you clothes and take you home after. Alright?”

“Whatever,” she mumbles.

I hear the water start and have the incessant urge to go take one with her. I set a pair of my sweatpants and one of my football shirts on the counter and take her underwear from the floor, shoving it in my side table that is actually starting to resemble a serial killer’s trophies. Ashland’s underwear. Her sketch book. Some charcoal that fell out of her bag the last time she was here. The phone from the Weekender last year. If she had handed me a playlist on a CD I would have stuffed it there, too. I go back and hover in the doorway, watching her through the blurred glass.

Ashland hums. I don’t think she realizes it. I don’t recognize the song, but she hums. It’s a soft and sweet melody. Nothing like the songs she made me listen to in the car. I keep myself from going into the shower and go to the living room so I don’t do something stupid. When she comes out of my room she looks less than enthused.

“I’m not giving this back.”

“Don’t worry, I already know you’re a thief.”

She accepts my answer and goes to the door to get her stuff. When I don’t move she comes and stands next to the couch.

“You said you would take me home.”

The question slips out. “What’s that song?”

“Which one? The flute song?”

“No. The song you were humming in the shower. What is it?”

“Oh.” She seems shocked that I asked, and her face turns red. “Just a song.”

“Why are you being weird about it?”

“I’m not.”

“Is it on my playlist?” She shakes her head no. “I want it on there.”

She puts her hand on her hip. “First of all, you don’t even want your playlist. Second, I can’t.”

“I do want the playlist. Fucking send it to me. I thought you would have by now just to try to piss me off, but why can’t you add it?”

She looks at her fingernails. “It’s not released.”

“Oh yeah? You got the hookup for music?”

“Sort of.”

“Fuck a rockstar and he wrote you a song?” I snort.

She doesn’t answer. I wouldn’t be surprised. Everything I know so far about Ashland never makes sense.

“You did didn’t you?”

“I don’t see why it would matter if some asshole with a guitar wrote me an album,” she says haughtily.

“An album?” I can already feel something probably resembling jealousy rising.

She deflates into the couch, giving up. “I thought we discussed the talking thing.”

“Are you embarrassed?”

“If I let you hear the song will you leave me the fuck alone about it?”

“Maybe,” I smirk.

She scrolls on her phone for a minute before pressing play. It’s the goddamn flute song. I should have seen it coming. She has a placid look on her face, and I don’t know how she’s holding it together because I start to laugh. I grab the keys and shake my head going to the car while she keeps the song playing. When we get into the car it doesn’t stop.

“Okay, fuck. I get the point. Don’t ask questions.”

“One more for good measure.”

I hate her and I like her all at once. It’s fucking confusing. She’s too funny for her own good. I park in front of her house and all of the lights are on. Penny made it back. I grab Ashland’s bag from the trunk and open her door. She fucking listened.

“I have an away game this weekend,” I inform her.

“Okay, and?”

“You have your convention, don’t you?” I overheard enough in my few minutes in the studio to know.

She nods. It’s like she’s embarrassed.

“How are you going to get there?”

“I’ll figure it out.”

I push the keys into her hands. “Just take my car.”

“It’s a stick.”

“I’d be shocked if you don’t know how to drive stick.” I know I’m right by the upturn in the corners of her mouth. “Good. Take the car.”

I don’t give her time to rebuttal before walking away.

As I walk through campus I try to analyze myself. What I’m doing is atrocious, really. It’s a little manipulative. A lot manipulative. I don’t plan on taking the car back any time soon. I have the Jeep. If I keep giving her what she doesn’t know she needs, she’ll keep focusing on me. That’s exactly how Cole wormed his way in. It’s fake freedom. Let her believe that she’s abusing my generosity and that I’m wrapped around her finger. She won’t be able to discard me though. It just means she has to consider my demands before blatantly disregarding them.

Where Cole went wrong is that he’s too nice. He hovers and fusses. She wants someone to tell her what to do so she can tell them to fuck themselves that way they make her do it anyways. She’s not a fragile doll. She’s a raging storm of a person, and the only way you can contain something like that is to let it run it course. We’re playing a game. We both know it, and fuck I love games. I thought I didn’t. I thought it would be annoying, but it’s exhilarating. We’re playing chess and every time I think I check mate, she makes a move that I didn’t consider. I love control—I fucking thrive on it, but I’m changing the way I use it.

I don’t need to bold faced tell her what to do. That’s not fucking fun. Toying with her is much better. It makes her let my control in, lets it settle into her bones, and it trains her to fight and listen all at once. I don’t want some broken bitch who does whatever I say, I want one that is too intrigued not to listen. I want it to feel like she’s making a choice even if she’s not.

So I gave her the car.

When I tell her to come over she will, because I’ve made it convenient. She’ll do it because I make her orgasm. I’m an asshole, but I’ve fulfilled her needs so there’s nothing that stops her from saying yes. I’m removing obstacles to get what I want. It’s a mutual benefit. That’s what I want to believe because the alternative is fucked up. The alternative means accepting that I understand what my birth father was doing, and that I’m just like him.

My phone dings with a text from Slut. It’s the playlist. I put in my earbuds and run the rest of the way home, listening to every song that Ashland thought would drive me crazy.