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Chapter Twenty-Two

Ashland

Koda thinks that he can somehow impress me. Impossible. He’s delusional. I don’t do dates, but I’ll watch him try. I can’t wait to laugh at him at the end of the night because he miserably failed. I can only imagine he’ll take me to some expensive dinner that bores me, and I’ll just do everything I can to mess it the fuck up. I don’t think he’ll be surprised and I don’t think it'll make him mad, but it'll ill be a failure nonetheless.

I’m interested, though. I expected him to send me clothes or something like the rich asshole that he is, but he told me to wear all black. That was it. So I put on my jeans that are absolutely shredded, hanging on by a thread, and wore fishnets underneath. I threw on a black crop top and a black army coat with my combat boots and called it a day.

“Your makeup looks beyond sexy,” Penny giggles on the phone. “You’re BDSM club ready.”

I roll my eyes after finishing my mascara. “Koda will not take me to a BDSM club."

“This is exciting,” she muses.

“Please." I cap the mascara, “I’m bored out of my mind without you. He’s just going to take me to dinner or do some lame movie night or something.”

“I think you are trying to brainwash yourself into hating it.”

“I'm not,” I scoff. “He’s gonna realize what a mistake it was and finally have sex with me. It’s the only thing we’re good at.”

“He told you to be ready by two PM. I've never been on a date at two PM,” she argues.

I grab the phone and head out to the living room, sinking into the couch. “Well, it’s two thirty and he isn’t here.”

“You’re literally late to everything.”

“Yeah, and he never is. So maybe he bitched out.”

“Has Koda ever bitched out?” She lifts an eyebrow in question.

The front door opens, and I ignore it. “What are you doing tonight?” I can tell by the way it swings open that it's Alexi.

“Oh, just hanging out with some people from the internship,” she sighs. “Boring shit.”

“Is that Penny?” Alexi shouts, running over and grabbing the phone.

Why the hell is Alexi here? I don’t say anything. Just let it happen. I’m a little disappointed that it isn’t Koda, but I’ve been preparing myself for disappointment my entire life. I study my fingernails while Alexi and Penny chit chat away.

“Well, I’d better let ya go, Pen. I’m already running late.” Alexi scratches his head. “I was supposed to pick Ashy up, like, twenty minutes ago.”

“Still late,” I mutter.

“I love you!” Penny screams. “Be safe. Get her home in one piece. I’ll be watching her location.”

“Love you, too, Cunt!” I shout back before the call ends.

Alexi pockets my phone. I don’t even bother. He’s dressed in all black, like this is some sort of undercover operation.

“Are you coming on the date?” I sigh, standing up and grabbing my wallet.

“Not exactly." He flashes me a goofy grin. “We’d better go. At this rate we’ll be late.”

“I’m always late.”

“Yeah, but Koda expects you to be late. That won’t make him mad. I was supposed to be here early, that way it made you think it was late, and then we would be on time.”

I smirk and shake my head. “So what are we doing?”

“Can’t tell ya that.” He tosses the keys up into the air and catches them. He nods and leads the way out of the house. When we reach his car he puts on some shitty music, and I stare out of the window. Despite how it always ends up, I don’t really like being a passenger. Well, I like riding with Koda, but that’s as far as the list goes. Penny is a horrible driver.

Alexi pulls me from my thoughts. “Are you good with guns?” he asks, nonchalant.

“Huh?”

I feel fear rush into my veins. It’s not that I hate guns. Not exactly. I grew up around them and spent my life with them, but now I can only think of Damien. Because of him, I’ve chosen to steer clear of them and let everyone around me handle it instead.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I mean paintball type of stuff.”

“Paintball?”

“Uh,” he seems uncomfortable. “Have you ever played paintball?”

“No,” I dismiss him. This is a weird conversation.

He mutters something to himself. “Are you…uh…Koda has me taking you to play paintball with us and the team.”

I smirk to myself. “Does he now?”

“Yeah, but if you aren’t into that I’ll take you home and say you didn’t answer the door or something.” He gives me a sheepish smile.

“Don’t stress, Lex. I’m great at shooting. Paintball can’t be any different.” In fact, I learned from the best.

“Good, cause you’re on my team,” he says excitedly. “Koda is on the other team.”

I sit up, suddenly engrossed as we pull into a parking lot. “Is he?”

“Yeah. I mean, I told him it was weird for a date, but you two are weird. Is this foreplay or something?”

“Do you really wanna know?” I smile.

“No." He shakes his head, laughing. “The other guys are worried. They think you won’t shoot him, but I know you will.”

“Oh, I won’t miss.”

My door opens and Koda stands there, holding his hand out to me. He’s decked out in full paintball gear.

“You’re late,” he growls at Alexi.

“I was talking to Penny,” I ignore his hand and get out of the car.

He slams the door behind me and keeps glaring at Alexi. “Are you okay with playing paintball with the team?”

“Isn’t that something you should've asked me when you planned this?”

Those coal eyes finally drag themselves to me, taking me in. His jaw tightens. “I know you want to shoot me, Ash. It’s the only reason I let Alexi put you on his team.”

I stick my hand out. “May the best player win.”

He stares at it for a moment before rolling his eyes and wrapping his arm around me.

“You sure?” It’s apprehensive and nervous. It’s kinda fucking cute.

“It’ll probably be fun." I shrug. “Why? Scared?”

He sticks his tongue into his cheek. “Of you? Only a little.” He steps back, and I notice all of the guys standing around waiting.

I grab his shirt and yank him toward me. Several of the guys groan and yank on their hair. “Maybe we should sweeten the deal? Winner gets a prize.”

His mouth hovers over mine, and his hand grips the roof of Alexi’s car. We still haven’t had sex. It has to be killing him. “If you wanted me to make a fool out of you, baby girl, all you needed to do was ask.”

“A fool?” I laugh. “I just wanted to preemptively apologize to you, because you’ll spend the rest of your night eating pussy like your life depends on it.”

“If you think this is the only thing we’re doing tonight then you are sorely mistaken,” he teases me. “And if you think that doesn’t sound like how I would want to spend it anyways, you’re delusional. Fair is fair, though. I look forward to shoving my dick into your throat. I bet your pretty mouth will take it so well.”

“Don’t start going soft on me now, Armory.”

“You won’t be so confident when you’re covered in paint.”

“I live with Penny. Paint is my medium.” I grin, shoving him away before this gets out of hand. “Alexi?” I call out. “Explain the rules so we can go ahead and win.”

After a quick debriefing, the game begins, and our team is huddled in a corner calling plays. I don’t give a shit about their plan. Yeah, you need strategy, but I’m not here to lick my wounds. I’m here to win.

“So, Ashland,” Troy starts to say. “You’ll hang back here.” He points to some part of the map that's far out of the action.

“No,” I command. “Here’s what we’re going to do. Koda, will be here.” I point at an obstacle. “He’s careful, so he’ll send out Barnes first to try to figure out our positions. You cannot, under any circumstances, shoot. Let Barnes be live bait. I’m going to go around here." I gesture. “There will at least be three of them hiding. Alexi, you go here. Two men, most likely. Koda will be waiting in the back. Watching. He knows he’ll be the last man standing. You three.” I point at others. “Go here. Create a diversion. And you two.” I point at the last. “You’ll be cover fire.”

They all blankly stare at me.

“Pretty sure I’m speaking English,” I growl. “If you understand say ‘Yes, ma’am’ if not, I’ll run through it one more time before I get angry.”

“Yes ma’am,” they all murmur in agreement. I signal to the game warden, and he blows the whistle.

Once we begin, we all quietly move hay bale to hay bale. It reminds me of when I was a kid. I only spent one summer with my grandmother before she died, and we were so young that it’s fuzzy. This isn’t the time for nostalgia, though. This is a time to win. We move as a team, each of us getting confirmation before moving on. I hear one of our decoys take a hit and I spring, shooting the three I predicted in the back as they celebrate. I disappear as quickly as I showed up.

I hear another fall, but I don’t know if it’s us or them. I can’t worry about it. I keep moving, sneaking through the obstacles. Damien taught me a lot. This should probably be triggering, but I’m excited. All of those years as the arm’s dealer’s girlfriend is paying off. I never thought I would think that. More shouts and anger erupt throughout the field until I’ve found myself in the back of enemy territory, and Koda is nowhere to be found.

“Well, well, well,” Koda growls in my ear. His scent surrounds me, and it’s dizzying. He hasn’t shot me. Not yet.

“What are you waiting for, Armory?” I taunt him. “Trying to fuck in the hay bales before you win?”

“Just savoring it,” he smirks.

“Odd.” I sigh, turning to him. “That’s what I was going to say.”

I bring the gun up and shoot him in the chest. I’m overwhelmed, possessed, by something that screams at me not to stop. I pull it three more times before the game is called and Koda shoves it away. He doesn’t know. He just thinks I’m emphasizing that he’s lost.

He glares at me, anger and hunger mingling in his eyes. “How'd you know?”

“Know what?”

“What play I would call. You hate football.”

I lean against the bale, crossing my arms. “Was that supposed to be a football thing?”

“Yeah, it’s a team building exercise we do every February.”

“Why did you invite me?”

“Honestly?” He runs his hands through his hair. “It was a guess that you would even have fun. I thought that you would get mad and come out guns blazing.”

“Oh, Ko.” I fist his shirt and pull him to me. “I think five steps forward and six steps back. You’re predictable. You like to cover every possible outcome. It’s easy to counter that.”

“Hm." He bites his lip. "Since I’m so predictable what are we doing next?”

“This isn’t over?” I ask in bewilderment.

“Not even close, baby girl. It’s only five.”

I thought maybe we would do this paintball thing and fuck. While it’s the only date I’ve ever been on, and it’s weird, I thought people only do one thing. “So where are we going?”

Alexi rushes around the corner in elation. “Gloating already?”

“You only won because Ashland is here,” Koda glowers.

“Let him keep a semblance of his identity, Lex." I put my hand on his chest. “He might cry if you don’t.”

When we make it back to where the guys have gathered, they swarm me and cheer. Apparently, no one ever beats a team with Koda on it. He rolls his eyes and hands his gun off to a few guys who showed up late.

“Let’s go,” he says next to me.

“But they’re not leaving,” I pout. “Did I hurt your ego that badly?”

“No." He wraps his arms around my waist. “We just have other plans.”

He’s being so touchy. I don’t know what to say or think. The sun is starting to set, and I can’t imagine what else Koda could possibly have me do. I obediently get into his car, and he drives with my playlist as background music.

He’s still covered in paint. I pulled the trigger too many times. I couldn’t stop. All of this time, that entire game, even when I shot the others, it was fine. My mind didn’t wander, but when it came to Koda it was like I fell into a loop, and all I could see was Damien. It’s the first time that has happened with him.

“Where did you learn to play paintball?”

“I grew up in the South.” It’s not something I tell people. I hate that about myself.

He chuckles. “So that’s what it is.”

“What?”

“When you get drunk you get this weird accent. It’s southern. I could never tell if you were just a drunk version of yourself or if it was real.”

“I hate it.”

“Why? I grew up in fucking Colorado. I’ve never even been to the south unless it was for a game, and it’s not like we stick around.”

“You’re not missing out.”

“Did you ride horses or some shit? Are you a horse girl?”

I stay quiet. My grandma had a farm with horses. When she died, my dad gambled it all away. I loved those horses. We weren’t allowed to have pets. There would've been no way to feed them, and we could barely feed ourselves. The one time a stray dog came around my dad shot it, and I had to bury it in the backyard. We didn’t have a shovel, so I had to dig the grave by hand.

“No,” I say tersely.

He glances at me. “What state?”

“Doesn’t matter. Where are we going?”

The engine of his Jeep roars as we pull off of the main road onto a side street that looks abandoned. Maybe he’s going to kill me. It’s always my first thought. He doesn’t answer, pulling up to an abandoned warehouse instead. Weeds poke through the cracks in the parking lot. There are several other warehouses around, also abandoned. He gets out of the car, popping the trunk, and pulls out a duffel bag before opening my door.

“Is there a rave or something?” I joke as we walk up to a chain link fence that’s closed with a big lock.

Koda unzips the bag and pulls out bolt cutters, snipping the entire gate away and pushing it open. I stand there in shock. We are breaking and entering. Koda is breaking and entering. I must be dead because this is crazy. He ducks through and holds the fence up.

“Are you gonna come with me?”

I follow, feeling like this is some sort of strange trap. The window on a door to the office has already been busted, probably by other intruders. He reaches in and opens it. The air is earthy and metallic. Conveyor belts line a massive room, but we keep moving through until we reach a big open space that’s dark. There’s graffiti on the walls and the floor, proving that life has invaded this place. Koda drops the bag and unzips it. Inside, it’s full of cans of spray paint.

I can’t stop staring at it. “What is this?”

“Reclaiming capitalism or some shit."

I love graffiti. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine, but I stopped doing it once we moved here and tried to give up art. I hesitantly reach for a can and check the color. It’s red. I hold it in my hand, staring, trying to decide if I’m going to paint blood on these walls. Ultimately, I decide not to. This isn’t that sort of occasion. I’m actually impressed. Koda’s favorite color is blue, any shade. So I grab the blue and start to paint.

“Are you gonna stand there and watch or join me?”

It’s like I pulled him from a fucking daydream. “I don’t really know how to art.”

I huff and turn around, leaning against the wall where paint drips down. “It’s a feeling, not a thing. Draw an X if that’s what comes to you. Here,” I pick up a can of white and shove it into his hand. “We’ll play a game.”

I draw the beginnings of tic-tac-toe. He quirks an eyebrow, but goes first, tentatively placing an X in the center. I make the next move, and we go back and forth until no one wins.

“Now, cover it,” I instruct. He clumsily draws messy squiggles over the top that make me laugh.

“What?” he sheepishly asks.

“Nothing. You’re just breaking the law, and it’s blowing my mind.”

He strides over to me and holds the can up. I think he’s going to spray me in the face, but then he pushes me against the wall. I can hear the spray of the paint as he draws something around me, and he finishes it with a C that covers the entire front half of my torso. His mouth hovers over mine, and his scent invades me. Koda shoves me to the side and I watch him as he sprays a frowny face, as my face, on the outline. I burst out laughing.

“Felt right." He flashes a rare charming smile. “Now do something worth looking at.”

I cross my arms. “And you?”

“I like to watch you work.”

I turn back to the wall I had started filling in. For the next few hours I demand him to hand me colors, and he does it without question. Eventually, the night sky starts to form on the wall. I paint the stars, all one hundred and fifty-three of them. It’s the first time I’ve done it in five years. Koda is at my back while I mock up Jupiter.

“What’s the deal with Jupiter?” He quietly asks, like speaking out loud will disturb the peace.

“Girls go to college to get more knowledge—”

“Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider,” he interrupts. “Yeah, I was in grade school, too. You drew it in that picture of me.”

“It’s just a thing that stuck with me growing up.” I shrug, finishing up. “What time is it?”

“Not too late to make good on my deal,” he growls in my ear.

I feel sweat break out across my skin. “You’re gonna eat me out on a conveyor belt?”

“Funny. No, we don’t have that long before the police come.”

He quickly packs up the bag and ushers me back to the car. Sure enough, as we pull away, the cops are heading toward the district of warehouses.

“What were you gonna do if we got caught?”

“Run.” He has one hand casually draped over the wheel, and the other slides up my thigh.

“You would leave me behind?”

“You might hate running, but I’m sure you’ve run from the cops like a fucking Olympian. I would be the slow one.”

I laugh, because he’s right. I grew up running from the police. It’s not like I would get into any trouble either. Penny would be mad and so would our dear friend Jeremy, but that’s as far as it would go.

We pull into the lot of the condo. As soon as we’re inside, Koda pulls me into the shower. We’re covered in paint and dirt. We scrub until the water runs clean. I smile to myself because this might be the only date I’ve been on, but it’s the best. Penny will die when I tell her about this. There was never any romancing with my ex. It was all a whirlwind. That’s how musicians are. Nothing Damien did would ever count. It was all stressful self-preservation and scary displays of power.

Koda shoves me onto the counter and gets on his knees, kissing the inside of my thighs. I’m not surprised he’s keeping his promise, but I doubt it'll be all night. The way he uses his tongue is magical. Guys never ever know what they’re doing, punching their tongue into a hole in the technique that Penny has coined the Lizard Lick. That’s not what Koda does at all.

He grips the outside of my thighs with his fingers in a way that'll bruise, and bites the inside of my thigh. So close but so far away. I was wet from the shower, and now I’m dripping with anticipation. He yanks me to the edge of the counter and drags the flat of his tongue through my slit. I hold his gaze as he sucks my clit into his mouth then trails it with his tongue. My entire body shudders.

“How was the date, Ash?” he murmurs.

“It was…” He runs his tongue along me again. “Fucking…It was…” I can’t formulate words.

“Good, then?”

My eyes close. “Mhm.”

“Enough to make you do it again?”

“Yeah, whatever.” I thread my fingers through his hair and force his face between my legs. A finger teases me and I pull one knee to my chest, resting my heel on the marble counter top.

One finger becomes two, and he strokes my inner walls as he laps at my clit. He’s slow, drawing the orgasm out of me. Koda might be on his knees, but he’s still in control. I like the way that he does that. I’m panting, begging for release. My body is so used to him edging me that I’m scared to come.

“I’m not gonna ruin you, baby girl. Ride my fucking face,” he demands.

I grip his hair and shove his face deep into my pussy. “Then fucking eat like it’s your last meal on death row,” I command.

“Yes ma’am.” The vibrations are deadly.

The cool mirror presses against my back, sending goosebumps across my skin. He groans into my clit, making me see stars. The only kind I would ever wish on. When I finish, he takes one last languid drink of me before sitting back and looking up at me with a grin of accomplishment. I’m conflicted and confused. My chest heaves, dragging oxygen into my lungs and trying to decipher what’s going to happen next. Koda has been largely silent today despite his loss earlier at paintball. He has put the metaphorical address into the metaphorical GPS and let me drive.

He drags me back to the edge of the counter. “You can’t possibly be done.”

“Aren’t you gonna be all ‘my turn’ now?”

“This is your date, Ashland. I’ll eat you out all night if that’s what you want.”

That’s it. I can’t fucking take it. I need him. I yank him to stand by his hair and drag him to me, pressing my lips to his. I can taste myself on his tongue.

“Greedy little brat,” he growls, lifting me off of the counter. “Want me to fuck you?”

“Yes, fucking, please,” I beg.

Koda throws me onto the bed and shoves my legs apart. “How?”

“What the fuck do you mean how?” I whine while his tip teases me.

“Do you want to be on top?”

“No.” I shake my head. He’s never asked me that before. It’s not that I don’t want to sometimes, but tonight is not the night.

“Do you want it rough, or do you want it to hurt?”

“There’s a difference?”

“Yeah. Sometimes you don’t want me to hit you, so I don’t. Sometimes you want me to dig into your skin and leave bruises. I can’t read you right now.”

I swallow. This is way too intuitive. I guess he would be. He analyzes everything and memorizes mannerisms like a sociopath. Koda probably reads a room better than a navy seal.

“Fucking hurt me,” I moan as he pushes into me.

He grips my chin. “Say please."

“Make me,” I snap.

Crack . His palm meets my face. I shamelessly moan. He gets a sick sense of enjoyment out of this just like me. Every time he hits me, he gets harder inside of me. He covers my mouth when I start to talk back again, and I bite his hand. The surprise on his face is momentary before he digs his fingers into my cheeks. He forces my face to the side and leans over, biting into my neck like a fucking vampire.

I squeal and claw at him, but he doesn’t let up, slamming into me. It hurts, and it feels fucking good. I’m grounded in these moments with him. He digs his teeth into every inch of my shoulder. My nails dig into his back, probably drawing blood. It only seems to drive him more. It occurs to me that there wasn’t a world where we didn’t land right back here, despite our massive not-breakup over Thanksgiving. Junkies never recover if they don’t really want to. They find excuses to end up right back where they started. Sex with Koda is fucking incredible. It’s the best high I’ve ever had. If he was a drug, I would take it so much that I would overdose just like my momma, and it would be the best thing to ever happen to me.

Again. Again. Again. I’m raw and still begging with tears streaming down my cheeks by the time he finally releases me. My body is bruised, bloody, and broken. I can hardly keep my eyes open. He isn’t even under the sheets by the time I’m starting to drift off.

“Ashland." He pulls me into him.

“Hm?”

“I want you to be my girlfriend.”

“Ugh, Koda,” I groan. “This again?”

“I’m serious,” he laughs, brushing my hair out of my face.

“No.”

“You can say we’re together or whatever bullshit you cook up, but you’re my fucking girlfriend.”

“You’re my human dildo,” I smirk against the pillow.

He audibly rolls his eyes. “What the fuck ever. If you really want to say that to people, be my guest, but you’re my girlfriend.”

“Okay, human dildo.”

“Jesus." He brushes his fingers against a bite, and it stings. I’m too tired to care. Tomorrow I’ll look like a domestic violence victim, and I’m fine with that if it means the human dildo gives me the full treatment.

“Shut up. Sleeping.”

“Goodnight, baby girl.”

I smash my face further into the pillow. “Blah.”

It's the last thing I manage to say out loud, but my mind still wanders. Today was the best day I’ve ever had in my entire life that didn’t include Penny. I hate that he holds that kind of power, but I know Penny will be ecstatic. Koda called me his girlfriend, and I secretly love it.