Page 89 of Saving Ren

“I lost my mum when I was eleven. It broke my heart, probably to the point it’ll always be that way and I just never wanted to experience that kind of pain, or loss again. Maybe that makes me a coward.” I shrug and shake my head as I speak. “I dunno? If it does, I’ll take it on the chin. I was at a point where I accepted that it would always just be me and Ava, but then you happened, and now look at me. Falling all over myself to spill my guts, keep you close, and breaking all the rules I’ve lived by over the years. And guess what?”

I meet her eyes from across the room, where she’s still leaning against the door frame.

“What?” she asks quietly.

“It doesn’t feel terrible.”

She smiles, and I fucking love the way it lights up her entire face, but it’s gone almost instantly.

“I’m sorry you lost your mum. It’s shit at any age, but at eleven when you’re going through so many changes already. . .”

She trails off with a headshake.

“Like I said, it’s a hurt that’ll never heal.”

She moves towards me and asks, “What happened?” I watch as she leans her back against the wardrobe door opposite me and slides her arse to the floor.

“Cancer. She was diagnosed the same week she found out she was pregnant with Dani, refused any kind of treatment, and by the time my sister was born it was too late. It started with a lump in her breast, but it metastasised to her bones and lungs. She died before Dani turned one.”

“Jesus, Gabe.”

“Yeah, it messed me up for a lot of years. Led to me making a lot of bad choices, fucking things up, but, I got Ava.”

Her arms are wrapped around her knees which are pulled up to her chest, she watches me over the top of them, and we just stare at each other in silence for a while. I want to ask about her, her life, her family, but think maybe now’s not the time. I’ve done a lot of sharing over the past twenty-four hours, and she probably needs to process all of that before we go there with her life.

“I want to do something for you,” she says quietly. “I don’t have the money to pay for what I want to do, but if you pay for the materials, I’ll do all the work.”

“Babe, I can think of a million and one things I’d like you to do for me, none of them requiring materials. You wanna be a little more specific?”

That earns me a little half-smile that makes my dick twitch. But, I’m sitting on my daughter’s bed so I rein that in.

“When do you next have Ava here?”

“In two weeks, I’ll pick her up Friday and drop her at school Monday.”

“That’ll work. Would you let me fix her room up, make it a little more. . .” She trails off and looks around. “A little more like somewhere an almost teenage girl would want to spend time?”

“I would absolutely love for you to do that, just tell me what you need.”

“Do you know her favourite colours?”

“I think she’s on a purple kick at the moment. It was orange a few weeks ago when she found out it was Harry Styles’ favourite, before that, dark red because it’s Louis’.”

“They her favourites in the band?”

I nod.

“Your girl’s got taste, they’re my favourites too.”

“Seriously? You have favourite members of One Direction?”

“Hell, yeah. I might have knickers older than those boys, but Louis and Harry, I still would.”

She’s keeping a straight face as she talks, but I’m not entirely sure she’s serious. Also, I now want to punch the heads in of two boy band members. Something I haven’t even felt while listening to my daughter swoon over them. I decide to move the conversation along.

“So, you wanna go shopping and buy what you need to fix this room up?” I ask as I stand.

“Actually, I text Ryder earlier and asked him to meet me at my old house, and was wondering if I could borrow your car so I can. . .”