Page 4 of Saving Ren

I’ll no longer allow myself to become another statistic; no longer will I be a victim. It’s time to fight back, and the first return shot I need to fire will be leaving this marriage.

Victim. I hate that word only because I know that’s exactly what I am. What I’ve allowed myself to become. I’ve lost sight ofme,Lauren, and the woman I used to be.

I’ll never get her back. The woman I was has gone, changed forever by events of the past months. Now it’s time to find the new version of me and take back control.

Yes, I’m scared, scaredofhim, scaredforme. Scared of what my future might look like.

But I refuse to allow my life to continue on this path of destruction. I refuse to remain a victim. I refuse to remain lost.

Whatever demons Jay’s fighting, he’s shut me out and refused to share with me, and I’m no longer prepared to be his punching bag while he sorts his shit out.

Chapter 3

Lauren

I stare at Jeanette,the manager of the bank that’s held our accounts ever since we moved to the area from the city, over twenty years ago. She’s seen us through the setting up of our businesses, countless mortgages and loans, and watched our boys grow into men. And here she is now, witnessing the horror I must be displaying as she explains that there is no money. Our savings are currently sitting at zero balance. The last of the funds in there had to be transferred to our everyday account after Jay withdrew five hundred dollars last night, and the direct debit for our phone bills had come out this morning.

Scrutinising my reaction, I’m grateful I’ve waited all week before coming in and having this conversation with Jeanette. A few days ago, I’d probably be in tears again by now, but I’ve spent the time getting my head around the situation I’ve been smacked upside the head with, and I’ve had to come to terms with the reality of my situation.

I need to tell my friends what’s going on.

I need to ask for help.

I need to leave Jay.

“Lauren?”

My head jerks back at the sound of my name. I’m looking right at Jeanette but seeing only the one million and one things I need to do to get my life into some sort of order and finding out we have no money in our savings account will make all of that a lot more complicated.

I’m not sure if I’m hot or cold. My skin burns while ice coats my insides as this latest realisation hits me.

“Were you not aware of the—”

“And the credit cards?” I ask, bracing for the answer.

“Well, here’s the thing, nothing has been spent on those, not in a while.”

Realisation hits as to why that is as Jeanette slides a statement towards me.

“I have his card,” I explain. “I was ordering a new telly online; I always use my credit card for anything big because of the air miles. My card was in my bag, in the bedroom, Jay's card was in his wallet, which was sitting on the coffee table in front of me.”

I remember it clearly because of the way he’d grabbed at my wrist when I’d reached for his wallet.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he’d snapped at me.

“I just need your card for a minute. Mine’s in the bedroom.”

“Ask next time,” he’d said as he flicked the card in my direction.

By the time I’d processed the order and the payment, he’d gone for a shower, taking his wallet with him. I’d tucked his card into my pocket and then into my bag when I’d realised I still had it a few weeks later.

“I don’t know what else I can tell you, Lauren. The business banking account is no longer held with us, so I can’t tell you the state that’s in, but your personal accounts, well, they aren’t looking too flash right now.”

“The business accounts have been moved? Since when?” I ask at this revelation; one I was unaware of.

I watch as her fingers move rapidly across the keyboard in front of her.

“Over a year ago now. Did you not know?”