Page 68 of Saving Ren

“Thanks, I’m glad that makes you happy.”

“You can talk about her you know. You’re probably going to miss her while we’re away, so if you wanna talk about her, I’m okay with that.”

“Again, thanks. That’s good to know, but when did you grow up and become a psychologist?”

That earns me an eye roll. What is it with women and their eye rolls?

Ava reaches across the centre console and takes the hand I don’t have on the wheel. “It’s okay, Dad, you can open up to me, tell me anything. It’s okay to miss Lauren. It’s good to be in touch with your emotions. Women love a man who’s comfortable enough with their masculinity to show their vulnerable side. We find it hot.”

“Jesus,” I choke out, almost missing the off-ramp to the airport car park.

Chapter 20

Lauren

I holdmy wine glass against my chest and sit in contemplative silence while staring into the glowing fire pit.

“So, it’s agreed, once he gets home Friday night, you’re gonna jump his bones?” Lou asks.

“Yep, we’re gonna take her to get all her bits waxed in the week so she’s silky smooth and ready to. . .”

“I’m not getting anything waxed, and I’m not jumping Gabe’s bones as soon as he gets home Friday,” I cut Jemma off.

“Why not?” Jo asks.

“I don’t need waxing. You’ve seen how little I’ve got going on down there.”

“I meant why are you not gonna jump Gabe’s bones?”

I look across the fire pit to where she sits wrapped in a blanket and let out a long heavy sigh.

It’s Saturday night, Gabe’s been gone since Wednesday, Jo arrived after work that night, the girls got here Friday afternoon. The alone time I’ve been looking forward to hasn’t really happened, but Gabe not being in the equation has at least given me some breathing space.

I’ve had time to think clearly about my situation, to consider my feelings for him, Gabe. I definitely want to see where what we’ve got will go, but I’d like to do it from a distance and at a slower pace.

“I’m not ready,” I tell Jo.

“Not ready, or not ready to admit youareready?” she questions.

Candie Staton sings about young hearts running free in the background, and without even looking, I know that Jemma and Lou are watching me.

“Why are you so determined to have me fuck Gabe? What difference does it make to your life?”

“I just want to see you happy.”

“And I need to fuck Gabe to achieve that? I’m not you, Jo. I’ve been having sex with the same man for almost twenty-seven years. I don’t know how to have sex without there being an emotional connection to the person I’m having sex with.” I let out a long breath when I finish what I’m saying.

“You telling me there’s no connection there with Gabe? Coz if thatiswhat you’re saying, I call bullshit. I’ve been around the pair of you, that connection’s so strong, it sizzles.”

“Yeah, and if I have sex with him it’ll be even stronger, and then what happens when he changes his mind? When he decides I’m not for him, that an older woman isn’t what he was looking for after all? My heart’s already in pieces, if I hand those pieces over to him and he leaves, they’ll be ground to dust.” I’m so fucking angry with myself for crying as I talk, I want to throw my glass. I don’t. I empty it. I don’t know where all of that came from. I didn’t realise until I said out loud that’s how I was feeling, and I’m pissed off with that too.

“Loz,” Lou whispers my name as her hand reaches out for mine. I take it, the contact calming me somewhat.

“Why wouldn’t he want you, Lauren? Look at you. You have a beautiful heart. . .”

“Don’t think it’s my beautiful heart Gabe would be interested in fucking, Jem.” I manage to pull a laugh from somewhere as I talk, even if it is meant with sarcasm. “I’ve seen his past conquests, young, slim. . .”

“And did he move any of them in here the night after he met them? The fuck he did. You need to pull your head out of your arse, Lauren. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s moved you in here, and for three weeks he hasn’t touched you.”