Page 110 of Saving Ren

“I lost my shit and threw a chair,” I admit.

“What?” Jess and Cooper ask in unison.

“I scared the fucking life out of her.”

“You did this in front of Lauren,” Jess asks. “The woman who’s just left her violent husband?”

The hot sting of shameful tears hits the back of my eyes again as I nod.

“Where the fuck is she now? What did she do?” Jess continues to question.

“At my place. She wanted to leave, but I told her to stay and I left.”

“You left her on her own?” Jess snaps out.

I nod, remorse causing the bourbon in my belly to bubble like acid.

“Mate,” my brother says with a headshake. “What the fuck? Why’d you kick the chair?”

I snort out a laugh.

“We were talking about how good things are between us, how blown away we both are at finding what we have.”

Jess adds ice to my glass before topping it up. This time adding only half the amount she did earlier.

“It’s good, ya know?” I admit. “Like what you said in the pub the night I met her, you don’t know why, you don’t know what it is, but it’s there. It’s not going away, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“You said all that?” Jess asks Coop with a soft smile.

“Babe, like you don’t know how it is,” my brother responds.

“Carry on,” Jess orders, still grinning at my brother.

My eyes dart between the two of them, and I want to punch myself in the head knowing how badly I’ve fucked up my chance of ever having something like this with Lauren.

“She asked me why I’ve never let anyone in before,” I explain with a shrug. “I refused to go into details, and she cracked it when I wouldn’t tell her.”

“She cracked it, or she was hurt?” Jess asks.

“Hurt?” I question.

“Hurt, Gabe.” Looking from me to Coop, she continues, “Didn’t you tell me he saw her straight after her husband hit her when she was still beat black and blue?”

“I did,” I answer for him. “I saw her the very next night, that’s when I took her back to mine.”

“So you’ve seen her at her worst, at her most vulnerable, and you couldn’t share with her why you’re the way you are, what you’ve been through? So yeah, she was hurt. I thought you really liked this woman?”

“I do, a lot. And what happened with me is different.”

“It’s not what happenedwithyou, Gabe, it’s what happenedtoyou. Why do you still not accept this?”

I rake my fingers through my hair and close my eyes.

“I fucked up,” I mumble.

“Damn straight you did. You held back like you always do, refused to share with her, then you behave just like her ex, get angry and start throwing furniture about, terrifying the poor girl, and just to make sure the jobs well done, you fuck off and leave her on her own,” Jess doesn’t hold back as she lists my fuck ups.

“You definitely fucked up,” my brother agrees.