Page 69 of Saving Ren

“That’s not entirely true,” Jemma interrupts Jo. “She said there’s been kissing and grinding.”

“And she got her tits out for him the morning before he left,” Lou adds.

Meanwhile, I sit silently with a million thoughts churning inside my brain.

“Look,” Jo continues as if nobody else has spoken. “I’m not telling you to rush into anything until you’re ready, I’m just saying, don’t deny yourself what you really want.”

“If the situation were different, if you’d met and just started dating, do you think you would’ve slept with him by now? Or would you have stayed away from men for a while?” Lou asks.

“I don’t know the answer to that, Lou. I don’t think this is about him or me, it’s more the circumstances. I haven’t come out of my marriage fearing all men and scared that what happened with Jay could happen again. I’ve been surrounded by good men all my life and know better than that. I just feel that, now my physical injuries are mostly healed, my heart needs time to catch up.”

“Well, I say, go at your own pace. Ignore what that greedy cock gobbling bitch over there says, she forgets we don’t all crave the D the way she does.”

“Fuck you, Wilson,” Jo responds to Jemma’s comment with the flip of her middle finger.

“You’d like to, Myer,” Jem responds with a flip of her own.

“I agree with Jem. You do you boo, and forget what everyone else thinks, it’s none of their business. Now, let’s all go up and get in the spa, I’m freezing,” Lou suggests.

* * *

It’s Thursday evening,and after eight whole days and nights without Gabe, my brain has done a complete one-eighty, and I’m now planning on doing exactly what Jo suggested and attacking Gabe the minute he walks through the door.

She had a conference in the city on Tuesday and Wednesday, and after spending hours convincing her I didn’t need one of the other girls to come babysit me, I’ve had two nights, and three glorious days where I’ve been completely alone.

When Jason stopped coming home from work till late and started spending all of his weekends on the golf course, I felt lonelier and more isolated than I did when my parents brought me to Australia as a thirteen-year-old.

But these past days here on my own have been good for my soul. I’ve swum, I’ve cooked—Gabe had contacted Jo and made sure I was left with a full fridge and pantry—I’ve been on the treadmill I found in the garage every morning, I’ve worked on my website, I’ve read an entire book, and I’ve watched every old film and television show I could fit in. I’ve not had one single nightmare since Gabe has been gone. I’ve slept so well, I can’t even remember dreaming.

For the first time in my life, I think I’ve learned how to be alone without being lonely. I’ve also done a lot of soul searching and thinking, and I’ve come to the conclusion, that I’m ready. Ready to take a chance and move on.

I think.

No doubt, the minute Gabe walks up those stairs later, I’ll once again be full of self-doubt and indecision, but for now, the plan is to hit him with a kiss, then take it from there.

I’ve had multiple texts and daily phone calls from Gabe while he’s been away. The calls have been short, sweet, check-ins, the texts shift from caring to flirtatious, and if he’s had a few drinks in the evening, a little sentimental.

The last text I got from him last night was:

Gabe:This time tomorrow, I’ll be back home with you. I’ve missed everything about you, Little Bird, but especially your three S’s.

Me:???

Gabe:Your smile, your scent, and your sass.

Me:Nawww. You’re too sweet. What about my snoring, and cheery morning disposition?

Gabe:Fuck no!

This morning he woke me with:

Gabe:You still in bed?

Me:Nope. Just done 5k on the treadmill, now gonna shower.

Gabe:Wanna film it and send to me?

Me:Nope!