Page 111 of Saving Ren

“You think I should’ve stayed? She was pissed off and scared, I thought it’d be better if I left. I didn’t want her going somewhere her husband might find her.”

“Yes, you should’ve stayed. You should’ve stayed and shared with her exactly what’s gone on in your life to make you so closed off to the idea of a relationship,” Jess tells me.

“It’s too soon. What if it changed her mind about me? What if she thought it was my fault or that I instigated it? She already thinks I’m a dog. She saw girls coming up to me in the bar when we first met, then Alysa called while we were in the car the other day and asked to hook up.”

I watch Cooper close his eyes and give a head shake of his own.

“Gabe, you have never, not once, turned up at our door asking for relationship advice, so the fact that you’ve done that today, tells me you like this woman, right?”

“I think that’s blatantly fucking obvious, Jess,” I bite back.

“Mate, watch yourself. Don’t talk to her like that coz you’ve fucked up. Now settle down and listen to me.” I grind my teeth together, waiting for the lecture I’m about to receive from my eldest brother.

“Relationships are about putting yourself out there. They’re about taking a chance on someone else. Handing over your heart, and saying, there ya go, that’s yours now, look after it. It sounds to me like she’s giving you all of that. I know it’s early days and you’ve kinda been thrown together, but I also knowyou, probably better than anyone. I’ve never seen you so turned inside out by a woman.”

He pauses and we stare at each other. I feel a nerve tick in my jaw because I’m tensing it so hard. Breathing heavily out of my nose, I stand and start to pace while waiting for him to continue.

“It’s a two-way thing. You can’t take all that from her and expect her to put all her faith in you if you’re not gonna give her anything back, even if it does mean risking everything.”

“But what if I fucking lose her? Once it’s out there, there’s no taking it back,” I throw my arms out to the side and shout.

“But what if you fucking don’t?” Cooper shouts in response.

With my hands to my hips, I stand and stare at my brother. His long legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles, arms folded over his chest as he rests his arse on a stool and stares right back at me.

“What if telling her is the start of the best thing that’s ever happened to you?”

“What if it’s not? I don’t know that I’m ready to risk losing her,” I admit quietly.

“Then you don’t deserve to keep her. It’s gonna come out, Gabe, she’ll find out, and she’ll be devastated that you didn’t tell her.”

“You got your phone with you?” Jess asks.

“Yeah?” I reply, confused.

“Text and ask her if she’s okay. Apologise, then ask if she’s comfortable with you going back there and talking. If she says yes, I’ll run you home.”

I finish my drink, use Coop’s bathroom, then I text Lauren.

I’m so sorry Ren. You doing ok? X

I wait. Fifteen minutes later I get a reply.

Trunk

I’m still staring at my phone, trying to work out what she means, when the next text comes through.

DURNK

Then the next.

FFS

Followed by:

Drunk

“Great,” I announce to my brother and sister-in-law. “I’m here pouring my guts out, and she’s at home getting pissed.”