Page 53 of Saving Ren

I roll my eyes in response as he stares down at me. His eyes scan my face, focusing mostly on my mouth, and I wonder, right before he finally meets my gaze, if he’s going to kiss me. His breaths come heavier, faster as he watches me, but he just stares, making no attempt to instigate anything physical between us, not even a kiss. I’m not disappointed, I’m not ready for that yet, but I am curious. I got to experience the gentle press of his lips against mine on Friday night, but right now, with my body pulled flush against his, Iamwondering how a real kiss from him would feel. Mouths open, tongues tangling.

“I really wanna kiss you right now.”

“Get out of my head,” I say out loud.

His eyebrows shoot up, and he gives me a sexy smirk.

“You want me to kiss you?”

I shrug. I do, but I shouldn’t. I don’t want to complicate my life further or blur the lines of what might or might not be happening between us.

“I’m. . . curious? I know it’s too soon; I know I’m not ready, but I won’t lie, Iamcurious.”

“Total honesty,” he says quietly. I’m not sure if that’s a request or him voicing his understanding of what I’m trying to say.

“Always. It’s my one. . .” I consider the word I want to use. “Demand.”

“Oh, you’re making demands already?”

“I am,” I answer with a small nod. “I need that from you, if you’re not going to give me that. . .”

“Whatever you want. I already told you that. Whatever you need, whatever it takes, that’s what you’ll get from me.”

With his unwavering gaze fixed on mine, I believe him. There’s something there, here, happening between us. If it was just about sex, he wouldn’t be putting up with all the extra bullshit I bring to the table. He’s already told me I come draped in a red flag wearing a crown with the word DRAMA flashing front and centre of it, and despite all of this, for some reason, he still wants to pursue something with me. Right now though, I’m not sure I’m brave or reckless enough.

“Total honesty, Ren. Despite you telling me it’s too soon and you’re not ready, I think you’re wrong. I think the moment’s perfect, and I still, really, really wanna kiss you.”

His hands slide down to my arse as he gently pulls me against him, his very obvious erection presses against my belly.

“I think you might want to do more than kiss me.”

“With my dick. You didn’t let me finish. I really wanna kiss you with my dick.”

I lick my lips. Despite everything inside me pulling tight, I shake my head with a smile.

“Not happening,” I tell him quietly.

“Ican wait,” he says against my ear. His lips brush along my jaw before resting on the corner of my mouth for a long moment. “Just let me know whenyoucan’t.”

With that, he pulls away and heads back inside.

“Come back,” I say in a tiny quiet voice. “But not really. But not really not really.”

I sit back down in my chair and let out a huff. “Far out, that man does things to my brain,” I say to no one in particular while picking up my phone and calling my youngest child.

* * *

“Mum, what the fuck?”

“Language, Ryde,” I respond to the way my youngest answers my call.

“Language? Are you kidding me right now? Where are you? Dad’s going out of his mind, and Sonny’s about to book a flight home.”

“You done?”

“Not even a little bit. Talk to me, mother, what’s going on?”

Brushing the tip of my tongue over the split in my lip, I attempt not to cry as I’m hit with a tsunami of emotions. I thought I had this, but admitting to my kid that my marriage to his dad is over makes my throat feel tight and causes an ache in my chest.