Page 103 of Saving Ren

I wonder for a moment how he knows this before refocusing my attention back on Ryder.

“Gabe’s right, but ya know what, Ryde, if you’re that worried, if it’d make you feel better, call into the police station and tell them what you’ve told us.” I reach across the table and take hold of my boy’s hand as I speak, and he gives mine a squeeze.

“Yeah, wouldn’t hurt I suppose,” Ryder replies.

A phone rings from inside the house, and I know from the ring tone, it’s Gabe’s. He makes his excuses and heads inside. I sit in silence, staring out at the bay as my son sits beside me.

“You okay, Mum, I mean really okay?”

Chewing at the skin on the corner of my thumb for a few seconds, I continue watching the waves lap at the sand before shifting my gaze to my kid.

“I really am,” I tell him. “The first few weeks were awful. I felt like I was in mourning, but the last couple of weeks have been better, I feel calmer.”

“And he’s looking after you?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” I say with an emphatic nod.

“The blokes at work are talking. They know you’ve split, but I’ve not said anything about the reason why.”

“Just let them think I’m the baddie, that I’ve left him for Gabe. At least for now, while he sorts his shit out.”

“Thanks, Mum. I don’t support him in any way, but I also don’t wanna lose clients over his behaviour.”

“I get it, Ryde; I totally get it. The reason I never went to the police in the first place was to protect you and Sonny, as well as the business.”

“That’s different. If you’d have told us while it was happening, we would’ve told you to report it, but you’re away from him now. You’ve got Gabe, and you’re safe.”

We’re both quiet for another moment before I speak. “It’s mental, how much has changed.”

“It’s insane,” Ryder agrees. “Can I ask you something, Mum?”

“Go for it.”

“Were you and Gabe having an affair? Is that what started all this?”

I consider lying for a moment. Just so that my son doesn’t think so badly of his dad, I contemplate taking the blame with a lie, then Gabe walks back out onto the deck. He’s pulled on a long-sleeved T and is talking on the phone, and I shake my head.

“I met Gabe at the pub the night before I was going to leave your dad. Jo introduced us, there was some flirting, but nothing happened. . . that’s a lie,” I correct myself. “He walked me to my taxi with the girls. After seeing some week-old bruises on my jaw and wrist, he offered me somewhere safe to stay and gave me his card, along with a quick kiss. If I hadn’t been planning on leaving your father the next day, I wouldn’t have let things go that far. As it turns out, when your dad came in that night, he beat me so badly, Jo had to take me to the hospital. If we’d been having an affair, and I’d just gone home with him, that might never have happened.”

I’ve been staring out at the water as I talk, but now allow my eyes to rest on my child as I attempt to gauge his reaction to all of that. He nods but says nothing for a while.

“It’s gotta be the drink, he’s always had a temper, but something’s changed in him these past few months, and the drink is all I can think of that’s different.”

I agree with my own nod.

“I just hope he gets the help he needs.”

“I don’t expect you to get back together. Even if he really is getting help right now, I don’t expect you to go back to him after what he’s done to you.”

“That’s not ever going to happen,” I state. “Maybe if he’d sought help sooner, if he’d let me in, allowed me to help him, but after the things he’s said and done to me, nah. There’s no going back for me, and that has nothing to do with what’s going on between me and Gabe.”

I look up as I say his name and see that he’s leaning against the wooden rail that runs around the deck, phone to his ear, eyes on me. The sun chooses that moment to peek out from behind a cloud. Its rays bounce off the water out on the bay, creating an ethereal glow behind Gabe.

He winks and gives me a smile, I cross my legs beneath the table and mentally re-christen him Orgasmos, the Mighty God of Orgasms.

“Anyway, I’ve got shit to do. Just thought I’d pop in and give you the heads up. . .” My son interrupts my inappropriate thoughts.

“And to check that Gabe’s looking after me,” I add as if I’ve been listening to anything he’s said the last couple of minutes.