Page 9 of Santino (The Camboy Network #4)

CHAPTER

EIGHT

SANTINO

Oh, shit. Would it be bad if I crawled under the table to hide?

I didn’t realize Sebastian was going to bring this up right now , in front of everyone . I thought he’d at least give it some thought first. I thought he’d pair me up with someone less high profile than Hayden.

What if Hayden doesn’t want to do a video with me? What if he’s like, ew, with Santino? Nah, bro! How fucking embarrassing would that be?

Or worse. He agrees to it but only because I’m sitting across the table from him and he feels bad rejecting me in front of everyone. The last thing I want is to force Hayden into something he doesn’t want to do.

I swear to god, I didn’t mention Hayden’s name when talking to Sebastian just now.

When I saw the binders and all the work Sebastian had put into preparing for this documentary, it cemented things for me.

This dude knows his shit. He’s a serious professional.

If he can’t help me get my life on track, then no one can.

I just said I was open to doing camming stuff if there was an opportunity for it while I was here.

Then Sebastian asked if I only wanted to do solo videos or if I was open to performing with someone else.

I mean, my mind immediately went to Hayden, of course, but I didn’t say that out loud!

I was just like, yeah, sure, I’m open to whatever!

Then Sebastian got a look in his eye and suddenly he’s at the table asking Hayden if he wants to have sex with me on camera.

Fuuck. Kill me now.

Hayden looks horrified. Like Sebastian just asked him to have sex with a subway rat or something. Then his gaze darts to me like he’s trying to figure out if this is a cruel practical joke.

“Hear me out,” Sebastian continues when the dead silence at the table goes on for a beat too long.

“The storyline of the documentary is Bellamy and Noel are planning their wedding, right? And Santino’s come in from out of town to help.

While he’s here, he spends a lot of time with Hayden, who’s also helping with the wedding planning.

You’re both hot. Both available. Feelings develop. Etcetera.”

“I don’t get it. Where does the sex come in?” Noel asks. He’s been slouched in his chair all day like he’s bored out of his mind.

“Are you adding it to the documentary?” Bellamy asks, equally confused.

I’m confused too. I never suggested adding sex scenes to the documentary!

“No, not like that,” Sebastian waves his hand dismissively.

“You guys have to think of this as a movie, okay? The main plot is Bellamy and Noel planning their wedding. The sub-plot is Santino and Hayden meeting and falling in love. You know, like those wedding romcoms where the bridesmaid and the groomsman fall in love. We’ll release the sex videos separately, but like, there’s a cross-promo opportunity here! ”

Sebastian gives us a look like the explanation is so obvious, a five-year-old would’ve understood. Except, I’m not sure we do.

But then Hayden finally speaks up, still looking like he’s in shock. “Videos?” His voice cracks a bit when he emphasizes the “s”.

“Yeah, at least two, I think.” Sebastian’s gaze goes a little distant, like he’s not really with us anymore. He’s off in some other dimension, dreaming up ways to take over the world. “Maybe we can use the roommate scenario too…”

He pulls out his phone and his thumbs start tapping away. The rest of us exchange glances, not sure what to do. I mean, Hayden hasn’t even agreed to anything yet!

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want,” I say, even as a small part of me can’t help but hope. Me and Hayden Summers? That’s too good to be true, right?

“It’s a good idea, though,” Noel chimes in.

I want to tell him to shut the fuck up and hug him at the same time.

“It is,” Bellamy agrees. “But we don’t have to decide on this today, do we? Give the guy a day or two to think about it? We still have time to tweak the script.”

Sebastian’s not listening. He’s lost in his own little world with his head bowed over his phone.

“I’ll do it.” Hayden’s voice is so quiet I’m pretty sure I imagine it.

But then he lifts his gaze and it crashes into mine, knocking the breath out of my lungs.

The look in his eyes makes my heart skip a beat, like I’m the one he’s been waiting for his whole life, like there’s no one else on the entire planet but me…

“Yes,” Sebastian says in a hushed voice. “See the chemistry? The fans will go batshit over this.”

Hayden breaks eye contact first, dropping his gaze and shifting in his seat.

“So yeah? We’re a go?” Sebastian asks again, just to be sure.

Hayden nods, bottom lip caught between his teeth. “Yeah, we’re good.”

“Excellent.” Sebastian flips through his binder, which is about twice as thick as the rest of ours. “I’ll start working on the script changes today and will get you new copies by Monday. Santino, you’ll need to sign another set of contracts and waivers. Oh, and get tested. Are you on PrEP?”

“Uh…”

Sebastian’s moving so fast, I can’t quite keep up with him.

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll get it sorted out.”

The rest of the meeting goes by in a whirlwind and if I’m honest, I don’t really catch much of it. My mind is still stuck on the whole, I’m going to have sex with Hayden on camera business.

I can’t decide if I’m ecstatic or terrified. Both. I’m definitely both.

Hayden is a professional porn star who’s done dozens of these videos with other professional porn stars.

I’m just some random dude who recorded himself jerking off a couple times.

What the fuck do I know about performing?

What if I suck at it? What if I’m so bad they want nothing to do with me ever again?

By the time we’re done and ready to head home, I’m seriously debating telling Sebastian I’ve changed my mind.

But Sebastian’s already talking to Noel about locations where they can shoot the video and adjusting the documentary schedule to accommodate the new project.

I’m the one who said he was open to whatever. Well, this is whatever, I guess.

Hayden and I are mostly silent on the way back to his apartment. When we get off the subway and out of earshot of bystanders, I blurt out the question that’s been nagging at me.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

He shoots me a sideways glance, as if he’s trying to assess what kind of answer I’m looking for. Then he drops his gaze to the sidewalk, staring at his feet as we walk. “Yeah, totally,” he says. His voice is oddly neutral, like he’s trying to sound upbeat but it fell flat.

“I didn’t know Sebastian was going to drop it on you like that. If you want to back out of it, I’d completely understand.” I mean, I’d be devastated, but I’d understand.

“Sebastian’s really good at this stuff. If he thinks it’ll work, then it’ll work,” Hayden says, which doesn’t answer my question at all.

I’ve heard Bellamy say that Sebastian’s a genius too, which like, great, but Hayden doesn’t say it with nearly as much conviction as Bellamy did.

“Are you okay with this?” Hayden asks suddenly.

The question catches me off guard. Me? Who the hell cares about me? “Yeah, I am. It was my idea. I mean, not really. I just told Sebastian I was open to, you know, performing, and he came up with the rest.”

Hayden nods like that’s something Sebastian does on the regular. “But you didn’t come to New York expecting to do this.”

What is he trying to say? Does he think this is a bad idea? Like, this isn’t what I was invited to do, so why am I trying to push my luck? “No, I didn’t, but…”

How do I explain this in a way that doesn’t sound pathetic?

I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

I’m going nowhere fast and if I don’t come up with something soon, I’ll be elbows deep in chlorine for the rest of my life.

This trip is my last chance to climb out of the rut and I’m fucking desperate.

“Sebastian can be hard to say no to. He tends to get his way a lot. But that doesn’t mean you always have to do what he says.” Hayden’s hands are stuffed into his pockets. His gaze is locked onto the sidewalk in front of his feet. He sounds tired, like he’s sharing wisdom he’s learned the hard way.

I can’t really tell if he’s speaking to me or to himself and my heart aches a little at the thought. Has he done things he hasn’t wanted to do? Is that why he seems so sad sometimes?

“As long as you’re not being pressured into it or anything, it should be great.” His voice is tight, like he’s struggling to be encouraging. His lips are curled into a smile, but it looks forced.

“I’m not,” I say cautiously, feeling like I’m walking through a minefield for some reason. “Are you ?”

There’s a slight flinch around his eyes, but his smile doesn’t budge. Like, not even the smallest twitch of muscle. “Nope.”

“Good.”

“Great.”

“Awesome.”

So why does it feel like there’s a gun pointed at our heads?

The feeling of being both the gunman and the hostage follows me for another couple blocks.

I feel like I’ve set something in motion that I can’t stop.

That things are about to change, but I don’t know whether they’ll change for the better or for the worse.

But this is what I wanted, isn’t it? This is why I came to New York. To do something different. To take a risk. But now that I’m here, now that it’s actually happening, I can’t help wondering if I’ll end up regretting everything.

I’m so caught up in second-guessing myself, I don’t notice where we’re going until we’re in the middle of what looks like a giant park.

“Uh… is this the way back to your place?”

Hayden blinks like he’s surprised to find himself here too. “No, it’s a park not far from my place. I… sorry. It’s this way.”

He turns to head down another path, but I grab his arm to stop him. “Hey, wait.”

Hayden freezes, eyes flicking to my hand on his arm. I let go, hand still floating in midair.

“Sorry, I just…”

Hayden lifts his gaze and when I look into his eyes, all my words fail me.

The emotions swirling around those emerald greens are so vast and complex.

How can one person hold all those emotions inside them at the same time?

Sadness and fear, hope and want, and a dozen other ones I can’t tease apart.

Like there’s a battle raging inside him and it’s too early to tell which side will win.

“It’s a nice day,” I say, gesturing vaguely around us. “Maybe we can hang out a bit?”

Hayden scans the park like he’s seeing it for the first time.

The trail we’re on winds through giant fields of grass dotted with stands of mature trees.

Groups of picnickers are scattered across the lawn, lounging on blankets or tossing frisbees around.

Moms with strollers mix with other pedestrians as joggers weave in between us to get past. There’s a light breeze that cuts the heat, making it actually comfortable to sit out in the sun.

“Yeah, sure,” Hayden says, even though he sounds anything but sure.

I lead the way off the paved path and to a shady spot under a tree.

We sit down and Hayden pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his shins.

His gaze wanders across the lawn in front of us, stopping at each group of people like he’s trying to see if he knows them.

Then he drops his chin to his chest, chews on his bottom lip, and rips a few blades of grass from the ground.

I wish I hadn’t brought up camming with Sebastian today. I could’ve waited until we started shooting the documentary to broach the subject with him. Maybe then he wouldn’t have roped Hayden into this. Maybe then Hayden wouldn’t look like his world was falling apart.