Page 11 of Santino (The Camboy Network #4)

CHAPTER

TEN

SANTINO

This feels wrong. I feel it in my gut so strongly, my stomach is actually unsettled. Hayden’s obviously going through some shit, except I think I’m the only one who knows. I thought these guys were all super tight, but no one else seems to be doing or saying anything to make sure Hayden’s okay.

We’re in this mansion. Like, a literal fucking mansion from the olden times.

Wrought iron gates guard the house from the public.

The front hall is lined with busts of famous dead people.

The floors are marble and the ceilings are double height.

Every room is lit by massive crystal chandeliers.

The walls are covered with priceless art.

The furniture is antique. The ceilings are trimmed with gold.

This is supposed to be someone’s house, but it looks more like they tried to cram every single expensive thing they could find into the building. Honestly? It’s pretty ugly.

We’re shooting the venue-scouting scene for the documentary, so I’m supposed to wander around the place with Bellamy with my jaw on the floor, which isn’t difficult because every room we walk into is worse than the last.

I’ve been given a GoPro to hold while we work our way through the house. Sebastian has another one, while Hayden’s got the big fancy camera. He circles around us, head bowed and eyes focused on the viewscreen, stopping every once in a while to check camera angles with Sebastian.

I was told to ignore Hayden and pretend the camera isn’t there. But my gaze keeps drifting in his direction, like a compass always pointing toward true north. I can’t help it. This isn’t sitting right with me.

Hayden seems okay on the surface. He’s taking instructions from Sebastian and getting the work done.

He’s a little quiet, but I’m realizing that’s just the way he is around the guys.

He’s the quiet one in the group. The one who lets his friends take the spotlight.

But I’m getting really bad vibes, like there’s a giant elephant in the room that no one else can see except me.

I’ve had the apartment almost entirely to myself the past couple days. Hayden’s kept to himself, only coming out of his room to go to the bathroom or get something to drink from the kitchen. But he always immediately goes back and closes the door behind him.

I’ve tried to catch him on those rare occasions, tried to ask how he was doing, whether he wanted to grab something to eat together.

He kept saying he wasn’t hungry and he was tired, then he would disappear again.

Unless he’s got some stash hidden in his room, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t eaten in almost forty-eight hours.

He definitely hadn’t showered. Hell, I didn’t know if he would even show up to the shoot today.

But this morning, he emerged from his room, showered and dressed, a tuft of blond hair sticking out of the hole at the back of the backward baseball cap on his head.

There were bags under his eyes and he looked a little gaunt, but other than that, there was no sign he’d been a fucking hermit all weekend.

He made coffee, had some toast for breakfast, and asked me how I was feeling about the first day of shooting. Like everything was totally normal. Like nothing had happened in the park that day.

But something did. I was right there. The dude was not okay. He was hyperventilating and shaking uncontrollably. I thought he was going to pass out or something. I’m not even sure how he managed to walk all the way home.

And he didn’t want me to call his friends for help.

Which kind of makes me think that they have absolutely no fucking clue that there’s anything wrong with him.

Either that, or having panic attacks in the middle of public parks is a normal occurrence for Hayden.

I don’t know, man… that doesn’t feel normal to me.

“This is perfect,” Noel announces as he turns in a circle in the middle of the ballroom. Giant gilded mirrors line the walls and three enormous chandeliers hang from the ceiling.

Standing next to him, Bellamy looks skeptical. “Seriously?”

“For the ceremony, yeah.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit…” Bellamy trails off.

“Ugly? Tacky? Gimmicky?” I offer a bunch of options and Noel shoots a murderous look in my direction.

“It’s just not really my style, babe.” Bellamy’s way more diplomatic than I am.

“Why don’t you guys have a beach wedding?” I ask. “You know, breeze coming off the water, ocean scent in the air, sun shining down on the warm sand.”

“That does sound nice,” Sebastian agrees.

“What happens if it rains?” Noel crosses his arms over his chest, glowering. “I don’t want to resort to plan B. We’re only having a plan A and plan A is going to be perfect.”

This is all in the script Sebastian wrote for us, but Noel is actually really convincing. So either he’s a much better actor than I thought he was, or he’s genuinely this stuck-up in real life. I’d bet on the latter.

Bellamy sighs. He’s wearing that amused and indulgent expression he has for Noel.

Like he knows how ridiculous Noel is being, but he finds it endearing rather than annoying.

He pulls Noel into his arms and waits until Hayden’s in place to catch a close-up shot of them both.

“You really like this place, don’t you?”

Noel pouts a little, giving Bellamy puppy dog eyes as he nods. It looks hilarious on a guy who’s always scowling, but it works because Bellamy fucking melts.

“Okay, fine, we’ll do the wedding here.” Bellamy sounds exasperated, but he looks completely smitten. Noel does too.

When they lean in for a kiss, it’s full-on with tongue and everything. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought they were going to strip down and fuck right then and there.

They’re still going at it when Sebastian calls, "Cut!" They don’t stop immediately either. They take their time, slowing to soft, lingering kisses that leave them panting.

“Hayden. Santino. You guys are up,” Sebastian calls, gesturing for us to follow him down a long hallway. “Here’s how it’s going to work. Santino, you’ll be looking at the art. Hayden, you’ll be filming him. I’ll be filming both of you.”

“Do you want me to actually record?” Hayden asks, holding up his camera.

“Yeah, definitely. I might be able to edit some of your footage in with mine.” Sebastian says. “Then Santino turns. You make eye contact. Hayden keeps recording as you guys flirt. Got it?”

Suddenly, my heart is racing. It wasn’t beating this fast when we showed up this morning for the first day of shooting. It wasn’t even beating this fast when Sebastian first called out action. This is it—just me and Hayden on screen and I’m going to have to sell it. If I fuck this up…

I glance over at Hayden to find him watching me.

I forget to breathe. There’s something in his eyes I don’t recognize.

Something soft and tender that makes me want to go to him and wrap myself around him.

What’s going on inside that beautiful head of his?

What’s he so desperate to hide from everyone?

“Save it for the camera, guys.”

We break eye contact but I can still feel the weight of Hayden’s gaze, the heaviness of whatever secrets he’s got bottled up inside.

Sebastian shows me where he wants me to stand and I do my best to pretend I’m admiring the art when he calls out, “Roll cameras. Action.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Hayden moving toward me. I wait until he’s pretty close before glancing in his direction.

His head is bowed, staring into the viewscreen of the camera he’s holding. Sebastian circles around us.

“Hey,” I say, following the script.

Hayden lifts his head and meets my gaze.

The portable light Sebastian’s holding hits his face at just the right angle, making his eyes sparkle.

They’re so intensely green and I watch as the different shades dance and shift.

He studies me like I’m one of the paintings on the wall.

The smallest of smiles graces his lips, barely more than a tilt at the corners.

“Hey,” he says back. His low, rumbling voice hits me right in the gut.

Heat gathers low in my stomach as my groin tightens and my dick stirs. My mouth goes dry and my knees go a little weak.

“You wanna see some of the shots we got today?” he asks, holding up his camera.

“Yeah, sure.” The words come out breathy and I’m seriously a little lightheaded.

Hayden sidles up next to me, his body emitting so much heat, he feels like a furnace. I want to burrow into it, snuggle right up against him and rub myself on him like a fucking cat. I bet it’d feel amazing to fall asleep in his arms. Even better to wake up in them too.

When I manage to focus on the camera, he’s actually got footage of me cued up.

He hits play. There’s no sound, but even then, I’m immediately drawn in.

There’s me with Bellamy, looking dumbfounded as we take in the front hall.

Me and Bellamy again, this time with Noel and Sebastian too, climbing the winding marble staircase.

We look tiny in comparison to all the stone around us.

Then just a shot of me sitting on a couch, testing the bounciness of the cushions with my hands.

Slapping a hand over my face, I laugh and groan at the overly serious expression I’m wearing, as if the firmness of the couch is going to make or break the wedding.

Hayden is standing half beside me, half behind me and when he chuckles, the sound reverberates through my body. My skin tingles.

“I can’t believe you got that.” I’m not acting when I say that.

“It’s cute,” he responds and a part of me hopes he’s not acting either.

The next shot is me standing in front of the window.

I remember this one. The window overlooks Central Park and I was looking out, amazed at how big the park is.

The heavy, velvet curtains cast shadows all around me, but the sun is shining brightly on my face.

I look… ethereal. I didn’t know I could look like that.

Then finally, a shot of me gazing directly into the camera.

There’s a look on my face that surprises me.

It’s way too revealing, too unguarded, all of my emotions on display: my crush on him, my worry for him, my confusion over what I should do.

My heart skips a beat at the realization.

He caught me staring at him when I thought he wasn’t paying attention.

Hayden takes a breath and as his chest expands, it touches the back of my arm, my shoulder. I lean into the contact. I don’t even do it consciously. My body is just drawn to him.

His hand settles on my hip, as if he’s steadying me. Or holding me. I can’t tell. But the touch is searing. It burns through my clothes until it singes my skin.

I don’t breathe. If I take a breath, I might break the spell of this moment and I want this to last forever. I want Hayden’s hands on me always.

“Cut.” Sebastian’s voice shatters the little bubble around us. “That’s great, guys.”

I blink as I look away from the camera Hayden’s holding.

I feel like I’m coming out of a trance, with my senses finally picking up signals from outside the little space between me and Hayden.

Sebastian’s actually standing really close, scrolling through the footage on his camera.

I didn’t even notice him there. I was totally engrossed in Hayden.

Hayden’s hand drops from my hip and he takes a step back, but only by an inch or so. He’s still close enough for me to feel his body heat, to hear the heavy inhales and exhales of his breathing.

I turn my head to glance over my shoulder. He’s watching me. Bottom lip caught between his teeth. He’s always abusing the poor thing.

Without thinking, I reach up and use my thumb to tug his lip free. It’s red and bruised and all I want to do is kiss it better. Hayden lets out a breath and the warm air blows over my skin.

I really, really want to kiss him. My lips tingle with how much I want to press them against his. I want to thread my fingers into his always messy hair. I want to feel the hardness of his body flush against mine.

My dick is hard, straining against the zipper of my shorts. My nipples are sensitive, burning where they rub against the fabric of my t-shirt.

I could do it. I could kiss him. He’s so close. I’d just need to lean in, tilt my chin up, and we’d be kissing.

Something flashes in Hayden’s eyes a split second before he spins away from me. It’s so abrupt that I actually stagger backward a little.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have… I need to…” Hayden shakes his head, almost like he’s trying to clear something from his mind. “Sorry.”

He stalks off, leaving me standing alone in the middle of the long, freaky hallway.

No, actually, I’m not alone. Sebastian is still here. With his camera pointed at me. Secretly recording us.

He lowers the camera and gives me a look that makes me pause. It’s not an unkind look, but it’s also not understanding or sympathetic. It’s guarded, almost calculating.

Shit, I probably shouldn’t have done the lip thing. There are strict rules about not touching without consent. It was all laid out in the paperwork Sebastian had me sign.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to—” I wave vaguely at my own lips, hoping he knows what I mean. “It won’t happen again. I promise.”

Sebastian studies me for another second, expression unchanging. “It’s okay,” he says before turning to leave.

My stomach sinks. I hope I didn’t just fuck everything up.