Page 13 of Santino (The Camboy Network #4)

CHAPTER

TWELVE

SANTINO

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. Why did I say that? Why did I bring up the D-word? I don’t know if he has depression! I don’t know how to diagnose someone. Maybe he’s just weird! Weird isn’t bad. Weird is okay.

Hayden stares at me like I’ve lost my fucking mind. And honestly, I probably have, because who the fuck goes around telling people they’re depressed?

Except there’s no way I would’ve been able to go into tomorrow pretending everything’s okay.

Not when it’s so obvious to me that Hayden’s dealing with some shit.

Maybe it’s not depression. Maybe it’s anxiety or panic attacks or I don’t know, whatever.

But I’d be a real shitty person if I didn’t at least check.

With his chin to his chest, Hayden inhales and exhales a few times like he’s trying to catch his breath. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles so quietly, I can hardly hear him.

What? He’s apologizing? What the hell for?

“I’ll call Sebastian right away.” He moves to stand, but I grab him and hold him in place.

I feel like we’re having two different conversations. “Why are you calling Sebastian?”

“To ask him to find you another scene partner,” he says matter-of-factly, as if this is something we’ve already decided together.

But that isn’t at all what I was trying to say.

“Wait, let’s just—” I tug him backward until he’s settled on the couch again.

“I don’t want another scene partner. I want to do the scene with you.

” I pause, trying to communicate telepathically how much I want to have him fuck me on camera.

“But only if you want to do the scene with me . I’d feel terrible if you felt pressured into something you weren’t up for. ”

He blanches a little and almost buries his face in that little space between his chest and his knees. Under my palms, I can feel him tensing up, his shoulder inching up toward his ears.

“Do you want to do the scene with me?” I hold my breath.

I’m pretty sure I know the answer and that would be totally fine.

If he’s going through something and doesn’t feel ready, then he absolutely shouldn’t.

And if it’s just me he doesn’t like, well then, he shouldn’t be forced to fuck me either.

But I can’t help a pre-emptive hit of disappointment in my heart.

“I do. I just…” Hayden takes in a shaky breath, sounding like he might be on the verge of tears.

Squashing my disappointment, I shift away from Hayden, pulling my hands away. He doesn’t want to perform with me and that’s fine. It doesn’t matter what his reasons are. I’m not going to force myself on him.

But instead of sighing with relief that I’m finally leaving him alone, he follows me. His hands snap out and grab hold of mine. He kind of looks like he wants to crawl into my lap.

“I do,” he says again, with so much conviction it’s kind of staggering. “You have to believe me. I just…” He drops his gaze to our clasped hands. “My… body… hasn’t been cooperating lately.”

Oh. Ooohhh. I… that was not what I was expecting him to say.

Hayden draws away from me, curling himself into a ball that should be too small for a man of his size—I mean, height.

His face is mostly hidden now that he’s tucked it behind his knees, but the parts I can see are filled with so much pain.

Like, sooo much. Which makes me wonder whether this is only about erectile dysfunction or whether that’s just one part of something bigger.

Because like, they have pills for stuff like that, right?

I scoot closer again, placing my hand back on his shoulder.

He stiffens at first, but then leans into the touch.

That small surrender tugs on my heartstrings with way more force than it should.

I don’t know if he’s hurting because his junk doesn’t work properly anymore or if it’s because of something else, but the one thing I do know is that Hayden is hurting. And my heart hurts for him.

I mold myself around him, wrapping one arm over his back and the other over his shin. I lean in and rest my head on his shoulder. Hayden sniffles a few times before he shifts his weight, relaxing into my embrace.

I hold him as pain and sadness pour off him in waves. I try to absorb as much of it as I can, as if I can siphon it from his body and into mine. I hold him as his sniffles morph into quiet hiccups. I hold him until his trembling slows and his breathing evens out.

I don’t move away when he lifts his head.

His eyes are red and puffy. His cheeks are tearstained and splotchy.

His bottom lip is bruised and swollen. He ever so slowly lifts his gaze to mine and I fall into the clear green of his eyes.

They’re so expressive. So open and honest. And I feel incredibly humbled that Hayden would let me see him like this.

I’m not sure who moves first, or maybe we both move at the same time. But the next thing I know, our foreheads are touching, then our noses. The puff of his breath blows across my cheek, then our lips are touching too.

That’s all it is. Just the press of lips against lips. But it’s also so much more than that. It feels like two souls meeting for the first time. It feels like two hearts being drawn together from opposite sides of the country.

Hayden breaks the kiss, gasping lightly. I open my eyes to find him looking startled. His brows furrow and his lips part, disbelief written all across his face.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head. “I think I felt something.”

My eyebrows shoot up and my lizard brain comes hobbling to the fore. I give his lap a pointed look. “Down there?”

He winces and shakes his head again. “Not really, but something more than I have in a while.”

Alright, you can’t say something like that to a guy and not expect his ego to take over. I wiggle my eyebrows exaggeratedly and preen a bit. “Maybe I have a magic kiss.” I’m only mostly joking.

Hayden’s lips twitch and that feeling of doom and gloom around him dissipates a little. “Can we test the theory?” he asks shyly.

By kissing again? Hell yeah, we can test that theory.

I’m the one who moves this time, easing in gradually to give Hayden plenty of opportunity to push me away. But he doesn’t. And when our lips touch, electricity crackles in the air and fire races through my body.

Hayden almost immediately takes control, tilting his head to fit his mouth against mine more snugly.

I gasp as he licks across the seam of my lips and a shudder runs through me when he slips inside.

Our tongues touch and my dick roars to life.

He nibbles lightly on my bottom lip and my balls start to ache.

Christ Almighty, I’ve never gotten this close to coming, this fast, from something as simple as a kiss.

But this isn’t just any kiss, is it? This is a kiss from Hayden Summers. The guy’s a professional. He knows what he’s doing. And even if his dick won’t get hard, the rest of him definitely still works.

Hayden unfolds himself from his fetal position and I lie back on the couch.

His thigh comes in between mine and I arch up into him, grinding my hard-on against his quad.

He lies down on me, letting me take his delicious weight, and my hands roam up his back and down to his ass.

He groans when I squeeze the two globes of his ass and the vibration travels from my lips to my nipples to my groin, where my dick pulses, hot and heavy.

His hand slips under the hem of my t-shirt and when he flattens his palm against the skin of my waist, I gasp.

It’s searing. A scorching brand that melts my insides.

He slides his hand up my stomach, my chest, until he finds a nipple and pinches it between his fingers.

Pleasure zings from the top of my head to the soles of my feet, zapping every cell in between.

Hayden kisses along my jaw and worries my earlobe with his teeth. I cradle the back of his head, threading my fingers through his hair, holding him to me like I never want to let him go.

Because a part of me doesn’t. It’s not realistic, I know.

It’s completely delusional. Hayden’s not mine to keep.

He’s Hayden fucking Summers and I’m just some rando who’s crashing in his spare room for a few weeks.

I don’t know what I’m doing after I finish these projects with The Camboy Network, but unless some sort of miracle happens, chances are I’m going back to California.

But I like Hayden. I really like him. Not just his Greek-god level of gorgeousness. But also the very human and imperfect beauty inside. I want to help him. I want to protect him. I want to see him happy and healthy and whole.

I drag his mouth back to mine and slip my tongue between his lips, drinking him in.

My leg hooks around the back of his and he angles his thigh so it’s one solid block of muscle right between my legs.

I thrust my hips forward. I shift them side-to-side.

No matter what direction I move, my dick and balls rub hard against Hayden, over and over until I tip over the edge.

Cum fills my underwear as I ride the waves of my orgasm. Aftershocks ripple through me as Hayden maintains the pressure on my cock with his thigh. The pleasure settles into a blissful hum as I float down from the high.

Hayden’s still above me, his face pressed against my neck. I can feel his heavy breaths against my damp skin. It dawns on me suddenly that he just made me come, but what about him?

“Did you…?” I don’t even know how to ask the question, but he doesn’t need me to voice it out loud.

He shakes his head and my heart sinks. Guilt ruins what’s left of my buzz, making me feel kind of icky and gross.

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

He rolls to the side, wedging his big body between mine and the couch cushions. His face is still hidden in the crook of my neck. His arm is still slung over my waist. “That was… more than I’ve felt in a long time. Thank you.”

If anything, his show of gratitude only makes me feel worse. I didn’t actually do anything but hump his leg and come in my underwear. And apparently, he didn’t even get hard.

“It’s okay if you want to back out of the video tomorrow,” I say. In fact, maybe I should tell Sebastian to call the whole thing off. What kind of camboy can’t even get his scene partner aroused? A shitty one, that’s what.

“No, I…”

I can almost hear Hayden thinking, so I wait for him to gather his words.

“I think I can do it. I want to do it.”

I pull my head back so I can see his face. “You’re sure?”

Hayden blinks at me with a new resolve in his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure.”