Page 33 of Santino (The Camboy Network #4)

CHAPTER

THIRTY

SANTINO

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed in the middle of sex before. Those two things don’t feel like they should exist in the same space. But with Hayden, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. With Hayden, it feels like what sex should be—fun, carefree, joyous.

I hang my head forward as he bottoms out, his thick cock stretching me wide. His whole body curls around mine, from knees to shoulders, and his face is pressed against my neck. I’m entirely engulfed in Hayden, surrounded on the outside and filled on the inside, and it feels so fucking good.

I mean, physically, yeah, it’s fucking amazing. But it’s more than just the physical. It’s the tenderness in his touch, the way he’s so soft and gentle with me. Like I’m something precious to him. Like he wants to imprint every moment onto his memory.

For the past couple weeks, I’ve usually been the big spoon to his little spoon. I like being the big spoon. I like holding him close and giving him the comfort and protection he needs.

But being the little spoon is pretty damn awesome too. With his bigger body, he makes me feel so small and fragile. Like I don’t have to find my way through this huge, intimidating world all by myself. Like we’re in this thing together.

His arms wrap around me and I sigh contentedly. “Fuck, yesss,” I say with a chuckle. “Oh my god, this is perfect.”

Hayden pulls out halfway and thrusts back in almost lazily, like it’s an afterthought. And something about the casual, unrushed movement makes my heart fill with so much peace my limbs grow weak. I fall onto the bed, Hayden’s weight pinning me to the mattress.

I grab a pillow to prop my head up and spread my legs a little wider so he has better access. Turning my head, I give him a blissed-out smile. Hayden smiles back and we both descend into giggles.

The laughing changes the angle of Hayden’s cock inside me and I clamp down around him. A shiver of pleasure runs through me as he hits parts of me that feel like they’ve never been touched before.

“Oh, Jesus, fuuuck.” I groan through the laughter. “I think I can come like this.”

“Yeah?” Hayden asks, snapping his hips forward. “Like this?”

My body lights up with a kind of pleasure I didn’t know was possible with sex. It’s bubbly and fizzy, like I’m going to disintegrate into a thousand tiny explosions. “Fuck! Christ! Yes, like that. Goddammit.”

Hayden pants in my ear. His hips slap against my ass. We’re both making these silly laughing-moaning sounds, like we can decide whether this is the funniest or sexiest thing to ever happen.

With each thrust, Hayden shoves us closer and closer to the headboard until my head butts right up against it.

“Ahh!” I cry out, even though it doesn’t really hurt.

“Oh, sorry!” Hayden reaches a hand up to cushion my skull.

“Don’t you dare stop. Keep fucking me, dam,it.”

Peals of laughter escape from Hayden as he tries to keep up his rhythm and protect my head at the same time.

“Forget my head! Just fuck me!”

“I don’t want you to get hurt!”

“I don’t care about a few bruises on my head! I’m going to die if you don’t make me come!”

“Oh my god.” Hayden’s laughing so hard, it almost sounds like he’s crying. “Stop. I can’t keep going if you say stuff like that.”

“Hurry up and make me come and I’ll stop!

” To be honest, I don’t even care about coming anymore.

All I care about is the sound of Hayden’s laughter filling my ears.

All I want is to make it last as long as I possibly can.

If that means saying the dumbest things while his cock is in my ass, then that’s a small price to pay.

Hayden growls with a note of determination and he props himself up on both hands. This angle gives him more leverage and his hips start flying. His cock pounds away at my prostate so hard it wipes every thought from my mind and expels all the air from my lungs.

I don’t have any more silly, ridiculous words for him. All I can do is gasp as Hayden makes it his mission to destroy my hole. It doesn’t take long. The orgasm rushes at me like a tidal wave—fast and huge and unavoidable.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck!” I scream into the pillow as my dick pulses where it’s caught between my stomach and the bed. Wet heat spreads across my stomach as Hayden fucks me right through the high.

It feels like it lasts forever and Hayden’s hips don’t miss a single beat. He’s still going strong as the high eases and everything grows sensitive.

“Come on, babe, give it to me,” I say, my words slurred. “Give me your cum.”

Hayden bursts out in another round of giggles that transform into cries as he comes in my ass.

“Yeah, that’s it. Fill me up. Paint my insides.”

“Stop, oh my god, stop.” Hayden buries his face in the crook of my neck as his body shakes with the aftershocks of his orgasm combined with unrelenting laughter.

Who knew it was possible to laugh while coming? I sure as hell didn’t. But now that I know, that’s the only way I want to fuck for the rest of my life.

Hayden seems to get better over the next several days. We head back to New York, hole up at home for a bit, hang out at The Bronzed Rail with the guys one night.

Everything feels good. Everything feels right. Like if I don’t rock the boat and just keep coasting like this, nothing will ever go wrong again. That doesn’t happen, of course.

The darkness rears its ugly head again on the morning of Hayden’s appointment with the therapist. It’s not really that surprising. Hell, I’d be nervous as fuck too if I were him. We’ve been waiting for this day for a long time. There’s so much riding on this going well.

Hayden’s awake when I open my eyes in the morning. I’m barely conscious and I can already feel the tension radiating off him. He tries to put on a brave face, tries to smile as we get ready to leave, but he can’t hide how anxious he is.

I can see the darkness descending on him the closer we get to the therapist’s office. I squeeze his hand, but he doesn’t squeeze back. He doesn’t even look at me. His gaze stays kind of empty, like he’s looking at something that’s not actually there.

I guide him through the crowded sidewalks and into the gray medical building. He goes where I lead him, walks when I walk, stops when I stop. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him like this before. Like he’s catatonic or something. It’s way scarier than when he cries uncontrollably and can’t stop.

We’re sitting in the therapist’s waiting room and I’m debating whether I should say something encouraging.

Like, it’s going to be okay. Or you’re going to be fine.

But I don’t think it’ll make any difference, and honestly, it feels a little fake.

Like nice-sounding words that don’t really mean anything.

So I just hold his hand, trying not to let on how worried I am. His hand is limp in mine. His complexion is kind of gray. He’s not even chewing on his lip, which isn’t a good sign.

I jump when the door to the therapist’s office opens. Hayden barely reacts.

A tall middle-aged woman with dark hair streaked through with gray stands in the doorway. “Harry?”

Slowly, Hayden turns to look up at her, blinking like he can’t understand her.

I look back and forth between them. Who’s Harry? Does she mean Hayden?

“Harry Smith?” she asks again.

Hayden inhales like he’s coming out of a fugue state and his hand tightens around mine. “Oh. Yeah, that’s me.”

“I’m Dr. Tina. Come on in.” She steps aside, gesturing into her office.

But Hayden doesn’t budge. His whole body is tense now, like he’s bracing for impact. The grip he has on my hand is so tight, it actually hurts a little.

“Hey, babe.” I nudge him until he turns to meet my gaze.

There’s legit fear in his eyes, like afraid-for-his-life level of fear, and my heart breaks for him.

I cup his cheek, rubbing my thumb over his cheekbone.

“I’ll be right here the whole time. I’ll be sitting in this very chair when you come back out. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

Hayden’s throat works and I know he’s trying to swallow down his panic.

His lip is caught between his teeth again and there’s a wild look in his eyes.

I can tell he wants me to go in with him.

I mean, I kind of want to go in with him too.

But that’s not how these things work. I’ll always be with him, no matter how rough things get.

But there are some things he needs to do by himself.

I stand, pulling Hayden with me. Then I give him a long, hard hug. “I know this is difficult. I believe in you. You can do this.”

Reluctantly, I step back from the hug and gently guide Hayden toward the door.

The therapist meets my gaze over Hayden’s shoulder. Her expression is neutral and polite, but I get the feeling she sees more than she lets on. That’s good, right? We want a therapist who’s perceptive, right?

The door closes with a soft snick and I drop back into my chair. An hour. The appointment is one hour long, then we’ll know what to do next.

I pull my phone out and send a message to Sebastian.

Santino

He’s with the therapist now.

Sebastian

Good. How was he this morning?

Not good. Like, empty stares and shit.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Dr. Tina will help him. She’s the best in the field.

Thank you, btw. You didn’t have to do any of this, but we’re all really glad you’re here.

I stare at his message, not sure how to respond.

I mean, I appreciate the thank you, obviously.

But Sebastian makes it sound like I’m doing them a favor—which I absolutely am not.

I’m doing this for entirely selfish reasons.

Because I want Hayden to get better. Because I want to be with him.

Because I want him to feel good about being himself.

Don’t they get that? Haven’t they noticed how much I care about him? How much he means to me?

Santino

You don’t need to thank me.

I hesitate with my thumbs hovering above the keyboard, not sure if I should type the next message. Should I tell Sebastian I love Hayden? Before I’ve even told Hayden himself? I glance at the closed door as if it will tell me what to do.

My gut says he loves me just as much as I love him.

Maybe he doesn’t realize it yet because he’s a little preoccupied with, you know, being depressed.

But he’ll get better and when he does, he’ll see that what we have is special.

It isn’t an accident or a fluke. We are two people made for each other, made to be together.

Santino

I love him.

Sebastian

Yeah, I figured.

Welcome to the squad.

A smile breaks out across my face and for the first time in a long time, I finally feel like I’m home.