Page 32

CHAPTER 32

PARKER

I’m not comfortable leaving my king without me. From the moment I came out of special forces, my life has been dedicated to Tristan. Over the past few months, I’ve done nothing but watch over him and worry about what the two of us would be facing.

It’s hard to turn that off. Especially when I’ve been living on the edge for so long. Both of us have been, and it’s much needed that we have these moments with the women in our lives. They’re the only reason we made it back. I believe that more than anything else. Every time I thought about giving up, I would think about Shannon or having to tell Amelia that I’d let something happen to her husband. I couldn’t handle it.

“Parker, come back to me.” Shannon’s soft voice cuts into my thoughts.

“Sorry, I’m not used to the quiet anymore. It’s weird how you get used to so much noise around. At first it was overwhelming, and we spent most of our time overstimulated, but then it became a comfort. When there was noise, we knew that no one would be sneaking up on us.”

Shannon sighs, wrapping her arms around me. “That’s horrible, Parker. We went through a lot here, but nothing like that.”

We’re standing in the shower, and I’m trying to wash the last few months off of me. Not only the dirt, but the feelings I’ve been grappling with for killing other people. Which I did in order to protect Tristan. There were three men that Tristan never knew about.

“Tell me,” Shannon begs. “What’s going through your head? I want to help you, but I can’t do that unless you let me in.”

I’ve never had an issue letting anyone know how I’ve been feeling, but this experience has changed me. Although special forces prepared me for the situation, it didn’t prepare me for the experience. Leaning over and pressing my palm to the wall of the shower, I let the water flow over my shoulders, hoping that it washes away the feeling of despair bearing down on me like a dark cloud. “You sure you want to hear about this?” I turn to look at her.

“You and I have both done things we aren’t proud of to protect the people in our lives, Park. It doesn’t make us bad people. It makes us loyal. We’re good at our jobs.”

I smirk over at her. “People assumed you were just a stylist until this went down, Shan. I think you blew Amelia’s mind when she saw you handling that gun. I have to admit that even in the middle of the situation, it was a turn-on.”

“Leave it to you.” She smiles. Tilting her head to the side, she sneaks in a kiss.

Reaching forward, I grab her chin between my thumb and forefinger. “Do you want to truly know what the man standing in front of you did? The one you allow to touch your body? I shouldn’t be touching you after what I did.”

She jerks her chin out of my hand. “You mean the man I love? Because he’s the one standing in front of me, and you forget that I know you. There’s nothing you do that’s gratuitous. If you did it, then it needed to be done. I have no doubt about that. In everything, I trust you, Parker. You have to realize that by now.”

Her unwavering faith is enough to bring me to my knees. I don’t deserve it. “On three separate occasions, I had to put men down to keep Tristan safe. All of them bothered me, but one more than others.”

Wrapping her arms around my waist, she holds on tightly. “Tell me about it. Let me take your burden.”

I close my eyes, leaning onto her shoulder. “He was young, not much older than I was when I went into special forces. Probably around twenty-one or so. I found him sneaking around the outside of the tent, looking for a way in.”

“What do you think he was trying to do?”

She’s trying to make this easier on me, and I love her for that, but there isn’t a way to explain what I did in a more palatable way. “I know what he was doing. There was a gun in his hands, and he was strapped for a showdown. For a few moments, I followed him. My gaze watched as he looked for a weak spot in the tent, but there wasn’t one. I made sure of that when it was decided that’s where Tristan would be. Everything about that tent was made to my specifications in order for me to protect Tristan and myself.”

“Of course, if you weren’t safe, then how could you make sure he was? No one would think badly of you for doing what you have to.”

My throat tightens, and I swallow roughly. I’m not sure she’s going to think this of me when I tell her exactly what I did. “He wasn’t great at what he was supposed to be doing. Instead of covering all the sides, he left a whole one exposed. He turned his back to me, and when he did, I attacked. Not with a weapon, because it would’ve made too much noise.”

“So what did you do?” she questions softly, running her fingers through my hair, cradling my head in her palm.

“Broke his neck. Didn’t even think twice about it.”

“Parker, that’s what you’ve been trained to do.” She lifts my head off her shoulder and forces my eyes to meet hers. “This doesn’t make me look at you differently.”

“It should.” My throat tightens, the same with my chest. “I shouldn’t be touching you or be here with you right now. I don’t deserve it.”

“Yes, you do. If I have to spend the rest of my life proving to you that I love you just the way you are, I will.”

Those words bring tears to my eyes. “I care about you, Shan, and I’ll never be able to express how much.”