Page 23

CHAPTER 23

TRISTAN

It’s loud where we are. Thick smoke hangs in the air, the acrid scent invades my nose. There are bombs going off in the distance. Gunfire is closer than I’d like for it to be, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that if I hear all of it, I don’t have to worry as much. That means there aren’t people sneaking up on us. They’re being loud about what they’re doing and not trying to come in under the cover of night.

“Did you hear?” Parker looks over at me, a smile spread across his face. It’s rare. I haven’t seen one from him in a long time. Even spending time with Shannon while I was visiting Lia hasn’t been enough to bring him joy.

“The gunshots in the background? They’re white noise for me at this point.” I grumble as I look at the information coming through in real time, making sure that our forces are doing what we need them to do.

“No.” He shakes his head, amazement showing in his eyes. “What Amelia did.”

Immediately I’m worried. Anything having to do with her worries me. What if the enemy is threatening her? “Can you show me?”

He shuffles around, grabbing his phone out of his pocket before putting it in front of my face. “Look what she did. She did an amazing job. I’m not sure if you two talked about this or not, but it’s a great idea.”

I have no clue what he’s going to show me, but I’m wholly unprepared for what I see. It’s her face, stoic and strong, looking out toward the camera as if she has no fear in the world. With my heart pounding in my ears, I listen to what she’s saying, and the pride I feel is enough to strangle me. When she and I met, I could see this within her, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever see it.

“How are the responses?” It will kill me if the people of our country aren’t supporting her as much as she’s supporting them.

“They’re amazing. We couldn’t have planned this better if we tried. Most everyone is speaking out in support, thankful that she’s becoming the face of the nation.”

Tears pool in my eyes as I think about my wife being the amazing person she is, going above and beyond for us. I’ll never understand how I got so fucking lucky. When I was told that my marriage was arranged, I didn’t think I’d have love. In fact, I’d relegated myself to not having it. I thought I’d live my life being halfway satisfied and still wanting something to make me whole. Never did I think I’d have everything I wanted with this woman.

There aren’t a lot of people who can say they’ve fallen in love with their arranged marriages, but here I am, completely and totally in love with mine. “God, I miss her. We’ve got to get this over with so I can get back to her. So we can get back to our normal lives. Fuck them.” I tighten my jaw, my fingers curling into my palms. “Fuck that country for what they’ve done to us. For them being so jealous of what we have and trying to take our natural resources. Killing people who live here and not even caring. How long are we going to fuck around?” Then I realize I’m the one who has to end this.

“You want to get done with this, you know what we have to do.”

Parker’s right. I do know what we have to do, but I’m terrified of making the wrong decision. It only takes one for the support I have to go the other way. “I’m still undecided.”

“Only you can make the decision.”

“It’s true.” I reach into my pants pocket, the ones I’ve changed back into after I got back from visiting Amelia. My nerves are shot, and the only thing I’ve been able to do in order to calm them down, is smoke a cigarette or two. I used to do it when I was a teenager but stopped because there was such an outcry with the tabloids. However, desperate times call for desperate measures. Putting it in my mouth, I hold it while I cup my hand around the flame of my lighter. “In one hand, I’m thinking about how we’ll appear to the rest of the world. In the other, I’m hoping to get this over with and go back home. I can end this with one call, Parker, but at what cost?”

His mouth firms into a line. Both of us know what I’m saying and what it means. “You’re not the type of person to use other people to make your sacrifices, Tristan. I don’t know if you could live with yourself.”

That’s the biggest issue. I’m not sure if I could live with myself either. This isn’t who I am, and it wasn’t what I thought I was going to have to do when I took the oath to be king. “That’s what it’s going to come down to. What can I live with? Will I be able to look at myself in the mirror the morning after?”

“Most heads of state would give this up to a vote, Tristan. Do you think that’s what you should do?”

I’ve thought of it, more than I care to admit. For long hours out here on the field, while I hear people screaming, when I hold my gun and fire shots. It’s on my fucking mind. But I can’t seem to pull the trigger on the actual plan. It’s been presented to me more than once. I just don’t want to have to answer to the people of my country if I’m wrong. It’s a lot of pressure, and I’m terrified I’m going to make the wrong decision.

“I can hear you thinking over here, Tristan.”

“I refuse to put it up to a vote. If it’s the wrong decision, I want to be able to take the responsibility for it. Protecting the members of my cabinet are of utmost priority. Just because I’m scared to decide doesn’t mean I should push it off on someone else, Parker.”

“What’s going to make you force the decision?”

Good question. I haven’t gotten there yet. “I’m not sure, but I’ll know when I do.” My stomach is aching as I think about what we’ve been forced to do. “I want to go out on the battlefield.”

“Your Majesty, it’s not recommended. Not after the attack we were just under.”

It pisses me off that he tries to protect me in this way. There isn’t a way for me to ignore what we’ve been going through. I need to see everything that’s happening out there. If I stay here in the tent being sheltered, then I’ll never be respected or understand enough to grow into the leader that this country needs. “I’m going, Park. Either you come with me, or you don’t.”

He’s not about to let me go out there unprotected by him, so he nods, and together we head out onto the battlefield. We get into an armored truck and head the twenty miles to where the last fight was taking place.

When I get out, I can smell it, the stench of death. The thick smoke hangs in the air like fog along the ocean during the summer. I wish I could transport back there right now, but it isn’t an option. My eyes scan the number of bodies that are lying there. Knowing that many of these men won’t be able to go home breaks my heart. It hurts me in ways I can’t articulate.

As we come upon another group of soldiers, one of them moans, reaching out to me. “Your Majesty.”

Without thought to my own safety, I kneel down to the ground and take his hand in mine. “Save your breath. They’ll be here to help you in a few moments.” What I don’t say is that I’m not sure he has that long. “Let me know what I can do to help you.”

He licks split lips, marked white with the dryness of his skin. “Make sure my family knows I did this for them, and I’m not sorry I died on the battlefield.”

“You’re not going to die.” If I could make him live by force of will, I would do it.

He chuckles, but it turns into a hack. “Please save me.”

Beside him, someone else moans, moving his head back and forth against the grass. “Your Majesty,” the other person whispers out from what sounds like a gravel-laced throat. “Can you help save me? I’m not ready to die.”

Goddamn, this is harder than I ever imagined it would be. They’re looking to me to save them, and I can’t. I’m not God. I can’t take away their pain or save them from the inevitable. “I won’t lie to you. There’s nothing I can do to help you. What I can do is stay with you.”

“I would be honored,” one of them says.

“Hey, are you with me?” I press against the other one’s shoulder. “Stay with me.”

His eyes pop open, but there’s nothing in them. It’s as if he’s looking out into nothing. The life and any emotions are gone.

“Please tell my wife I love her,” he whispers, his breath rattling as he takes his last one.

“I will.” My throat closes in upon itself. Turning to the other man, I hold his hand tightly. “What can I do for you?”

“My wife. My kids. Tell them…” His breath is coming in short, shallow gasps. “Tell them that I did this for our country, so that they could be safe and free. Let them know I didn’t do this in vain.”

“They will know. I’ll make sure they’re taken care of for the rest of their lives.”

And in that moment, he’s gone. Along with the patience I’ve had for Crona.