Page 21

CHAPTER 21

TRISTAN

This is the hardest part of the situation we’re in. Leaving her, knowing that she won’t be able to come with me. Who knows when I’m going to be able to see her again? My arms go around her, holding on tightly, so much that I lift her off the ground. Burying my face into her neck, I whisper, “I love you. I’m going to miss the hell out of you.”

She sniffles, and the noise tears at my heart. When she pulls away, her eyes are red with the tears she’s cried. Her voice cracks as she speaks to me. “Be sure and come back to me, Tris. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I want to promise her I will, but there aren’t any certainties in this life we’re living. “I’ll do my best. That’s what I’m going to promise. I’ve never broken a promise to you before, and I don’t plan on doing it now.” The words catch in the tightening of my throat.

This time it’s a wounded noise, and it strikes me right in the middle of my chest. “I know you’re the type of man not to make promise you can’t keep. I get why you won’t say the words.”

Pulling back, I frame her face with my hands. Running my eyes over her face, I commit this moment to memory, to go along with the one of the first time I saw her. There are certain things I’ve thought about constantly when I’ve been out there. Situations we’ve been in where she’s told me she loves me, important moments in our lives.

When I’m at my lowest, I think back to our wedding day and the first time she told me she loved me. The ones that weren’t so important too, like the day we spent riding my bike. They’re all the small minutiae of what make up our lives together, and I’m terrified I’m not going to have the years with her I planned on. “You’re right, and this season we’re in, I’m completely unsure of what I can deliver. Just know that I love you, I’ll do whatever it takes to get back to you, and if I don’t make it? It’ll be your name as the last word on my lips.”

This time, she sobs, burying her head in my chest, and holds on tightly with her arms around my waist. “I love you, Tris. I’ll love you until I’m dead, and then further, until we reach heaven. I’m never giving up on you, Tris. They’ll have to drag me away from you. Promise me that you’ll have someone tell me immediately if something happens to you.”

“That I can promise.” Dropping my lips to the top of her head, I give her a kiss. I’ve got to leave her, and this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. “I love you, Lia, but I have to go.”

Tightening her arms around my waist, she holds on for dear life. “Everything in my body tells me that I shouldn’t let you go. That I’ll regret it. That I won’t be back or be the man I am right now. There’s no way to know the future, and I hope I’m back here as soon as possible. However, I also know what everyone else doesn’t. We’re starting to lose this war, and it’s going to take a lot for us to turn this around. We’ve lost part of the lead we had, and I’m scared we aren’t going to get it back.”

There’s a potential, always one, that we won’t win this. If that’s the case, I have to keep Lia and me safe. They will come for us, and they won’t make any concessions, especially not for her. They’ll use her to try and get to me. If there’s a chance they can get information from me, they’ll use her to get it.

“Are you ready, sir?” It’s Parker, gently interrupting us in the quiet way he always has. “The helicopter has landed, and it’s not good for it to be sitting out in the open.”

He doesn’t have to say it makes not only it, but us a target. “I’ll be right there.”

Glancing down at Amelia, I give her a smile. If asked, I’m not sure how I do it, but all I can think of is this. I don’t want her last memory of me to be one full of dread and sadness. If she has to think about the last moment she saw me, I want it to be a smile.

“I can’t let you go.” She tightens her hold on me.

“You have to.” I reach behind me, unhooking her fingers and removing her arms from my waist. “There are people expecting me, and there are places I need to be. Please don’t make this harder than it has to be, Lia. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She sobs.

When she finally drops her arms, I sneak out of the room, and wipe at the tears under my eyes. Inhaling deeply, I fill my lungs with the air I need and turn my attention to Parker. “Brief me. What’s happened while I’ve been gone.”

“We took back the north, and we’re making strides to the east. Once we get that, we can initiate the final attack.”

Me coming home was part of a bigger plan. While the Calders were watching me to see what I was going to do, our forces launched coordinated attacks on the two weakest points of entry. “Numbers?”

Parker doesn’t even have to look at anything. He remembers it. “We lost eight, and they lost a total of two hundred. It was bloody and savage, but for them, not us. They got a taste of their own medicine.”

I guess it makes me human to be proud that we unleashed domination upon them, considering the way they surprised us with an attack we weren’t prepared for in any way. Since then, we’ve been fighting for our lives, and it increasingly felt like we weren’t making headway.

“Let’s get back to the field.”

As much as I haven’t wanted to, I know that it’s where my place is.