Page 22
CHAPTER 22
AMELIA
I’m beating my hand against the window as I watch Tristan and Parker jog across the yard toward the helicopter. The rain is pouring down, matching the way my stomach is jumbled up and down. Below us, the ocean is angry and crashing against the rocks. It reminds me of every feeling I have watching him leave. My heart is flying away from me, and I feel as if there’s a dark cloud hanging over us. It’s as if this is the last time I’m going to see him.
Sliding down, I pull my legs underneath me. Great sobs that rack my body are escaping my throat, tears are streaming down my face. I can’t stop as I suck in deep breaths of air, trying to keep myself from hyperventilating, but it’s not working.
“He’s going to be okay.” That’s Shannon. She’s holding on to me tightly as we rock back and forth on the floor. I’m still amazed at her since she proved how she can handle a weapon.
“How do you know? Since we’ve been invaded, there’s a dark cloud hanging over us, one we can’t seem to shake. I’m terrified that this is the last time I’ll ever see him. What if he doesn’t come back?” I gasp, trying not to hyperventilate further. My stomach is aching, saliva gathering in my mouth as I try to keep from throwing up.
“There are no guarantees in life, Amelia. I learned that at a young age, and while it’s annoying to hear over and over, it’s the truth. You might drop dead with a heart attack the moment you walk out of this room. Tristan could die doing something mundane, like driving to the next parliament meeting. What we have to do is take the moments that mean something—the kisses, the words, the little touches—all of those and hold them close to our hearts.” She runs her hands along my hair, bringing me to her side, cradling me as if I’m a baby. “Remember all the things that you love about him. The little things he does, the crinkling of his eyes, the smile he has just for you.”
While I know she’s right, and it’s about the sum amount of everything and not the big moments, I can’t shake the feelings I’m having. They’re big and all-consuming, competing with the happiness I know I should have for the life we’ve lived before the invasion. “I know that you’re right, but it’s going to take me a while to get used to it. It’s not easy being away from him. Quickly, he became my best friend and the person I look for in those crowded rooms. How do I survive without him?”
She grabs my hands in hers. “You put one foot in front of the other, and you force yourself to move. Whether that means becoming the face of this or not. I think the people of Haldonia would love to see you. It would give you something to do other than sit here and wonder how it’s going on the front lines. It’s a win-win.”
Rolling it around in my head, I think about all the other people in our country. How are they handling this, how much are they missing their loved ones? No one knows because there’s been a social media blackout. Towers were hit at the beginning of the invasion. “Are there enough towers back up for me to be able to do this?”
Shannon nods. “It’s something Parker has been working on, too. He knows how important it is for all of us to stay connected.”
“All right, if we’re able to transmit, then let’s do it.”
She holds up a hand. “I’ll go make sure we can, and you make yourself ready.”
Pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth, I chew at the lip. “What is your opinion on what I should wear? I don’t want them to think I’m standing around in formal dresses while they’re struggling to put food on the table. I’m struggling too.”
Here are those tears again. I’ve never been so emotional in my life.
“Then that’s what you tell them, and you wear what you’re comfortable in.” Shannon smiles. “I’ll be right here in the background. Get yourself together, and I’ll verify we’re able to do what we want.”
Nodding, I watch her leave, and I let myself have a bit of a breakdown. I fall apart for the woman I was, the life we thought we were going to live together, and the loss of all the dreams we had for the first year of our marriage. Closing my eyes, I think about the ones who have decades-long marriages, and they’ve had to say goodbye to their spouses, for kids having birthdays without their parents.
Walking over to my closet, I flip through everything that’s hanging. Nothing speaks to me, and I’m pulled over to Tristan’s side of the closet. There are a lot of things over here I can’t wear, but my gaze and heart are drawn to one of his favorite sweaters. It’s gray and warm, he’s worn it a lot, and every time I see it, I think of him.
One of the first dates we went out on after we got married was to get dinner, and he wore this sweater. I can close my eyes and remember that night. He’d purchased a flower from a street vendor and handed it to me as if he were handing me the world.
What I wouldn’t give to go back to those times. Taking off the T-shirt I’m wearing, I slip this one over my head and then walk over to the mirror. Running a brush through my hair and putting on the slightest amount of makeup is all I do.
Shannon comes in. “We’re a go. Do you want to do a live feed, or do you want to record it? We can do either.”
Nerves wreck my gut as I take a seat in front of one of the walls, painted a deeply masculine color. As I’m waiting for Shannon and my personal bodyguard, Monica, to tell me I can go ahead and get started, I twirl my wedding and engagement rings on my finger. It’s a nervous habit I’ve picked up while waiting for Tristan to come home. It makes me feel closer to him.
“We’re ready when you are.” Shannon offers me an encouraging smile.
Swallowing hard, I give her one back and then motion for them to turn the phone on. “Good evening, people of Haldonia. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” I smile, although I can feel it shaking. “I’m sure all of us are doing our best to make it through the situation we’ve been handed. Now that we can broadcast things again, you can expect me here every day at this time.” I take a moment to center myself and get my breath back. “More than anything, I want you to know I’m praying for all the families who have lost a loved one, for those of you who’ve had your lives irrevocably changed by the actions of the Calder family. What I can promise you is Haldonia and the king will fight with every single breath in our bodies, and we won’t stop until we have every centimeter of land back.
“Speaking from my heart, I want those of you who have loved ones in the field to know I sympathize with you, and I’m praying for their safe return. I know that gut-wrenching dread you get every time you hear the phone ring, then when you realize it isn’t someone informing you your loved one is dead, you break down into tears. I know how hard it’s been to be on rationing of food— I’m right there with you, and I’m missing my husband as well.” I stop for a second, licking my suddenly dry lips. “I promise you that I’m right here with you. Anything we’re asking you to do, I’m doing as well.” Reaching down, I pull out the sweater, surprised at the tears that once again pool in my eyes. “Including wearing my husband’s clothes because all I want to do is smell his cologne and feel his presence next to me. This was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I wasn’t sure I could do it, but I will, every day, and I hope to see you tuning in. Haldonia, you have all my love.”
I wait until Monica and Shannon let me know they’ve turned off the feed, and then I collapse slightly into myself. That adrenaline crash is crazy. “Did I do okay?”
Shannon grins. “You did amazing, and judging by the comments on social media, your fellow country members feel as if you did too. Look at this.”
She shoves her phone in front of my face, and that’s when I see it. Thousands of comments.
TaylorLoverHaldonia: It was so good to see Queen Amelia’s face after so long. I was worried they’d hurt her, and that’s why she hadn’t made a statement or appearance.
HarryT: @TaylorLoverHaldonia Same, I’ve been looking for this since the beginning. Thank God she was able to come through for us. I always knew she would. Her and Tristan are relationship goals. The rest of the world is watching us, and these two are the epitome of a couple standing together and strong in the face of adversaries.
Emotional doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling. This whole situation has taken such a toll on every single one of us. “I’m thankful most of them took it for what it was. There are probably a lot of people who don’t think it’s enough. Truthfully, I don’t think it is either, but it’s the one thing I can do.”
Shannon gives me a soft smile before smirking. “And we love a queen that puts others in front of herself.”
The laugh bubbles up in my throat. “Thank you. I love you, Shan.”
“Love you too.”