Page 33

Kerry

I never paid much attention to holidays. After Mom died, what was the point? My last foster mother had tried, but I was so far gone by then that nothing had registered beyond gratitude for her kindness and care. As Halloween came closer, though, I couldn’t ignore the air of excitement as the campus came alive with foam tombstones, fake skeletons, and costumes.

And pranks.

No one tried any on me , which was a good thing, but Jax was a frequent target. It was a lesson in social graces for me as I watched him take it—and pay it back—with his usual good humor.

He said the annual pumpkin carving contest was one of his favorite events. This year’s top prize was tickets to some concert. Gigi was especially interested because her favorite band would be there, and Jax wanted one of us to win so she could go.

Which was how I found myself staring at half a dozen pumpkins Sunday afternoon while he stood by with a tray of carving tools. Gemma and Chessie covered my kitchen table with a sheet of plastic, then everyone dove into gutting the pumpkins.

My job, apparently, was to come up with award-winning designs.

On top of that, the girls started talking about costume ideas for a dance on Friday night. As I listened, I started to get a bad feeling and wondered if I would be expected to go to that, too.

Jax’s grin said I was.

“You can’t escape it,” he chirped.

“Escape what?” I was only half paying attention to him as I racked my brain for ideas on how to say no to Gemma Shepherd.

“Life.”

I grunted and watched the girls carry the pumpkins over to the sink to rinse them out.

“I dunno why you’re relying on me,” I grumbled. “I’ve never carved a pumpkin in my life, not even when I was a kid.”

“You didn’t do Halloween?”

“Yeah, we did, but my mom always painted the pumpkins. She was an artist.”

“Well, you’re an artist, too.” He patted my shoulder, and I swatted his hand away with a growl.

“No touching! What sorta designs were you thinking?”

“I dunno. Whatever will win the contest.”

When Chessie plunked one of the damp pumpkins on the table, I reached out to touch it, testing the texture and thickness.

“I want something pretty,” Gemma called from the sink, and Gigi and Chessie said they did, too.

“ Pretty?! ” Jax looked outraged. “It’s Halloween ! Ghosts. Ghouls. Goblins. Blood and guts. Rawrrr!”

He raised his arms over his head, hooked his fingers into claws, and lunged at Gigi, who fake-screamed.

I rolled my eyes, but Gemma dried her hands, came over to me, and leaned down so we were face to face. Thankfully, I had enough sense to keep my mouth shut.

“I. Want. Something. Pretty,” she repeated.

“I heard you the first time.” I cleared my throat. “But you’ll have to give me some ideas. Pretty ain’t something I have much experience with.”

She straightened up and pulled out her phone and, next thing I knew, her soft backside was parked on my leg.

My brain shut down. I looked around for Jax, but his face was planted in Gigi’s neck. No help there.

Okay, I can do this. I’ve held her before.

I eased my arm around her waist. She was so tiny, my hand ended up on her other hip. She musta liked it because she half-turned and smiled at me. Our eyes met, and I forgot where I was and what I was supposed to be doing.

“Here are some pictures I found.” She held up the phone. “I saved them to show you.”

I forced myself to look at the bitty screen instead of her. As she scrolled through a bunch of pictures, she chatted away and I pretended to listen. Drugged on the feel and scent of her, I was in heaven—until I screwed up.

“ Glitter ?”

“It’s supposed to be fairy dust.” She pointed to a speck of light. “See the little fairy there with her wand?”

“What idiot over age four would want glitter and fairies on a Halloween pumpkin?”

Outta the corner of my eye, I saw Chessie slashing a hand across her throat in a “kill-it” gesture. Or maybe she meant I was dead. Either way, she was right.

“They’re just ideas.” Gemma laid her phone on the table and folded her empty hands in her lap. “Anything you draw will be fine.”

“Uh, so, I’m sorry. I, ah, didn’t mean that the way it came out.” Well, I did , but I needed to fix this quick. “If you want fairies and glitter, that’s what it’ll be.”

“No. You’re right. It’s babyish. Um, a skeleton? Or a bat?”

The smile on her lips tore my heart clean outta my chest. She was trying to pretend I hadn’t made her feel like crap.

I realized I’d ruined this for her. Even if I drew fairies and glitter on her pumpkin now, she wouldn’t enjoy carving it. Oh, she’d pretend , but her eyes would be sad, like they were right now.

Panicking, I gathered her up in my arms and carried her out the back door.

“What are you doing?” she squeaked and grabbed my shoulders. “Where are we going?”

“I don’t have a clue,” I scoffed, but kept walking. “That says it all. I don’t have a freaking clue. About anything .”

“Kerry—”

“I swore I wouldn’t hurt you anymore!”

The more I talked, the more upset I got. And the more upset I got, the faster I walked.

“Kerry—”

“At least I think I understand what I did wrong this time. I took something important to you and crushed it. I didn’t even know I was doing it until it was too late. But how do I make it right?”

“Kerry—”

“You are not an idiot or a baby, and I don’t think of you as either one. And I didn’t mean to embarrass you in front of the others, if I did.”

“Lab Rat!” she shouted.

“What?!” I hollered back, then skidded to a stop and closed my eyes. “You wanna just get it over with and slap my face off?”

“I do not want to slap your face off. Look at me.”

I didn’t want to, but I did.

“Let me explain something.” Her eyes were dead serious, and my stomach sank. “It’s normal for people to have disagreements and conflicts. We all have our own likes and dislikes and perceptions, so of course it’s going to happen. Stop panicking, okay?”

“But I don’t like it when you’re hurt or upset. And I don’t want you to be mad at me or hate me because I’m stupid.”

Then she smiled at me in an entirely new way, one I couldn’t quite understand.

“You’re not stupid. You realized you hurt my feelings and you’re trying to apologize. That makes up for a lot. And I took it way too seriously, so I’m partly to blame.”

“Shut up.” I squeezed her. “You don’t ever need to apologize to something like me.”

“What did I tell you about calling yourself a thing?” She balled her fist up in my shirt and glared at me. “And when I feel I’ve made a mistake, I apologize for it. I’m not going to hate you because we had a fight or argument. And it doesn’t mean I’m done with you if I get mad at you. You do understand that, right?”

I rolled my shoulders. I didn’t, but I guess I was learning it now.

“How about we make a deal?” She tilted her head. “You stop being so hard on yourself, and I’ll stop taking every little thing so personally.”

“All right.” I nodded. “I can do that.”

“Good. Now put me down.”

I looked around. I’d trek about a half mile from the cottage and we were at the edge of the forest, right near a bunch of Christmas trees. I jogged this way every morning because I liked their strong smell, and I guessed I’d brought her here on auto-pilot.

“You sure? I carried you out here. I could at least carry you back.”

“I’m sure. I’ll walk.”

I made a face at her, but lowered her to her feet, and she adjusted her sweater, which had gotten bunched up around her waist.

“Come on. Let’s get back before they ruin the pumpkins. Gutting them was hard work. I don’t want to have to do that all over.” She took my hand and pulled it around her shoulders. “Is this okay?”

Truth be told, I wasn’t thinking much beyond how good it felt to hold her. That amazing sensation, the one like gold fizzing through my veins, filled me up again. A thousand icicles slammed into my chest as the taint stirred, but I didn’t care.

“Yeah.” The good side of my mouth kicked up. “More than okay, angel.”

#

Chessie pounced on Gemma as soon as we came in the back door and dragged her into the living room, saying she had to see the end of some weird show they both liked. As for Jax, he gave me a dirty look, which I returned.

“Well, where were you?” I hissed. “Soon as she sat on my knee, I knew I was in trouble, and what were you doing? Sucking on Gigi’s neck!”

He flipped me off and followed the other two into the living room, where I could hear the TV blaring.

“I need to go for a run.” I dropped my head into my hands.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Gigi snapped. “You’ve got work to do, mister. A lot of work.”

She laid her phone onto the table. I looked at it and saw a stencil-style picture of a panda draped over a tree limb.

“What—

“Draw it on her pumpkin.”

“Oh. Good idea.”

“I know it is, you dumb boy,” she grumbled.

Yikes. She was angrier at me than Gemma. Good thing the others came back into the kitchen before she could tear into me.

“How good can you carve?” I balanced my chair on the back legs and looked at them.

“If you can draw it, I can carve it.” Jax stood in his superhero pose.

“I’ll try my best,” Chessie said, and Gemma and Gigi echoed her.

“And we got an extra, just in case we messed one up.” Jax pointed to it.

I hoped no one messed up. I was going to need that one later.

He handed me a grease pencil. I twirled it a few times, then started drawing on the first pumpkin. The conversation turned back to costumes, and I half listened as I sketched. Jax wanted us to go with a group theme, and I only hoped it wasn’t anything too stupid.

Because I can’t tell her no. I can’t . Not with something that’s making her eyes sparkle like stars.

“Ready for yours, angel?” I looked it over one last time.

She bounced a little in her seat and clapped her hands. I was relieved to see her happy again and didn’t wanna risk screwing up, so I kept my big mouth shut as I spun it over to her and watched her face.

“Maybe it’s more cute than pretty.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “But I know you like pandas.”

“It’s adorable! Thank you!”

“I’m glad you like it.”

She smiled at me, a big sunshine smile, and I owed Gigi forever .

Jax suggested candy bars for the costumes, but I tuned him out as I got another pumpkin and sketched out a scene.

“Okay, Tennessee, here’s yours.” I pushed the pumpkin across the table to her.

“Perfect.” She turned it so the others could see the horse rearing against a full moon. “I only hope I can do it justice.”

“You’ll do great, baby!” Jax was an unstoppable force today. “Now, what are you gonna put on mine?”

“Chessie is next.” I shook my head. “Ladies first. Sheesh.”

I worked for a bit, then slid Chessie’s over to her. She laughed when she saw the kitten wearing an oversized witch’s hat, so I figured I’d got it right.

Finally, I reached for Jax’s pumpkin and sketched a gremlin with venom dripping from its sharp teeth, then handed it to him.

“Wicked! Thanks!”

I was deep in thought about a design for my pumpkin when Gemma jumped up, jerking me outta my daze.

“Did you cut yourself?” I reached for her hand to look, even though I knew it was dumb. She could heal herself in a split second.

“No, but I just thought of something. Come with me for a minute!” She pulled at my hand until I stood up. “I have a great idea!”

She took us into the bathroom and shut the door.

“The bathroom ?”

“It’s the farthest away from the kitchen. Jax’ll eavesdrop.”

She cupped her hand around her mouth like she wanted to whisper, so I leaned down to make it easier for her short self.

“You wanted help thinking of a way to repay Jax for the backpack, right? Could you carve Gigi’s portrait on your pumpkin? He’d love it, and it might win the contest!”

“Oh. Yeah, sure.” I straightened up. “I’ll give it a try.”