Page 30

Kerry

Gemma was waiting for us when we left the locker room. I could tell she’d been crying, which made me feel like a dog, even though I hadn’t done anything wrong. She didn’t speak or look up from the floor, but she flashed Jax a small smile when he said hello.

Girls sure know how to grab you by the balls and squeeze , I grumbled to myself.

I waited until we were heading up a trail, then looked at Jax. He nodded and dropped back, and I walked a few steps ahead, Gemma in my shadow, before I stopped and turned to her.

“I was not flirting with Chessie earlier.” I laid it out for her as clearly as I could. “I am not planning a date with her. I’m sorry you were hurt, but you misunderstood. I am not interested in her that way.”

She stumbled, and I reached out to grab her arm to make sure she didn’t fall. We stopped walking, but she wouldn’t look at me. I slipped a finger under her chin and lifted it until I could see her eyes and fiery cheeks.

“She’s like a little sister.” The good side of my mouth quirked up. “And that’s all she is.”

“You don’t have to pretend because you think you’ll hurt my feelings. There are a lot of pretty girls at school. If you— If you found one you like—”

“I found you . I told you I like you and you said you like me, too.”

“I do, but I don’t want you to like me because you feel you owe me a debt.” Her eyes dared me to disagree. “Remember how you felt when you thought I only hung out with you because I pitied you? I don’t want your pity anymore than you wanted mine. Being friends is one thing, but don’t make me believe there’s more between us if there isn’t.”

“I wouldn’t do that. I like you, Gemma, way beyond friendship. And it has nothing to do with pity or debts.”

She narrowed her eyes at me, like she thought I was lying, and I didn’t know what to do with that other than stand there and meet her glare. Then she took a big breath and her next words came out in a rush.

“Kerry, I’m going to just come out and say it. I’m pretty sure I’m not like the girls from your old world—”

“Thank God for that!” I interrupted.

“—but I’m not like most girls in this one, either. I’m not a model or a genius or an athlete. I’m not interested in parties or makeup or clothes, and the only thing I can do to my hair is cut it or dye it.”

“Don’t you dare!” I growled.

“My point is, even if I suddenly woke up stylish and gorgeous and brilliant one morning, I am always going to be Gemma Shepherd inside. Plain. Simple. Boring.”

“Don’t say that ever again!” Anger, clean and pure, fired through me, and it took all my self-control to go gently as I took her face in my palms. “You are beautiful and sweet and kind. And you better never change your hair! And stop comparing yourself to other girls. That isn’t healthy. I like you just the way you are, crybaby and all.”

Her eyes went soft as she stared up at me, and everything faded until all I could see was emerald green.

“Really?”

“Really. Listen, can I try something?” I swallowed hard. “Can I try holding you?”

“Yes.”

An inch at a time, my hands slid down her face to her neck. Her eyes never left mine as I cupped her shoulders and drew her closer. She was so tiny, I wasn’t really sure how to hug her, but I went with my instincts and smoothed my hands down her back. I had to curve my shoulders and lean down to reach her.

“May I hold you, too?” she murmured from somewhere south of my collarbones.

I thought about it for a second, then decided it was only fair.

And how bad could it be?

“Sure.”

She put her hands on my waist, let out a little sigh, and laid her cheek against my chest.

This ain’t so hard.

“I can’t stand being this close to other people.” I whispered. “I don’t like touching anyone or anyone touching me. Except for you, angel.”

Her breath hitched in her throat.

“Do you mean that?”

“Yeah, I mean it. I trust you, Gemma. You’re the only person I trust completely. If I was a normal guy— If I could, I’d— I wish I was—” Fire scorched across my cheekbones, but I was determined to put it all out there. “Aw, angel, if I wasn’t so screwed up, I’d ask you—”

My voice gave out, and I figured I’d better shut up.

She wiggled like she wanted loose, so I let her go, but kept my hands on her waist. As I frowned down at her, everything I wanted to say and couldn’t clog up in my throat.

I didn’t need to worry, though. She understood.

“I wish that, too, Kerry. I wish that with all my heart.”

She raised one hand to my face and skimmed her fingertips through the sandpapery groove that stretched from my lip to my jaw.

Every time she touched me, she did it just like this. As if I was made of the thinnest glass. At first, I’d wondered if she saw me as weak or fragile, and it had pissed me off. Later, as I healed inside and out, I admitted that I was both, which probably called to the healer in her.

Now, I knew better. She was careful how she handled me, both physically and emotionally, because it would hurt her if she hurt me.

Because she likes me. She really does. I know she said it before, but this is different. She likes me. Me.

Something unfamiliar filled up my chest and fizzed through my veins, and the taint chewed into my breastbone like a grinder.

Is this joy? I think it is. Wow. That’s … that’s amazing. That’s freaking amazing!

“Kerry? I’m sorry about the misunderstanding. You probably think I’m a nutjob. I’m not, I swear. It’s just, I’ve never had a boyfriend.” She blushed, but lifted her chin. “I went to an all-girls school, so none of my friends were boys, either. I’m sorry I overreacted. I have zero experience with understanding guys.”

“Well, don’t get any more crazy ideas that I like some other girl. You’re the only one I wanna be more than friends with. And I know that isn’t a proper label, or even the one you may be looking for, but it’s all I got to offer right now.”

“I’ll take it.”

She smiled, and it was the same sunshine smile she’d given me in that first Angelic languages class. Was I finally forgiven for how I responded that day?

“I ain’t never tried a relationship of any kind with a girl before, but I’m willing to follow your lead on this. Just don’t move us along too fast, angel, and be patient with me.” The good side of my mouth tilted up. “I’m gonna mess up. A lot.”

“I just admitted that I don’t have any more experience at this than you do. Slow works for me. And it’s easy to be patient with you because I know you have a good heart.”

No, I don’t, but if that’s what she believes, I ain’t gonna argue.

Tightening my hands on her waist, I lifted her straight up and held her over my head. Her eyes went huge and she latched onto my shoulders. Her feet musta been dangling a good three feet off the ground, and I laughed at the look on her face.

“So we’re good again, right?” I asked. “You understand that you’re the only one. You . If it’s not you, I don’t want anyone else.”

The giggles turned to outright laughter. Confused, I lowered her back on the ground.

Is she laughing at me?

“I never pictured you as a Bieber fan.” Her grin was so wide, it showed the dimples in her cheeks. “Put me down, please.”

“A what?” I asked as I set her back on her feet.

My confusion grew as she took out her phone and poked at it until music played. She played the whole song, then turned those big green eyes up at me.

“It’s called “Anyone” by an artist named Justin Bieber.”

“Yeah? Well, it’s not really my jam, but the words are all true.” I smiled as pink bloomed on her cheeks. “Which of his songs is your favorite?”

“This one. That’s why I thought of those lyrics when you said what you did.”

Then she launched into a whole musical review about registers and some effing falsetto thing. I didn’t understand, but I was always fascinated with the sparkle in her eyes whenever she talked about singing. I wasn’t gonna interrupt her with a bunch of questions and risk seeing that sparkle dim.

“It ties with “Lifetime,” though. I love those lyrics and his breathy vocals. And,” she admitted with a sweet, shy smile, “the term darling makes my toes curl.”

Darling, huh? I’ll remember that, angel.

“Can you play it?” I asked.

“Sure!”

She brought it up on her phone, and we stood side by side as we listened. I could see why she liked it so much; it was all romantic and soft and stuff, just like her.

“What did you think?” she asked when it was over.

Again, not my jam, but I smiled and laid my palm on her cheek, which musta made her happy because she closed her eyes and leaned into my touch.

“You know, we’re basically living those lyrics.”

At my words, her eyes flew open and met mine, glimmering with something I couldn’t name.

“ Kerry .”

I stared into her eyes and forgot how to breathe. When I finally had to suck in air, I felt like I was waking up from a dream. Going by the dazed look on her face, she felt the same way.

That’s when I realized something.

She owned me.

She owned me now as surely as the demon had. Difference was, the demon had stolen my soul. Gemma had freed my heart...

My thoughts ground to a painful halt.

What’s wrong with you? She isn’t your girl. Never will be.

Even if she was my one and only, I knew I wasn’t hers. Having her in my life was temporary. An accident. A dream. She was light and beauty, happiness and comfort, peace and the feeling of home. Why she bothered with a piece of scarred-up demon taint like me was a mystery I knew I’d never solve.

We’d try this more-than-friends thing, though, and I’d drown in her kindness for as long as she gave it to me. That way, when she broke my heart by walking away, memories of moments like this would give me something to live on for the rest of my life.

#

After school, I asked her to come down to my place. She was shocked when I told her I had a surprise for her, and I hid a grin.

I have to remember to give her little gifts once in a while.

I opened my front door and ushered her inside with a hand on her back. Then I left her on the couch while I fetched the garden drawing from my bedroom. I wasn’t too sure about the yellow wrapping paper Hank had helped me with, but it was too late now.

When I handed it to her, she looked confused.

“What’s this? It’s not my birthday.”

“When is your birthday? You’ll be eighteen, right?”

“December fourteenth, and yes. When’s your birthday?”

“April thirtieth. I’ll be twenty,” I admitted.

“So, why did you get me a present?” She tilted her head to the side.

“Started out as a way to give you all the apologies I owe you, but a friend can give a friend a gift, right?” I smiled at her. “That’s what you told me.”

“Yes, I did.”

Once she unwrapped it, she stared at the framed drawing with wide eyes. She didn’t say anything, and my shoulders got tighter and tighter.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea . Shuffling my feet, I ran my hand through my hair.

She looked up at me, tears dripping, and I felt like an idiot.

Wait! Jax said she’d cry because she liked it .

“You drew this?” she whispered. “For me?”

“Well, yeah .”

I dug a handkerchief outta my pocket, glad I’d started carrying them for her, and dropped to one knee next to her.

“It’s incredible!” She took the hanky when I held it out. “I will treasure it all my life. Thank you, Kerry. Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome.”

What I saw in her eyes made my stomach flip-flop.

It suddenly didn’t matter that I was only sticking around here until I had a lead on my mother’s killer. That I had no future to offer her. That she was far, far too good for me.

Nope, all I could think was, I’ll do anything to make her look at me like that again.

As if I mattered.

As if she cared about me as much as I cared about her.

As if she really was my girl.