Page 10

Kerry

The week passed pretty quick. Each day I kept close to Gemma and Gigi during first period and made it to the end of class. Then I trotted back home and passed out, worn to the bone. It challenged me, but I was waking up each day with more energy and interest. Maybe soon, I could try second period.

Noah Farley still tried to push me with muttered comments to his pal, but was low-key enough that I could mostly ignore him. And, to be honest, Gemma kept me calm. She didn’t even have to do anything. Just sitting next to her and smelling her goodness and listening to her quiet voice soothed me.

It soothed me—and no one would ever know how much that freaked me out.

On Thursday, I found her and Gigi standing outside the classroom. When I asked what was going on, they smiled and said they were waiting for me.

And the taint grated into my ribs.

Who had ever waited for me? I rubbed my chest with the heel of my hand. Looked forward to seeing me? Welcomed me?

Unless I had something they wanted, most everyone from my old world groaned or ran when they saw me coming, but Gemma and Gigi accepted me so quick, it shook me. Yeah, they were still too much most days, but I wasn’t gonna turn away from them.

I was tainted, not dumb.

#

By Saturday evening, I was stable enough for Hank to try cutting my hair again.

As I sat on a chair in the kitchen with a towel around my neck, I asked a question that had been on my mind for a while.

“Warden, how’d you end up stuck with me, anyway?”

“I didn’t get stuck with you. I asked for you. After the Council finally remembered you needed a warden.”

“Why’d you do something stupid like that? You coulda gotten someone sweet, like Gemma.” My stress level, already high from him being so close, ratcheted up. “Did you pity me?”

“Hold still, kiddo. I don’t want to snip off your ear. No, I didn’t request you out of pity. The other available wardens were not suitable for you. I knew I would be a better fit. And I wanted a challenge.”

“What do you mean, not suitable for me? Why are you so much better?”

“When I was young like you, I was on fire to fight evil. But after nearly two centuries on the battlefield, I found myself traveling down a grayer and grayer path. Surely it was more important to banish a demon prince than rescue two of my team. And if sacrificing the lives of humans meant I could foil one of the Fallen’s long-term projects, then so be it. As it became easier and easier to make those kinds of decisions, I started to lose sense of right and wrong.”

“So who saved you?” Looking up at him, I caught the surprise on his face. “Oh, come on. I’ve seen enough to know that no one changes without a reason, and it’s usually a person. So, who—or what—saved you?”

“Gina Weatherbee.”

“The Angelic languages teacher?” I smiled a little. “She’s your woman?”

When I heard him choke a little, I knew I was right, although I wondered what my hair was going to look like. Bald spots everywhere for sure.

“Not yet,” he said. “Someday, maybe, she’ll have mercy and say yes.”

“Get back to your story.”

“About four years ago, I concluded I would do better to forge weapons than to be one. I applied to be a warden and settled here at the Sanctuary. When your case came up, I grabbed it before anyone else could.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re better for me.”

“As we just discussed, morals can become tarnished when you start thinking the outcome is more important than the methods used to achieve it. Not all wardens have students’ best interests at heart. There are some whose sole aim is to make the fiercest fighters possible. Others are like spiders. They sit at the heart of their web and let their wards win them glory, prestige, information, or contacts. And there are one or two for whom you would have been an experiment. A subject to study and little more.”

I was grateful I hadn’t been put into that cage, but it made me wonder what Hank’s motive was. I had to remember not to get too attached to him until he proved he was on my side.

Then another thought hit me.

“But you are stronger than me, aren’t you? You can control me if I lose it, right?”

“Hardly.”

“Are you kidding me?! I’ve been trusting that you could! What if something happens? What if I hurt you? I could kill you, idiot! Don’t you care at all?”

“If you kill me, I won’t care about anything, will I? Stop worrying. Everything is going to be fine.”

“You put way too much faith in me.” I scowled as I watched more and more hair coat the floor.

“And you don’t put nearly enough in yourself.”

“Warden, you’re leaving some on my head, right?”

“Of course. It’ll look great when I’m done. Gemma’s eyes will pop out when she sees you tomorrow.”

“ What?! ”

“It means she’ll think you look nice. Good. Handsome.”

“I know what it means.” I stared hard at the wall.

“Well, you said you think she’s sweet. Made me think you had your eye on her.”

“Warden, you’re insane. That girl will never see me as anything more than someone who tried to kill her.”

“Don’t be so sure. Her warden told me he made a comment about you and she set him straight, pointing out you and the demon were not the same individual.”

“Why do people talk about me all the time?”

I kicked the leg of the chair next to me, sending it skittering across the kitchen and crashing into the wall.

“Kerry, you need to either get used to it or learn to ignore it. You are an anomaly among our kind and that intrigues others, especially the older ones. I can find no record of a high-level warrior—or of anyone—possessed for a decade who was able to survive the exorcism, although I do admit our libraries here are not exhaustive. Members of the council will always want to study you, but I’ve kept them at bay for now. Eventually, however, you’ll need to face the issue yourself.”

“Use smaller words,” I ground out. “I’m too slow to know all those big ones.”

“You are not slow. You are uneducated.”

“What’s the difference? I still sound like a baby.”

“You are highly intelligent. You have learned to compensate for your lack of knowledge with hundreds of tricks and techniques, and your vocabulary will improve as you take in more of the world.”

“I understood almost all of that. What is compensate?”

As he explained, he put the scissors on the table and ran a comb through my hair.

“Okay, I’m finished. You may want a shower. The towel only caught some of it. You’ll be itchy later if you don’t wash it off.”

I stood and shook the towel, sending an avalanche of hair to join the piles on the floor.

“I think there’s enough to make a wig.”

“You told a joke!” He grinned.

“Yeah?” I snorted. “Wasn’t a good one, though, was it?”

“Small steps, kiddo. Life is all about moving forward one step at a time. It doesn’t matter if they are big steps or small ones, so long as we keep moving on. Sometimes, we have to stop and stand still when we’re hurt or making a decision, but if we don’t get moving again, if we give up and stay rooted in place, the enemy scores a victory.”

“Does it really matter?” I dropped my eyes to the floor as bitterness welled up in my throat. “Does it really matter if the bad guy wins sometimes?”

“You know the answer to that better than anyone. You lived through the consequences of evil winning.” He wasn’t done lecturing apparently. “Find one reason to fuel you and let it move you forward. As you go, you’ll find a second reason and a third, and soon you’ll have too many to count. The hard part is finding that first reason to get you going.”

“Oh, I got one.” I jerked my eyes up to his as cold rage settled in my bones. “Someday, I’ll find the son of a whore who killed my mom.”

I didn’t need to say what would happen on that day. I could tell he already knew.