Page 18

Kerry

Hours later, I sprawled on the living room floor, hands behind my head, and stared at the ceiling. The only light came from the setting sun and it was quiet. I liked it this way. Nothing to hurt my raw edges and I could relax without disturbing the panic sleeping in my chest.

I liked lying on the floor, too. I could stretch my arms and legs out as far as I wanted while I let my thoughts wander, which they were doing right now.

School wasn’t so bad, I had to admit, so long as she was there.

And if I didn’t lose my temper.

And if nobody touched me.

Gemma said her classes were more interesting after lunch. She liked her power focus class and thought mission skills and evil recognition would help her a lot. I thought so, too. She wouldn’t be much use on a mission if she couldn’t tell a goblin from a gremlin.

The only class she didn’t really like was poli-dip. When I asked her what it was, she said it was politics and diplomacy. She’d hoped it would help her understand more about our world, but it had turned out to be pretty boring, and she didn’t like the teacher. I asked her why not, and she said the woman’s attitude was annoying, but wouldn’t go into details.

Hmm. If I can figure something out about lunch, maybe I could make it through the rest of the day with her.

Yeah, I was getting better at tuning out all the staring and the comments, but I couldn’t eat in that cafeteria. Not yet, anyway. Maybe I could come here for lunch, then go back to school for the afternoon classes.

I’d have to ask Gemma where her classroom was so I could find it. Warden had walked me to Angelic languages that first day, and I’d followed her around after that. I didn’t think she would like me running around campus and calling her name until I found her.

I smiled as I imagined her embarrassed face, then a knock at the door made me jump.

After he moved out, Warden had checked on me all the time at first. Now, he only stopped in at breakfast, lunch, and bedtime unless I asked him to or went looking for him.

I tensed as I sat up. I didn’t like this change in the routine.

Was something wrong? Or, worse, were those three jerks here to torment me again? As much as I wanted to hurt Argaud, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop with a beating, promise or not.

I shook with stress as I looked through the peephole, but it was only Jax. Blowing out a deep breath, I clunked my forehead on the door.

“Kerry? You in there?”

“Yeah.”

I unlocked the door and started to open it, then realized I didn’t have a shirt on. Pissed at myself, I opened it just far enough to stick my head around.

“You need a phone,” he said. “We’ll get you one right now. Put your shoes on.”

I looked down and, sure enough, one big toe poked out around the door.

“Are you naked?” He tilted his head to one side. “What? No!”

“Then let me in and I’ll explain while you’re putting on shoes.”

I was getting used to Jax. He smelled of honesty and cheerfulness, and treated me like I was a normal dude. But I didn’t want him to see my back. Nobody needed to see that. I took another second, then made a decision.

“All right, but you gotta promise to close your eyes until I tell you to open them.”

“So you are naked!”

“No, I am not! I have pants on.”

“Wait, do you have a naked girl in there?”

“Of course not!” My temper sparked. “There are no naked people in here! Don’t say naked anymore!”

Jax burst into laughter, and red started to fill my vision.

“Are you laughing at me?”

Something musta warned him that he was on dangerous ground. He stopped laughing, anyway.

“I’m joking with you,” he said in that tone I hated. “You know, just playing. Messing with you. Having fun. We’re bonding!”

This guy was crazy.

Well, that’s about the only kind of person who’d wanna hang out with me .

“I’ll have to work at joking.” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“No problem. Anyway, I promise. About keeping my eyes closed.”

“Close them now.”

“I’ll trip over the threshold.”

“Gah! Okay!” I pulled the door open, still hiding behind it, and he came in and closed his eyes. “Stay there. I’m gonna close this door, then go to my room for a shirt. And keep your promise!”

He threw up his hands and stood there with his eyes shut, so I bolted.

“Okay,” I yelled from my room. “You can open your eyes now.”

“Can I raid the fridge?”

“I don’t care.”

“Thanks!”

I heard him rummaging around in the kitchen and, figuring it was safe, I stripped off my pants and reached for my favorite jeans and a black t-shirt.

Wait. What’s Jax wearing?

A white shirt, a gray sweater, and a pair of pants that I thought might be called khakis. Sorta dressy clothes.

“What should I wear?” I called.

“What kind of shoes do you have?” he hollered back.

“I mean clothes-wise.”

“I have to know what shoes first. If you mess up the shoes, you’ve messed up the whole look.”

Good to know .

Two weeks ago, Hank had brought in a few big bags of clothes and shoes, but I hadn’t paid any attention to them. Now, I grabbed one and dumped it on the bed. I looked around until I found all of the shoes.

“I have the hiking boots and and a pair of running shoes—”

“What color?” he interrupted.

“Huh? Ah, gray with dark blue. And there’s a pair of flip-flops. They have plaid straps. And a pair of, um, maybe they’re called dock shoes? In black.”

“You mean loafers?” His voice was right outside the door, and I panicked.

“Don’t come in!”

“Oh, come on. I can throw an outfit together quicker if I can see what you have. It’ll take forever this way.”

I wanted to punch something. Then I saw my pajama shirt. I threw it on and buttoned it, knowing it was crooked and not caring. It covered what I wanted it to. I looked down, but my legs weren’t too bad. Nothing near like my back. So I took a deep breath and opened the door.

He stood there with a huge sandwich in one hand, roast beef and cheese slopping over the edges of the bread. Chewing as he came into the room, his eyes widened when he saw the pile of clothes and shoes on the bed.

“Nice! It’s like Christmas!”

Using the hand not holding his sandwich, he flicked through the pile and tossed me a pair of dark blue jeans and a red button-up shirt with tiny white flowers. I was suspicious about the shirt—I mean, flowers? —but shrugged and went with it.

“Dude, your warden has some serious good taste!” He took another bite of his sandwich and shoved the wad into his cheek so he could keep talking. “You have to get him to talk to my warden!”

I liked jeans and t-shirts myself, but whatever. Gathering up the clothes, I headed to the bathroom and put them on. Everything fit pretty good.

“Hey, Jax. Shirt in or out?”

“In! In!”

I finished up and went back to the bedroom and tossed my pajama shirt on the bed. Jax had eaten his sandwich and was sorting things into piles.

“So this will get you through a few weeks. I ran out of shoes and belts to do any more sets. Just match your shoes to your belt for those. Here, put these on.”

He handed over a black belt, socks that looked way too little, and the black loafers with white laces.

I held the socks up and frowned.

“They’re no-shows.” He nodded. “They’ll fit, trust me.”

Doubtful, I sat on the bed, put them on and slid into the shoes. I stood and wiggled my feet, feeling weird with my ankles showing, but I could live with it.

“Good,” he said. “Ah, about your hair — ”

I went back to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My hair was a messy mop of long bangs, just like always. At least it was clean. Did it need to be cut again? I grabbed the comb and wet it, intending to flatten it down like I vaguely remembered Mom doing, but Jax caught my wrist.

“Don’t touch me.” I yanked my hand away. Trying to stay calm, I backed up until my legs banged into the side of the bathtub. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Sit down on the toilet.” He held out his hand, and I dropped the comb in it.

“You’re too bossy!” I grouched.

“You’re too tall. I can’t reach. Sit down.”

“I’ve gone along with everything you wanted so far! I don’t even know why! You’re pushing me!”

“Take some deep breaths.”

“Don’t tell me what to do all the time!” My temper flared.

“I’m not challenging you. Clothes interest me. Seeing all your new stuff and making up outfits was fun. I forgot we don’t know each other very well yet. I’m sorry you feel threatened.”

I scowled, but sat down on the side of the tub.

“I ain’t sitting on the toilet while you’re in here with me.”

“It will work like this, too,” he grinned.

“Don’t go crazy.”

“Of course not! I’m just going to add a little order to the chaos.”

#

We finally left the cottage, and Jax led me away from the school. I didn’t think my hair looked all that different from how I had it, but he was satisfied, so I didn’t say what I was thinking.

“We have to hurry if you want to see Gemma.” He hustled me down the sidewalk.

“Gemma?” My ears perked up. “You didn’t say anything about her . You just said something about a phone.”

“She works at the school store for a few hours in the evenings. Gigi, too. You can get a phone at the store before it closes, then we’ll walk the girls home.”

“Why?” I noticed he was almost trotting to keep up with me and slowed down a bit.

“I need to make sure Gigi’s safe. Gemma, too, now that Argaud’s made her his target. So I walk them home in the evenings.”

“Uh-oh. I forgot my wallet.” I started to turn around, but he stopped me.

“The school has a phone and service for every student. It doesn’t cost you anything. Laptops are available, too, but I saw you had one already.”

“Warden brought it to me. Wanted me to catch up with the world, but I dunno how to use it. He didn’t say anything about a phone.”

“Would you have been interested to hear about it before now?”

He was right, so I shrugged.

It only took a few more minutes to reach a blue-gray building with big glass windows.

“Is that graffiti marking territory or sending a message?” I tilted my head at the black lines spray-painted on the wall by the front doors.

“Firsts First spreading their poison.” His face tightened and orange backlit his eyes, which surprised me. I hadn’t seen him angry before. “It’s a hate group that started on campus maybe three years ago now.”

“Who do they hate?”

“Anyone who’s not a First. They better not be harassing Gigi again.”

“Why would they?”

“She’s a Third, and they don’t like Firsts dating anyone but other Firsts.”

Since it bothered him so much, I filled my fingertips with power and scrubbed the mark off. And some of the building’s paint. A little of the cinder block, too.

Oops.

We went inside and my eyes darted everywhere. This was the first time I’d gone somewhere other than school without Hank and I was nervous.

“I’m gonna screw up,” I muttered. “I know it.”

“No, you won’t. Just follow my lead. And put your shoulders back and keep your head up so you at least look confident.”

The store seemed empty as we walked through it, but I saw Gigi standing behind a counter. Jax steered us that way.

“Well, aren’t you a fine pair of fellas?” She tossed her curls over her shoulder.

“Thank you, my dear.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her, which made her laugh.

“You look handsome, too, Kerry.”

Panicking, I copied Jax.

“Thank you, my dear.” I didn’t wiggle my eyebrows, though. That woulda been creepy.

Gigi laughed and Jax’s mouth dropped open, but I lost interest in them and looked around.

“Where is she?”

“Who?” Gigi asked.

“Gemma, of course.”

“In the back corner tidying up.”

Jax leaned an elbow on the counter and told Gigi what we were there for, but I looked over the tops of the shelves. It only took me a second to see a pile of red hair bobbing around. Hands in my pockets, I took off in that direction.

By the time I got there, she was sitting on the floor and humming. I hadn’t heard her sing or hum since I’d started coming to school. This song sounded old and sad, which made me wonder if she was feeling sad. Maybe she was still upset from earlier.

She was arranging some books on the bottom shelf, and I didn’t want to startle her, but I didn’t know how not to.

“Hey.” Even though I spoke softly, she still spun around and knocked her head on the shelf above her. I winced. “I’m sorry! I tried to talk quietly. I knew you’d do that if I snuck up on you.”

I didn’t know what else to say as she sat there and looked me up and down. I shuffled my feet, then took a step back. And another. I was about to turn and run for it when she stood and started talking.

“It’s okay, Kerry. I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Are you going somewhere? You’re all dressed up.” “Huh? I’m where I’m going. This is where we came. Me and Jax.” I waved my hand from my chest down. “And he did this to me.”

“Oh! That makes sense. Jax loves clothes.” She took a step closer, tilted her head up, and met my eyes. “You look nice.”

“Thanks.” I looked away. Her eyes did funny things to my insides. “Are you doing okay? You know, since this morning? You feeling better?”

“Talking with the counselor helped, and I haven’t had to walk alone. Someone’s been with me all day.”

I nodded, glad to hear it.

Over her shoulder, I saw some art supplies and my gaze dropped to a hardcover sketchbook with a pack of drawing pencils and erasers strapped to the front. I reached past her and grabbed.

I fanned through it, giving it the once-over. It was the nice kind, with thicker paper that wasn’t exactly smooth and a black wire spiral binding. Not too big, not too little. The pencils and erasers were good quality, too. Everything an artist could ask for.

“Man, I haven’t drawn anything in forever.” The good side of my mouth picked up. I didn’t count the sketches I’d done on notebook paper to practice what I wanted to do to Argaud.

I shoulda went back and got my wallet. Ah, well. Next time.

“You’re an artist?” she asked.

“I like to draw.” I slotted it back in the holder, then looked down at her. “Dunno if that makes me an artist.”

“Then I want you to get that sketchbook.”

“It’s a good set-up. I didn’t bring any money because Jax said I didn’t need it. I’ll get it next time.”

“No.” She was getting worked up over something. “I want you to have it now. Get it and bring it to the register.”

“Listen,” I was getting prickly, “I can’t take too much more bossing. Jax and his pushy self wore me out before we even left home.”

“Fine!” She grabbed the sketchbook. “ I’ll get it for you!”

“No! I don’t wanna owe you anything more!”

She seemed to not hear me, but I thought she was doing it on purpose. My voice had been plenty loud. Frowning, I followed her to the front of the store, where Jax and Gigi were giggling.

“Gigi, put this on Kerry’s account.” She whirled to face me, and I was surprised steam didn’t lift off her pink skin. “Every student has an account at the school store. Money is put in it each month for you to spend on supplies.”

“Are you okay?” I ignored her words. I was too distracted by what her skin was doing. “Your face is red. You look like — ”

“A tomato,” Jax and Gigi said at the same time.

At their words, the red spread over her whole face.

“It’s getting even redder.” My eyebrows flew up. “I mean, seriously red. Whoa! Now it’s spreading down your throat. You look like you’re on fire!”

I half-thought I should do something, but Jax and Gigi only stood there with snarky grins, so maybe I was getting concerned about nothing.

Then Gemma made a frustrated noise that probably should have warned me.

“Stop teasing me!” She balled up her little fist and punched me in the bicep, and I yelped in surprise.

“What was that for?” Something inside my chest burned. “I didn’t do anything wrong! I didn’t kill Jax once today, even though I wanted to three times ! I’ve been coming to school like you told me to and keeping my promise. Plus, I didn’t hurt your feelings at all today. Not one time. Now, when I’m worried about you, you hit me?”

The fire in my chest was growing. Something was wrong, and that wasn’t good. I knew from experience I would get angry any second now, then someone would get hurt.

And I didn’t wanna hurt anyone.

“I am so very sorry, Kerry,” she whispered. “Please forgive me. I’ll never do it again.”

I almost couldn’t hear her over the blood pounding in my ears, but the pain inside my chest eased a little at her apology, at least enough for me to think.

Don’t lose it. You’ll hurt her. And you swore you would never hurt her again, remember?

I took a long, deep breath and let it out slow and easy, like Hank had been teaching me, and it almost worked. I grabbed the panic by its tail and tried to hold it, but then a riot of voices burst through the door at my back.

And the world went red.