Page 28

Gemma

I woke up to knocking. Disoriented and weary, I looked at my alarm clock.

Argh! How could I have slept so late on a school morning?

I tried to catapult out of bed, but my limbs weren’t cooperating very well, and I flailed around like a snail stuck in honey.

“Gemma? Are you okay?” Gigi called through the door.

“Ah, maybe?”

“Are you exhausted? If you are, you should sleep. Jax can ride herd on Kerry. Besides, it’s Friday. None of the teachers are too strict on a Friday.”

“I am tired. I think you’re right.”

I turned my head and saw Sir Martin. Goosebumps broke out on my skin as I remembered how Kerry had thought to give me my bear last night.

“Call me when you’re vertical again.” Gigi laughed. “Oh, and when you really wake up, look on your desk. Kerry left you a little surprise.”

“Thanks, Gigi.”

I was already halfway back to sleep when the rest of what she said sank into my brain. Curious, I pushed away the covers. It took a lot more effort than it should have to drag myself over to the desk, but it was well worth it when I spotted an exquisite sketch of a burning candle, its globe of light holding back the shadows surrounding it. The writing along the bottom was Gigi’s, but somehow I knew the words were Kerry’s.

“Use your power to light up the darkness.”

I stood there and held the small card, utterly touched by the gesture. He meant so much to me, even though I knew he only tolerated me. Still, he had to care a little, didn’t he? He’d drawn this for me and he’d stayed with me until I had fallen asleep last night.

Sniffing a little, I dropped back onto the bed, laid the little drawing on the pillow beside me, and fell asleep staring at it.

#

Kerry

“Where’s Gemma?” I demanded as soon as I got to Angelic languages and saw only two girls—and neither was the one I wanted.

“She’s pretty tuckered out,” Gigi said, “so I suggested she take the day off.”

She raised an eyebrow as we stood there, and I had the feeling I was supposed to be doing something.

Or else I was doing something wrong.

“She’ll be fine.” She smiled. “Only rest can help when you’re drained.”

“Should we get someone to check on her? Her warden?”

“And what could anyone do?” She glared up at me. “She has more healing power in her big toe than any warden on this campus. If she’s that drained, no one here can help her. And may we please go into the classroom now?”

Looking around, I realized I’d cornered them against the wall. Running a hand through my hair and flushed with embarrassment, I took a few steps back.

“Sorry.”

I waved them ahead of me and followed, then dropped into my usual seat. Sighing with frustration, I clunked my forehead on the desk and wrapped my arms around my head.

“I shoulda tried harder to stop her,” I groaned, “but I was afraid I’d get mad and that wouldn’t have ended well, so I just gave in.”

“She’s hard to argue against.” Gigi sounded like she was smiling. “Kerry, I know you’re worried. It’s a natural reaction. But she’ll be fine. We’ll check on her at lunch if we don’t hear from her by then.”

“Good idea.” I pushed myself up into a slouch. “But I dunno if I can do this without her.”

“Do what? Sit through classes?” Chessie pulled out her notebook and a pencil. “Well, it’s a good time to find out, isn’t it?”

“I’m not so sure.”

“We’re here for first period.” Gigi looked at me with raised eyebrows. “And you have Jax in Fight Club. Hmm, what’s her third period? Math? Well, that could get iffy if Reilly Argaud’s there. But then it’s lunchtime and Jax for power focus. What does she have sixth period? Evil recognition?”

“Yeah. John Morgen’s in there. What about last period? Mission skills? I haven’t made it there yet.”

“Back to us again. Me and Chessie. See, you have an ally in almost every class. Just ditch math.”

“It would be good for you to try this,” Chessie chimed in. “Besides, it would make Gemma feel bad to know you ditched because she wasn’t here.”

“I don’t need her to hold my hand all the time!” The muscles in my shoulders bunched up.

“We know that.” Her matter-of-fact tone helped me calm down a little.

“Kerry, did you know Gemma thinks you don’t like her?” Gigi tilted her head to one side.

“ What?! ”

“She said you told her that you don’t like her.” “I never said I didn’t like her!”

I jumped up, my chair tipping onto the floor with a crash. I clenched my fists so tightly, my knuckles turned white.

And the room around us fell silent as everyone waited to see if this was the moment I finally lost it.

“Maybe you said something she misunderstood,” Gigi continued, ignoring my temper.

Dangerous. It was dangerous for her to do that. Later, once I calmed down, I’d explain it to her. Or talk with Jax and get him to.

“She takes things the wrong way sometimes. I know you apologized for what happened when y’all went hiking the first time, but can you think of something else you may have said that she misinterpreted?”

My first reaction was denial. I’d lost my temper plenty of times around her, but I’d never said anything about … not … liking … her …

“Hmm.”

“What did you do, Kerry?” Her eyes grew fierce.

“What I said didn’t mean I don’t like her.” I shook out my hands before picking up the chair and sitting down again. “Um, what should I do?”

“Hey, I have a shocking idea! You could try talking to her! You could explain what you did mean.”

I made a face at her, and she grinned at me.

Ms. Weatherbee came in then and class started. I kinda listened, since she was introducing a new sigillum, but most of my brain was taken up with Gemma thinking I didn’t like her.

The girls were right. I was going to have to talk with her. I just didn’t see how that conversation could end well.

At least, not for me.

#

I cut math class like Gigi suggested, not wanting to push my luck or my temper, and hung out by the cafeteria. I stretched out on top of a picnic table and enjoyed the sun until I noticed that stupid Firsts First symbol spray-painted on a nearby wall. I got up and took care of that, then went back to my nap. When Jax and Gigi found me at lunchtime, they kidded me about looking like a giant cat lying in the sun, but I just shrugged. It was comfortable.

They went in and got their trays, and Jax picked one up for me. As we ate outside, Gigi kept her promise and called Gemma, and I was relieved to hear how much stronger she sounded.

I managed to make it through the rest of the day, too stressed about what was coming to get stirred up by anything else. The minute last period was over, I called Gemma, and she agreed to go for a walk. I went over to her dorm and waited until she came out. She looked happy, but the skin under her eyes was still too tight.

I couldn’t speak at first, and we walked along in silence. I didn’t have words for this stuff. Taking a deep breath, I came to a stop with my hands in my hoodie pocket and my face turned toward the forest.

“You don’t sing anymore.” I winced when I heard how harsh my voice came out, but I was struggling with some powerful emotions.

“What?”

“Why don’t you sing anymore?”

“Oh, um, I don’t know. What does it matter?”

“I asked because I wanna know.”

“I don’t want to, I guess.”

When she swung away, her long braid whipped out and whacked me in the chest. She grabbed it, pulled it over her shoulder, and wrapped her arms around herself to trap it there.

“I’m sorry! I forget how long it is.” Her face was on fire.

“You remember everything, don’t you?” I knew I did. “Every ugly word I said. Is that why you’ve been scraping your hair back all this time, too? You haven’t worn it down since then. Not one time.”

“Like I said, what does it matter?” She kept her eyes on the ground.

I whipped my hands out and gripped her shoulders and jerked her closer, but I musta been a little too rough. She had to brace her hands on my chest to keep from stumbling.

Slow your roll. Gently! Go gently.

“Look at me.” I knew my eyes were too savage, but I needed to see her face. “Your hair is amazing. It was the first thing I noticed about you. And you’re not a screech owl. Every day, the only reason I crawled outta bed was to hear your voice. Your life isn’t pathetic. You’re not dumb or stupid. You’re not an idiot.”

“But you don’t like me.” Her eyes were huge and she shook her head.

“Do you honestly believe that? I was talking about myself, angel. How could someone so destroyed care for a girl like you?” A sweet, kind, precious girl. My hands slowly slid up and down her arms. “And I hated being useless while you were staring down those three boys. I said things I didn’t mean because I was upset.”

She searched my eyes and I couldn’t help myself. I had to touch her skin. As carefully as I could, I framed her face with my palms.

Her bones are so thin and small, and her skin is like silk. Don’t bruise her.

“If something had happened to you because of me—” I had to swallow hard. “If I would’ve had to watch them hurt you, I would’ve lost my mind. And if I hadn’t been locked up, I would have killed them. Do you understand? I would have killed them.”

A shiver ran through her, and I lowered my forehead to hers. Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply.

“Listen, I wanna know when I’ve hurt you or when you think I’m being mean so I can check myself or explain. Just straight up tell me, okay? I don’t want you to have the wrong idea for so long ever again.”

“What wrong idea?”

“Thinking I don’t like you.” I dropped my hands and took a step back. “I do like you. A lot. And don’t worry. I understand you’ll wake up one day and wonder why you wasted so much time with me. But, until then, I wanna enjoy being with you. Being your friend.”

Friend is such a weak word. Not even close to what she is to me. But I know that’s all I am to her.

“What are you talking about?” She still had her hands on my chest. “What makes you think I’d ever want to walk away from you?”

“I know what I am and what I’m not, angel.” The bad side of my mouth curled down. “And I’m not a lot of things, beginning with stable and ending with good. I can’t change the past. I’m always gonna have blood on my hands. And I’m never gonna be a normal guy, no matter how long I work at it or how much I want it.”

“It will get better, Kerry.” There was that tone again, and I gritted my teeth. “The important thing is to just keep trying. Right? ‘Fall down seven times, stand up eight.’ My uncle Paul has that painted on one wall of his dojo. You don’t fail until you stop getting up after you fall.”

Her small fingers wrapped around one of my clenched fists, and I made my hand relax.

“I’m not even close to perfect, either. I have as many faults as anyone.” I listened in disbelief as she listed her ‘faults’. “I blush over the stupidest things and cry too much and take things the wrong way. I stay in the background because I don’t like too much attention on me. I’m stubborn and — ”

I couldn’t take it anymore and covered her mouth with my free hand. We stared at each other until I moved my palm away to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. When my fingers strayed to her neck, she shivered.

“Sorry.” I jerked my hand away. Of course she wouldn’t want something like me touching her like that. “Come on. I’ll walk you back to your dorm.”

I turned, but she tugged on my hand and waited until I met her gaze.

Then she said something truly unforgivable.

“I like you, too, Kerry.”