Page 22

Kerry

When I got to school the next morning, I found three girls waiting in the hall. Just like always, I waved and they smiled at me. After we were in our seats, I forced myself to look at Gemma.

“Sorry I had to skip out yesterday.”

“I understood.” She smiled. “John was upset when I explained what you thought he’d meant. He wanted to go after you and apologize, but I convinced him it was a bad idea.”

My stupid brain began flashing images of exactly what would have happened if Morgen had followed me home. I dropped my head into my hands.

“Kerry? Are you okay?”

I lifted my head and looked at her, and she flinched as she met my eyes.

Good. Let her see exactly what I am. Let her run screaming. Better now than later. Better I scare her away before — What? Before what?

I squeezed my eyes closed as I called myself the worst names, all of which I knew I deserved and more.

Don’t go there. Don’t you dare.

“Kerry? What’s wrong?” Now she sounded upset.

“Don’t get worked up, angel.” I opened my eyes. “You are such a crybaby!”

“But you looked — ”

“Devastated,” Chessie filled in.

“What were you thinking about?” Gigi wanted to know.

“Something dumb.” I straightened up in my seat and flattened my hands on the desk. “Sorry. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”

“Well, we do worry about you, whether you say you’re fine or not, because you’re mostly not and we know it,” Gigi said. “So let us be there for you. That’s what friends do.”

Gemma didn’t say anything, but her fingers inched next to my hand. She was careful not to touch, even though I could see in her face she wanted to. Too bad I couldn’t even try while I was this nervy.

Well , maybe I can. She gives and gives and asks for nothing in return.

I inched my pinkie finger over until the tip of it touched hers, and her eyes flashed to mine. Encouraged, I wrapped my little finger around hers and squeezed, careful to be gentle.

What I saw in her eyes made my chest get tight.

She knows.

She knows what it means.

Gigi cleared her throat and looked at me with raised eyebrows, like she expected something.

“Forget it, Tennessee. You can get your hugs from Jax.”

She stuck her tongue out at me, and I made an ugly face back.

“We understand, don’t we, Chess?” Gigi wore a smug smile. “You like Gemma more than us. You don’t have to hide it.”

My face burning, I crossed my arms over my chest and was never so grateful for a teacher starting class as I was right then.

As Ms. Weatherbee lectured, I risked a glance at Gemma. The girl was smiling, her eyes far away, and I wondered if she’d even heard Gigi’s comment.

Probably not . If she had, she wouldn’t look like that . She’d look closer to horrified.

Wouldn’t she?

#

Morgen stood outside the boys’ locker room door and watched me as we walked up. Gemma’s eyes bounced from his face to mine, but as long as he didn’t push me, she had nothing to worry about.

“Go change, Gemma,” I leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I’ll meet you back here with Jax.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s fine.”

She searched my face for a moment, said hello to Morgen, and disappeared into her locker room. When she was gone, Morgen pushed away from the wall and dropped his arms.

“We gonna do this out here?” I asked.

“Gemma told me what you thought I meant.” He raised his chin. “I want to explain, so just listen for a minute. I was trying to say it must have been rough to endure what you did, forced to do and watch so much violence for so long. I can’t begin to understand what it was like for you to go through that. I didn’t mean to upset you or anything, and I’m not too proud to say sorry that I did.”

Well, don’t I feel awkward?

“Nah, man, I took it the wrong way.” I rubbed a hand over the back of my neck. “Uh, thanks for listening to Gemma about not following me. I was in a bad place, and I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself. I woulda regretted it later, but you woulda been just as dead. So, um, sorry for that.”

“Now try shaking hands,” another voice joined us.

I dropped into a defensive crouch as Jax suddenly sprang up at my side.

“Sneaking up on me like that is gonna get you killed!” I snarled.

“Stick out your hand and try shaking John’s.” Jax ignored my warning.

“I dunno if this is a good idea.”

“Give it a shot,” he said. “John, do you mind trying this?

“Suppose not.” Morgen shrugged. “What do you want me to do?”

“Hold out your hand and let him put his in yours. Try to hold still, and I think it would be best to not squeeze back.”

Jax was his usual excited-puppy self. I was hyperventilating, and he finally seemed to notice.

“Hmm, maybe we should start smaller.” He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes in thought, then his face brightened. “What about a fist bump?”

“Sure.” Morgen held out a fist and waited.

“Okay, Kerry. Your turn.”

I swallowed hard, but bunched up a hand into a loose fist and raised it. Morgen’s face was as blank as always, so I took a deep breath and knocked my knuckles against his.

“I’m good.” My pulse was fast, but I didn’t feel the usual panic choking me. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Morgen opened the locker room door and held it.

“Hey, Kerry,” Jax said, “what was that all about, anyway?”

“Just a misunderstanding. Nothing to kill anyone over.”

“We’re still on for Argaud’s surprise, right?” Morgen asked as we headed to our lockers.

“Oh, yeah.” I took great pleasure in the thought.

“Don’t get too excited,” Jax warned me. “You made a promise, remember?”

“I know!” I gritted my teeth as I plunked down on the bench. “That promise is the only reason he’s still alive!”

“What are you going to do, anyway? I’ve been curious all this time.” Jax sat next to me and started to take off his loafers.

“Here, I’ll show you.”

I got out my notebook and a black pen. Morgen came over, sat on my other side, and started swapping his shoes, too. After a few minutes, I ripped the page out, whispered directions to it, and laid it flat on the bench.

“Kerry, you have serious talent.” Morgen raised his eyebrows at my sketch of a beagle.

“I’m only gonna give it a hint of power, since it’s just to show you.” I ignored the compliment. So I could draw a dog. Whatever. “For Argaud, I’ll give it a lot more. It’ll last for days.”

“You need to add a dark giggle at the end for the full effect,” Jax said.

“Do I look like a guy who knows how to giggle?” I rolled my eyes. “Shut up and watch.”

I touched a finger to the paper, and it started folding itself into a 3D body that was white with blue lines and three inches high like I’d drawn it. The dog shook himself once, then ran over to Jax and attacked his hand.

“You jerk!” Jax flicked it away. “That hurts!”

“Don’t be such a baby.” Morgen grinned.

The beagle ran back and attacked for a few more seconds, then suddenly crumbled into dust.

“Sweet.” Morgen raised his eyebrows at me. “But I assume you have something more dangerous in mind for Argaud than a puppy.”

“Dude!” Jax laughed. “With a smile as dark as that, you don’t need to know how to giggle.”