Page 21

Kerry

The next Monday, I felt stable enough to extend my school day, so I went with Gemma to her power focus class. I was glad I did because I saw a whole other side of her. She tuned out all distractions as if driven to learn as much as she could as fast as she could.

It was a little intimidating, to be honest.

I mean, I could be intense at times, too, but never about school stuff. This was her area of expertise, so it made sense, but it kinda made me jealous. Sure, she worked hard in all of our classes, but she still checked on me during lectures and stuff when we had to be quiet. Now that I didn’t have it, I realized how much of her attention she usually gave me.

Feeling left out, I leaned down and whispered, “Hey,” in her ear.

She didn’t even pause in her note-taking. She just reached up with her free hand and pushed my face away, almost sticking a finger up my nostril.

Well, dang. My mouth stretched into a stupid grin without any permission from me.

For a second, I marveled that I wasn’t mad. In the past, I woulda blown up over her touching me, let alone ignoring me.

Small steps, I reminded myself. And at least I can stare at her all I want and she won’t notice.

Some girls behind us giggled. I looked over my shoulder and saw they were watching us. I shoulda growled and given them a dark glare to send them scurrying for cover, but I let them get away with it. It would upset Gemma if she found out. Plus, she’d told me once that I didn’t need to prove how big and bad I was because she already knew. All these little healers already knew, too; I didn’t need to frighten them when they were no threat.

At the end of class, I decided I’d try evil recognition next. I felt pretty chill, it sounded interesting, and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Gemma yet.

Soon as I walked into the classroom, the teacher, a wrinkled old man named Snyder, motioned me back into the hallway.

How could I be in trouble already?

“We watch video footage, examine photographs and other evidence, and look at live specimens from time to time,” he told me. “If any of it triggers you, I want you to leave the room. Don’t ask. Just go.”

“Thanks.” I shuffled my feet and rubbed the back of my neck with one hand. “As long as I can sit by Gemma, I think I’ll be fine. She … keeps me calm.”

It was hard enough to admit to myself, let alone tell other people.

“Hank told me.” Mr. Snyder put his hands behind his back and rocked on his heels as he looked up at me. “Interesting, no?”

“I guess. Hey, are you the one who has my demon? Hank said a warden named Snyder has it in a pyx.”

“I did, but now it’s locked away in the Council’s high-security vault.”

“Good.”

I didn’t know what else to say and he musta been finished, too, because he ushered me back through the door.

I scanned the room until I spotted red hair. She’d saved the seat between her and John Morgen, and I breathed a sigh of relief. While I didn’t know Morgen all that well, he was one of Jax’s friends, and he’d kept Gemma safe in Fight Club a time or two. I could stand sitting next to him for an hour.

Probably.

Mr. Snyder was starting a unit on Diabolical creatures. We would learn about the most common types first, then rank them according to threat level.

“Please remember that the size of a creature does not equal its abilities or its strength. The smallest imp can do as much damage as a man-sized wight, given enough time and the right circumstances.”

I barked out a laugh before I could stop myself, and he turned to me.

“Yes, Mr. Harker?”

“Sorry.” Under the weight of my classmates’ eyes, I sat ramrod straight. Never show weakness in front of potential enemies. “But you’re dead right. I saw a tiny Hellcat tear up a goblin once.”

“By all means, share the experience with us. My lecture isn’t nearly as important as this.”

“I apologized for interrupting!” I shoved my fists into my pockets rather than into his face. “You don’t have to be a prick about it.”

Several students gasped and Morgen chuckled, but Gemma tugged on my shirt sleeve and reached up to whisper in my ear. I tilted my head down to help her out.

“He’s not being mean. He wants you to tell the story.” She spoke quickly, probably afraid I was on the edge of a meltdown. “Mr. Snyder believes first-hand experiences are the most valuable tools we have. You can take him at his word.”

“I have to apologize again ?”

She nodded, then killed me with her big ole puppy dog eyes. Taking a deep breath, I looked back at Mr. Snyder.

“Sorry again. I … misunderstood you. She says you really do wanna hear the story. So, in places where evil things gather regularly, there are games. Like in old Roman times, you know? Brutal and bloody games. Three or four years ago, a charnel devil set up a series of ’em to celebrate something.” I waved a hand. I wasn’t gonna go into detail about that . “Anyway, in the last one of the night, a pair of goblins fought it out ’til only one was left standing. He shoulda been the winner, but someone threw in a Hellcat.”

The good side of my mouth jerked up. I always got a kick out of seeing underdogs win.

“I thought it was gonna be a slaughter, but either the goblin was already mostly dead or that ’cat was plain lucky. It took three swipes—neck, thigh, and underarm—and goblin blood went everywhere. And let me tell you, that is not something you wanna be splattered with.”

I pushed my left sleeve up past the dragon tat to show Mr. Snyder the three, quarter-sized burn marks on my bicep. They went deep, the skin puckered and tight, but at least they had faded to dark pink over time. I’d planned to get bats inked over them, but never got around to it.

“I can take pain, and I’ve had worse wounds, but goblin blood burns like a motherf — ”

Gemma’s hand clamped over my mouth, which shocked me into silence more than anything. I heard Morgen snicker, but ignored him as I cut my eyes over at her. She shook her head like I was a naughty little boy, and I half expected her to wag her finger at me. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed her wrist as gently as I could and pulled her hand away.

“Thank you for sharing.” Mr. Snyder nodded, then launched into a lecture. “The best research we can do is listen to those who have seen and done what we have not. From Harker’s account, we have a prime example of knowledge gleaned from eyewitness testimony. Goblin physiology shares some traits with human bodies, and their blood is like acid to us.”

He was in full teacher stride, spouting information about goblins, their abilities, and their weaknesses. Every head bent and pencils flew across paper. Gemma scribbled away, too, although Morgen seemed to be doodling more than writing in his notebook.

Can’t they just remember what the man is saying?

With a shrug, I fixed my shirt sleeve, folded myself more comfortably at the desk, and listened. I added one or two facts to my knowledge of goblins, but most of it was stuff I already knew.

At the end of the class, Mr. Snyder was caught up in a discussion with a girl from the front row, so everyone else was talking and packing up. Gemma and Morgen were going on about a football game, and I stood next to her, staring at nothing as I waited for the bell to ring.

I wonder if I could hold out for another period?

Then someone came up on my side. I glanced out of the corner of my eye at a black-haired boy standing at my elbow. He seemed way too young to be in a class full of juniors and seniors.

“What happened to the Hellcat?” he demanded.

“What makes you think I know?”

“You felt bad for the ’cat.” The kid grinned at me, then tapped a finger against his temple a few times. “I can tell.”

“So what?”

“So what did you do with it?”

“Well, I didn’t take it home and keep it. I fished it out of the pit and banished it.”

His hand shot out like a snake and grabbed my arm. With a hiss, I tore away from his hold and drew back one fist, ready to knock the idiot out.

“Kyo?” Gemma was between us in a flash, and I lowered my arm. “What’s going on?”

“I wanted to see his hands.”

“Then ask him to hold them out. You can do that, can’t you, Kerry?”

I scowled, but she smiled and blinked those big eyes up at me. I was beginning to suspect I’d agree to almost anything when she did that.

“I guess.” I spread my hands out for the kid—Kyo—to see whatever it was he wanted to see.

I would be the first to admit they weren’t pretty hands. Like the rest of me, they carried the scars of my life from the past decade. After my back, my hands showed the worst of it.

“That scar on your wrist was made by the Hellcat.” Kyo nodded. “It clawed you when you pulled it out of the pit, didn’t it?”

“What kind of animal doesn’t panic when it’s hurt?” I wondered what the kid found so fascinating about this.

“How did you control the demon long enough to do that?” Morgen joined the interrogation. “Man, I can’t even imagine the things you saw and did.”

“It wasn’t like I had a choice.” My voice dropped as a rumble built in my chest.

As a red mist blurred my vision, I felt more than saw Gemma move closer to me. She tugged on my shirt sleeve and, because it was her, I could force myself to bend down.

“It’s okay.” She almost hummed the words. “Please don’t hurt anyone. He didn’t mean it like that. Calm down. Please, please , calm down.”

As she spoke, I turned my face toward her throat to pull in Gemma-scented air. Feeling a little less savage, I tried to answer Morgen’s question.

“After filling up on violence, the demon would go to sleep, I guess you could say.” I was careful to keep my voice slow and even. “After the last fight of the night, I was back in control. I started to run from that godforsaken hole, but I couldn’t stand to hear the ’cat yowling as it fried in goblin blood. So, I reached down, grabbed it by the scruff, and banished it quick and clean. Then I took off.”

Kyo and Morgen were both looking up at me with strange expressions. I didn’t even try to figure them out.

Make a run for it! Get outta here!

I glanced at Gemma, and she gave me a little nod, as if understanding my control was garbage.

So, no, I didn’t make it to mission skills, and I didn’t open the door when Jax came to pick me up that evening. I hollered I wasn’t safe enough to trust in public, and he musta understood because he said he’d catch up with me later and left.

I turned off all the lights and sat on the couch in the dark, acid bubbling up in my throat as I thought about what Morgen had said.

But Gemma said he didn’t mean it that way , half of me argued.

How would she know? the other half asked. Little Miss Innocent.

When Hank checked in at bedtime, I hadn’t moved. He flicked on the lights and asked what happened, so I told him.

“Is that what everyone thinks?” My throat was tight. “That I enjoyed it?”

Is that what Jax thinks? What Gigi and Chessie think?

Not during any of the acts the demon had forced me into had I felt as dirty as I did at that second.

“We are all the children of the Fallen.” Hank sat down near me. “Some of us follow the dark path of our fathers. Those nephilim, I suppose, would think you enjoyed it, or should have. I can even think of a few who would have felt honored to host a demon.”

I caught myself leaning toward him and drew back, then gave up and let my forehead hit his shoulder. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and tried to not vomit.

“I don’t believe it,” he went on. “And I don’t think John Morgen does, either. He’s not that kind of person. If anything, he was probably trying to sympathize with you.”

“Sympathize?”

“Sympathy is when you feel bad because someone’s going through a rough time.”

“Pity?” I sat up, a spike of anger in my gut. “He was pitying me?”

“No, it’s not the same as pity. When you’re sympathetic, you wish you could help, but you know you can’t, and it makes you feel bad.”

I wasn’t sure Morgen had meant all of that, but I didn’t know the guy.

After a minute, I got my act together, scrubbed my face with my palms, and pushed to my feet.

“It’s been a rough day,” I muttered. “I’m going to bed.”

“Want me to stay?”

We both knew my nightmares would only wake him up, so why had he even offered? Outta sympathy? Pity? Something else?

“I’m not a baby,” I growled.

“Everyone needs support sometimes, kiddo. It doesn’t make you a baby.”

I waved a hand and headed to my room. I’d taken care of myself for a long, long time now. I didn’t need support. Sympathy, either. Once I got my temper under control, once I was a little more stable and a whole lot less savage, I was outta here. I needed to find my mom’s killer.

And Gemma? a tiny voice poked at me. You’d leave her behind?

Of course I would.

You honestly think you can walk away from her? Quit lying, you coward.

I told myself to shut up.