Page 20 of Only Everything (The Obsession #1)

TAUREN

Had I not been close to telling Reid about my feelings? Had I not been tempted to propose a trial run into town as a couple?

Who was I kidding? There was no trial run.

There was nothing but facing a truth that held me hostage.

It was yes or no. Jump…or fucking fall. I knew what happened when you hit the ground, and that’s what I was asking for again if I went through with this.

Did I care anymore? All I could think about lately was how I was hurting the only person I loved.

I had the power. Why couldn’t I choose? Why couldn’t I stand up for what I wanted for the first time in my fucking life?

“ Brittany .” My eyes rolled as the jealousy increased with my speed.

“If I’m not home by eleven—” I scoffed, slamming my palm against my steering wheel.

“What are we, in high school?” Heavier, my foot pushed against the gas pedal.

“Lock the door, Tauren. Lock the dead bolt .” My tone was mocking, and still, I pushed my car faster around the windy roads that took me to a place I suddenly couldn’t stand.

My hometown. Part of my curse.

“I won’t lock the door. Fuck you. I just won’t go back to your cabin.”

The sentence had me stiffening.

Not go back? It was a lie, but hearing myself say it out loud… Not go back?

Emotions had the road blurring as tears came.

If I didn’t go back, I wouldn’t know if Reid came home.

I wouldn’t see his guilt or shame and feel my heart break because of it.

And didn’t I need to see and feel that? Or was that more of the self-harm my therapist had brought up.

To see Reid’s hair tussled or see the top few buttons of his shirt undone as he staggered through the door would kill me.

It would destroy me, and that made thoughts come that shouldn’t have been there.

Now that I had Reid back in my life, I seemed to be just as unstable as him.

Not to mention just as desperate to sink my claws into him as if he were some possession.

But where he wanted a claim… I wanted… the same.

“ Brittany .”

Again, the name rolled off my tongue like an enemy.

A frustrated sound left me, and the sound of sirens had my eyes jerking to the rear-view mirror.

The red and blue lights had my lips parting in anxiety.

Shaking took over as I slowed and pulled off onto a long gravel road, surrounded by thick trees.

“Get it together, Tauren. Fuck. ”

I quickly put it in park and wiped the tears, squaring my shoulders as I moved my attention to the side mirror.

The officer pulled in behind me. His door opened, and I squinted, seeing if I recognized him—praying I didn’t.

We weren’t in Asheville, but the officers sometimes bounced around to surrounding towns.

It wasn’t uncommon, and I groaned as strawberry-blond hair pulled my attention.

Rolling down the window, I tried slowing my breathing. I was fine. I wasn’t in trouble. I did nothing wrong. I was speeding. That was okay. He could give me a ticket, and I could go along my merry way to…. nowhere. I had nowhere to go. I didn’t even know what I was doing. All I wanted was Reid.

“Officer.”

I forced a smile as he eased to a stop outside my door.

“License and registration.”

I reached over, handing them to him.

“Ma’am. Do you know you were going sixty-two in a forty-five?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that. I…” Tears rolled down my face, and I quickly wiped them away. “I’m sorry. I have a lot on my mind.”

He paused, his lids narrowing. “I know you.”

“Yes. My… ex, he was an officer in Asheville. We met once when I brought him lunch.”

“Right.” He smiled. “Emmett.” The smile slowly fell. “I briefly heard of his passing. Accident? I’m sorry, the details are vague. I was on vacation when it happened. I’m afraid by the time I returned, the talk had already died down.”

“Accident, yes. ”

He slowly nodded, scanning my face. “I’m truly sorry. …He…tried to hurt you. Kill you. Did I hear that part right?”

I quickly wiped the tears again, not able to answer as I sobbed. The radio sounded as he relayed my information over.

“He hadn’t been himself for a while. I was going to leave him. He found out. He just…”

“Lost it.” He leaned forward, resting his forearm against the top of my door. “The stress of this job can make some crazy. If I recall, he wasn’t a very good cop to begin with.”

A female voice sounded, and my name was repeated as she gave me the clear.

“Listen, you’ve been through enough. How about you slow it down, and we’ll leave it with a warning. I’ll follow you into town and make sure you make it there alright. You seem pretty upset.”

“That would be great, thank you. I promise to pay more attention next time. It’s just been a rough few weeks.”

“I understand.” Again, he gave a soft smile. “You’ve been through a lot. Things will start looking up.” He handed me back over my license and registration, pausing. “Where are you headed?”

I shrugged. “Honestly, nowhere. I got in an argument with my… brother. I had to get away. I don’t know where I’m going.”

Brother? My stomach was rolling. This wasn’t right. He wasn’t my brother. He wasn’t. Where was my power?

He glanced at his watch. “Joe’s has some pretty good lunch specials. I was about to head there myself. I wouldn’t mind the company.”

My mouth opened, only to close. Was he asking me on a date?

I shifted in my seat.

“I’m sorry. I…I really need to go back and fix this. The way I left—I was angry. I overreacted.”

“Say no more. Family is important.”

“… Yes. I’m sorry again for speeding. I promise to slow down. I’m headed home now. Thank you for offering to follow me into town. Have a nice lunch.”

“Thanks. Joe’s makes everything better.” He paused, looking around the gravel road before he twisted his lips.

“I know you’re going through a tough time right now, but if you need anyone to talk to—” he reached down, pulling out a small notepad and pen, writing down his information and handing it over.

“You can call anytime. My name is Steve. I’m a good listener. No strings attached. Just talking.”

“That’s very nice of you. Thank you.”

I took the paper, swallowing hard as he gave a wave and began heading back to his car. I put it in my purse and pulled up my sedan, using the wide road to turn around. When I came even with him, he already had the window rolled down. It had me slowing as I stopped.

“I hope you call, Tauren. Not all cops are assholes. You don’t have to be afraid of me. I’m a nice guy, I promise.”

“Thank you, again. I really appreciate it, but to be honest, I can’t.”

“I understand. I’m here if you change your mind.”

I nodded, easing forward, and stopping at the stop sign. The sickness grew. At me, and at this cop just trying to be nice but show his interest. At Reid and Brittany … At my name so clearly cut into his arm.

Fuck. How had my life come to this? Why was everything so messed up? I knew what I needed to do, but stepping into that role wasn’t going to be easy. I had to be direct. I… God…Could I do this?

More flashes of Reid. Of his arm. Why the hell did that turn me on? He cut my name into him. And I liked it.

Sick.

Sick.

We were both fucking mental, but at least I could fix it. I could try to make this right.

At the clear road, I headed back towards Reid’s house. Maybe he hadn’t left. Maybe I could convince him to stay and talk this out.

I loved him .

Hell, I more than loved him, and I was hurting him.

A deep sigh left me, and the miles blurred.

Love and morality battled. The weak part of me kept trying to push through and offer excuses.

Ones, I no longer bought into. Things were not the same as when I’d first moved to his cabin.

I wasn’t the same. Now, there was no escaping the love and responsibility that came with the truth.

Reid couldn’t keep getting his emotions beat down by me.

He was right. I was the one love bombing him; I was the one who had initiated and started this, and he didn’t deserve my instability. Not anymore.

Our road appeared, and I turned, going down the long drive. A frown tugged down the corners of my lips as I spotted his truck was already gone .

Dammit.

I grabbed my purse, pulling it along as I got out and headed for the door. The leather bounced from my calf as I swung my arms loosely. Anger blossomed with jealousy. My past rolled through, sweeping me under with a tidal wave of guilt and self-hate.

I was rot.

Poison.

I infected, warping men’s brains. I ruined them…

but I had the chance to change that. To try to fix it.

Ignoring the harm I caused wasn’t working.

That left one thing. I had to control the outcome like Nancy said.

I had that power. I just had to find a way to use it.

Preferably in a way that could work for both of us.

Walking inside, I shut the door of the cabin behind me.

I tossed my purse on the bar, kicking off my flats as my bare feet padded across the living room.

I headed for his room, to his bed, but stopped as I turned to look down the hall.

My hand lifted to the door frame as I tapped against the wood, staring towards the open, tiny laundry room.

In slow steps, I headed to the back, turning to face the door to the second bedroom. Storage. That’s what Reid had said. But something in the way he talked about the room hadn’t been right.

“Why be suspicious? What are you hiding?”

The whisper cut through the silence. I reached for the knob, pressing my lips into each other as it didn’t turn in my hand.

Locked, just like before.

A deep breath left me. I trailed my finger up, pressing the tip into the grooves of the lock. Key… where would Reid hide the key? Was it here? On his key ring?

My head tilted back, and I tiptoed, tracing my fingers over the top of the door. Nothing. My fingers slid down but stopped on the frame at the hollow ruts of missing wood. Letters? I traced, letting them spell out a word in my mind. A name.

T

A

U

R

I swallowed hard, stepping back as I tried to see what I could so clearly feel. It was there, shallow but evident.

TAUR

TAUREN

TAUR

Not once. Twice. Three times.

The longer I stared, the more of my names I saw. But they weren’t deep. Maybe they weren’t supposed to be. But this was my room. It was written all over the top of the frame.

I headed for the kitchen, throwing open drawer after drawer. When I reached the bottom one, two keys slid forward. I grabbed both, keeping my pace fast as I headed back. When I lifted my hand, I couldn’t ignore the slight shaking that took it over as the key slid home and turned at my twist.

Good—bad.

Who the hell was I? I didn’t break rules. I obeyed orders. But I couldn’t. Not anymore. If I was going to step into my power with Reid, it started now.

My room—my name.

It was time to see what was inside…