Page 16 of Only Everything (The Obsession #1)

TAUREN

I couldn't get over Reid's rejection. And it wasn't real rejection, it was protection, and I knew that.

But him putting a stop to us last night only made me feel unwanted and…

shameful. I'd been right on the verge of facing my fears like me and my therapist had talked about.

I was so close. But then he'd grabbed me and lifted me and panic hit.

All I could feel were my dad's hands on me—forcing me—guiding me—annihilating me.

I'd fought so hard for years, and I'd had the bruises and scars to prove it.

But those didn't help ease the guilt or disgust. There were times I didn't fight.

At least not as hard as I could have. My father didn't care.

Willing, unwilling, sick or injured, asleep or awake, nothing mattered but when he wanted it.

“ What you’ve told me… about your father.

” Nancy moved to the edge of her chair, across from me.

Her voice was soft but steady. “That’s not a burden you should have ever of carried.

I need you to hear me. Tauren, I am so proud of you.

For years yo u’ve fought me and pushed back, but today you let me in. That takes immense strength.”

“Strength?” My eyes flooded with tears. “Saying the truth out loud feels like weakness. Like he still has control over me.”

“That’s so far from the truth. Secrets only give abusers power. Today, you took the first step of reclaiming that control.”

“First step.” The tears did fall then. “It’s all so overwhelming.

And embarrassing. What if I’m never normal?

What if when someone touches me, I freeze up or remember?

I do that. I’ve always done it with men.

I’m weak. I hate it. I want to be strong.

I want…” I knew what I wanted. Who… I wanted. “I want to be the one with the power.”

“And we’ll help you find it. Power and control don’t start in the bedroom.

It starts with the choices you make from the moment you wake up.

It’s what you wear. What you eat. It’s who you allow in your space.

You make these decisions every day. Each time you decide, you’re not powerless, you’re in control.

Think about how these decisions add up. You’re deciding and you’re choosing.

That is power, and it’s building the foundation of the woman you’re becoming. ”

“I… see. I want to hear more. Tell me more ways I can find my power.”

And Nancy had. For the first time, I had actually been disappointed when my session ended. But I had this new insight, and it had felt good to shed some of the weight that had been suffocating me from my past. What it had also done was trigger the nightmares.

Reid.

Dammit. I’d tried so hard to take Nancy’s advice and face those fears, and I’d almost done it. I had been so close.

“James…James McMillian.” Whispers from my co workers continued behind me.

I clutched tighter to the prescription bag as I took in Emmett’s partner.

His eyes were narrowed, and the mix of anger and disgust weren’t missed as he headed forward in his uniform.

He was the only officer who worked in Asheville that lived in the same town as we did.

For that, I was thankful, but even one was too many.

“Tauren.” He paused, clenching his jaw repeatedly. “You weren’t at the funeral.”

My eyes jumped up only to lower. Power. Control. Nancy’s words spun circles in my head as guilt and fear twisted inside me. I decided … I controlled. “I was not.”

“All that time you two were together and one argument?—”

I stiffened.

“James, it wasn’t one.”

“Emmett was a good guy. A damn fine cop.”

What felt like a grenade exploded within me. “ Emmett was an abusive piece of shit. He beat the hell out of me!” I barely got control, lowering my voice. “He damn near killed me. Is this all you need?”

I was shaking as I rang him up, glad when the sirens in the distance had him distracted and looking toward the windows. I stapled the receipt onto the bag and thrust it in his direction.

“Here. Have a great day, James.”

He snatched it from my hand. “What kind of day do you think his parents are having? Maybe think about that.”

I couldn't speak. All I could do was stare in his direction as he turned and walked away.

Missy whispered something to the pharmacist, and my head dropped as I headed to the break room.

Heat crept over my face, and tears burned my vision.

Shame and guilt were drowning me. Voices had me slowing and coming to a stop outside the door to the break room.

“She's different. She always looks so afraid. I mean, I don't blame her. Emmett literally tried to throw her off a cliff. He was going to kill her. Did you see the bruises on the side of her face? They’re super light but still there. Still , Hillary. I can't imagine how bad it was after it happened. My cousin, Amber, just graduated nursing school. She works at the hospital. Well, she saw Tauren come in that night. Supposedly, the whites of her eyes were barely even white from the choking. They were nothing but busted blood vessels. If Reid wouldn’t have called the police and shown up to save her—Jesus. I can’t imagine.

My cousin has nightmares from what she saw.

It's no wonder Tauren's so messed up. I mean, first her dad goes psycho and kills her stepmom feet from her, and then Emmett tries to kill her?

I'd be checking out. Does it get any worse than that?”

“It seems so unreal. How does something like that happen twice to the same person?”

I shuffled back, spinning, but plowing right into the pharmacist, Mr. Darcer.

“I’m s-sorry. I have to go. I can’t?—”

I didn't wait. I barreled around him, walking at a fast pace to the door that opened up into the main store.

The vitamins along the aisle blurred as tears poured down my face.

I quickly wiped them away trying to hold it together as I burst through the exit.

As soon as the breeze blew back my hair, a sob tore from my throat.

The top half of my body doubled over, and I tried not to let out a frustrated scream.

Why couldn't people leave me alone? Why couldn't they mind their own fucking business?

I stood feeling the anger take me over. Reid’s truck was parked next to my car, and I'd completely forgotten that we were going to meet up for dinner.

It didn't matter. He was already out of his truck and jogging towards me like he was ready to go to war with the world.

And maybe in that moment, I would have let him. I would have joined him.

“What the hell happened?”

I quickly wiped my face walking toward his truck at a fast pace.

“It’s nothing. Everything. First, James, Emmett’s partner, and then stupid gossiping not meant for me to hear. I did. I heard.”

Reid went to walk past me to the store, but I grabbed his arm pulling him to a stop.

“Don't. I'm not going back anyway. I've decided… I’m done. I'll find something else in the next town over. It's not a big deal.”

“It's a big deal to me. You're crying. What they said hurt you. That cop that left, that was James?”

“Yeah.”

“What did he say?”

“Nothing. I want to leave.”

“What about the gossip? Do I at least get to know that?”

“It was nothing. The truth. They were just… talking about how bruised up and quiet I was.” I led Reid back towards his truck. “I want to leave.”

“You're too upset to drive right now.” He let out a deep breath.

“Let's go grab dinner. I'll bring you back to get your car before we head home. I feel like a chicken basket and ice cream. Do you remember how we used to eat that every Friday night after the football games?” Reid smiled, stepping in.

“Win or lose, it was me and you. We were always going there on Friday nights. You'd let me vent or talk shit about the plays, and we’d eat. Those were good times.”

I softened through the memories, nodding.

“We practically lived there in the summers too. You were always mowing yards to make sure you could take me to get ice cream. It didn't hurt that it was right across the main road from our house.”

“What do you say? Chicken strips and chocolate dipped cones?”

A smile came. “…I’d like that.”

He winked at me, leading me around the truck to open my door.

I buckled up as he headed around and got in.

Flashes of our past came, easing the anger and sadness I felt inside.

The more I thought about me and Reid during our youth, the happier I got.

But with the good came the bad, and I couldn’t ignore that.

For the first year, everything had been perfect.

No touching. No acts like in my earliest days.

It wasn't until I was fifteen that my father started drinking and came back for me.

It was a nightmare when he forced me down to the basement again.

The secret had always been down those stairs, even in my youth.

And I knew his intentions when he opened that door and grabbed my arm. And I fought. I tried to run.

Run… yes …

The smell of smoke perfumed the truck, but I could still smell the alcohol as the memory took over.

I had just gotten home from school. Becky and Reid weren't home yet. My dad was waiting. Pacing. Angry. But not. He was impatient, and it showed as he’d flung open the basement door and met my eyes.

“No.” But before I could turn to run, he was already surging in my direction, dragging me to the one place I’d spent the majority of my life trying to escape.

That lasted for months before Reid found me in the shed.

And that was because I started not coming home from school.

The more I rebelled, the more my father came for me.

Except with age and time, he started pushing the bounds on what he wanted.

On what he’d want me to do. No amount of fighting would stop him.

He’d just hit me more. He'd nearly break my bones.

Sirens.

The blur of red passed from a firetruck, and the loud honking ripped me right from that back room in our basement. With the recognition the smoke was more profound. My eyes darted over, and I quickly pointed, cutting off whatever Reid was saying.

“It looks like something's on fire over there. That's by where we used to live.”

“You don’t say. Looks like if we hurry, we’ll get a front seat to the show.”

Reid pulled onto the main road, driving, block after block. The closer we got to the restaurant and our old house, the more my mouth gaped.

“I think…Reid, I think?—”

My neck craned as I tried to see around the car that was in front of us. With the way the firetruck blocked most of my view, I couldn't tell whether it was our old house or the one next to it.

“Is that?” Fire billowed up, pouring black smoke as the edge of the old blue house I’d grown up in came into view. Nausea pushed against my throat, but something else entirely took over. Relief? Joy? Elation? “It’s…our old house. It’s burning .”

“It sure is.”

My head spun to Reid. “Do you think anyone was inside? What if they’re hurt?”

He didn't seem worried as he moved into the turning lane to bypass the jammed traffic, going past two businesses before pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant.

“I talked to the neighbor when I first got into town. It's a younger married couple that live there. They don't have any kids, and they're probably both at work. I doubt anybody was inside.”

“Oh.”

I couldn't say more. I was too entranced by the orange and red colors eating the walls of my childhood hell. I barely even noticed when Reid parked or when he grabbed my hand.

“Wow, I can't believe our old house is on fire. It’s so unreal. We used to sit on the porch and watch traffic. Now, I don’t even see it through the flames.”

Reid nodded. “I can't say I'm upset about it.”

I finally glanced over, taking in his face, nodding as it dawned on me.

The house didn't just hold good memories for him; it held the worst things imaginable. His mother was murdered in that home. We’d chosen that location over moving away to be with him.

Everything bad transpired behind those walls.

“I'm sorry. Your mom?—”

“Don't you dare fucking tell me you're sorry. If anything was cursed, it was that goddamn house. I hate that place. I’ve always hated it. You were what made it bearable, but after—” His face hardened even more. “It’s done now. I'm glad neither of us will ever have to look at it again.”

The hatred that dripped from his tone had me slowly nodding. Reid reached over cupping my cheek as he pulled me towards him.

“I want you to look at that fire, and I want you to see the past leaving you.

What happened in that house doesn't exist anymore.

It's gone just like our parents are. Just like your piece of shit father. Look at the fire, Tauren.” He turned my face, but he stayed level with my ear, kissing against it.

Tugging at my earlobe as his hand slid down the column of my neck to grasp.

“Know when I say I love you, I fucking mean it with every fiber of my being.”

My pulse jumped as I watched the blaze devour my past.

“Reid…did you …did you do that? ”

He let me turn back to face him. His eyes narrowed as he nearly closed the distance between us. I could feel his heavy breaths against my face.

“It's nothing compared to what I’d do for you. I said eternal, and I meant it. If there's a hell, I’ll be meeting your father there. It’s not over between me and him.

Mark my words. I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t fear death either.

Someday, he’ll suffer for everything he’s done, and that someday can’t come fast enough. Tauren… God dammit .”

I pulled back, taking in the pained expression on his face. I didn't have to be a mind reader to know what he was speaking of had a lot more to do with what he wasn't saying. I couldn't be right. This wasn't happening.

He knew.

He fucking knew.