Page 11 of Only Everything (The Obsession #1)

REID

I watched Tauren sleep for hours. Had she ever slept so long. So deep?

It was the medication she’d received from the hospital. I knew that, but I couldn’t help but pretend that I had something to do with how comfortably she rested here in my bed. Not my secret room, but my bed .

No handcuffs. No making her feel my pain. No teasing her to remind her how I could make her lose control. Not yet… Just Tauren, curled on her side facing me as she slept.

Did this have to end? Did I have to wake her?

Love.

Had I ever loved her as much as I did in this moment? Her peace brought my own. It was a coziness spiked with cravings, and my state of mind was so different from the hell I’d lived since I left her. I didn’t want this to end. I didn’t want to wake her.

The dread was real.

Everything was different now .

Just because Emmett was out of the picture didn’t mean Tauren was mine.

Hell, she might end up further away than ever.

I couldn’t allow that. I also couldn’t smother her with what I wanted.

There had to be balance or the risk landed her right back in my special room…

which wasn’t so bad either. But it’s not what I wanted if given the option.

It was only a last resort—a finalization to all.

“Taur.”

My hand came out, and my fingers hovered over her swollen cheek, almost touching. I let it float down along the side of her bruised neck, inching lower as my compulsion to touch her overwhelmed me.

My breath came out broken, and I moved over her shoulder, letting my palm settle as my fingers curled around her back. For seconds, I didn’t move. I didn’t speak. I was touching her. I had her right here in front of me, and this was real.

“Tauren. It’s time to wake up. You told me not to let you sleep past ten.”

I swallowed hard, licking my lips. A soft whimper left her as her legs straightened and she stretched, but still she kept her eyes closed. The slight grimace softened, and I saw her begin to fall back deeper into sleep.

What was five more minutes? What was thirty?

No. I couldn’t risk upsetting her. I had to stick by her rules and give her power. I had to show her I wasn’t controlling like Emmett.

“It’s time to wake up.”

At my soft words, she smiled. My thumb couldn’t help but slide up the oversized sleeve of my t-shirt that she wore so I could caress her bicep. My shirt. On her . Just like old times. Her skin was still as soft as I remembered. Did it smell and taste the same too?

“Taur?”

Seconds passed. Her head lifted, and she finally cracked open her eyes.

She looked lost as she glanced around my bedroom.

Full lips separated and her brown hair swayed as she scanned the space in confusion.

Her breath hitched. Tears gathered as she lowered her gaze to me and slowly eased her head back down.

The moment she blinked, tears raced towards my pillow.

“That happened…?”

Her voice was raw still from the choking.

Light brown eyes rose to mine and the trembling had me lifting my arm.

I didn’t need to answer her question. Tauren flew forward, wrapping herself around me, letting the sobs pour free in a wave of heartbreaking cries.

I held onto her, tightening my hold as I breathed her in.

I squeezed my eyes, burning this memory inside me too.

Home. Yes. This is what I knew. My broken sister clinging to me to fix the tragedy that seemed to love her as much as I did.

“It’s okay. I got you.”

“It feels like a nightmare. But it wasn’t. Emmett’s dead. He’s really dead.”

“He hurt you. He deserved to pay for what he did.” I paused, trying to reign in the hate. She didn’t need to see that right now. “How do you feel?”

She sniffled, pulling back to rest on the pillow as she took me in.

“I hurt everywhere. ”

“You’re safe now.”

Tauren’s lids narrowed the smallest amount through her hesitation.

“Am I?”

“You think I’d let anyone hurt you?”

Another sniffle as she continued to study my face. “No.” Another pause. “But I wasn’t referring to anyone else. I’m talking about you. Reid…you’ve been angry at me. I understand why, but?—”

“That’s over now.” I couldn’t help but grab her hand to hold between us. “All I wanted was this. To see you. To talk to you.” My lips pursed through the chaotic questions bombarding me. “Did you miss me at all?”

Tauren’s face softened, and she brought up my hand, kissing against it. I could barely catch my breath.

“More than you know. All the time.”

My mouth tugged back with a smile, and I forced myself not to pull her closer like I wanted.

“Then, it’s a fresh start. Me—You. I’m here to be whatever you need. Just… need me .” I choked back the jumble of pleas that begged to come. “I mean, furniture is heavy. You’ll need someone to help you move into your new apartment, or maybe you just want someone to talk to. I can be anything.”

More tears came, pouring free from her eyes, and a sob soon followed.

Did I say something wrong?

“I mean…unless… Do you not want me to be here for you?”

Had my voice cracked? Was it shaking as badly as my heart was racing ?

“Oh, Reid.”

Harder, she sobbed, tugging against my hand, trying to get me to come to her. I didn’t wait. I couldn’t. I was perplexed by her reaction, but she seemed to need me, and fuck if I didn’t need her too.

“Tell me what you want.” I slid my arm under the crook of her neck, pulling her into my body and chest as I held on to her with dear life. “Tell me what to do, Taur.”

Fingers dug into my back as she cried and kept her face buried in my chest. Minutes seemed to pass as she went through episodes of stopping, only to start again. But she never let go. She never pulled away as she clung to me.

“You don’t have to decide anything right now.

” My voice was soft. “You don’t even have to leave if you don’t want to.

We both know I don’t want you to. I’m trying to be supportive.

I—I want to be what you need, no matter who that is.

I just.” I stopped, swallowing hard, waiting to see if she was going to become upset again.

“One day at a time. How does that sound?”

She quickly nodded her face against my damp t-shirt. My eyes closed in a victory all their own.

She wasn’t rushing to leave.

She wasn’t pushing me away.

She was here, in my arms, and she was staying.

She was mine, and somewhere deep inside, she fucking knew it.

“Reid?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry. I… Do you think you could ever hate me?”

Her head tipped back, but I didn’t look down as I weighed her question .

“Hate? …I tried to do that…for years. The more I tried to hate you, the more I realized I loved you.”

She sniffled, moving her face back into my chest.

“You should hate me. I was sure you already did.”

“Why?”

“It’s my fault that Frank?—”

“Don’t.”

“Reid—”

“That was not your fault.”

“He found our letters. The ones you wrote to me during bootcamp, before you came home.”

I moved back, lifting her face so that she’d look at me. Swollen, bloodshot brown eyes were pooled with tears—with guilt.

“All of them?”

“I believe so. I don’t know. Some were crumbled.

Others were torn. There were pieces all over when I came home from work.

I thought I hid them well enough. I didn’t.

He found them. I don’t even know what happened.

I walked in, and I saw your mom sitting on the kitchen floor surrounded by white.

I was going to run to help her, but then I saw that it was the letters.

She was so…angry. Her hand was against her cheek, and she was crying.

” Tauren stopped, her eyes glazed over as she stared ahead in a daze.

“My dad… I only made it a few steps into the kitchen and suddenly…there was a gun pointed at my face.”

Silent tears left her, and her head went back and forth.

“The next thing I knew, your mom jumped up from the floor. It all happened so fast. When my dad turned the gun on himself, I was already in shock. I wasn’t even thinking rationally.

I grabbed the letters and soaked them with water and threw them away.

I think I was even pulling them apart as mush.

I…I don’t know. What I do know is you told me to hide them, and it wasn’t good enough.

I loved her, Reid. I loved Becky, and it was all my fault. ”

“No.”

Fingers dug into my chest, and she clung to me. She needed something from me. She kept doing this, holding onto me as if I were the only one who could ground her.

“Yes. You lost your mom because I caused their fight. I didn’t hide the letters well enough. I…I—I seduced you that first time. You should hate me. I’m the one who crossed the line and?—”

“ Stop it . Look at me, Taur. Right here,” I said, pointing to my eyes as she tried to divert her gaze.

“We were not at fault. Your dad was an alcoholic piece of shit. He didn’t need an excuse to be an asshole.

He hit you for breathing. The letters, our love, being together, none of that was a mistake.

The fault rested within him. Frank was broken.

He was sick, and my only regret was that I didn’t kill him when I had the chance.

I should have forced you and my mom to leave with me when I came home to get you.

She knew who her husband was. She didn’t even try to leave him, and by doing that, she made you feel obligated to stay to protect her.

” I gave my head a hard shake. “I know that’s why you didn’t come with me.

I see that now. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame myself.

The only one to blame is the man who pulled the trigger.

He wanted to die; he was just too big of a coward to do it alone. ”

“But if?—”

“Tauren. No. Frank did this. No one else.”

“But—”

“No.”

Her pained expression was joined with a repressed cry that couldn’t be held in. I let out a deep breath, sliding my fingers through her hair as I leaned in, kissing the top of her head and holding to her as she began crying again.

“You can’t accept what I’m saying, but I’m telling you, this isn’t your fault. I don’t blame you, Taur. I don’t even blame you for Emmett anymore. I…see why you stayed with him now. He was like your dad. You were afraid. I understand.”

She didn’t respond. She just held to me until the crying finally stopped and her breathing slowed.

My lids lowered, and I gave myself to the feel of her body against mine.

To her smell as I buried my nose in her hair.

For the first time, my salvation didn’t rest in my dreams. It was broken in my arms, curled around me, sleeping, and I was going to do everything I could to keep it this way.

Here.

Close.

Together.