Page 18 of Only Everything (The Obsession #1)

TAUREN

“I can’t go back. I’m sorry, Mr. Darcer. I thought I was ready, but I’m not. I think you need to find someone else.”

“…You’ve been through a lot. We understand how difficult this time is for you, and we’re sorry to see you go. Are you sure you don’t want me to hold your position for a few weeks? We can try to manage ? —”

“Oh, no. That’s too much. I couldn’t do that to any of you. I’ll come by soon to pick up my things.”

My gaze cut over to Reid as I hung up. He’d barely looked at me since we’d returned home last night.

Where I thought and even offered to let him sleep in the bed with me, he refused, opting for the sofa.

He was upset with me for not being able to commit to a relationship with him.

I knew that, but I couldn’t be exclusive until I found my power.

I couldn’t have him as a boyfriend if I wasn’t stable within myself.

Besides, what would people think? What would they say?

I didn’t want to lie about who he was. If he was my boyfriend or more, I wanted to be able to show that.

I had to figure out how to get there with Reid.

And I could, I just… needed to decipher my feelings.

I had to separate my emotions from how I viewed everyone elses.

Was it truly location and the roles Reid and I had that was leaving me unable to give in?

Was it my father and what he’d done? A mix of both?

The trauma was so deeply ingrained that I wasn’t even sure I knew the answer.

I placed my phone down on the counter, walking to the other end of the sofa to take in Reid as he watched the weather.

Another storm was coming in soon. That only meant it’d be a little colder.

At least for a few days. But he didn’t seem to be watching.

He stared at the television, but he seemed so far away.

“It’s done. I let Mr. Darcer know I won’t be coming back.” Still, he gazed ahead. “I should probably start looking for another job. Maybe if I looked in Hendersonville, I could find something there. The commute wouldn’t be horrible but…. they don’t have many jobs I could do.”

Reid blinked slowly, his lashes fluttering faster as he seemed to come aware.

“What?”

“I have to look for another job. Hendersonville doesn’t have much. I’m considering Asheville.”

“Why would you do that?”

“It’s bigger. A lot bigger than the towns that are close. And it’s not too far.”

He nodded. “But isn’t that where Emmett’s family lives? He was a cop there. Just yesterday ?—”

“Let’s not argue.” I crawled over the cushion separating us, moving onto Reid’s lap. There was no softening. There was no welcome at all. His arms didn’t even lift to come around me. He was hard. Cold. “You haven’t been the same since last night. How long is this going to last? Reid?—”

“Last? What do you want from me? It’s not my love. It’s not a future. My cock? Is that all I’m good for?”

Silence.

My mouth parted, and my stomach flipped at the painful barb. I went to crawl off, not able to move as his hands locked on my hips and kept me in place.

“That’s not fair. I was honest with you.”

“And so was I, Taur. We’ve gone over it all before. Location. Relation. Upbringing. I mean, dammit, it can’t be the last two. If that was such a big deal, fucking me wouldn’t be so appealing…unless that’s exactly what it is.”

My cheeks heated as a tinge of guilt burned the truth in me. “Stop this. That’s enough. Let go.” I wiggled. “You’re in a bad mood, and you’re being mean. I’m not going to listen to this right now.”

“You’re listening. I want to know. If you love me, you would be with me. But you won’t be with me here, which is understandable, so it must be the location. We’ll move to Knoxville. Or fuck, Charlotte. No one will know us there, and they’re both roughly two hours away.

“Reid—”

“ What is it ? You love me. I know you do. Why can’t you be with me?”

“I’m trying! Why can’t you let me think!

Why can’t you give me more time to adjust and figure this out?

” I held against his cheeks, meeting his eyes head on.

“Slow. Down. You’re overwhelming me. You’re not making me want to be with you; you’re pushing me away.

You’re scaring me. How many times have we been here? How many? You’re too much right now.”

Reid’s lids closed, and he took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. His arms came around me, pulling me in close as he hugged tightly.

“I’m sorry. This is four years of heartbreak leaking through.

I’m trying so hard to be supportive. I know you’re working through horrible shit, and I know I’m not easy to be with.

I just…when I think that I might lose you, or that you’ll leave me.

” He stopped, hugging to me tighter. “I can’t lose you, Tauren. You’re everything to me. Everything. ”

“You're not losing me. Just because I cannot commit at this very moment does not mean I'm going anywhere.

I just got out of a very complicated and damaging relationship.

I watched you kick a man that I spent four years of my life with off a cliff.

That night, I saw a side of him that I haven't seen since my dad has been alive.

My bruises are barely gone and you're giving me a hard time about a commitment.

I love you. I love you as if you are a physical piece of me.

Being away from you for the last four years has been hell.

But if you keep pressuring me this way, you'll never get a commitment.

You have to let me adjust. You have to let me process everything that's happening. I need to find myself. I’m trying so hard.

I don't even know who I am. I was never allowed to figure it out.”

“Which is what scares me.” Reid’s face buried in my chest. “You deserve to figure it out.

You should be out there on your own becoming independent and strong, and I should be the one out there cheering you on to do it.

But fuck if I'm too greedy to lose you like that.

I want that for you. I truly do. I'm just terrified you won't choose me once you get on your feet. You never choose me .”

The last was so quiet I barely heard. I moved back watching Reid’s attention come back up to mine.

I didn't have any words to say. I may have been putting in the work to find my power, but he was right, and it broke my heart. He was greedy to keep me, but I wasn’t any better.

We were both jagged pieces of a puzzle that didn't seem to fit anywhere but with each other.

Separate, we were incomplete. As one, we were whole but an abomination in the eyes of society.

I shouldn't have cared. Growing up in such a small town, being abused by my father, I did.

Guilt was plaguing. People talked. Some of that talk was downright decimating.

I didn't want that for Reid. I didn't want that for either of us, but I couldn’t lose him either.

I had to fix him. Help him. First, I had to help myself.

Power.

I had to take control of our situation. Nancy would want me to choose the direction, and I could do that. I could try to make this day better.

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

Reid’s lip pulled back a little. “I’m not really in the mood.”

“Alright. Do you want to look for jobs with me? I can get my tablet, and we can cozy in and see what’s out there.”

“Maybe later.”

“Want to go for a walk? ”

Gray eyes searched mine, and the walls he had up lowered. “Really?”

I let a soft smile surface. “Sure. This is your place.”

“ Our place ,” he interrupted.

“You’re right. This is our place. Why don’t you show me around.”

The stiffness in his body disappeared, and he stood, lifting me with him. His strength had my body immediately reacting, but I pushed away the lust as he stood me up beside him.

“You’re going to love it out here, Taur. There are so many trails. So many peaceful places, and they’re beautiful. I should have taken you days ago. I just…I get consumed with you. I’ve waited so long for this.”

“Then be happy with me. Let’s go explore.”

I laughed as he practically dragged me to the door.

“I’ll take you to the waterfall.”

“You have a waterfall?”

“It’s not big, but yeah, I do.”

“How much land do you have? You say you bought this place, but you haven’t really told me much about it.

You haven’t even really given me a tour of the inside.

” I looked over my shoulder, pointing back with my thumb.

“Do you have a second bedroom? I saw a door at the end of the hall by the laundry room. It’s hidden around a slight corner.

I tried to peek in, but the door was locked. ”

Reid gave a dismissive wave as he opened the barrier and swept us outside.

“It’s a wreck in there.” His tone was dismissive but off. “It’s a second bedroom, but I’m using it as storage. I like the couch better anyway. ”

“Oh…well, you can’t sleep there forever. I’ll take the back room. I can help you clean it out.”

The happiness faded, draining from his face, triggering suspicion. Expressions shifted going from sadness to anger to what I was sure was amusement. They were all so conflicting. I knew I couldn’t have been reading him right.

“Taur, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I’m trying my best to give you time.

I love this place. It was barely livable when I first bought it, but I’ve changed that.

I’m attached, and I’m fond of it here, but I’m willing to give this up.

To do whatever you want to make you happy.

Maybe you’ll decide you want to move. Maybe you won’t.

I understand that you may not end up feeling the way I do by the time this is over with.

I’ve accepted that. You’ll get a new job.

You’ll…take it day by day.” Something dark crept in his stare, and he quickly turned, not meeting my gaze as he pulled me ahead.

“And that’s okay if that’s what you decide.

We’ll give it time just like you asked. If you decide you don’t want to move, and you can’t be with me…

I’ll unlock that door. The room will be yours . ”