Page 7 of On My Side (Quiblings #3)

Audrey

Playlist: The Prophecy | Taylor Swift

July

Ren’s been giving Piper piano lessons for three weeks.

I know he told me to stop by, and he wouldn’t ever ask me not to, but there was something about the way he looked at me when he gave me my mug back on the beach that made me hesitant to attend.

Maybe it was the unexpected aching between my thighs.

I don’t want to acknowledge the reality that making eye contact with my ex-best friend’s younger brother makes me desperate for a touch I haven’t received in over a decade. Desperate for a touch I’ve closed myself off from experiencing again.

I’m in my office at the inn early on a Monday, when an email arrives from Hunter Cleary.

She and Jo Quinn—Ren’s older sister—were vendors for the almost-wedding that was supposed to be hosted at the inn until it went to shit.

Hunter emailed me two weeks ago to tell me she and Jo were opening an event planning firm in Port Haven.

They’d been together for like two weeks.

It was the most precious—and gayest— thing I’d ever seen.

I like Jo and Hunter, and I love their vision, so I offered office space for them at a discounted rate. We also discussed the inn being a featured, preferred vendor, which could be huge for business.

Ding .

I do a double take when I look at the computer screen and see another email in my inbox, one from Lorenzo Quinn.

From: Lorenzo Quinn [email protected]

To: Audrey Hinton [email protected]

Subject: Piper’s progress and a few questions

Hi, Audrey. smiley face emoji

I found your email address on the inn’s website. I hope it’s okay to contact you this way.

I wanted to tell you I’m impressed by and proud of Piper’s progress. I can tell she’s dedicated and practicing frequently, and teaching her reminds me of why I love what I do.

I’ve noticed you haven’t stopped by for any lessons, and was curious if I could do anything to make you more comfortable? I think it would mean a lot to Piper, and it would mean a lot to me, too.

Next month, there’s a concert at Yale I think Piper would really enjoy. I don’t want to tell her about it until I get your permission to take her, or if you would want you can tag along? I think immersive experiences like that would be beneficial for her.

I also want to offer additional lessons if Piper wants, and again, check with you first before telling her.

I’m not sure if she told you, but she’s decided her goal for the summer is to master “Clair de Lune.” It’s a complex piece, but I think with her tenacity and dedication, she can do it.

It might be helpful to have a second lesson every week for her to complete this goal (no charge, of course).

Thanks for your time, and for letting me hang out with your kid.

Lorenzo Quinn (he/him)

I feel a myriad of emotions as I read the email. Shame, because he’s right. I haven’t stopped by. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with him. It’s just that…fuck. I don’t want to face the past. I don’t want to risk being found out and having all my hard work go to shit.

But, what if Piper thinks I’m staying away because of her?

I take a deep breath and hit reply.

From: Audrey Hinton [email protected]

To: Lorenzo Quinn [email protected]

Subject: Re: Piper’s progress and a few questions

Hi Ren, Correct me if my memory’s wrong, but didn’t we exchange phone numbers?

Ren, Why did we exchange phone numbers if you were just going to email me?

Mr. Q, Haha I forgot your name was actually Lorenzo. Does your mom still use it when you’re in trouble?

I groan and close my mailbox before putting my head in my hands. Why can’t I be normal with this man? It’s just a little crush.

“Mom?” I jump when I see Piper in the doorway. Shit, she was supposed to be babysitting today.

“Hey, birdie,” I say shakily, glancing towards the clock. “You’re home early.”

She flops into the chair on the other side of my desk. “Got bored and left the kids to take care of each other.” She says it so casually and naturally that if she didn’t say the same thing after every babysitting gig, I might actually think she left the kids alone.

“Teaches them responsibility. Good work.” I nod solemnly at her. “What’s up? I have therapy in a few minutes so I’m going to have to kick you out.”

“Nothing. I’m gonna practice and thought it’d be cool of me to say hi first.”

“Cool… yes.” The wheels in my mind are turning, and I wonder if I can do this without Piper figuring out what or who I’m talking about. “Pipe, you’re like… young and cool, right?”

“I was until you had to ask.” Piper looks disgusted with me. I’m such an embarrassment to her.

“What does it mean when someone who has your phone number emails you instead of texting?

She narrows her eyes at me. “This feels like a trap.”

“It’s not a trap,” I assure her. “Your mom’s a clueless old lady.”

“Have you texted them before?” Piper asks, fidgeting with the hair tie she took off her wrist. “Because I wouldn’t email someone if we’d texted.”

I shake my head. “Not other than a ‘hey, it’s so-and-so’ text when we exchanged numbers.”

“So-and-so? I don’t even get a name?” Piper pouts.

“It’s… Elmo. He’s an accountant I connected with online,” I lie.

“Maybe it means he has a weird name and doesn’t want to come across as too casual or familiar,” Piper suggests. “Like a professional relationship.”

I don’t know why her words make my stomach sink. She’s right, Ren and I have a strictly professional relationship, a relationship that wouldn’t exist without my daughter.

“Do you have a crush on Elmo?” Piper asks, and it takes me a moment to realize why she’s mentioning the red monster from Sesame Street.

“I… what?” I stammer, cheeks heating. Goddammit. “Of course not!”

“Oh my god, you do !” Piper gasps, leaning forward. “I’ve never seen you with a crush!”

“Yes, you have!”

“Luke Danes does not count.”

I scowl at her. “Alright, that’s enough from you. Mama has therapy.”

“Tell Eva I say hi!” Piper calls before closing my office door.

When I sign on to therapy, I surprise myself when I launch into telling my therapist about Ren.

And Eva, bless her, follows along perfectly.

“You and Kat were…” she prompts.

“Friends. Just…friends,” I say, hoping she stops asking about Kat.

Luckily, she does. “Got it, and Ren is her younger brother and Piper’s piano teacher, and we don’t like him… why?”

“That’s the problem,” I admit. “I do like him.”

Eva closes her notebook and leans on her elbows toward the camera. “Oh, this is interesting.”

“What is?” I ask in confusion.

“Are you attracted to him?” she asks point-blank.

I gape at her like a fish. “I… he has brown floppy hair! He’s objectively attractive… and Piper’s piano teacher!”

Eva doesn’t say anything.

“Okay, fine. Maybe he’s a little attractive, but we both know I’m not about to dive into dating. It just freaked me out, being recognized by someone I knew before.”

“And he’s sticking around, too, right? Teaching Piper’s piano lessons?”

“Yeah, he seems… good. To Piper, at least. And I don’t know, I’ve always thought Piper deserved more genuinely good people in her life, people who see her for who she is and like her for that.”

“And you don’t deserve that?”

I scowl at her. “Okay, isn’t our session over yet?

“I’m just saying, he might be a good person to try to begin a friendship with.”

I hate the idea. Thinking about Ren makes me think about the entire Quinn family, and thinking about the entire Quinn family makes me think about everything I used to want from life.

I always wanted to get married and have a big family. I wanted four or five kids, and a house with a big backyard and pets and chaos and a partner who kissed me whenever they came home from work. I wanted to fall asleep in someone’s arms, knowing they loved me, and the life we built together.

I went on a single date when Piper was a year old.

A guy I met at a bar a few towns over and went home with.

I don’t even remember his name, or if he told me.

He was in college and a few years older than me, and the fact he wanted me was thrilling.

Until I was topless in his dorm. I’ll never forget the expression on his face.

Or the way he stammered as he handed me the bra he’d taken off me moments before.

He remembered he had an assignment due in the morning, and I should probably get going.

He didn’t look at me until I was completely covered, and even then wouldn’t meet my eyes.

My breasts sagged from breastfeeding Piper and were adorned with stretch marks, darkened areolas, and large nipples.

I’ve never forgotten the way his rejection felt and the struggles with my body that followed.

All I’d wanted was to be more than a mom. My life and body belonged to Piper, and I wanted to feel like I was still a woman, still complete on my own.

The opposite happened, and the damage it left is still poignant.

“It’s scary, isn’t it?” Eva agrees. “Relationships. Letting people see, know, and love us.” I nod in response. “Audrey, I think it’s time for some exposure therapy.”

“No, thanks,” I respond quickly.

“Nothing terrible, I want you to open yourself up to the possibility of friendship. That’s our new focus in therapy: making friends. We’ll start small, though. Your homework is to email Ren back.”

“I don’t want to email Ren back!” I whine. God, it’s concerning how much I sound like Piper.

“I know. You don’t have to be best friends. The first step is to stop avoiding him and be an active participant in Piper’s piano lessons.”

I want to stomp my foot and refuse.

But I want to make Piper happy even more.

“I hate you,” I grumble.

“I know,” Eva says with a smirk. “I’ll see you next week.”