Page 32 of On My Side (Quiblings #3)

I furrow my brow in confusion and move to look into the drawer, too.

It’s exactly the way I left it, my favorite clit-sucking vibrator and a half-empty bottle of ibuprofen, some lube, and the weighted sleep mask I got from the inn’s white elephant exchange last year.

Body wipes and disposable toothbrushes I use when getting out of bed feels impossible, a light I use during the winter to help my mood, and a few loose, unidentifiable pills.

Nothing to garner… whatever he’s doing right now.

“Ren?” I prompt. “Do you wanna continue?”

“Give me a second,” he repeats. “Let me enjoy this.”

“Enjoy what ? What’s happening?”

He groans and rubs a hand over his face. “I’m looking at your sex toy .”

I stare at him. “That’s it?”

“That’s it ?” He stares at me completely befuddled. “Audrey, I’ve imagined every single detail of what you looked like when you got yourself off. I imagined a wand . But now I’m staring at this pretty metallic pink clit-sucking monster machine that’s made you come and not a wand and…”

“Uh, babe?” I say cautiously, placing my hand on his cheek and turning his head so he’s looking at me. “I think you’re spiraling.”

He nods solemnly. “Yes. Quite right.”

“Would you like me to use the pretty metallic pink clit-sucking monster machine while you watch?” I ask. “I’ve always tried to be quiet when I came, but I wonder if I’m loud if I let myself just feel , you know…”

Ren doesn’t let me finish that thought before he’s shoving the toy into my hands. “Fuck,” he says simply, eyes wild as they roam my body. “Fuck,” he reiterates, in case I didn’t get it the first time.

“You gonna be a good boy and watch?” I ask him, raking my fingers through his never-neat curls. They’re always wild, making him look well-fucked all the time.

Maybe that’s just what I think.

Or maybe it’s why the moms of Port Haven want him so bad.

My stomach flips as I realize those women with all the money they have to get nice clothes and makeup… he chooses to be with me. In my bed. In my life.

Ren nods eagerly in response to my question.

“I’ll be so good for you, sweetheart,” he murmurs before pressing his lips to mine.

It’s a slow, scorching kiss, and I can’t help the whimper that comes from somewhere deep in my chest when he tugs on my bottom lip with his teeth.

“I’ll be so good to you,” he adds, and those six words warm my entire being from the inside out.

He cradles the back of my head as I recline against the pillows at the head of the bed. He hovers over me as I lower myself, keeping our bodies connected. Once I’m laying down, he shuffles backward and gently takes my left ankle in his hand and spreads my legs, situating himself between them.

“I like this skirt on you,” he tells me, clutching the hem of my forest green corduroy pencil skirt between his forefinger and thumb. “You’re gorgeous in green.”

I bite my lip, face flushing. Ever since the night at the symphony, I’d known he liked the way green looks on me. I like it, too. I especially like it because it reminds me of his eyes, like a lush forest. I carry a piece of him with me when I wear the color.

A safe-for-work hickey, if you will.

“Thank you,” I breathe. “I know you do.”

He laughs and meets my eyes again. “Wore this to try to work me up, did you?”

I smirk. “Did it work?”

He leans over me again, clasping my chin in his hand. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to try.”

He kisses me again, and I swear I can taste the certainty he wants me as much as I want him. I run my hands over his shoulder blades, feeling the taut muscles of his back. He’s sturdy, like a house that was built to keep a family safe. Like a house built to last. He feels right .

Him kissing down my neck, avoiding my breasts like I asked, and bunching up my skirt as I lift my ass, feels right.

“Wet for me already?” he murmurs, brushing his fingers over my fabric-covered cunt.

I’m sure I say something intelligible and seductive in response, and not the garbled string of noises my ears trick me into hearing.

“Do you want me to take these off?” He traces the seam with his fingertips and my hips jerk in response.

“Please,” I beg, wanton and desperate.

This time, I wore a newer pair of underwear, a pair that can still pass as white, and not gray-ish brown. I should invest in nicer lingerie if he’s frequently going to be between my legs.

He hooks his fingers into the elastic waistband and slowly inches them down my legs, over the thigh highs and off my body.

He keeps his eyes on mine as he brings the fabric to his face, deeply inhaling the scent.

It’s one of the most erotic moments of my life, and I squeeze my thighs together in a vain attempt for relief.

“Keep those pretty thighs open for me, sweetheart,” he says. His words are dominant, but his voice is gentle and soft. “I want to see everything.” He sits back on his heels again, eyes fixed on mine.

I take a deep breath, trying to push through the sudden vulnerability I feel in this moment. My stretch marks and cellulite are front and center, but I try to focus on the fact he doesn’t seem to care. That he wants to see me.

I bend my knees and plant the soles of my feet into the bedding, opening myself—easier access for me, and easier viewing for him.

He wants to see you. I remind myself. He isn’t faking his hard-on.

I press the button on my toy and it comes to life with a steady buzz .

I hear Ren’s breath hitch as his eyes follow the toy as I bring it between my legs.

I suck two fingers into my mouth, and use those fingers to spread myself so I can access my clit.

Ren and I both moan as I gently brush a finger over my already-swollen clit.

“You’re beautiful, Aud,” he chokes out, bringing his eyes back to mine. “How is it possible for you to be this beautiful?”

I blush from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I turn my head to the side to try to keep him from seeing how much his words affect me.

“Please don’t hide from me, sweetheart.” His voice is heart-achingly tender, so much I feel it in my soul. I glance back at him, and he smiles softly at me.

I’ve never felt so exposed yet so safe at the same time. Like I’m slowly breaking down the walls I’d spent years strengthening, and instead of being horrified and disgusted by what I tried to keep hidden, he keeps asking to see more.

Finally, I place the suction directly over my clit, and we sharply inhale in unison.

“That’s it, sweetheart,” he praises me, eyes on my pussy. “Take what you want. You deserve it.”

I swear to god, if this man makes me cry while I masturbate, I’m going to have a conniption.

Ren watches my movements like he’s trying to memorize them. “Like what you see?” I tease breathlessly, unsettled by the silence. I’m not used to masturbating without a voice in my ear.

“Like feels too small,” he says. “You’re perfect, Audrey.”

My nipples harden, and I fight the urge to pluck at them.

If I were alone, I would, but this is one wall I’m not ready to let down yet.

Although, for the first time ever, he has me thinking it might be a matter of time.

That he’ll look at the breasts that grew and changed and lost shape with pregnancy and breastfeeding and find them beautiful, too.

“Can you kiss me?” I ask, voice shaky. I’m nowhere close to an orgasm, and to be completely honest, I don’t know if I’ll come tonight. But he’s here, and I feel good .

Part of me feels bad asking him to move from the show he’s earnestly enjoying, and another part of me feels bad for needing him closer.

But the part of me that needs his touch, anything he can give me, him , overrides the guilt.

Instead of responding, Ren stretches out next to me and kisses me. My heart beats faster at his touch, and he snakes his arm under my neck, gently drawing patterns on my shoulder.

“Can I touch you like this?” Ren asks me, placing one hand on my belly. I wonder if he can feel the butterflies inside.

I’ve always been self-conscious about my belly, despite trying to love it. It looks the way it does because my body created and grew my favorite human. But it’s jiggly and it has stretch marks and dimples. It’s soft, not like his.

Now? His touch is like a balm to the years I spent hating it, wishing it looked different.

He's gentle, his thumb stroking just below my belly button. He breaks the kiss, burying his face in my hair, and it feels like he’s surrounding me, protecting me the same way my walls did for so long.

Maybe that’s why they begin to crumble.

I moan as I edge closer and closer to the peak. I’m surprised at it happening, and beg my brain and body to let me have this. To let us have this.

“You can let go sweetheart,” Ren promises, his breath hot against my ear. “I’ve got you, you’re safe with me.”

I know I am, and my body does too, because I come on a sharp cry.

I can feel his smile against my neck as I fall apart. “There she is.”

He holds me while I fall apart, hips jerking and voice hoarse from my moans.

I shakily turn the toy off and drop it next to me on the mattress. I use that same hand to bury my fingers in Ren’s hair, pulling his face to mine to kiss him long and slow. He feels so right next to me like this… I wonder if he feels the same way.

“Fuck, Audrey,” he says after pulling away. He kisses the tip of my nose. “You’re radiant.”

I feel radiant. Like the sun slowly coming out from behind the clouds, or a piece of long awaited art on display for the first time.

I feel treasured.