Page 22 of On My Side (Quiblings #3)
Audrey
Playlist: Heart Attack | Demi Lovato
“So.” Piper scoops a heaping spoonful of Reese’s Puffs into her mouth. “Where’d you go last night?” she questions, words muffled by the sugary cereal filling her cheeks.
My cheeks heat. I guess she didn’t buy the excuse I gave her before I left.
“I told you,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. “They had some booking issues at the inn so I went to help.”
Piper makes a noncommittal grunting noise.
I lift my mug and take a too-large gulp of coffee. It scalds my throat as I drink.
“I’m just saying it’s okay if you went to Mr. Q’s last night,” she says casually.
I sigh heavily and put my mug back on the table, a little rougher than I intended, the heavy thud echoing through the kitchen.
“Whoa.” My daughter seems both impressed and uncomfortable at my sudden show of emotion.
“Sorry,” I apologize, guilt washing through me.
“Fuck,” she says casually, spooning another pile of cereal into her mouth. “You must really like him.”
“Piper, I love you, and I am setting a firm boundary right now,” I say, using the tone of voice I reserve for when I need to make it clear I’m not being silly.
“You joking or asking about anything between me and Mr. Q makes me uncomfortable. Please don’t do it again.
If I were to have a partner, I’d tell you when I was ready. ”
Piper’s face falls, and I feel bad for a moment. But the reality of autism is that sometimes, because of her difficulty with subtext and nonverbal cues, being blunt is the best way to communicate with her.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I need you to hear me, birdie.”
“It’s okay,” she says quietly, staring intently at the handful of cereal still floating in her bowl of oat milk. “I didn’t realize it bothered you.”
“I know, and I should have told you sooner. I’m very sorry for waiting such a long time and for hurting your feelings.”
I reach across the table for her hand, but she pulls away. I wince. Fair enough. “You didn’t hurt my feelings,” Piper tells me, still staring at her bowl.
“Okay, but if I had , it would be okay. I wasn’t kind, and if your feelings were hurt, which, I know, I know, they aren’t, that would be valid.”
“I’m sorry for disrespecting your boundaries,” she answers, voice shaky.
I scoot my chair closer to her, and my whole body relaxes when she lets me wrap an arm around her shoulders. “I know, birdie. But I wasn’t clear on my feelings about it, so maybe this is something you and I can work on together? Communicating effectively with each other?”
She sighs heavily. “I guess.”
I kiss the top of her head. “I love you, and part of my boundary is not asking Mr. Q any questions about me or himself, either.” I quickly add, realizing I hadn’t specified that.
Piper looks up at me, gray eyes mischievous and lips pursed to hold back a laugh. “That’s suspicious.”
“Piper Elise.”
“Okay, okay. I won’t say or ask anything,” she groans, shrugging off my arm.
She gets to her feet and shuffles out of the kitchen. She’s leaving for her lesson with Ren soon, so I take this slight reprieve to pull my phone out and text him, surprised when he’s already texted me.
Ren
good morning, friend sun emoji how did you sleep?
i feel like we should have secret code names for each other
as friends
i call lando
Audrey
lol you already call me aud
Ren
she lives!!!!! how’d you sleep?
How’d I sleep, he asks? How’d I sleep after dry humping with the most attractive man to ever exist to completion?
Best night of sleep I’ve had since becoming a mom.
I wish I was kidding.
Audrey
someone’s student decided to ambush me this morning because she’s convinced i went to your place last night
Ren
…
Audrey
no
Ren
right, you were not at my place
Audrey
don’t tell her anything okay? I set a boundary with her, but I don’t know how she knows or why she thinks we’re seeing each other, but she does. so be cool. tell her we’re friends.
Ren
we ARE friends
Audrey
nailed it
great work.
“Bye, Mom!” Piper yells, the screen door closing behind her.
Audrey
speak of the devil, she’s on her way
Ren
great, i’m already here. came early for some reason, before i could have any caffeine
I read his message over and over again before deciding to send the message I’m concocting in my brain.
Audrey
would you like a cup of coffee?
Ren
from you? always heart emoji
I roughly place my phone face down on the table and scrub at my face. It means nothing. That plain red heart means nothing, and why isn’t my heart getting the message?
We’re friends. Just friends.
To prove it to myself, I grab my phone again and open the text thread between Eva and I.
Audrey
i’m not sure what the protocol is about like reaching out over the weekend.
it’s not an emergency, but i want you to know i am KILLING it at this making friends thing we talked about. i did it! i made a friend!!!! is he piper’s piano teacher? sure. did we dry hump last night and is he also my favorite audio erotica creator? maybe. but we’re friends!!!!!
Is it oversharing if it’s with your therapist? Maybe, if it’s a text out of the blue on the weekend.
But I want her to know Ren and I are friends. I did it. I made a friend. I think that’s passing therapy in my case.
But there’s a problem.
Friends who feel this way about friends don’t stay friends. And I don’t know if I could take losing another friend.
I’m pulled out of my rumination when my phone dings with a text message.
Eva
Let’s move our session up to Monday.