Page 19 of On My Side (Quiblings #3)

Audrey

Playlist: Don't Blame Me | Taylor Swift

Sky’s Sluts

SkysMainSlut : GIRLS did you see the surprise drop?

AshBash69: I orgasmed as soon as I saw it omgggggggg

RebelLady93: have you listened to it yet?

AshBash69: no, why?

RebelLady93: it’s sfw.

SkysMainSlut: WHAT

AshBash69: oh my god my day is RUINED.

RebelLady93: it was kinda weird, honestly. It was direct to listener, but it was like… very specific. Very personal. It was hard to feel like he was talking to me.

SkysMainSlut: i can’t believe my man broke my heart like this.

AshBash69: we just have to get through the weekend and monday, and then it’s tuesday. Hopefully he’ll be back to his normal content by then. fingers crossed emoji

SkysMainSlut: i hope so. I need something unhinged and sexy in my life.

It’s way too easy to get inside this apartment building. If I weren’t so pissed, I’d tell Ren about the faulty lock.

But I am indeed pissed, so he can be murdered in his sleep for all I care.

After knocking on three doors, I was finally given Ren’s apartment number by a random dude. Again, the odds of him getting murdered in this building are very high.

Now I’m standing at his door, banging on it with my fist.

Ren’s eyes widen behind his glasses when he opens the door, like he didn’t expect to see me. I fight the urge to roll my eyes. He’s going to make an erotic audio about me, or at least directed at me, and act surprised when I show up at his apartment that I definitely didn’t know the location of?

Preposterous.

“Aud…”

“I’m coming in,” I interrupt, shouldering my way into the apartment.

When I step in, most of my gumption disappears because this man has a lightsaber mounted on his wall and a LEGO Star Wars spaceship I don’t know the name of encased in glass but also, it has that sage and peppermint scent and it makes me want to pull my hair out.

“What are you…” he begins to ask, closing and locking the door with a click.

I won’t even tell him how that lock’s probably broken too, so it’s not the safety measure he thinks it is. But instead I let my emotions take the wheel.

“No, absolutely not.” I spin on my heel and take two large steps toward him. “You do not get to ask any questions in this situation.”

His brows furrow in confusion for a moment before relaxing with realization, a smirk lifting those pouty lips of his. “Ah, you opened a certain app, I see.”

“What is wrong with you?” I hiss.

He takes a step toward me. He’s so close I can see the flecks of gold in his eyes, and he can probably feel my hardened nipples against his chest.

Please, nipples. Chill out.

“I was thinking I didn’t have another way to get through to you,” he says, eyes narrowing at me. “And we need to talk.”

I laugh in disbelief and step away from him. “Unbelievable. Instead of coming to see me like a mature adult you made a goddamn erotic audio? What the fuck , Ren?”

“How long have you known?” he asks abruptly, voice cold.

I blink at him, taken aback. “I said no questions…”

“I never agreed,” he interrupts, crossing his arms over his broad chest. “How long have you known?”

I force myself to meet his eyes. “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

He laughs, a short, harsh sound. “You don’t see why you knowing incredibly personal information about me and keeping that knowledge from me has anything to do with you being called out about it? Really, Audrey?”

My cheeks heat. “You don’t get to be angry about this. What if people I know listen, Ren?”

“I didn’t give any identifying information,” he argues, throwing his arms in the air. “I wouldn’t do that, and you know it.”

“I don’t know what I know,” I counter. “I didn’t think you’d use fucking 4Play to get in contact with me!”

“How long have you known?” he asks again.

“I don’t…” I shake my head, like it’s an Etch A Sketch and I need to reset my brain. “It was a few weeks ago.”

“How many weeks, Audrey?” he says, and the sternness in his voice makes me want to withdraw into myself, hide my body in my shell like I’m a reptile. But it also makes me clench my thighs together and that is not something I want to unpack today, thank you very much.

“Three weeks. Tomorrow,” I tell him, mouth dry.

I try not to watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. I promise, it’s a valiant attempt.

“How did you figure it out?” he asks, turning his head away from me.

“It’s… it’s silly,” I stammer, cheeks reddening. “I didn’t know at first, you disguise your voice really well,” I assure him.

He’s silent, arms crossed across his body and eyes downcast, his posture reflecting the way I feel inside. Ashamed.

“It was your laugh,” I blurt out. “It’s usually different but in… in that week’s audio it sounded familiar, and I went back to your first audio…”

“Before I got the Sky voice right,” he finishes, tilting his head to stare at the ceiling and exhaling heavily. “ Fuck .”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to…” Mean to what? Call him out? Show up at his apartment and accuse him? I meant to do both of those things.

I can’t find the courage that brought me here to be honest with him. That bravery that had me asking strangers for Ren’s apartment number is long gone, replaced instead by shame.

“It’s a nice laugh,” I say smally, like that will make him feel better. “I like it better than your Sky laugh.”

Shut up , Audrey.

That gets Ren to glance at me. “I’m not him, you know,” he says softly.

“He’s a part I play. It’s a job. One I enjoy, but I’m not…

” He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head.

“I’m actually demisexual, you know. I need an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction and…

and it’s a farce. I’m not this sex god like him. ”

I must be a twelve-year-old boy because I actively have to stifle my giggle at Ren saying the word sex .

I try to school my face, because he just came out to me, and I know that means something.

He shared a part of himself he hadn’t shared previously, trusted me with a new piece of the puzzle that is Ren Quinn. “Okay.”

“I get that you want him,” Ren continues, dropping his arms to his side and lifting one hand to run his fingers anxiously along his gold chain.

“Who doesn’t, right? Have you seen the subreddit?

” He laughs nervously as I blush and duck my head, face giving away the fact that I have indeed seen the subreddit.

“I don’t blame you for cutting me off when you realized it was me. I can’t live up to him.”

“Ren,” I take a step towards him, “No. I haven’t been able to get off to a Sky audio since…” I trail off, too afraid to admit it to him, to myself.

“Since when?” he asks quietly.

Since I realized how amazing you are. How generous and kind and my fantasies started including you staying for breakfast and being my person. Since I realized Ren was infinitely better than Sky, and I couldn’t have either.

“It doesn’t matter,” I shake my head and look down again. “I… shouldn’t be talking about me getting off.”

I can hear his quick intake of breath. “Why did you come?”

“I came to give you hell and I don’t think I’m doing a very good job at it,” I say helplessly.

“Sweetheart, you’re doing a wonderful job giving me hell,” he reassures.

“No, you don’t get to do that.” I meet his eyes again and point a threatening index finger at him. “You don’t get to call me pet names like I mean something to you.”

“You think you mean nothing to me?” He reels back, like I told him the pope isn’t Catholic. “Of course you mean something to me.”

“Not like that,” I say, throat dry. “Not in a sweetheart way.”

“Audrey, come on. I can’t keep playing these games where we dance around each other and our feelings.”

I flush. “Ren, no…”

He takes a step toward me and my breath stutters from being closer to him. There’s still around a foot of space between us, but he’s closer .

“You’re going to tell me you don’t feel this? You don’t feel whatever the hell this is between us?”

I squeeze my eyes closed, unable to look him in the eye. “Yes. I… I don’t feel anything.”

“Bullshit,” he says simply, and I hear the floorboards creak as he takes another step towards me. “I’m calling bullshit.”

“We can’t,” I whisper, eyes opening and heart pounding in my chest as I peer at him. I take a shaky step back. “Ren…we can’t. I can’t.”

“Because you don’t want to? Or because you don’t like what I do for a second job?”

My jaw drops and I notice the sadness in his eyes. “Ren, I swear, I don’t care about that. That isn’t a deterrent.”

“Then what is?” He takes another step forward, and I take one back, my ass pressing against the door. “Because I know how much I want you. I know how you make me feel. I know I can’t stop thinking about you, even when I’m recording.”

A shiver dances down my spine at the knowledge he imagines me the way I imagine him.

“I feel like I’m losing my mind because I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you. So what is it, Aud? Tell me.”

“Ren, you were a kid when I got pregnant,” I say shakily, and he takes another step towards me.

I can’t take my eyes off of him, and I should feel cornered, trapped…

but I don’t. “But it was bad. You saw how Celia treated me at the diner. If we were together, you’d get that too. You deserve so much better.”

His brow furrows, and he lifts his hand, tucking a piece of hair behind the earpiece of my glasses. “I don’t want better, Audrey. I want you, however you’ll let me have you.”

For a moment, all I hear is our heavy breaths. I don’t think I’ve ever been wanted for me before. I know I’ve never been looked at this way. Like he’s stuck in the desert and I’m fresh water. Like I’m the moon and he’s the tide. Like I’m necessary to his very existence.

“We shouldn’t,” I manage to whisper, and my heart clenches as he steps back.

“Okay,” he says, shoving his hands in his pockets and avoiding my eyes. “I’m… I’m not gonna push you.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you…” I try to explain.

“It’s that you think you don’t deserve to be wanted the same way you want,” he finishes, and I’m taken aback by his words.

Is he right? Is that what I’m thinking?

He wants me, and I want him, and god, it’d be such a mess. I’ve done fine on my own and will continue to do fine.

But I think I want more than fine. I want something heart stopping and passionate and incredible, something that makes me more than happy.

I want him.

“Fuck it,” I hear myself say, taking the two steps it takes to get to him before wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his mouth to mine.