Page 24 of On My Side (Quiblings #3)

Ren

Playlist: So It Goes | Taylor Swift

“What do you think?”

Three women stare at me expectantly—Audrey, Piper, and Leia. We finished our fourth episode of Gilmore Girls , and I know no matter what I say, I’m going to disappoint someone.

“I liked it,” I answer, immediately looking at Audrey and internally fist pumping when she beams at me. “I especially liked the pilot and how it introduced the characters.”

“Ugh,” Piper groans, slumping back against the couch. “I should have known you’d betray me.”

“What did you think about Lorelai’s outfit for the first day of school?” Audrey asks, sympathetically patting her daughter on the top of her head. “Have any parents worn something like that when dropping their kid off?”

“Honestly, the weirdest shit I’ve seen has been during private lessons. I haven’t seen anything that memorably strange at school but…” I trail off when I realize both Audrey and Piper are staring at me again. “What?”

“You can’t bring up weird shit happening during private lessons and leave it at that!” Piper exclaims.

“She’s right,” Audrey agrees, turning to face me. “Now you gotta tell us the weirdest things you’ve seen during private lessons.”

I look around cautiously, like I could be caught telling a salacious story by someone. “This one family had a nanny…”

They both groan in disappointment. “The dad and the nanny?” Piper mutters. “How predictable.”

“No, no. Not the dad and the nanny,” I correct, leaning in towards them. “The mom and the nanny.”

They both gasp with the appropriate amount of drama for the plot twist. “Oh, that’s much better,” Piper responds, a glint of mischievous glee in her eyes. It’s a really good thing this kid likes me.

I give them the sordid details, or at least as many as I can give that don’t give away the family’s identity, and what’s appropriate for a teenager.

They eat it up. We then watch another episode of Gilmore Girls before Audrey and I clean up after dinner.

She washes the dishes, passing them to me to dry while Piper and Leia lounge on the couch.

“Thanks for indulging me and pretending to enjoy my show,” Audrey says, putting a pink ceramic dish into the dishwasher. When she straightens, she’s so close her damn coconut shampoo overpowers the smell of the cleaner she wiped down the counter with.

“I wasn’t pretending,” I say earnestly, putting the pink ceramic dish into the cabinet. “I enjoyed it.”

She ducks her head, but I can still see the smile on her face.

“Even if you’re lying, thanks for giving that to me.

Piper has made her hatred of the show crystal clear since the first time we watched it.

I wonder if she actually hates it, or if she enjoys the show, but enjoys the ritual of hating it even more. ”

“Knowing Piper, either option seems plausible.”

“Very true,” Audrey agrees, closing the dishwasher and starting the cycle. “Thanks for getting to know her and teaching her, by the way. She’s always talking about you.”

“It’s honestly nothing. She’s a damn cool kid.”

She meets my eyes, and my knees are wobbly. “Um,” I say, voice as shaky as my legs. “I was thinking since tomorrow’s Sunday and Piper’s having such a good time with Leia… maybe she could spend the night? If that’s okay with you?”

Her smile grows. “Shared custody?” she teases.

“I figure if I voluntarily share custody, your daughter’s less likely to kidnap my cat,” I say, and Audrey laughs that goddamn laugh, making my heart skip a beat. Maybe I should see a doctor about that, it can’t be good for my cardiac health.

“That’s fine with me,” she says when her laughter quiets. I miss the sound immediately. “Wanna go ask Piper?”

“ Yes !” Piper screeches when I ask her, leaping to her feet.

“ Meow ,” Princess Leia says, presumably in agreement with her new favorite human.

Piper starts rambling about how she’ll take such good care of Leia, how she won’t overfeed her and will play with her and will snuggle her all night, unless she’d rather sleep alone.

I’m listening, but I can’t help but peek over her shoulder, at Audrey who beams while leaning against the doorway. She meets my eyes, blushes, and god, I’m glad to know I make her feel something , though I don’t know what it is exactly.

“Okay, Piper,” Audrey eventually says, pushing off the door frame. “Why don’t you and Leia start getting ready for bed? I’m gonna walk Mr. Q out.”

I’m thrown off balance—literally—when Piper throws herself at me and wraps an arm around my waist.

“Thanks for letting my best friend sleep over, Mr. Q. And hanging out with me and Mom—you made Gilmore Girls almost bearable.”

I have no idea how to respond. Usually when a student hugs me, I’ll hug them back, but they’re also usually much younger than Piper, and I’m not obsessed with their adult.

But her adult is right there, looking at us wide eyed, like she’s as taken aback by this as I am.

I wrap my arms around Piper and hug her back. “Make good choices, pipsqueak,” I say, awkwardly patting her on her back.

“Birdie, next time ask before touching someone,” Audrey says, like it took her a moment to find her voice.

“Is it okay if I hug you, Mr. Q?” Piper asks, voice muffled.

“ Meow ,” Leia says, dangling from Piper’s arm.

“Yeah. It’s okay if you hug me.”

Finally, Piper pulls away and skips off to kiss Audrey on her cheek. Audrey’s brows are furrowed in what I assume is confusion.

“Thanks for letting me crash girls’ night,” I tell her, putting on my jacket.

Audrey unlocks the door and we both step out onto the porch. “Thanks for coming. You chose a strange night to come—someone swapped brains with my child.”

I laugh. “Why do you say that?”

“She was so… touchy-feely. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve seen that child initiate physical contact with someone who wasn’t me or Aunt Liv.”

There’s a lump in my throat. “I… oh.” How the hell do you respond to that?

“I’m afraid I’ve passed on my general distrust of people to her,” Audrey continues, adjusting the fall-themed wreath hanging on her door. “Nobody really stuck around for me, especially after I was pregnant.

“No one was on my side. It felt like it was me and a tiny little creature in my body against the world. I don’t…

I don’t want Piper to ever think she has to be a certain way to deserve love.

I’ve worked hard to keep her safe and affirm the things that make life more difficult for her, but I’m scared of how capable people are of causing hurt. ”

“You’re a good mom, Aud,” I whisper, voice thick. “Piper’s an incredible kid and you can tell it’s because of how much you love her.”

She wipes away a tear. Fuck, I don’t want her to cry. “That’s a kind thing to say.”

“It’s a true thing to say,” I insist. I clench my fists by my side instead of lifting my hand, cupping her cheek, and wiping away her tears like I so want to.

“What if I held her back? What if by trying to keep her safe, I was the one to hurt her instead? What if… no. I know she’d be better if I were better. If I had my shit together instead of… this mess.” She lifts her arms and lets them flop to her sides, as if motioning to the so-called mess.

“But then she wouldn’t be that incredible human inside.

” I take a step closer to her. “Piper is who she is because of who you are. Because of every choice you made over the course of your entire life. Yeah, it led to the shitty stuff too, but parents hurt their kids. Sometimes intentionally, but most of the time not. Most of the time, I wouldn’t say they’re bad parents.

They’re just human, and personally, I’m glad you’re human,” I finish my monologue anti-climatically.

Audrey stares at her feet and nods. “I keep thinking you don’t know me, you don’t know us. I’ve successfully manipulated you into thinking I’m not a piece of shit and I feel guilty because I didn’t mean to manipulate you and…”

“Audrey,” I say gently. “Look at me.”

She reluctantly lifts her watery eyes. I want her to believe she’s not the horrible person she’s somehow convinced herself she is. That she didn’t deserve the way people treated her in the past.

“You mentioned you see a therapist before. Do they know you feel this way?”

She laughs emptily. “Oh, Eva is well aware of the shitshow that is my brain. Depression is a bitch, just so you know.”

“Trust me, I know. That’s why I run so much. Running, bi-weekly therapy, and sixty milligrams of fluoxetine are the best treatment for me. My brain tells me the same things about myself, and sometimes I believe them, too.”

She’s staring at me like she’s never seen me before, which is impossible considering she’s the only person who actually sees me.

“Do you have any hobbies or anything you can do when your brain is an asshole?” I ask her.

Her cheeks flush. “Unfortunately, my normal form of stress relief is off-limits now.”

I furrow my brow. “Why?”

Her blush deepens under the faint glow of the porch light, and I can see the tear tracks on her cheeks.

“I can’t listen to 4Play anymore,” she says, shrugging in a way I’m certain she’s trying to portray as nonchalant, but really looks like she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

I’m taken aback by her revelation. I’d thought she’d been listening, so I’d been careful to not think about her while recording, or do anything directly for her.

Which obviously meant I thought of nothing but her while recording. I imagined doing the things I talked about to her. Imagined what she would look like while I did, while she indulged in her pleasure.

I want her to see me, the way she sees Sky. I want to share this side of me with her, share these experiences with her. I want her to understand that I’m the one who wants her, not Sky.

“Why?” With that one word, the world is turned on its axis. Her eyes flash, my entire body heats, and my boner from earlier is back.

“Come on, Ren,” she says, forcing a laugh. “You know why.”