Page 53 of No Such Thing as Serendipity

Tears streamed down Emma’s face. “I always believed you thought I was a ridiculous, spineless female who couldn’t match your strength.”

“Seriously?” Wanting to lighten the mood, I said, “You scare me. Always have.”

Emma laughed and wrapped her arms around me. She kissed me on the cheek and then playfully planted loud kisses all over my face and head. I knew she was trying to bring levity to the moment, so I played along.

“Eek.” I pretended to recoil and turned my head away. “Remind me never to compliment you again if this is the treatment I get.”

“You love it.” Emma kissed me on the forehead one last time before she released me.

“Bully.” I scrunched up my face. “I might as well go next since it ties to Emma’s. I’ve learned sometimes the strongest thing you can do is to be weak.”

“Whoa, that sounds like double speak,” Helena said.

I bit my lip, trying to come up with a better explanation.

“I think it might be in your choice of word—weak,” Robyn said.

The light bulb went on. “Oh, yeah. When I talk about Emma’s softness, I don’t see it as being weak, but I guess I’m not quite there with myself.”

“Maybe use vulnerable. Open. Soft,” Annie said.

I pretended to shudder. “You guys are killing me.” The others laughed. “You’re right, though. I’m learning that it takes real courage—strength—to be vulnerable and let people past the shield.” I squirmed, ready to move on.

Robyn winked at me. “We love that side of you and are glad you’re sharing it with us.”

My heart rate quickened. While I knew Robyn didn’t say she loved me, it was close. I was just glad my face was already red from the sun.

“I’ll piggyback on that,” Robyn said. “I’ve learned that just because I’m the facilitator doesn’t mean I have to be so detached.

Perhaps I’ve hidden behind the label. I’m not a therapist, nor am I a teacher who’s responsible for grades.

Those roles would put me in a position of unequal power.

Facilitating doesn’t, so I can be more open.

” Robyn laughed and looked at me. “Although I won’t go to this extreme again. ”

“You better not,” I said without thinking. My face heated.

The others laughed, so I joined them, happy that Robyn didn’t seem to notice my reaction.

“I guess we’re the only two left,” Katlynn said, taking Helena’s hand.

“I’m struggling to put into words what’s come from this experience.

But I’d say the biggest is that people can like me,” she glanced at Helena, “love me for who I am.” She swept her hand in front of her body.

“I figured out why I dress this way. Why I go for the Bohemian free-spirited vibe. I’m afraid. ”

We all stared at Katlynn, and nobody spoke.

“Can you explain more?” Robyn asked. “We’d like to understand.”

“Growing up, I was expected to conform. I wasn’t strong enough to resist—at least not with my words.

Dressed like this, I make a statement without having to speak.

People make assumptions about who I am. In other words, I don’t have to defend my beliefs.

People just assume them.” She glanced at Emma.

“I want to be strong enough I can voice my opinions without this costume. Whether I’m wearing a business suit or a jogging outfit.

I want to speak my truth, not just wear it. ”

“That’s very astute,” Robyn said. The rest of us voiced our agreement. “What will you do with this knowledge?”

Katlynn smiled at Helena. “I’ve been encouraged to find my voice. I used to love to write until I enrolled in an MFA program. I quit after the instructor told me I had no talent.”

“That’s terrible,” Emma said.

“It was. But then again, I let him. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been writing about my experience.”

“It’s so good,” Helena said.

Katlynn blushed. “I have my reservations, but I’m considering what to do with it. Helena says I should publish it myself or at least start a blog. Once I leave here, I’m going to explore my options.”

We all clapped and offered encouragement.

“Thanks.” The glow in Katlynn’s cheeks made her look ten years younger. “Last but not least.” She gestured to Helena.

“This is easy,” Helena said. “I’ve learned to listen to and respect my body more.

Instead of fighting against it and being angry, I’m listening to it.

Funny, but now that I am, it’s cooperating with me.

I’m not having near as many flare-ups.” Helena smiled at Katlynn.

“It’s nice to have someone who will just sit with me when I’m in pain, not shame me into pushing through it or ignore it. ”

Robyn put her hands against her chest. “Seeing your growth is why I do this.” Robyn glanced at her watch. “Unfortunately, we need to head back in fifteen minutes. Should we answer the last question?”

“Yes.” Emma rubbed her chin. “But can someone remind me what it is?”

“Share with the group something we don’t know about you. We can start,” Helena said, holding Katlynn’s hand up. “Do you want to tell them, or should I?”

Katlynn smiled. “Can I do the honors?”

“Absolutely.” Helena squeezed Katlynn’s hand.

“I’m moving to North Carolina to be with Helena.”

While I’d seen it coming, I was still thrilled.

“And thanks to Blake, miraculously , my financial adviser found a bookkeeping error, and all my funds are being returned to me.”

“You still need to report him,” I said.

“I already did.” Katlynn smiled at me. “Still, it’s nice not to have lost thirty percent of the value. You should become a financial adviser.”

“Uh, honey,” Helena said. “I think her career is more lucrative than helping people with their personal finances.”

“Uh, yeah, sorry,” Katlynn said.

The rest of the revelations were unremarkable since we’d all shared so much previously. That was until Robyn, who was the last up, spoke.

“There’s a piece of me I’ve never shared with any other group, but you’re different.” Robyn met my gaze. “The only person in Madison who knows my story is Vera, but I want to share it with you.”

My insides churned. By the way Robyn averted her gaze, I knew this wasn’t something she’d told me. I reminded myself I couldn’t be offended since the purpose of this was to share something nobody else knew.

“Ten years ago, I came from San Francisco—Silicon Valley. I was a co-founder of an internet startup company. We were flying high, making money hand over fist.” Robyn looked down at the boat deck.

“My partner was also my lover. I’d been with her for eight years.

We were living the life of luxury, taking trips all over the globe. You could call us jetsetters.”

I stared at Robyn, trying to reconcile my notion of her with her description of her past. I couldn’t morph the calm girl next door into what she was describing.

“Somewhere along the line, the company became everything, so we started working harder. Fifteen-hour days weren’t uncommon. Our days of traveling the world were over as we expanded. No, that’s not right. We still traveled, but it was always chasing another customer.”

Robyn sighed. “I should have seen what it was doing to me, but I didn’t. I just pushed harder.” She smiled at Emma. “I needed an Emma in my life, and maybe it wouldn’t have happened.”

Emma gave her a sweet smile.

“Then our company attracted the attention of the big dogs. The vultures started circling, so we worked harder. I still can’t remember those three months of my life. I was living on Monster drinks and takeout. Sleeping at the office for days.”

Robyn met my gaze. The intense pain in her eyes made me want to rush to her. “I woke up in the hospital. The psych ward, to be more specific. I crashed. Hard.”

I motioned toward the space next to her. She nodded, so I moved across the deck and sat beside her.

I held her hand as she continued. “My coworkers told me I lost it in a meeting. I still don’t remember it.

” She squeezed my hand. “Apparently, my partner was pushing me to get our new product line out the door, but it wasn’t ready.

I’d been working around the clock to figure out the glitch.

Apparently, she told me I wasn’t trying hard enough. ”

Robyn paused and held her face up to the sun. “If I hadn’t seen the video, I wouldn’t have believed it. We were on a video conference with our satellite group, so it was all on camera.” She swallowed hard. “I trashed the room. Literally.”

I let go of her hand, put my arm around her, and pulled her body against mine.

She remained stoic, as if she were telling the story about someone else.

“I smashed laptops. Kicked over chairs. Ripped a television off the wall. Tore down curtains. And I don’t remember any of it.

The doctors say I went into a temporary psychotic state brought on by lack of sleep, stress, and toxic levels of caffeine and sugar. ”

“Oh, Robyn,” Emma said. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

“I’m not,” Robyn said. “It brought me here.” She smiled. “Granted, I would have preferred a less dramatic wake-up call, but it’s what I needed. That’s why I do this. I know what it’s like to hit bottom, so I can relate to the retreat-goers.”

“It all makes sense now,” Helena said, pointing at Robyn. “After my diagnosis, I spoke with many professionals, but I never felt comfortable. Opening up to you has been easy, sharing things I’d never done with anyone else. I just felt you got it. You heard me.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me.” Robyn put her hand over her heart. “If my experience allows me to help people, then it was worth it.” Robyn smiled and nudged me. “So how’s that for serendipity?”

I smiled back at her, knowing she wanted to lighten the heaviness in the air. “You’re such a showoff. You had to one-up me.”

Robyn threw her arms around me and hugged me tight. “I thought there was no such thing as serendipity.”

The others laughed. I suspected they were relieved to have the heaviness lift.

“What happened to your company?” Annie asked.

Robyn pursed her lips and gave me a side eye. “Please don’t hate me.”

“Hate you?” I said, confused.

“I just wanted out,” Robyn said. “My partner was done with me. She visited me in the hospital once, right after it happened. I sold my share of the company to her for next to nothing. I had enough money to buy my store and live modestly. She eventually sold it to Google for an obscene amount.”

My back stiffened. “I have lawyers. High-powered ones. We can fight this.”

“No, Blake. I don’t want to fight it.”

“But she exploited the state you were in.” I scowled, thinking of someone doing this to Robyn.

“Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. I made the choice.

She didn’t force me, and I’m at peace. It was another lifetime.

Nothing I ever want to revisit. I live in the present, not the past. I don’t know why I’m even telling all of you.

” She looked into my eyes. “I guess I want you to really know me. All of me.”

“Thank you.” I kissed her, nearly forgetting the others were there.

She kissed me back but soon broke the kiss. “All right.” She slapped her thighs. “I didn’t mean to end this on a low note.”

“Group hug.” Emma leaped to her feet.

We all followed Emma’s lead and stood in the middle of the boat, hugging one another.

A somber mood washed over us once we returned to the pier. After unloading the boat, we stood staring at one another, unsure what to do next.

“Okay, we’re not doing this,” Annie said. “We’ve got two days left.”

“Blake only has one,” Katlynn pointed out.

I shot her a look, but I said nothing.

Emma put her hand on my back. “But she’ll be back to show you all her hidden talent.”

“Girl, you better come back.” Annie pointed at me. “You owe us one more day before New York swallows you back up.”

Although I knew Annie was teasing, her words cut into me, and by the expression on Robyn’s face, they had her, too.

Wanting to lighten the mood, I dropped to the ground and spun on my back in a pathetic attempt at a breakdance move. From where I lay, I said, “I got moves that’ll surprise you all.”

They all laughed.

Helena’s eyes misted. “But you promise you’re coming back, right?”

I stood and put my arm around Helena. “I promise.”