Page 19 of No Such Thing as Serendipity

Robyn put her hand against her chest. “I’ll start with a serious question. Then end the session with something lighthearted to bring the emotions down. Is everyone ready to begin?”

We answered in the affirmative, except for Dana, who at least said nothing. Robyn glanced around the circle one last time. “I always begin and end my sessions with a moment of reflection. Everyone, close your eyes and breathe with me.”

I kept my eyes squeezed shut since I suspected Dana wouldn’t play by the rules. The uncomfortable sensation of someone watching me might have been paranoia, but I wouldn’t take any chances. I breathed in and out with Robyn, pushing aside my thoughts.

“Okay, you can open your eyes,” Robyn said. “I need a brave volunteer to go first.”

“Can you tell us the question first?” Katlynn asked.

“Today’s question is easy. I’d like you to share the reason you’re here at the retreat.” Robyn glanced around the circle. “Anyone want to volunteer?”

After a few beats of no one responding, Annie said, “I’m willing to be a guinea pig.”

“Thank you,” Robyn said. “It’s always hard to go first. It takes courage.”

Annie gave Robyn a huge smile before she began. “I lost my Danny—my husband—eighteen months ago. Heart attack. A widow maker. He never made it to the hospital.”

“I’m so sorry,” Robyn said. “How long were you married?”

“A month shy of twenty-five years.” She let out a half snort.

“I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive him for not making it until we hit that magic number.

” She looked around the circle. “Not really, but that’s what I tell everyone.

We were supposed to go to Europe for our twenty-fifth, but I couldn’t bring myself to go without him. ”

“You came here instead?” Dana asked.

I felt Robyn stiffen beside me and then lean forward as if she were about to speak, but Annie laughed before Robyn could respond.

“Don’t sound so shocked.” Her gaze locked on Dana.

“I loved that man with all my heart and soul. I don’t know how to do life without him.

I’ve been surrounded by men my whole life, except for my mama.

Four brothers and three sons. Perhaps that’s the appeal of coming here.

A little feminine energy to heal me.” Annie glanced at me and then at Emma.

“My biggest regret is not having a daughter or a sister.”

Dana’s eyes softened as Annie spoke.

“Thank you for sharing,” Robyn said. “Grief work is complex and a deeply personal process. I believe you’ve met Gayle?”

Annie nodded.

“She has extensive experience with grief, so you might want to connect with her,” Robyn said. “Of course, I’m always available, too.”

“Thank you.” Tears welled in Annie’s eyes.

“And sometimes, it’s your fellow participants that bring the most comfort and healing,” Robyn said.

We all nodded and offered encouragement to Annie.

“Okay, next.” Annie waved her arm. “You’re gonna have me blubbering like a fool, and I ain’t ready for that on day two.”

Robyn smiled. “Who wants to take Annie off the hot seat?”

Emma and Katlynn’s hands shot up. Emma waved her hand to the floor, offering it to Kathlynn.

“I’m afraid I don’t have a very interesting story,” Katlynn began. “I attend three or four retreats a year, so I’ve been all over the world. Bali. Costa Rica. New Zealand. Peru. You name it. This year, I’m focusing on more unknown retreats.”

“The pressure’s on.” Robyn chuckled. “I hope you enjoy it here. Is there anything else you’d like to add?”

As soon as Katlynn shook her head, Helena said, “Can I go next?”

“Certainly,” Robyn said.

“After a three-year battle trying to figure out what was wrong with me, last year, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. While I thought I managed it well, apparently, my girlfriend didn’t.

She left me when I discovered she’d been cheating on me for two years.

The kicker is she blamed it on me, saying with my body breaking down, I couldn’t please her like I once did. ”

Ouch. I hoped my reaction didn’t show on my face. While I focused on keeping a sympathetic expression instead of a look of horror, Robyn responded. Helena must have been satisfied with the answer because she gave Robyn a genuine smile and thanked her.

When Robyn asked for the next volunteer, Emma waved her hand.

“You’re up, Emma,” Robyn said.

Robyn impressed me by knowing all our names, even though she’d just met us yesterday.

“I’m just here to keep her in line,” Emma said, pointing at me with a flourish.

The group laughed.

“Girl, I think it’s gonna take all of us to keep her in line,” Annie said with a chuckle.

Robyn’s gaze shifted between me and Emma. “I must be the only one not in on the joke, so can someone explain?”

Emma gave Robyn an overview of how we ended up in the middle of nowhere, Wisconsin. While Emma talked, Robyn had a slight smile on her face, and I caught amusement behind her eyes.

Robyn turned to me. “I’ll get to you next, but I need a little more from Emma.”

Emma nodded enthusiastically.

“Putting aside sister-sitting, why else are you here?” Robyn asked.

“Can it still involve Blake?” Emma asked.

“It can involve whoever you want.”

Emma gave Robyn a half smile before she looked at me. “I want to reconnect with my sister. I’ve missed you.”

A lump caught in my throat. I knew I’d been standoffish while I focused on building my career, but Emma saying she missed me was hard to hear. Loyal Emma had stuck by my side even when I wasn’t worthy.

“I can see that stirred up emotions,” Robyn said to me. “Would you like to share what’s going on? What you’re feeling?”

I shook my head.

“Fair enough.” Robyn didn’t seem upset with my refusal. “How about you tell us why you’re here, other than Emma brought you?”

I bit my lower lip, trying to figure out how much I wanted to say.

Despite the relaxing atmosphere Robyn had created, I wasn’t ready to get touchy-feely, so I said, “With the setback in my career that Em mentioned, she convinced me a little relaxation would do me good before I roll up my sleeves and field offers.”

When Robyn continued to stare, saying nothing, I added, “I mean. I’m gonna show them, the people who bought out my company, that they made a huge mistake not keeping me on. Success is the sweetest revenge. Which means sixty- to eighty-hour weeks once I sign on with someone new.”

Robyn nodded. Her eyes were hard to read. “Do you frequently work such long hours?”

“Oh, yeah, if you want to get ahead in private equities, you need to hustle, especially a woman. Show them you have what it takes.”

“Will you take time for other things?”

I looked at her blankly for several beats before I figured out what she was asking. “It’ll be dicey the first few years. Ya know, establishing myself and all. Eventually, I should be able to settle in at fifty or sixty hours.”

Robyn’s eyes filled with sadness, and she glanced at Emma, who had the same look.

Shit. Emma said she wanted to reconnect with me, and here I was talking about working nonstop.

“I mean... I...” Fuck. This wasn’t the time to stumble over my words. I needed to erase the pained expression on Emma’s face. “Of course, I’ll always find, uh, make time for Emma.”

“That’s my sister,” Emma said. “Generous.”

Uh-oh. I’d stepped in it worse, but I wasn’t sure how.

“Words matter,” Robyn said. “Might I suggest you say you’ll prioritize time with Emma?”

Thank god. She was throwing me a lifeline. “Yeah, yeah. Of course, I will always prioritize Emma.” I picked at my cuticle, not wanting to look at the faces staring at me. I glanced at Robyn, hoping she’d see my panic.

“We should let Blake off the hot seat.” Robyn gave me a sympathetic smile. “I know this might feel uncomfortable, especially being the first circle. It’ll get easier.”

The hell it will. I wasn’t interested in sharing my feelings with strangers if this was what it felt like.

“I hope,” Robyn continued, “through this process, you’ll come away with a new understanding of yourself and strategies to find balance in your life. At least, that’s my wish for you.”

I smiled and nodded when I really wanted to say, what the hell would you know about any of this? It was always the rah-rah New Agers who preached balance. Next thing, she’ll be wanting to use one of those sage sticks to chase out all my bad energy.

“Last but not least, Dana, would you tell us why you’re here?” Robyn asked.

Dana shrugged. “Not much to tell. I’m here at the request of the law firm I work for.”

“Interesting,” Robyn said. “Would you like to expand on that?”

“Not really,” Dana said. “It’s an all-female firm. I want to make partner, but they claim I need to get more in touch with my feminine side. Whatever that means. The partners suggested a retreat. Since Madison isn’t far from Chicago, here I am.”

Robyn smiled. “Thank you for sharing. After everyone shares, I like to do a debrief before we move on.”

I must have tuned out while lamenting how much I hated being here sharing because when Robyn clapped her hands together, I jumped.

“Okay, thank you, everyone,” Robyn said. She met my gaze and smiled.

Had she seen me jump, or was she feeling bad for putting me on display?

“Now it’s time for fun,” Robyn said. “Let’s hear what animal you’d like to be and why.” She turned to Helena. “How about we start with you?”

Great. At least this was an easy one. Of course, I’d want to be a lion. Regal and in charge.

“A monkey,” Helena said. “Their bodies are so flexible and nimble. Not like this old body of mine.”

Next up was Katlynn, who chose a parrot, followed by Emma, who picked a giraffe so she could be tall.

When it was Dana’s turn, she smirked. “Only one animal I’d be—a lion. Queen of the jungle.” She met my gaze, and her eyes flashed. “They take what they want.”

Damn. She’d taken my answer, but it shouldn’t have surprised me, nor should it have surprised me she was openly flirting with me.

I missed hearing Annie’s answer since my mind was on overload between Dana’s innuendo and my having to come up with an answer.

“That just leaves you,” Robyn said.

“What about you?” I asked.

“These questions are designed to get to know each other better, so I normally don’t answer.”

I raised my eyebrow. “You show me yours, then I’ll show you mine.”

Robyn shook her head at me, but to her credit, she didn’t roll her eyes. “Fine. I’d be Millie. That dog has it made.”

Everyone laughed.

“You’ve seen mine,” Robyn said. “Spill.”

I smirked as an idea came to me. I licked my lips as I made eye contact with Dana. “I’d be an anteater. Imagine what I could do with my tongue.”