Page 39 of No Such Thing as Serendipity

I studied myself in the bathroom mirror. After lunch, I’d slipped into my bedroom to freshen up, wanting to look good for the afternoon sessions. Right. It was Robyn I wanted to impress. I just hoped I’d see her this afternoon.

She hadn’t been our facilitator at our morning sharing circle. I kept trying to convince myself it meant nothing since the instructors rotated. Still, this morning while getting ready, I’d prepared for what I’d say to her, so it was disappointing I didn’t get the chance.

With Robyn’s absence, the sharing circle hadn’t been the same.

Or maybe it was just me. The questions had been uninspired, and my housemates ridiculed me for my answers.

Okay, ridiculed might have been too harsh of a description.

Still, Robyn would have explored the nuance of my answer and encouraged the others to listen.

Wow. I was wound tight. It wasn’t like anybody had attacked me, but they’d interrupted me when I’d answered the question of the morning.

What fictional character would I want to be?

Without hesitation, I’d responded Dagny Taggart from Atlas Shrugged.

Katlynn hadn’t given me the opportunity to explain myself before she jumped on Ayn Rand’s political viewpoint.

Then Annie and Helena had joined her. A political debate overshadowed the original question, and the facilitator failed to regain control.

Why did everyone have to make things political?

My answer had nothing to do with politics.

I’d read the book in college and thought it would be a rush to run Taggart Transcontinental.

Dagny Taggart was a badass in a man’s world.

Something I aspired to, but the facilitator never gave me the opportunity to explain myself.

Oh, well. My friends didn’t seem to think any less of me.

Still, Robyn would have handled it differently.

I dabbed moisturizer on my face before I turned from the mirror.

After almost two weeks, Emma still wouldn’t tell me beforehand what class we were attending.

Did she still think I’d try to get out of it or balk?

Probably, and she’d be right. Most sessions she picked, I never would have chosen for myself.

Had I known the content, I would have prepared, taking away the spontaneity of the experience.

“The serendipity,” I said aloud and then laughed.

Was Robyn my serendipity? If so, what did it even mean? My stomach dropped. I’d mapped out how things would happen with Robyn. I’d rehearsed the conversation we’d have. If Robyn was interested, would she have avoided me for the past two days?

The fear had been niggling in the back of my mind since yesterday, but I’d pushed it aside because it didn’t match my narrative. In my mind, when I saw Robyn, she’d take one look at me and rush toward me. We’d embrace, and she’d confess the last two days had been the longest of her life.

Jesus. This retreat was messing with my mind, or maybe it was that damned romance novel I’d picked up at her bookstore. The one I’d devoured in two days. Curious Wine. She’d told me it was a classic, but had there been an ulterior motive since it was set during a women’s weekend away?

I opened the drawer where I’d stashed the book, and my gaze landed on my notebook. The one I kept my list in. It had been sitting there since we’d arrived, but I’d not opened it. I pulled it from the drawer now.

I ran my fingers over the well-worn cover. This was my plan, my goals, my life laid out in these pages. Was it still? I was about to open it when a knock sounded on my bedroom door. I stashed it under my romance book.

“Coming,” I called.

Our friends were attending the same program, but none would give away the topic. Whatever the class, I expected extra attendees since it was being held at the lodge. The last class we’d done there was emotion charades, which was surprisingly fun, so hopefully, this wouldn’t suck.

On our walk to class, Emma was still ribbing me about my Dagny Taggart answer, so I turned the tables on her. “Someone who singlehandedly lost the Villa Wars for our team shouldn’t give me shit.”

“What?” Emma put her hand against her chest. “Didn’t I help us win the trophy for sportsmanship?”

“She’s got a point,” Helena said from behind us.

I looked over my shoulder and glowered. “I’d hardly call a participation trophy a win.”

Annie, walking on the other side of me, chuckled. “Honey, I’m the Gen-Xer here. Shouldn’t I be the one mocking participation trophies?”

I laughed. “I’m an older millennial.” I pointed to Emma. “And Miss Sportsmanship has one foot on each side since she was born in early eighty-one.”

“I’m a Millenialex,” Emma said.

“Isn’t that what makes you poop?” Katlynn asked.

I burst out laughing, happy to be distracted from thinking about Robyn.

“For fuck’s sake, that’s Miralax,” Emma said through her laughter.

“And for the record, it’s a Xennial,” I said.

The rest of our walk was full of the playful camaraderie I cherished from this motley group.

As we approached the lodge, Annie said, “I can’t believe how much you all have crawled inside my heart. Is that weird?”

“No,” Emma responded before I could. “All of you have touched me in so many ways.”

“But we’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks. How does that happen?” Annie asked.

“It’s this experience,” Katlynn said. “In our real lives, we don’t have the depths of conversations we do here. I’ve done many retreats, and one thing they don’t tell you is how colorless life seems when you return home.”

I didn’t understand what she meant by colorless, so I was glad when Helena asked Katlynn to clarify.

“Here, everything is vivid—colorful,” Katlynn said. “Everything we experience is filled with emotion, but the real world isn’t that intense.”

“But can’t it be?” Helena asked.

“I think it can,” Emma said.

“Me too,” Annie echoed.

“I hope it can be, too.” There was something in Katlynn’s tone that caused me to glance over my shoulder at her. She was looking at Helena with intensity burning in her eyes.

“I’m envious of Emma and Blake,” Annie said, not noticing the exchange between Katlynn and Helena.

“Why’s that?” I asked.

“You’re here together, so you can take it home with you,” Annie answered. “You’ve had a shared experience that’ll last a lifetime.”

I smiled at Emma, and she took my hand.

“Wouldn’t that be a great idea for a retreat?” I said. “Everyone would sign up with a loved one.”

“I think they do those,” Katlynn said.

“You’ve never been to one?” Helena asked.

“There hasn’t been anyone I’d want to do it with,” Katlynn answered.

Why did I hear the unspoken until now in Katlynn’s words?

That damned romance novel must be messing with my head.

“Have you ever stayed friends with anyone you met at any of your retreats?” As soon as I saw the expression on Katlynn’s face, I wished I could take it back.

“That’s a stupid question. All retreats are different.

” I hoped it was enough to deflect the question.

“No!” Katlynn said so loud that Emma flinched. “This retreat emphasizes honesty, so I need to be transparent. I’ve stayed social media friends with a few but nothing more.” She turned to Helena, whose expression was blank. “But this retreat is different.” She reached for Helena’s hand.

Helena stared at it for a beat, but then she took it.

“Helena, I’m not sure what’s happening between us, but the thought of never talking to you again terrifies me.”

“Me too.” Helena’s voice was just above a whisper.

I glanced between Emma and Annie, thinking we should walk faster and leave the pair to their privacy. Just as I was about to suggest it, a streak raced across the parking lot toward us.

“Millie!” Emma called. While I knew she was happy to see Millie, it gave us the opportunity to let Katlynn and Helena talk in private.

Emma ran toward Millie as Millie sprinted toward us on her stubby legs, her tongue flapping as she ran. When Emma got to within a few yards of Millie, she dropped to her knees. Millie barreled toward Emma, who opened her arms just as Millie launched herself at Emma.

The pug hit Emma squarely in the chest. Emma let out an oomph before she tipped over onto her back.

“Millie!” Robyn yelled from where she stood beside her van before she ran toward where Emma and Millie lay in the parking lot.

My breath caught, watching Robyn racing across the parking lot.

“Are you okay?” Robyn asked as she reached Emma.

Emma had her arms wrapped around Millie and was laughing so hard she couldn’t respond.

I jogged up and crouched beside Emma. When Millie saw me, she stood on Emma’s chest and put her front paws on my knees.

“Ugh, Millie, Jesus, you weigh a ton,” Emma said.

“Millie, get off her,” Robyn said, reaching for Millie’s collar.

When Millie saw Robyn’s hand, she launched off Emma’s chest. Caught off guard, I tumbled backward, and Millie landed on my stomach. My breath pushed out of me. Now I understood how Emma felt. I coughed, trying to get air back into my lungs.

Our friends arrived, but they were laughing too hard to help.

“Oh, god, I didn’t think it was possible,” Annie said. “But Millie took out both sisters in one swoop.”

Her comment sent the others into another round of laughter. All except for Robyn, who was still trying to grab Millie’s collar.

I held up my hand. “Stop.” I sputtered since I had little air in my lungs. “I’ve got her.”

I sat up and gripped Millie’s collar.

“I am so sorry,” Robyn said. “Millie, you are being a very naughty girl.”

Emma rolled onto her knees and then stood. “It’s my fault. I’m the one that called her over.”

“Yeah, poor Millie shouldn’t get into trouble for my sister’s bad behavior.” I looked up at Emma and gave her an innocent smile.

“I was about to help you up,” Emma said. “But now I’m having second thoughts.” She held her hand out to Robyn, who handed her Millie’s leash. “I think I’ll take Millie instead.”

Emma clipped Millie’s leash onto her collar and turned away. “Come on, darling. Blake’s on her own.”

I looked up into Robyn’s eyes, and my insides did a flip-flop. She reached her hand out to me. As soon as I took it, electricity shot through me. Had Robyn felt it, too? Gauging by the heat in her eyes, she had.

Back on my feet, I stood near Robyn, not wanting to move away, though I knew I should.

“Are you okay?” Robyn asked.

What a loaded question. “I don’t know how I should answer that.”

Surprise flashed in her eyes. It gave me a sense of satisfaction to see her reaction. I doubted she’d expected me to be so forthright.

“Uh, I mean, did Millie hurt you?”

“No. It wasn’t Millie that hurt me.” Damn. I was on fire with my double meanings.

“Are you here for the class?” Robyn asked.

“You mean there’s a class going on here?” I asked with a smile.

Robyn finally smiled. “Okay, I deserved that. Pretty stupid question.”

“Nah, I’m just messing with you.” I smiled. “I was hoping to see you today.”

Her eyes widened. “You were?”

“I seem to have surprised you.”

“Yeah, I guess you did. I wasn’t sure how things would be between us after, uh, after Tuesday.”

“I missed... I mean, you missed an epic battle.”

“Vera told me. Second place, huh?” Robyn scrunched up her face. “I’d have thought you’d do better.”

I stared at her and let my mouth fall open before I responded. “Hey, didn’t she tell you about Emma?”

Robyn laughed. “I knew it would get me back on firmer ground.” She winked at me. “You had me back on my heels there for a second.”

I moved closer to her, so we were only inches apart. “Do you think I might throw you off your game again?”

Her face reddened, and she glanced around. When she did, I realized the others were gone, and Robyn and I were alone. By her reaction, I suspected she’d not noticed they’d left, either.

“I guess they wanted to leave us alone,” I said.

“Apparently.”

I reached for her hand, but she backed up.

“Blake, we can’t do this here.” She glanced at her watch. “I have to facilitate the class in ten minutes.”

“Yeah.” I knew she was right, but disappointment coursed through me.

“We’ll talk later. Clear the air.”

I stiffened, not liking the words she’d chosen.

Clear the air wasn’t a ringing endorsement of how she felt about me.

My first reaction was to save face and pretend I didn’t care, either.

Instead, I took a deep breath and said, “I don’t want to clear the air.

I want to talk about how I feel about you. ”

Robyn took in an audible breath. “Please, we can’t do this here or now.”

I smirked, even though I felt like vomiting. It was time I stopped playing it safe. “I know you’re scared, so am I, but it doesn’t change how I feel.”

“What’s gotten into you?” Robyn put her hand against her chest. “I’m supposed to be the emotionally mature one here.”

“I had an excellent teacher.” I winked at her and held out my arm. “Can I walk you to class?”

She glanced at the lodge and then back at my arm. Finally, she linked hers through mine. We walked to the building without speaking. My heart soared, having Robyn close to me.