Page 74 of Nineteen Letters

“Shit.” He plonks down on the corner of my desk. “He didn’t have another fall, did he?”

I scrub my hand over my face. “No. He asked where my mum was this morning. It’s hard having to relive it all again. Standing on the sidelines and watching everything he’s gone through—everything he continues to go through—is too much. He lost his wife in her prime and worked his whole damn life in a job he hated. He shouldn’t have to live out the rest of his days like this.”

“Life can be a real bitch sometimes.”

“Don’t I know it.” I feel him watching me as I boot up my laptop. After a few moments of silence, he finally speaks again. “I think Saturday night drinks are in order.”

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“Well, start feeling like it. I’ll pick you up at seven.” He slaps his hand against the desk before standing. “I won’t take no for an answer, Spencer.”

With that, he turns and leaves. I settle back into my chair and smile. A night out on the town with him might do me good.

When I arrived home later that evening, I was surprised to find a visitor waiting on my front porch.

“Rach. What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

She stands and walks towards me. “Everything’s fine,” she answers, getting up on the tip of her toes to kiss my cheek. “I’m here to raid Jemma’s wardrobe. I’m taking her out Saturday night and I want her to look nice.” My face must betray my feeling of trepidation, because she quickly adds, “It’s a girls’ night. She needs this, Braxton.”

Breathing suddenly feels difficult, so I loosen my tie. I agree she needs it, but it still makes me feel uneasy. I never experienced these insecurities when she was mine, but she isn’t mine anymore; well, not in her eyes. What if she meets someone else?

I reach into the back seat to grab my briefcase. “Lucas and I are going out Saturday night as well. We should organise to meet up later on.”

Her face immediately darkens. “If Lucas is going to be there, then no.”

I pause and glance at her over my shoulder. “What the hell happened between you two? You used to be friends.”

I still can’t wrap my head around this one. My last memory of them together is at our wedding, laughing and dancing.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” she says as we climb the front steps. Before I have time to respond, Bella-Rose comes barrelling out of the doggy door I had installed.

“Hey, girl,” I say as she jumps against my leg with excitement.

“Oh my god. You have a dog? When did you get her?”

“I do.” I reach down and scoop her into my arms. I chuckle when she licks my cheek. “This is Bella-Rose. I got her from the animal shelter.”

“Aww. She’s so cute!” Rachel beams as she scratches Bella-Rose under the chin.

“She’s my new companion. It gets lonely in this big house all by myself.”

Rachel’s smile softens. “I’m sorry.” That’s all she says, and I appreciate she doesn’t fill me with false hope. Like me, she knows there’s no guarantee that Jemma and I will ever get back what we once had.

“I don’t want to go to our usual haunt,” I say to Lucas as he backs out of my driveway. My bet is that’s where Jemma and Rachel will go, and as much as I’d like to see her, I don’t want Lucas’s attitude towards Rachel to ruin their night—or ours.

“No problem. We can go to that place I took you last time.”

“Sounds good.”

I don’t bother telling him why, because I don’t want to sour his mood. I wish I knew what the hell was going on with those two, but neither of them will talk about it, so for now I’ll butt out.

We take a seat in one of the booths off to the side, and after ordering a couple of Coronas and some dinner, Lucas sits back and gives me his undivided attention.

“So, how are things going with you and Jemma?” he asks.

“Still the same. We’ve made some progress, I guess.” I exhale. “But I feel like every time we take a step forward, it’s followed by two steps back.”

“Hang in there, mate.”