Page 63 of Nineteen Letters

“Hey.” He reaches out and wraps his hand around my elbow. “Is everything okay, Jemma?”

I glance at him over my shoulder and see the confusion on his handsome face.

“Everything is fine,” I lie, forcing out a smile. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll pick you up Friday morning, but hopefully I’ll see you before then.”I doubt it, is my first thought. “If you need anything in the meantime, just call.”

I nod and then quickly climb out of the car and hurry towards the building. I’ll text him tonight and let him know I’ll catch a bus to my appointments from now on.

Two days pass, and I’ve had no contact with Braxton. Well, he has called and texted me a few times—he even came to the house yesterday, but I pretended I was asleep when Christine came up to my room. I have ignored him at all costs. I feel dreadful for it, but it’s easier this way.

He has more than done his part in helping me on my road to recovery. It’s time I cut him loose and let him live the life he deserves.A life without me. Why does the thought of that make me want to cry?

I hear footsteps coming up the stairs, so I quickly lie down and turn my back to the door. Christine has noticed the changein me as well, and I can tell she’s worried. I’ve reverted to my old way of coping … hiding away from the rest of the world.

Things were just moving too fast, I guess. I got swept up in the whirlwind of it all before coming crashing back down to reality, and suffering a massive blow to the heart in the process.

“Jemma, it’s me,” I hear Rachel say from the other side of the door. “Are you awake?”

I roll over onto my back before finally sitting up. I have been avoiding her as well, but I can’t continue like this. I need to talk to someone, and she’s all I really have. Burdening Christine with my problems isn’t an option. She’s going through far too much of her own at the moment.

“Yes, I’m awake. Come in.”

“Hey,” she says, opening the door and popping her head in. “I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.”

I shrug as I cross my legs in front of me. “I’ve been avoiding everyone.”

She sits down on the edge of the bed. “Is everything okay?” When she places her hand on my leg, I raise my gaze to meet hers. “Jesus,” she says when she sees the tears in my eyes. Without hesitating, she pulls me into her arms. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”

I’m not about to admit that I am devastated by the thought of Braxton and what’s-her-face … Bella-Rose. What sort of name is that anyway? Pulling back, I wipe my eyes. “I guess everything is getting a bit too much. I thought I was doing fine, but it’s obvious I’m not.”

“I understand this is hard for you, but you were making some progress. Don’t take a step back … you need to keep moving forward.”

“Easier said than done.” I sigh before continuing. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“And you’re never going to find that out while you’re locked away in this room sulking.” Her words sometimes come out harsh, but she’s straight to the point, and that’s what I love about her … it’s what I need right now. “The Jemma I know is a fighter. She’s kick-arse. She lets nothing pull her down.”

“You say that like it’s not a big thing. How would you feel if you lost everything? Not just your memory, but your entire life. Your husband, your parents, your friends, your home, your career …everything. I’ve lost it all.”

“That’s the thing. You’ve lost none of that. Your memory, yes … and your job, but that’s no great loss. Your boss was an arsehole. But as for the rest, we’re all still here. And we’re not going anywhere. I know this is huge, I do. Just give it some time. It will all eventually work itself out.”

“I hope so.”

Rachel leans back and looks me over with a burgeoning smile. “You know what you need?”

“What?”

“A girls’ night out. Just the two of us. It’ll be like old times. We can do dinner and maybe go dancing afterwards. You love to dance.”

“Do I?” It feels weird that I don’t know this.

“Yes. You kind of suck at it, but you love it nevertheless.”

“I don’t suck,” I say, slapping her leg, and she laughs. “Do I really suck?”

“Well, put it this way: the first time we went out dancing together, I actually thought you were having a seizure.”

“What?” I screech.