Page 33 of Nineteen Letters

“Yes. I’ve never used it, but it’s charged. If it will make you feel better, I’ll take it.”

“It will. You remember how to make a call, right?”

“Yes.” Well, I think I do. It seemed easy enough when he walked me through it.

“Call me if there’s a problem. I mean it, Jem.”

“Okay.” I already know I won’t. I’m an adult, and like Rachel continually reminds me, I need to start living like one. “I hope your father’s going to be okay.”

“Thank you, so do I.”

“Bye.”

“Bye, Jem. Good luck today.”

Christine takes the phone from my hand, hanging it back on the wall. “Braxton’s having a rough time lately,” she says. “I feel for him, and poor John. He was always such a lovely man. Life hasn’t been very kind to him.”

I know the rough time she mentioned includes what I’m putting him through. I’m sure she didn’t say that to hurt me, but her comment stings nevertheless.

“I’m going to run up to my room and get my phone. Braxton said the taxi will be here soon.”

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll just finish packing the dishwasher. It will only take me a few minutes to change.”

“Why do you need to change?”

“I’m not wearing this old thing to your appointment.”

“You don’t have to come with me.”

“I’m not letting you go on your own.”

“Braxton said the taxi would drop me off and pick me back up. I’ll be fine. I’m not a child.”

I’m not a hundred per cent comfortable doing this on my own, but there’s also a part of me that wants to try.It’s the push I need.It’s time I stood on my own two feet. I can’t keep relying on everyone else for the rest of my life. I’ve disrupted their lives enough.

“Are you ready for your taxi, Mrs Spencer?” Olivia asks when I re-enter the reception area. “Your husband has already called twice. It’s sweet how much he cares about you.”

I smile courteously instead of replying. I’m not going to correct her; my personal business is my own. Technically, he is my husband, on paper anyway. She must presume we’re still a couple because he’s here with me every day.

But she’s right, he is sweet. Braxton, Christine, Stephen and Rachel have all been wonderful. Although I haven’t seen Stephen since I moved in with Christine. It’s clear my parents aren’t very fond of each other, and I’m curious to know why.

I glance towards the exit. Despite my initial misgivings, I’ve enjoyed the independence today has brought, and I want to make the most of the limited freedom I have.

It took all my strength to talk Christine out of coming with me. She can be very persistent. It’s not that I didn’t want herwith me, it’s more that I wanted to challenge myself. I know Rachel will be proud of me for going it alone.

“Umm … I think I might have a look around town while I’m here. Is that okay?”

“Of course. Just come back when you’re ready and I’ll organise the taxi for you.”

“Thank you, Olivia.”

“It’s no problem, Mrs Spencer. Marcy’s Boutique has a great little sale on at the moment.”

I nod and smile at her as I sling my handbag over my shoulder. I feel a mixture of excitement and nerves as I walk through the automatic doors and out onto the street. The curious side of me has wanted to explore this area, I’m not even sure why. I guess every new experience is a discovery and a step towards finding the new me. The way I look at it, I have two choices: I can wallow away in self-pity, or I can start to live again.

I choose to live.

I’m scared for what my future holds, but I’ve been through too much to just give up.