Page 22 of Meek: Chasing That Gangsta Love

D on’t let them let me die Kish, hold on to me baby, hold on .

I thought to myself looking into the bright light of the tunnel shining in front of my eyes.

It was as if I was floating on air. The pain was slipping away and there was something so much bigger awaiting me.

This shit was tempting, it was beautiful and like some shit I’d never seen before; I knew it was heaven.

See, I was a young nigga and never stepped foot inside of a church, but I talked to God every night and prayed constantly.

He and I both knew I wasn’t living my life right, but he knew my heart.

I wanted to go so badly; damn. I never in my life wanted to get through a tunnel as bad as I wanted to get through this one.

It was something on that other side calling me.

But Kisha, she wouldn’t let me slip away.

I kept trying; the more I tried, the more she fought for me.

“Meek! Meek! We’re almost there! Just hold on!

” She cried. I felt her gripping my hand, but I couldn’t grip back.

I couldn’t find the energy to do it no matter how bad I would have liked to.

I would’ve loved to hold and kiss my baby one more time, if I didn’t take that bullet for her, she would be the one laying here en-route to the hospital fighting for her life and I wasn’t sure I could deal with that, I rather it’d been me.

I took a breath so deep; it felt like my last, as I got closer to the light.

Oh Shit! This is it! This is it! I love you Kish, but it’s my time baby.

I felt myself drifting away. I held both of my arms out prepared to gain my wings as my soul slipped away.

For the first time in my life, there were no worries, no pain, no struggling, or looking over my shoulders.

I was excited, real excited but when the light went dim and I could no longer see shit I knew something was wrong.

I was being pulled back into reality. Nooo!

What the fuck! The pain was back; this was some shit I’d never felt before.

If they just let me sleep then maybe I would be okay.

I felt something stinging me in the arm, next I felt myself drifting away and it felt good; damn good as I went off into a deep sleep and dream.

“Kisha?” I said knocking on her room window, my little eleven year old bones were tired, and both my eyes were black. “Let me in Kish.” I whispered hoping that her mama didn’t hear me. She was a big old mean lady.

Her small body showed up at the window and removed the curtain.

“What’s wrong Meek?” She asked in her sweet tiny voice.

Even then, Kisha was beautiful to me. She moved to the side to let me in and then ran to her room door and locked it before anybody came in.

I climbed through and fell to the floor removing my black Reebok Classics.

“Meek.” She rushed to my side. “What’s wrong with you? Who hit you in the face?” She clasped both of her light skin hands over her mouth looking in horror.

“My mama boyfriend did it.” I said. All I really wanted to do was rest. I was young and weak, but rest would fix me in no time. That’s what my grandma always told me before she died.

“But why? That’s wrong Meek.” She said still sitting there frozen not knowing what to do. This was the first time that I’d ever knocked on her window and hoped that she let me in. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

“Because that’s just how it is. I talked back to him and then I refused to scrub his boots as punishment.” I laid on her bed holding my body.

“And your mama let him?” She asked in disbelief.

“That’s just how it is, she don’t love me, Kisha.”

“I know the feeling Meek.” She said climbing in bed with me. “My mama is out there on some bad drugs. She’s been sleep since this morning. I had to eat chips for dinner.”

I sat up and pulled my shirt off my body exposing my bruised skin before lying back down. I was in pain but even at that age I knew Kisha’s struggle as well. I immediately stopped worrying about myself and worried about what she said about not being able to eat dinner.

“You need ice or something on your face and your back.” She said standing up to slip her little tights on under her shirt. She then threw on a light windbreaker and some slippers.

“Where you going Kish?” I asked.

“To the store to get you some ice. It won’t take long.”

I tried to sit up. “You can’t go out there, it’s too late. Somebody will come tell on you.”

“These people don’t care Meek. You just sit tight. I’m gonna run real fast and I’ll be back in a little bit.” She climbed out the window and was gone.

I didn’t want her to go, but I was too weak to get up and go after her. If her mama showed up at her room door, I was going to piss all over myself. I was afraid of that big mean lady. I closed my eyes and dozed off shivering since Kisha forgot to throw the covers over me.

“Wake up Meek.” She whispered when she got back. “She had a full bag of ice, some rags, Neosporin, and two cups of noodles.”

“How did you get all of that?” I asked.

“I stole it.” She shrugged.

“What?!”

“Shhh.” She whispered with her hand to her mouth. “You too loud Meek, I said I stole it and ran before they saw me. They never pay attention to me when I go in there.”

“You’re a thief Kisha? You never told me that.” I frowned.

She shook her head violently. “No, but I need to help you, so I did it.”

“We’re going to jail Kisha.”

She chuckled. “No, we ain’t Meek. You didn’t even do anything and I’m too young to go to jail. Although it may be better than this place.”

“Don’t say that.” I told her.

“Why not?” She asked with her little face screwed up.

“Because, it’s gonna get better, watch. I’mma have a lot of money and I’mma take care of us both. We’re gonna be rich one day.” I smiled, even back then I was boastful and persistent on what I wanted.

She smiled with those sparkling eyes that drove all the boys at the play yard crazy for her as she stuffed the rags with ice, then handed them to me so I could place it on my eyes.

Next, she took her tiny fingers and put Neosporin on my bruises before putting her homemade ice packs on my back as well.

“Who taught you how to do this? Your mama?” I asked her. I was feeling better already.

“No.” She whispered. “The movies taught me. My mama never taught me anything.”

She got up and snuck into the kitchen to heat up two cups of noodles and since I was using my hands to hold the ice to my eyes, she took her time and fed me mine before eating hers. I felt way better after that.

“Do you feel a little better Meek?” She asked.

“Yep, thank you Kish, you’re my best friend in the whole world.” I told her.

“I know Meek. Let’s go to sleep.” She said finally resting with me.

After taking a shot to the chest, I didn’t know if I’d live or not but now, I was able to see, it wasn’t my time to go yet.

I saw the gates, I saw those lights, I had a taste of what it may have felt like, but something brought me back and I didn’t even have to open my eyes to know that Kisha was still here by my side, and if I knew her like I thought I did; she wasn’t leaving either.