Page 15 of Meek: Chasing That Gangsta Love

I woke up with the worst headache ever, like literally worse than I’d ever had in my life.

I grabbed the side of my head and struggled to focus in on my surrounding.

I didn’t know where I was, I couldn’t remember shit, and the room didn’t look familiar at all.

I sat up and grabbed my throat; it was super dry and cotton like.

So dry that I couldn’t even swallow. I hopped up and ran to the visible bathroom that connected with the room and put some tap water in the palm of my hand before swallowing it down my throat.

I repeated that at least four times before I was satisfied.

I slowly walked back out to the room when panic took over me all of a sudden.

Who the hell brought me here? I thought to myself.

The opening of the door caused me to jump and grab my chest. In walked a bow-legged brown skin girl.

I took a minute to look her up and down; she was average looking with a banging ass body.

“Hi Kisha, I’m Reesie, Meek’s girlfriend.

” She said placing a cup of coffee and fresh towels on the dresser.

“Meek?” I asked placing my hand up to my mouth. “Meek? How did I get here? Where is Meek?”

She chuckled but I didn’t see anything funny. “Meek will be here in a few minutes. We found you at Kidd’s house and it looked like you were having a hard time.” She said.

I stretched my eyes. “Kidd? What were ya’ll doing at my house?” I questioned and then I remembered the coke on the table; everything started to come back to me.

She raised an eyebrow. “So, you live there?”

“That’s my boyfriend’s house but he was letting me live there.” I told her and then caught myself, why was I telling her my business? I didn’t even know her. “Where’s Meek? I need to see him.”

“Oh, he’s coming and I’m sure he has questions.”

I sat down on the edge of the bed feeling paranoid, I was craving, and I knew for what.

I used my fingers and moved my hair from my face as I rocked back and forth.

I can fight this; I can fight this, I told myself.

I wasn’t my mother’s child, that life wasn’t for me. “Can you give me a minute?” I asked.

“Sure, but there’s some clean towels and a new toothbrush. There’s also some coffee for you to drink. Everything else is in the bathroom. I don’t have clothes that can fit you since you’re taller than me but I’ll grab a pair of Meek’s basketball shorts and a shirt.” She offered.

I looked down at the carpet. This was so embarrassing. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me Kisha, anybody that’s a friend of Meek’s is a friend of mine.” She smiled. “And one last thing.” She said with her hand on the knob getting ready to walk out.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“I know how Meek feels about you. I saw it in his eyes, but don’t think you’re going to come in between us. Not gonna happen.” She walked out leaving me there stuck on stupid. Where was Meek? I needed to talk to him. I wasn’t trying to come in between anything; I didn’t even ask to be here.

I walked in the bathroom to take a good shower as the tears burned my eyes.

I cried for everything. My mama, my daddy, his wife, Trent, Clint, Brittany, Mya, hell even Kidd’s evil ass because the person he was acting like wasn’t the person he really was, it was the drugs and when I left that group home with nowhere to go, he was there.

I knew he was probably looking for me. I thought about calling him, but how?

When I stepped out of the shower my wet feet sank into the plush rug.

I finally looked at the well-put together bathroom.

It looked like Meek wasn’t doing so bad himself.

I wrapped the towel around me and found the basketball shorts and shirt that Reesie left on the bed for me.

I never wore panties, so I didn’t need those anyway.

As soon as I slid in the shorts there was a knock on the door.

Why were they knocking? This wasn’t my house. Nobody ever gave me enough respect to actually knock on the door before entering a room that I was in. Not my mama, not Clint, and not Kidd. They knocked again and I still didn’t answer.

“Yo Kish! You dressed? It’s Meek.” His voice rang from the other side.

I ran to the door and jumped in his arms. “Meek!” I hugged him and hopped down standing back to look at him. I was happy to see him again, but I needed answers. “Come in, what am I doing in your house?” I asked.

He walked in and closed the door behind him. “Sit down Kish.”

I sniffed and wiped my nose before taking a seat next to him.

He looked disappointed when he looked in my eyes.

Meek looked good. He wasn’t skinny anymore; he was well developed with a ripped chest and tattoo sleeves on both his arms. His long dreads were even thicker and longer, his mustache and beard had grown in, and his dark brown eyes were perfect for his long lashes.

I remembered him having a perfect smile but this time, he wore gold teeth in his mouth bringing out a more thuggish look.

His gold Cuban link hung from his neck, and he wore a black and gold Cartier watch on his wrist.

He looked me dead in my eyes and asked me “Why? Why Kish?”

“What were you doing at my house Meek?”

“I didn’t know that was your house. What the fuck you doing running around with Kidd? Why were you strung out on coke last night? You an addict Kish? You turning in to your mama?”

I didn’t know what to say but I said it as I placed my head on his shoulder and hugged myself.

“I don’t know Meek, it’s so much to say.

I don’t want to be that person, but Kidd is the one who saved me when I got out of that group home.

If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have shit at all Meek.

I’m not an addict, I only did it a couple of times.

It makes me feel better, it takes all the pain away even if only for the time. ”

He sighed. “What happened to you ma?”

“I don’t even know where to start so I’ll blurt it all out.

” I said taking a deep breath. “When I left the projects, I was sent to a group home where my daddy came for me. I lived with him for a while, but he was never home, he was always working and with his sick wife who was dying from cancer. I had two stepbrothers; they were twins and one stepsister. My stepsister didn’t really fuck with me that heavy, but Trent and I were close; he was nice to me.

His brother Clint.” I shook my head trying to shake the memory.

“He was evil, he used to rape me and abuse me until one day I got tired. The night my stepmother passed away was the night I stabbed Clint and when my daddy came home, he gave me some money, packed me a bag and told me to run on and have a good life. This was after he called the police and took the rap for me telling them that he killed his stepson. I ran off and didn’t make it any further than the front gate before I heard a single shot causing me to run back.

I looked through the window and saw my daddy’s lifeless body staring up at me with dead eyes. ”

“Shit Kisha, you don’t have to tell me no more.” He said frowning.

“No Meek, I need you to understand.” I said.

“I ended up back in the group home where Kidd was there for me through it all. Even when my mama showed up trying to get money out of me from my father passing away, I never even claimed the money yet till this day, but Kidd made her leave me alone. When I turned eighteen and they let me out, he came to get me and showed me stability. He clothed me, fed me, and showed me how to be confident in myself. He was good to me in the beginning, but he changed. He became possessive and very jealous of everything. Well, I ended up pregnant; when I saw you that night, I was actually pregnant. He came home a few nights later after that night and he raped me causing me to lose the baby. I couldn’t take anymore of life, so I found something to help me cope and that’s why you found me like that. ”

Meek refused to look at me; like he was thinking.

After a long awkward silence, he finally spoke.

“You’re a strong girl, Kish, I should’ve been there like I was before.

I tried Kish, I really did try to fix your pain where I could, but I see that wasn’t enough.

I wished I could’ve done more but I wasn’t in the position… .I hope you can forgive me for that.”

“It’s not your fault Meek. How have you been? Like, how have you really been?” I asked.

He looked in my eyes again. “Now that I’ve found you again, much better.”

“Why were you at my house?” I asked.

“You want the truth?” He asked.

I frowned. “Of course.”

“Well, when you left, I had to beat the shit out of Rags for telling everybody about ya’ll little arrangements for money and shit. Why didn’t you tell me about that Kisha? I would’ve fucked that nigga up. I would’ve acted on that immediately.”

“I was embarrassed Meek.” I replied.

“From who, me? Man, we went hungry together, we got bit the fuck up by bedbugs together. I watched you wash the same four or five pair of panties every other night and you were ashamed to tell me? You trippin’.

” He said. “Anyway, after that I ended up working at a soul food joint where I met Reesie, but I got sick of that shit and left. When I bounced Reesie came with me. I was the stick-up kid and that’s why I was at your house.

I was about to rob Kidd’s bitch ass, he didn’t deserve that shit, number one rule…

don’t get high off your own supply. Instead of robbing him, I found you. ”

It didn’t matter what Meek was telling me cause I would never judge him.

“I must’ve been real fucked up. I’m so embarrassed Meek, I just wanted the pain to go away.

” I felt myself wanting to get zooted all over again as my body started to sweat.

“Please don’t let me do it again, I don’t want to be that person Meek. ” I wiped a tear. “Please help me.”

“You already know, I got you Kish. You can stay here for as long as you need too.”

“And then I can go back home and clear this shit up with Kidd since I know he’s looking for me.” I thought about how he must’ve been going crazy.

Meek stood up and stared down at me. “Ain’t no house Kish. Long live Kidd, that nigga will never fuck with you again.”

I stood up facing him as my heart raced. “What do you mean?”

“It means that nigga is cancelled.” He said.

“What did you do to him Meek?” I asked.

“You’re smart Kisha, leave it alone now.”

I grabbed my chest and sat down again. What the hell had he done?

“Do you know what you’ve done? I have no stability without him.

” I cried. “The cars, the clothes, the comfort. You snatched it all from me. I don’t have anything Meek, you have a girl and look at this fucking house.

” I waved my arms in the air looking around.

“You’re fine, you good. Now you’ve taken away the only stability I had in a long time. Kidd was fucked up, but he loved me.”

He looked at me with hurt eyes. “That nigga had you brainwashed Kisha, that’s not love at all. Get yourself together cause you’re not going back. I’ll take care of you now. For the next week I’m not going anywhere I’m watching you close. You won’t be putting that shit back in your nose.”

“You made a mistake.” I softly cried.

“You’ll thank me one day Kish. He couldn’t love you like I love you. I’m genuinely here for you. From this day on, fuck Kidd.” He said.

I watched him walk out and close the door.

What could I do? How did I keep getting in these fucked up situations?

My head hurt and my stomach did also, but I didn’t want to eat or drink anything.

I was fatigued and feeling anxious. My craving for more coke was more than I could chew. I wanted to rest, and I needed it.