Page 34

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

CARSON

C ocking my head to the side, my eyebrows lower in suspicion as I stare at the instant mac and cheese and mashed potatoes on the shelves at the grocery store. I’m supposed to be going to Lincoln and Nova’s for our first friends’ dinner. It’s something Riley and Nova decided they want us all to do once a month together.

The only kicker is, it’s supposed to be a potluck situation...and I can’t make ramen noodles without turning them to mush.

Pulling out my phone, I open up my messages and do a quick glance at the group text, realizing none of the guys were in charge of food. I see Rowan’s name and tap on it. I trap it between my ear and my shoulder as I pull off a box of instant mashed potatoes to read the instructions. I hear my call being picked up, but I’m greeted with silence.

“Did you talk to anyone about food tonight? No one said anything about what they were bringing and I was going to just bring mashed potatoes. Can I bring instant ones or will that be weird?” I ask, pursing my lips in contemplation. “I don’t think anyone would be able to tell that they’re not real.”

There’s still silence and I’m wondering if Rowan even actually answered my call. I set down the box, releasing my phone from my shoulder, and pull it away as I look down at my phone. It’s connected.

“Hello? Did you fucking hang up on me?”

“No, Ford,” he mutters in response, his voice seemingly disinterested.

“What are you and Hadley bringing? Did she talk to Nova or Riley at all about food?”

Silence again.

“Rowan?”

“Hadley isn’t coming tonight.” Rowan sighs, his voice trailing off into silence.

“Oh, is she sick or something?” I corkscrew my lips, shuffling down the aisle as I lean forward to look at the boxes of pasta. I’m not so sure I should show up with mac and cheese, but maybe something similar would suffice.

“No.” The word is vacant and flat as it comes through the speaker.

“Then why won’t she be there?” I question him as I stand upright again, glancing around the aisle, not sure why the hell they put any expectation on someone like me.

“Ford.”

My brain is still hung up on the food situation and I don’t even register what he said. “Can I just get a pasta salad from the deli counter or something?”

“Carson Ford.”

“What?” I respond, holding my phone against my ear as I pause in the aisle, standing in front of the mac and cheese section.

“I don’t give a flying fuck what you bring to Lincoln and Nova’s tonight. I don’t plan on going.”

My eyebrows pull together. “What? The girls are insistent on making this a thing.” I let out a deep sigh, rolling my eyes in frustration. “You don’t get to get out of this. You have to go tonight and if Hadley isn’t sick, she should probably come too.”

“Hadley can’t come because she fucking left.” He mutters a curse under his breath. “I just dropped her off at the airport and she’ll be on a flight to California in an hour.”

My entire body falls rigid. “You let her leave?”

“What the fuck was I supposed to do, Ford? Beg her to stay?”

“Umm, yes, you idiot.” This time when I roll my eyes, it’s because I can’t reach through my phone and smack him. “If you love her, you can’t let her go.”

“I can’t ask her to stay, Carson. She has plans, she has a life to live. I can’t ask her to stay here when I can’t give her the relationship she deserves.”

I’m silent for a second as I chew on his words. “I’m confused why you think you can’t give her what she deserves...”

He lets out a harsh breath. “My schedule is far too demanding and we’re gone so often. I don’t want her to be with me and feel like I just want her around to take care of Lucy.”

Man, he really is dumber than I thought.

“Rowan, she already knows and understands your schedule.” I pause, trying to figure out how to go over this without telling him he’s stupid. “If you don’t want her to feel that way, then don’t make her feel that way. Tell her how you feel, tell her you want her here because you want her .”

“It’s too late,” he mumbles after a beat or two of silence. “She’s already in the airport and probably heading to her gate.”

“Where are you?” I ask him, shifting my weight on my feet as I absentmindedly survey the boxes of mac and cheese again.

“Sitting in a drop-off area outside of the airport.”

I thought he had more than two brain cells, but now I feel like I’m talking to a replica of my own brain.

“Rowan . . . bro. Seriously, what the fuck are you doing?”

“I was getting ready to come home but Lucy started crying, so I pulled over and then you called—” He rambles, his explanation a string of words, but I abruptly cut him off.

“Turn the hell around and go get her. You cannot let her get on that plane,” I tell him, my voice urgent. “You need to find her and tell her how you feel, and then it’s up to her whether she decides to go or not.”

“I don’t want to sway her decision.”

Good Lord. How the hell can he not see what’s right in front of his face? It’s as clear as day that Hadley is in love with him. I sigh again. “Do you love her?”

“Yes.”

“Have you told her that?” I question him again.

“No.”

“Well, then, she’s not making a well-informed decision, is she?” I say, shaking my head at how ridiculous this is. If he would have just communicated with her, this could all have potentially been avoided.

I also know how important Hadley has become to my best friend, and the last thing I’m going to do is let him fuck this up.

“Here is what you’re going to do—you’re going to go into the airport, buy a fucking bullshit ticket to wherever the hell the next plane is going, get through security, and find her. You’re going to find her and you’re not going to let her be the one who got away, do you understand me?”

Something pulls on my pocket and I glance down at a small child tugging on my shorts. I tilt my head to the side, his gray eyes meeting mine as he gives me a sheepish grin. “Excuse me, mister.”

“Oh, shit, hold on, Ro,” I say into the speaker, smiling down at the little boy who doesn’t look to be older than five. “What’s up, little man?”

“Does this have milk in it?” He holds up a box of instant mac and cheese, trying to show it to me. “Milk makes my belly hurt but I wanted to show Mommy I can pick out my own without needing any of her help.”

I take the box from his small hand, my eyes scanning the list of ingredients, frowning when I realize it’s a gluten-free type, but not a vegan one. “Yeah, bud, this one has milk. Let’s see if we can find one without it.”

“You’re right, Ford,” Rowan’s voice comes through the speaker. “I’m being a fucking idiot and I’m turning around right now. I’m going back to the airport and I’m not letting her go without telling her the truth.”

“Wait, say that again.” I drop one of the boxes I find on the shelf that says it’s vegan. “Shit,” I mumble, crouching down to pick it up. “Here, buddy. This one says it’s vegan, so it means it doesn’t have any milk in it.” He reaches out with his left hand to take it from mine.

“That I’m going back to the airport?” Rowan asks, the confusion evident in his voice.

“No, the part where you said I was right,” I chuckle, watching the kid as he tries to read the back of the box.

“Oh my god, there you are, bambino .”

My entire body falls rigid, my heart stalling in my chest. That voice—my god, I know that voice...

Lifting my gaze from the little boy, I’m momentarily transported back in time when my eyes collide with hers. Those gold-and-green eyes that have been swirling around in my mind since that one night almost six years ago. “Andi?”

“Carson.” Her eyes widen with recognition, her cheeks flushed as she tucks a lock of chocolate-colored hair behind her ear. “Hi.”

My throat constricts as I look between her and the little boy, him smiling up at me with eerily familiar gray eyes. Panic passes through her expression, her hazel eyes watching me as I connect the dots in real time. His hair isn’t black like hers, but instead it’s a dark brown, a few shades lighter.

There’s no fucking way . . .

“Rowan, I’m going to have to call you back,” I tell him, my voice sounding foreign and distant as my gaze slowly settles on Andi’s.

Her slender throat bobs as she swallows hard, her hand protectively finding her son’s opposite shoulder as she pulls him flush against her body. He holds on to the box of mac and cheese, lifting it with his left hand for her to see.

None of this is making sense in my brain right now.

“Yeah, sure. Thank you for your help, bro,” he says, the words not even registering in my mind as I pull the phone away from my ear with my left hand without ending the call.

I tilt my head to the side, looking back at the boy again, my stomach feeling like it’s going to fall onto the fucking floor. “What’s your name, little man?”

“Matteo,” he says with his eyes bright and a grin spreading across his face. “What’s your name?”

“Matteo, caro mio ,” Andi starts to speak to him, her voice soft and gentle as she directs her gaze to her son. “We should stop bothering Mr. Ford and let him get back to his shopping.”

Mr. Ford.

I resist the urge to scoff at her formality. She says my name like she wasn’t screaming it the last time I saw her.

“I’m Carson,” I answer, ignoring Andi’s interjection. It’s been almost six years since we last saw each other. My heart is unsteady in my chest as I slowly ask him the next question. “How old are you, Matteo?”

His smile grows as he lifts his hand to show me his fingers, all spread apart. “Five!”

My eyes flash to Andi’s and she looks at me, inhaling sharply as her eyes widen with apprehension.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.