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CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

ROWAN

M y eyes scan the shelf, slowly making their way to the one pot that has yet to be touched. After Hadley and I made it together, I let it dry out and put it in the kiln. That was a couple weeks ago and we still have yet to glaze it.

Life has been a bit of a whirlwind as we’re approaching the end of the regular season and lately, the exhaustion has been hitting me a little harder than normal. Around this time is typically when I find myself having to push even harder through the fatigue that runs through my muscles and my soul.

I hang on to every last shred of adrenaline that helps to bury the exhaustion I’m truly feeling. It’s like a blanket—like a facade. It creates a false sense of being able to continue and then when the season finally comes to an end, I crash.

It truly is an unhealthy lifestyle, but I know it will only last a few more short years. The average for careers in the professional league is supposedly only five years .

There’s a soft knock on the other side of the door and I glance over my shoulder as Hadley steps inside. She’s wearing a pair of sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt, holding two mugs in her hands and the baby monitor tucked underneath one arm.

Since we had a few away games and I have a week at home again, Hadley insisted on taking care of Lucy tonight since I was with her most of the day. I took the opportunity to disappear into my pottery shed. It’s my little safe haven and where I can come to unwind. Where I can silence the outside noise and just work with my hands as I block the rest of it out.

After talking to Hadley about my brother, she advised me to take a few days before deciding what I wanted to do. I took a week instead and still don’t know what I’m going to do. A part of me feels like I should call him, but there’s a hesitancy. A lack of belief that he could be on a better path.

Hadley walks over to me, her footsteps light as she hands me a mug filled with what looks like tea and milk.

A soft smile dances across her lips. “Without any issues, like normal.” She laughs quietly, her face lighting up. “She’s predictable, just like you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I question her, tilting my head to the side as I take a sip of the steaming liquid and set it down on my workbench.

Amusement passes through her expression. “There are certain things you do that I’ve noticed.”

“Like what?”

“Well,” she starts, setting her mug down next to mine as she begins to walk between the two shelving units, inspecting the pieces I have sitting for another day. As she begins, I follow after her, trailing behind until we’re both between the shelves. “You always drink a glass of water with salt in the morning. You are ritualistic with most things. You blow inside of cups before you use them, just in case there’s dust in them. And when you need a moment of quiet, I know I can either find you out here or on the ice.”

My breathing ceases and my heart promptly crawls into my throat as I hang on to every last one of her words. I move closer to her with everything she said floating around in my head. She turns to look at me, her back to the wall of the shed. I’m transfixed on her, completely swept away in her undertow. Hadley’s been slowly slipping under my skin, and fuck me, she’s there.

My hand finds the underside of her jaw and I tip it back, those hazel eyes immediately colliding with my own. Her lips part and my fingertips dance along her skin, memorizing the way she feels.

This entire time, she’s been watching and observing, taking notes on every single thing that makes me tick. Maybe I’m under her skin, just as much as she’s under mine. I don’t know what to say, but I know exactly what I want to do.

Every thought melts from my brain and our surroundings vanish as my eyelids flutter shut and my mouth crashes into hers. The sharp intake of her breath surrounds me, consuming me as I let myself feel the cascade of emotions that hit me at once .

Her lips are soft beneath my own and she doesn’t move away. Her delicate hands find my sides, gripping my shirt as I slide my hands along the side of her face, pushing my fingers through her hair as I cradle the back of her head. I’m swept away in a whirlwind of her, her mouth moving with my lips as she kisses me back with a tenderness that seeps into the marrow of my bones.

I feel her everywhere. Under my skin, creeping into my heart, permeating my bones, slipping into the fibers of my soul.

She holds on to me, her lips parting as her tongue darts out and tangles with mine. She tastes like chocolate and whipped cream and I savor the overload to my senses, cataloguing every piece of her. Her body shifts, pressing into me, vibrating through every layer of my flesh, melting into me. My heart is on a journey of its own, thrumming to her melody as it threatens to break free from its cage.

I breathe her in, our tongues tangled, lips melting. Time is suspended, hanging precariously in the air, and everything around us ceases to exist. The only thing I know—the only thing that matters—is her. The way she feels pressed against my body, her mouth moving with me.

In the past two months, she’s opened my heart to possibilities that I never thought would happen. She came barreling into my life with a baby I had no idea about and now I can’t imagine what my life would look like without either of them.

Hadley just feels right. Like this is exactly where she’s supposed to be, right here with me, even if it’s only for this short amount of time.

I’m done wasting it.

I’m done denying myself of her.

My lips move slowly against hers, drinking her in before I break apart from her, both of us coming up for air. Her eyelids lift, the swirling hues of brown and green searching mine as she sucks in an uneven breath. My chest rises and falls in rapid succession, my heart pounding away inside my chest, but I ignore it all as I stare down at her, utterly lost in the depths of her eyes.

Utterly lost in her.

“That was...” Her words trail off as she lifts her fingers to her mouth, tenderly touching her swollen, bruised lips. A pink tint creeps across her cheeks. “Unexpected.”

“Just like you,” I murmur, my eyes falling shut as I press my forehead to hers. “Just like you,” I repeat, the words falling from my lips like a prayer.

As I pull away from her, I open my eyes, my gaze colliding with hers once more. Hadley glances to her right, releasing my shirt as she picks up a vase. A smile dances across her face as she holds it up to show me. “How about we finish this, just like you said we would.” She lifts her eyebrows, releasing me fully as she saunters past.

My body involuntarily turns, watching her as she walks over to the table, inspecting the various glazes I have. Her hair is slightly tangled from my hands, her lips still swollen, and her cheeks flushed. Blood rushes directly to my cock as I wonder how she might look after she’s been thoroughly fucked instead of just kissed.

“What color should we make it?”

I stalk over to her, not really caring about the vase, but only caring about what she wants and what her thoughts are. “What color do you want it to be?”

She turns to look at me, her eyes slowly drifting back and forth between both of mine. Her expression is warm, yet there’s something unreadable dancing in her stare as she looks back at the glazes. “This one,” she tells me, plucking a small bucket of glaze. I read the color, immediately looking at her as she stares back at me. “It reminds me of your eyes.”

I cannot formulate a single coherent thought and words completely fail me as she fucks up my feelings with more force than I’ve ever experienced before. Wordlessly, I take it from her, unscrewing the top, and set it back down. I find two pairs of gloves, handing one to her before pulling my own over my hands.

She’s quiet as she watches me pull out a drill and slide it into the liquid, effectively stirring it before I begin to pour a small amount inside the vase. “It’s easier if you do the inside first like this,” I murmur, swirling it around so the entirety of the interior is coated.

“What about the outside?”

“Grab a brush,” I instruct, motioning to a small container on the table. “We’ll do a coat now and then it will need two more, spaced out over the next few days.”

She bobs her head, pulling out a brush as I wrap my hand around hers, dipping it into the glaze. I guide her hand to the vase, moving the brush in sweeping motions, showing her how to evenly coat the dried clay.

“I can do that while you’re gone,” she says softly, her eyes fixated on the vase. “After you get home next week, I’m going to California for a few days to look at apartments while you’re home.”

My entire body takes a pause and my hand stills before I immediately recover. Our hands continue to move together again, although my spine is board straight and my heart feels like it’s going to fall onto the floor. “That’s not a problem. I’ll see if Mia can watch Lucy during practice and games.”

“It won’t be long,” she tells me, the words tumbling from her lips in a rush. As we finish glazing and I pull my hand from hers, I feel her gaze immediately on the side of my face. “I made a few appointments to look at places, so I’m planning on only being gone for three days.”

I swallow roughly, carefully picking up the vase as I force a smile onto my face. It doesn’t come close to reaching my eyes and goddammit, it feels unnatural. “You don’t owe me an explanation, Hadley. It will be good for me to establish some kind of a routine for when you’re not here.”

The thought alone feels like a dagger severing my aorta.

“You’re right,” she murmurs softly, the words barely audible as she plasters her own fake smile on her face. She walks over to the bench as I move to the kiln and it feels like we’re already miles apart. She picks up her mug, staring down at the hot chocolate that has since grown cold, a conflicted look in her eyes.

“We’ll manage, Hadley,” I assure her, watching her as her eyes find me again. “I promise, you don’t have to worry about Lucy and me.”

“I know.” She jerks her chin, the same plastic smile lifting her lips again as sadness encapsulates her gaze. She shifts her weight, almost as if she doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do. “I think I’m going to head in and get ready for bed.”

I want to tell her to stay. I want to sweep her into my arms and never let her go.

I know I can’t do that. It isn’t fair to her.

I will not be another person in her life who holds her back. She lived that life with my brother and if I kiss her again...if I sweep her into my arms, I know I’m never going to let her go.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” I tell her, the words feeling foreign as they roll off my tongue.

Hadley gives me one last lingering stare before she picks up the mugs without another word and leaves me alone with my pottery and my thoughts.

Hadley Reed was only ever meant to be temporary...so why the fuck does she feel so permanent?