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CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

HADLEY

I stare out the window as the car rolls to a stop, looking out to the horizon. My eyes travel across the water that shimmers in the sunlight. The temperatures here have been a shock compared to what I’ve grown used to in Aston. I’ve been comfortable just walking around in a short-sleeved shirt, not having a need for my thick coat I brought along on instinct.

The hospital I’m supposed to be working at is located in the center of the city that borders the coast. On the outskirts of the city is where I’ve spent the day looking at apartments. With a handful of papers, I climb out of the car, tip the driver, and head toward the small hotel nestled along the sea.

It’s a quiet and quaint little place, tucked away from the hustle and bustle of the city. It’s like the best of both worlds here, with the Pacific Ocean and the startling warm temperatures.

I’m not sure I could see myself making this my permanent residence, but it’s been a nice little escape from the frigid temperatures in Aston.

My return flight to Aston isn’t for two more days and I’ve been enjoying exploring the city, but there’s something about it that just doesn’t feel right. Like there’s something missing. I miss the way Rowan’s house smells like warm vanilla bean and the comfort it provides. I miss accidentally kicking Lucy’s toys under the couch and having to blindly reach for them, not sure of what I’m going to find under there.

I miss the familiarity.

I miss them.

As I settle back into the motel for the night, I end up ordering delivery and settle on the bed to eat after showering. It’s a small room with one bed, a dresser and TV, and a full bathroom. I don’t need any more space than this while I’m here and there isn’t anything about it that feels like home.

The only thing I enjoy is being able to have my windows open and the smell of the salt air drifting in from the sea.

I tried to watch the Archers game on the TV, but for some reason I wasn’t able to find it. Instead, I ended up settling for a rerun of an old rom-com that I found instead.

My phone vibrates from beside me on the bed and I move quickly to retrieve it as I open up my messages. Yesterday I talked to Rowan when I got here, just to let him know that I made it safely and to check in on Lucy. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t checking in on him too .

A smile lifts my lips when I see that it’s a message from him. I’m on the opposite side of the country, three hours behind him, and judging by the time, I’m guessing he just got home from a game.

Rowan

How did today go? Did you see any apartments you like?

Hadley

It went well. I’m not sure about apartments, but I think I like it here.

After viewing four different apartments today, I didn’t see one that I fell in love with, which is okay. I don’t have to be in love with the place for it to be my home—even if it’s just temporary.

Rowan

How many are you looking at tomorrow?

Hadley

I have one scheduled and then I’m looking at two different Airbnbs that said I could rent one of their rooms for the three months I’m here.

Rowan

I’m glad things are going well for you and that you like it there.

Hadley

I do, but it’s not home, you know?

Rowan

So, where is home ?

I swallow roughly as I read over his message again. I used to think the word referred to an actual place, but now I’m not so sure. I think it’s more of a feeling. It’s where you can exist beyond the constraints of society; where you feel safe and at peace. Home is where your soul can rest.

And I think that maybe, just maybe, you can find that within another person.

Hadley

I don’t know.

Rowan

When you do, you’ll feel it.

It won’t even be a question.

I chew on his words, knowing damn well that he’s right, but I decide to point the conversation in a different direction. Now is not the time to unravel the feelings I’ve been quietly locking away in a vault.

Hadley

I missed your game tonight. How did it go?

Rowan

It was good. We won, and had another shutout.

Hadley

You’re insane. I don’t know how you do it.

Rowan

Well, typically I use my body, gloves, blocker, and stick to stop shots. If I’m in the correct position at the right time, pucks don’t make it into the net.

That’s the gist of how I do it.

I laugh, lifting my gaze from my phone as I realize there’s no one laughing with me. It’s just me, myself, and I, lying alone on a bed in a motel room in a city on the opposite side of the country. The sudden gravity of the loneliness is overwhelming and my laughter dies off as I swallow back my emotions.

Pulling myself away from the uncomfortable realization, I look back at my phone, the loneliness transforming into longing as a tender smile drifts across my lips.

Hadley

Smart-ass.

Rowan

Debatable.

Two more messages come through back-to-back before I get the chance to argue with him. The first is a picture of Lucy. It must be from earlier in the day because the sun is still shining in the background. She’s sitting in one of the bouncer seats we got for her, drool dripping from her lips and her arms stretched out as she’s trying to reach for the phone.

Rowan

Lucy misses you.

Hadley

I miss her.

Rowan

She’s been cranky lately. I think she’s sick of me and wants you to come home.

Hadley

Are you trying to use your daughter against me?

You send me sweet pictures of her so I get on the next plane back to Aston?

Rowan

I most certainly would never do that.

But . . . would it work?

Hadley

That depends . . . What’s in it for me?

Rowan

Unlimited baby snuggles and pottery lessons.

My chest and my throat constrict. I didn’t anticipate how being away from the two of them would leave me feeling this empty.

Hadley

Sold.

Rowan

You’ re an easy sell.

Hadley

No, you just happen to have the sweetest baby girl and I may or may not have enjoyed pottery lessons with a certain goalie.

Rowan

I hope you’re not throwing clay with anyone else.

My breathing hitches and the butterflies in my stomach begin to stir. Is he asking what I think he’s asking? He constantly throws me off-balance to the point that it’s becoming difficult to distinguish what is up or down anymore.

Hadley

I’m not.

Rowan

Good.

Hadley

I think I’m going to get ready for bed. It’s getting pretty late and we both have busy days tomorrow.

Rowan

Okay. Let me know how tomorrow goes then.

Hadley

I will.

Rowan

Can I tell you something?

Hadley

Always.

Rowan

Lucy isn’t the only one who misses you.

My heart stumbles over itself, a cascade of unsteady beats as my breath quickens. I know my heart will never survive the destruction Rowan Taylor can lay upon it, but my sense of self-preservation isn’t enough to stop me from telling him the truth.

Hadley

She’s not the only one I miss either.

Abandoning my phone on the bed, I head into the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready to sleep. I check my phone one last time, disappointment pricking my skin when I see he still didn’t respond. Closing my eyes, I settle against the down feather pillows and just as I’m about to fall asleep, a message from him comes through.

Rowan

I was hoping that would happen.

Sweet dreams, outlaw.