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CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

ROWAN

I don’t know why I agreed to this.

I successfully managed to avoid talking to my brother while he was in rehab, which was probably a worse choice than what I’m facing now. At the urging of his sponsor and our parents, he decided to take a day trip to Aston because he wants to come and visit me.

Beau agreed to meet me at Drip N Sip for a short visit since I have practice today. It’s a neutral space so if I decide I don’t see what everyone else is seeing, I can easily walk away. It’s not like I’m inviting him into my home where I live with Lucy. The same home where the very woman he made feel like shit has also been living.

“It will be okay,” Hadley tells me, reaching for my hand as she gives me a gentle squeeze. I glance down at her standing beside me outside of the shop as her other hand rests on the handle of the stroller. We decided to come into the city together and she’s going to check out some of the stores in the strip while I meet up with my brother. “If you need anything or if you’re ready to go, all you have to do is call me.”

I stare at her for a moment, and instinctively lean forward, my lips meeting her forehead. “Thank you.”

Hadley gives me a smile, then I watch her for a moment as she turns away, pushing my daughter down the sidewalk before disappearing into a store. An exaggerated sigh leaves me and I head into the coffee shop, the aroma of beans wrapping around me as I pause just inside. My eyes survey the small space, eventually landing on my brother sitting in the corner with a mug between his hands.

Not bothering to order my own drink, I head directly to him, taking in his appearance before I sit down. He looks good—better than I last saw him. His eyes are brighter, his skin clearer, and his hair is styled. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, looking completely normal, yet in a better state than before.

“Hey, Rowan,” he says, a soft smile lifting his lips as he looks up at me. I slowly sit down, bobbing my head at him in response as I watch his brow furrow. “Did you want a coffee or anything?”

“I’m good,” I tell him in a clipped tone.

His mouth corkscrews and he stares at me for a second before smiling. “Thank you for agreeing to meet up with me. I know I should have called you sooner to talk about things, but it was something I was having a hard time bringing myself to do.” He pauses, his eyes searching mine. “It just felt like it was a conversation that needed to be had in person instead.”

I swallow before running my tongue over my teeth. My spine is rigid, my body on high alert, and I know I’m giving off aggressive vibes just from the way I’m staring at him. Rolling my shoulders, I force myself to relax in my seat. A conversation like this is completely uncomfortable but sometimes the only way to get over something is to rip off the Band-Aid.

“I agree,” I say, leaning back in my seat as I let my hands rest in my lap. “I will be honest, I didn’t want to talk to you, and I’m still not sure I do. With that said, I’m willing to hear whatever it is you feel you need to say.”

Beau purses his lips and irritation passes through his stare before it vanishes. “I appreciate that.” I’m shocked to see him let it go instead of harnessing it. “Well, I will just get straight to the point. I owe you an apology for the way I’ve treated you in the past. I know I was not a good brother to you and I took advantage of every single person in our family. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life and one of my biggest regrets will always be the wedge I drove between the two of us.

“I always looked up to you and am so proud of everything you’ve accomplished and where you are in life. There was a part of me, when I was in the thick of my struggles, that was jealous and envious of you. I wanted what you had. I wanted the praise and the recognition, but I didn’t see myself as worthy. I was a piece of shit and all I did was hurt everyone around us. I never felt deserving and I hated that you were.”

He pauses, taking a sip of his drink as I watch him carefully. He looks healthy and the way he’s speaking has me off guard. These are words I never expected to hear from my brother—not from someone who has always lived in defense mode, ready to strike like a snake.

“I know saying sorry will never make up for the things I’ve done or the things I’ve said. I just wanted you to know that I take full responsibility for it all and I’m sorry for ruining our relationship. I’m sorry for the things I did to Mom and Dad and for you having to witness it all. I can’t take it back but I can move forward and I hope that one day, maybe we can have a new relationship, something healthy and better than what we had before.”

I stare at my brother, unsure of what to say. I’m torn between wanting to forgive him and wanting to remind him of every bad fucking thing he did in life. Hadley’s voice slips into my mind, a sound of comfort and the voice of reason.

“You owe yourself the chance to forgive him for your own sense of peace.”

“A lot of things have been done in the past and talking about them isn’t going to change anything that has already happened,” I start, my voice trailing off as I lean forward, folding my arms on the table. “It’s hard for me to expect that things will be any different with you going forward, but it isn’t fair to anticipate the worst. I want nothing but the best for you, Beau. That’s all I ever wanted, but you pushed me so fucking far away.”

I let out a deep breath, the uncomfortable feelings from our past resurfacing. “I don’t know what a relationship between us will look like now, but I’m willing to try. I’m willing to forgive you and give you another chance.”

Beau‘s expression softens, his eyes damp as he stares at me from across the table. His eyes do a brief search of my own, almost as if he’s looking for some kind of lie or a but. A few moments pass between us before he speaks again. “I am sorry. You never deserved the way I treated you in the past and I just want to be a better brother to you.”

“Well, all we can do is learn from our mistakes and grow from them.”

A gentle smile lifts his lips. “You’re so right. I’ve learned so much since entering rehab and finally getting my bipolar disorder under control. I’ve been able to process and see clearer and see past myself.”

“I’m happy for you,” I tell him with nothing but honesty. I may not have been there for him this past year, or past few years for that matter, but I am genuinely happy for him. My brother can be a fucking monster and a prick, but I know deep down inside, there’s more to him. That younger version of him who thought I was his best friend is still there.

“You’ve just always fought against everyone and you were literally your own worst enemy.” I let out a breath, letting it go instead of throwing it all in his face. Even from this small interaction, I see a change in him. It’s a noticeable difference and I find myself feeling proud of him actually following through on getting his shit together.

There’s a sense of relief and that peace Hadley spoke about as I reach inside my heart and find the forgiveness he needs. I can’t continue to hold on to the negative feelings I’ve had for him. The last thing I want to do is contribute to why he doesn’t find his way in life.

“I forgive you. There are no hard feelings from me or between us, okay?”

He’s silent for a moment before he tips his chin. “Okay. Thank you, Rowan.” He swallows roughly. “I want to apologize to Hadley...if she’ll talk to me.”

My breathing ceases and the thought feels like a thorn in my side. I may forgive him for the things he did to me and our family, but Hadley is a sore fucking subject. The last thing he needs to do is open any of her wounds.

“Mom mentioned to me the two of you are engaged and she told me about Lucy,” he admits, lifting his mug to take a sip of his coffee. “I’m not mad or upset with you,” he adds, an apologetic smile on his face. “I never should have dragged Hadley into my shitstorm of a life and I was never fair to her. I didn’t treat her the way I should have, but I know you’re good for her. You’re everything she deserves.”

Words fail me as I stare directly into my brother’s eyes. I didn’t give a shit what his thoughts would be on the matter, especially after the way he ended things with her. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised at the way he speaks matter-of-factly and with such resignation and peace.

“You’re right. You never should have pulled her into any of your mess.” I shake my head at him, biting back the anger that licks my veins. “You treated her like dog shit and she never deserved any of that. ”

“I know,” he says quietly, his head hanging in defeat before he picks it back up and stares at me head-on. “I’m happy that she has you, but I would still like to apologize to her if she is okay with that.” He pauses, his eyes bright. “And maybe one day, I can meet my niece too.”

The part of me that would have continued to hang on to the anger and negative feelings gets pushed to the back of my mind. There’s no way to move forward or to forgive and grow while hanging on to any of that. Beau still has a lot to prove, but if he doesn’t get a chance to do that, there’s no room for any growth. All it does is provide an impossible roadblock for him and his healing.

“Hadley is down the street right now with Lucy,” I tell him, my voice soft as I glance at the door. “Let me text her and see if she wants to talk to you at all.”

I pull out my phone, noting the time and that we need to get going soon anyway. I open my messages app and find Hadley’s name at the top.

Rowan

Are you ready to go?

Hadley

I’m ready whenever you are.

Rowan

I’m ready now.

My brother wants to talk to you, but I can tell him no if you’re not comfortable .

Hadley doesn’t respond at first but then her message comes through.

Hadley

That’s fine.

I’ll meet you at the car.

I look up at my brother. “She said okay.”

Hope passes through his gaze as he drains the rest of his coffee. I rise to my feet and he follows suit, leaving his mug at the small station they have by the trash cans. His footsteps are even and I’m able to get a better look at him while he’s standing up. He’s filled out and has a healthy amount of weight. My brother looks better than I’ve seen him in years and just from talking to him, I already have a good feeling about him.

Hadley is waiting by the car with Lucy when we get there. I walk up to her, my eyes meeting hers as I take the stroller from her. “I’ll get Luce in the car while the two of you talk.”

She stares up at me, her eyes searching my face as a gentle smile lifts her lips. “Okay.”

Hadley walks past me, stepping up to my brother, and I turn my body to watch the two of them for a moment. There’s a healthy amount of space between them and my brother starts to talk, a string of apologies falling from his lips. I catch some of his words as I lift Lucy and the carrier seat from the stroller and get her secured in the car.

In a way, I know the two of them need this moment. Hadley may forgive him and she may be over him, but there’s something about an apology that helps as that final piece of closure.

I fold up the stroller and slide it into the trunk of my SUV before walking over to where my brother and Hadley are. Instinctively, I step up to her, wrapping my arm around her lower back as she leans into me, pressing her body against my side.

“Thank you for your apology, Beau,” Hadley tells him, her voice tender and filled with so much kindness. “I know that was a very dark point in your life and I don’t hold any of it against you. Honestly, I don’t think we were ever supposed to be in a relationship together, so I have no ill feelings toward you for that not working out.” She lifts her head, her hazel eyes meeting mine. “Some doors have to close for others to open.”

Beau looks back and forth between the two of us. “I know I still have a lot to prove to you both, but thank you for today. I have every intention of making things better between us and I look forward to building a healthy relationship with you,” he says, looking directly at me.

“In forgiveness, there’s peace,” Hadley says, her eyes shifting back to Beau. “I think we all needed this today.”

“I agree,” he says quietly as he tips his chin at her and looks at me.

“Do you want to see your niece?” I half blurt the words out, almost regretting them until I see the way my brother’s face softens. It transports me back to simpler times when he still thought I was the coolest person .

“I’d love that.” He smiles, looking back and forth between Hadley and me. We all move to the car and I pull the door open for him to look inside at her. “Oh my goodness, look at her. Thank God she’s not as ugly as you,” he jokes, glancing at me as he laughs. “Hello, Lucy. I’m your uncle Beau.”

He takes another moment or two, talking quietly to Lucy before standing back to face Hadley and me. “Thank you for sharing her with me,” he says softly. “We’ll talk soon?”

“We will.” I incline my head at him, my arm releasing Hadley as she walks over to pull Beau in for a hug. He looks at me over her shoulder, a look of contentment in his expression as he holds her for a brief second before releasing her.

I step closer to him, holding my hand out to him as Hadley watches the two of us. “Drive safe and let me know when you get back home.”

“I will,” Beau tells me, inclining his head at me. He remains for an extra second, his eyes hovering over us as Hadley silently slides her palm against my own, her fingers tangling with mine as they tighten in a gentle caress.

My brother turns around, leaving the two of us as he heads off in the direction of the parking lot behind the coffee shop. Holding Hadley’s hand, I walk her over to the passenger’s side. She reaches for the door with her free hand, but I stop her, spinning her around as I pin her against the side of the SUV.

My hand finds the side of her face, my fingers trailing along her jaw as I tip her head back. I lower my mouth to hers, our lips melting together as she kisses me back with a tenderness that snakes around my soul. I kiss her until she’s breathless, pulling away and kissing her forehead.

“What was that for?”

A smirk lifts my lips. “Because I wanted to.” I stare at her, vigor seeping into my bones. “Thank you for pushing me to do this. I’m not sure I would have talked to him or tried to forgive him without you.”

“I didn’t push you to do anything,” she says softly, her eyes burning holes through me. “I only helped to guide you. This was all you, Rowan. You chose to take a chance and try. You chose to find forgiveness.”

My breath catches in my throat, my chest constricting around the emotion that builds inside, and my lips find hers once more.

She might not believe it, but she’s the voice that drifts in the back of my mind, assuring me anything is worth trying.

She’s always there . . . She's everywhere.