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CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

HADLEY

S tanding at the threshold, I stare into Rowan’s living room, my eyes scanning over all of the things Lucy has acquired the past few months. Past that, I can see into the dining room and kitchen where I’ve spent so much of my time since moving in to help Rowan.

Absent-mindedly, I slide my right thumb and forefinger over the ring on my left hand, spinning it around as emotion washes over me. I forgot to take it back off last night after Rowan told me to put it on. It’s not mine...not to keep, at least.

Just like he was never mine to keep.

At the end of the day, it was all a means to an end. Every moment was fake and simply to ensure Lucy got to live with her father.

Walking over to the sink, I find a few dirty dishes and rinse them off before setting them in the dishwasher. Rowan is going to be busy the next few weeks with juggling a baby and the playoffs .

I already feel guilty enough for leaving him to figure out what he’s going to do without me. The least I can do is put a few dishes into the dishwasher.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

The sound of his voice slides across my eardrums like silk and I suck in a deep breath, pushing my emotions back down as I slowly turn around to face him. “I know, but it needs to be done.”

Rowan’s eyes slowly search my face, his expression unreadable as he adjusts Lucy in his arms. “Thank you, Hadley,” he says softly, his throat bobbing as he swallows roughly.

I force a smile onto my lips and it feels unnatural. It feels wrong in a moment like this. “It was just a few dishes. No big deal at all.”

He tips his chin, the movement drawn out before his eyes survey the kitchen, coming to a stop on the clock on the stove. “Are you ready to go? If we want to get you to the airport on time, we should probably go now.” His gaze slides back to mine. “Do you have all of your things?”

Everything except for my heart . . .

“I think so,” I tell him, my voice quieter than I mean for it to be. “I left both of my suitcases by the door to the garage.”

“Can you take Luce and I’ll get them into the trunk?” he asks me, closing the space between us with his long strides before stopping in front of me. “If you want to meet me out there, we can hit the road then.”

My hands brush against his and a shock of electricity travels along the nerve endings in my skin. I ignore the shiver it sends down my spine and pull Lucy against my chest as I tilt my head to look at him. “Don’t worry, I’ll be out of your hair soon enough.” I half laugh, winking at him as I feel a twinge of pain deep inside my chest.

He blows out a breath as he stares down at me for a beat. “You were never in my hair, Hadley.”

“Yeah, well, you know what I mean,” I retort, forcing that plastic smile across my lips again. “Are you sure it’s okay if some of my things are still here?”

I told Rowan I could get a storage unit to keep the things I’m not taking with me to California, but he insisted it was senseless. No one else is going to be using the guest room that I’ve been occupying, so he was adamant that my belongings stay here until I figure out what I’m doing when my next travel assignment is up.

“Yes.”

He’s been quiet all morning and I hate it. None of this is easy for me and I know he’s not particularly happy about me leaving right before playoffs start. We both knew it was going to end up working out this way timewise, but now he’s stuck having to make other arrangements and I’m sure that’s where his frustration is stemming from.

Rowan disappears from the kitchen, leaving Lucy and me as he heads out into the garage, taking my suitcases with him. A few minutes later, I finally pull myself from the comfort of his home and walk out to the car. I get Lucy secured in her car seat and tears form along my lower lids as I know this is probably the last time I’ll get the chance to do this.

I climb into the passenger seat, glancing at Rowan as he rests his hand on the gear shifter, his eyes slowly searching mine after I secure my seat belt.

“Are you ready?”

No.

“Yes.”

The car ride to the airport is painfully silent outside of the music Rowan has playing. I don’t pay attention to the lyrics, but I notice that he continues to turn it up, almost as if he’s trying to block out the silence that stretches between us.

I want to say something, but I know I can’t. What could I possibly say? There’s no place for my feelings in a situation like this. I fell in love with a man I was never supposed to love. He needed me here to help him settle into life with his daughter.

And now he doesn’t need my help.

There’s no reason for me to stay.

Rowan follows the signs that point to departures, slowing to a stop outside of the doors that lead into the airport. Just beyond the sliding glass is the check-in for the airline I’m flying on and reality is hitting me directly in the center of my sternum.

Emotion wells in my throat and I struggle to swallow it back as Rowan puts the car in park. His knuckles are white as he holds on to the steering wheel, staring straight ahead. I watch him for a moment, unsure of what I’m supposed to do. He slowly uncurls his fingers, his chest deflating as he lets out a deep breath.

He doesn’t look at me, instead letting himself out of the car before walking back to his trunk. I can’t stop the tears that fall from my eyes in rapid succession, although I brush them away in a haste before sucking in a breath. I can do this.

Traveling was something I always wanted to do and this is a great opportunity for me. It’s a job at one of my dream hospitals, working in a field I wanted more experience in.

It just sucks leaving like this.

I’ve grown too attached to Lucy . . . and too attached to Rowan.

I force myself out of the car and meet Rowan along the side where he’s standing with both of my suitcases. His face lacks color and his eyes are distant as he watches me in silence. My feet don’t want to move, but I force them to anyway and I stop in front of him as I adjust my purse on my shoulder.

“I brought this for you to take with you.” He pauses, holding out the vase to me that we made together. “If you want it.”

I stare down at the blue vase, emotion engulfing me as I struggle to dissect what the hell I’m feeling. “Of course I want it,” I whisper, my words barely audible. “I thought maybe you would keep it.”

He shakes his head as I lift my gaze to meet his. “It’s yours. ”

It’s not the only thing I want to be mine . . .

“Can I say bye to Lucy?” I ask him, my voice cracking around the words as my eyes search his. I can’t help but wonder if I’m that delusional, that I’m the only one who’s been feeling things between us. I wish he would tell me to stay, I wish he would try to change my mind about leaving.

Anything to show me that he feels this too . . .

“Of course,” he says, his voice hoarse as he lets out a ragged breath. His lips part as if he’s going to say something else, yet he doesn’t. He clamps them shut, rolling them between his teeth before he opens the door to the back seat for me.

Stepping past him, the smell of oakmoss and cedar invades my senses, a cruel assault on my heart. It takes everything in me to ignore it as I step closer to the car, bending down to Lucy. She’s strapped in her car seat, her blue eyes resting on me as I press my hand against her soft cheek.

“Hey, little Lu,” I murmur, my voice catching in my throat as I blink back the tears that well in my eyes. “I know your daddy can be a bit of a pest, but I’m going to need you to be good for him, okay? He’s going to be a little stressed for the next month or two, so try not to give him too much trouble...but don’t make it too easy for him either.”

I smile at her, even though she has no idea what I’m saying. Her little hands reach for me, her mouth opening as she smiles wide at me.

“I love you, sweet girl, and I hope I get to see you soon. ”

Lucy smiles at me, a soft cooing sound escaping her, followed by a babbling. I stroke the side of her face once more, knowing I have to tear myself from this moment. Tears blur my vision and I wipe them away before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

I can’t look at her and I can’t look at him.

Ducking my head, I wipe the tears from my face, avoiding eye contact with Rowan like a fucking coward as I grab the handles of my suitcase. “Thank you for driving me here,” I tell him, my voice hushed as I look through the glass doors into the airport.

“I’m the one who should be thanking you.”

I slowly turn my head, knowing I can’t leave like this. None of this is Rowan’s fault. I can’t expect him to get down on his knees and beg me to stay. He has a life to live, one that doesn’t involve me living in his house with him.

He has a village. He has the people he needs. I served my purpose here and now it’s time for me to get back to my own life.

I was never supposed to fall in love with Rowan Taylor, and I failed miserably.

Glancing down at my hand, I see the ring still on my finger. The ring that was never truly mine. “Here,” I whisper, pulling it free from my finger before handing it to Rowan. “I meant to take it off last night.”

Rowan stares down at the ring in his palm, not speaking a single word as he lifts his gaze to me. It’s unreadable and his eyes are bloodshot as they burn holes directly into my soul. “I don’t want this.”

I shake my head at him, refusing to accept it. The ring was never for me to keep and, honestly...I don’t want any of this. “Neither do I.”

His eyebrows pull downward, creating a crease between them as a wave of pain passes through his eyes. His lips part, but I speak before he gets a chance to say anything.

“Bye, Rowan.”

I don’t wait for him to respond as I force myself to turn my back to him and walk directly toward the sliding glass doors. They part and I step through them, entering the airport with the ever-present urge to chance a glance in his direction.

My footsteps falter and I half expect him to be behind me. No, I never expected it, but goddamn, I fucking hoped he would have followed after me. Anything to stop me from leaving.

But he doesn’t . . .

My vision blurs and the tears begin to fall as I start to move forward.

And I don’t look back.