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CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

HADLEY

“ M y sister thinks I need to call my brother.”

The words that fall from Rowan’s lips momentarily have me pausing from the dishes I’m washing in the sink. I glance over my shoulder at him as he steps up beside me, reaching for a hand towel to start drying the plates, leaving the bottles and nipples to air dry.

This is the first Rowan has even brought up his brother and I’ve been wondering when this topic would finally come up. My relationship with Beau was complicated to say the least and I also know that Rowan has had a similar experience with his brother.

“Do you know what’s going on with him?”

I haven’t spoken to him since we broke up over a year ago. Even though I was upset when it happened, it was more from a place of feeling like I failed and disappointment. Beau Taylor was once my friend, but when he broke up with me, it was the clean break I needed from the toxicity and chaos that came with him .

Rowan finishes drying, putting the bottles back in the cupboard before turning to face me as I dry my hands. “Raven said he’s in rehab right now, and supposedly he’s doing really well.” He pauses, hanging the hand towel on the stove. “Honestly, I’m not sure I really care.”

“Does he know about us yet?”

He shrugs with indifference. “I would imagine so because my mother has a habit of gossiping, but what can he really say about it? At the end of the day, he fucked things up with you, and he and I barely have a relationship. He’s done nothing but take advantage of our entire family. I don’t need his permission to be with you.”

My heart stumbles over itself and I quickly pull it back into place, back into a steady beat because I can’t take those words to heart. We both know this isn’t real, he just failed to mention it in conversation right now.

“I don’t really think he would care anyways,” I admit, walking across the kitchen before heading into the living room. I start to pick up some of the baby’s things that are thrown about the couch from our mad dash to get her into the bath after she had a blowout earlier.

I accidentally kick one of Lucy’s toys under the couch. I lower myself onto my knees, glancing up as I see Rowan stopping in the doorway. He extends his arms above his head, the muscles tightening as he grips the top of the doorframe, his body leaning forward slightly.

He drops his chin closer to his chest, watching me down on my knees through the pieces of his hair that fall across his forehead. Holy fuck. I forget what the hell I’m even down on my knees for, other than for him.

What the hell is wrong with you, Hadley?

His shirt rides up, lifting from the tension in his shoulders, revealing a few inches of the bottom of his torso. I’ve seen him without a shirt on before, but I try to force myself to forget how he’s built until I’m rudely reminded again.

“Why do you think he wouldn’t care?”

I stare at him for a beat, my mouth completely dry. “What?”

“My brother. Why wouldn’t he care that I’m with you?”

My memory of what we were talking about is instantly jogged and the mention of his brother pulls me out of my stupidity. I reach under the couch, finding the toy and retrieving it before I rise back to my feet.

I thought he looked good while I was down on my knees, but standing face to face with him while he’s looking at me with a darkened gaze is an experience I wouldn’t mind happening more than once.

“Things with Beau and me were weird. We were friends and then I was trying to help him with things while he was working on getting medications straightened out. One thing led to another and then we ended up dating.” I let out a breath, pulling my gaze from his as I finish straightening the living room. “I thought that I loved him, but knowing what I do now, it was never love between us. I was a convenience for him and he was someone I thought I could help. Your brother never loved me.”

When I look back at Rowan, he’s still staring at me, the muscle in his jaw tightening as he watches me with an unreadable expression. “My brother’s a fucking idiot,” he says slowly, his tone low, yet the sound of his voice is soft. “I’m sorry he treated you like shit.”

I shake my head at him, sucking in a deep breath before releasing it. “It’s fine, really. I moved on from that long ago and I’ve been working on moving past the little bit of a mental hiccup it gave me.”

Rowan drops his hands away from the doorway and slowly stalks toward me. He reaches for me, taking the blanket I’m folding from my hands and tossing it back onto the couch. His fingers slide beneath my chin as he tips my head back for my eyes to meet his. “Did he hurt you?”

I swallow hard, my heart pounding faster. “No. He never laid a finger on me.”

“I’m not talking about physically, Hadley.”

My heart stops in my chest. “He wasn’t always kind, but he has his own struggles, Rowan.”

“Don’t you dare make fucking excuses for him,” he grates the words out, his pulse in the side of his neck visible as it throbs. “Regardless of the shit he was struggling with, none of that is ever an excuse to hurt someone. What did he say to you?”

“The things he said about himself hurt worse than what he would say about me.”

Rowan stares at me and I can feel the heat and anger radiating from his body. His throat bobs as he swallows hard and he moves closer, his palm sliding along the side of my neck as he gently cups it with his hand. “What did he say to you, baby?”

“At first, there were just little comments about things I was doing wrong, but over time they became cruel.” I pause for a second, letting out a shallow breath. “He cheated on me and he liked to compare me to other women from his past.”

His jaw clenches. “What did he say, Hadley?”

I swallow roughly. “Just that I wasn’t as good as most of them. That I laid there like a dead corpse and just took it.” Tears spring to my eyes and I hate the thought of having to speak these words out loud. “He just had a habit of making me feel small and pretty insignificant.”

Rowan doesn’t move. His eyes burn into mine, his fingers soft along the back of my neck. “Nothing he said to you is true, Hadley. My brother is a piece of shit and I’m so sorry for everything he did to you. You are not small.” He pauses, his throat bobbing as he swallows. “You are so fucking far from insignificant.” He shakes his head. “You’re more than he ever deserved and he knew that. He views himself so poorly, he has an incessant need to drag everyone down with him.”

“I know,” I tell him, even though there are still moments where his vile comments circle in my brain. They have a habit of creeping in during moments of self-doubt. “I’ve let the past with him go. I’ve moved on and had to find it inside myself to forgive him.”

I’ve forgiven Beau for everything bad that happened between us. I know he wasn’t mentally stable and I don’t fault him for any of it. All I can do now is hope that things have taken a turn for the better for him.

His eyebrows immediately pull together. He tilts his head to the side, his eyes searching my face. “After the mental fuck he put you through, you can just forgive him like that?”

“I can,” I reply, tipping my chin forward as I reach up to place my hand on his solid chest, just over his heart. “Holding on to hate and blame does nothing. Just because I forgive him doesn’t mean I like him or want anything to do with him. It gave me the peace I needed to move past it.” I pause, a gentle smile drifting across my lips. “For what it’s worth, I think you owe yourself the chance to forgive him for your own sense of peace.”

The vehemence within his stare rocks me to my core. His lips part, his tongue darting out to wet the bottom one before he rolls them together. “What if I can’t?”

“Then at least you can say you tried,” I say, pressing my palm harder against his chest before I retreat and let my hand fall away. “That’s all you can do.”