Page 19

Annoth

This park would be painted in blood if I had my way.

Blood on the grass, blood dripping from the trees, blood filling the small lake where a pair of white swans glide.

Those swans would be in pieces too, feathers and entrails scattered across the children’s play structure, which would echo with the tortured screams of the–

“I used to bring my nieces and nephews here a lot,” says Theo, interrupting my glorious, sanguine daydreams. Even though I despise the cold weather, being trapped inside his body this way is only feeding my rage.

“Used to?” Ben asks.

“Well…my sister lived here in the city, and I would watch the older ones for her sometimes, but then they moved so they could be a bit closer to my parents.”

“How many kids?”

“Five.”

“Way too many,” Ben chuckles. “Damn Catholics.”

“Do you have any?” Theo asks.

“Kids? Siblings? Nieces and nephews?”

“Any of the above?”

“No kids, as far as I’m aware,” Ben laughs. “Yes to the others. I’m the youngest of four, actually.”

“Damn Catholics,” Theo repeats. He is smiling at Ben, and I can feel many of the strange, human thoughts running through his head, not to mention other parts of his body.

I can tell he wants this man, but he is holding himself back, and I do hope it is because of me.

Let him suffer and pine as punishment for not giving into my demands.

“So, the youngest of four…” says Theo, “and judging by the Taylor Swift bracelets on your arm, at least one preteen niece?”

Ben grins and holds his wrist up. “Yeah, Graciela. I took her to one of the concerts with a few of her friends and they made me these.”

“Tabitha would’ve killed to go to one,” Theo says. “My oldest niece. Molly just couldn’t swing it.” The two of them fall silent for a short time as they walk, and I get the sense that Ben does not wish to speak about his family.

“When was the last time you talked to them?” he finally asks.

“Uhhh…it’s been a little while,” Theo admits. “I called Molly a few days ago, when Annoth showed up, cause I was freaked out. But I haven’t talked to anyone else for a bit.”

“Here,” Ben says, “let’s do this right now, while we’re out.” He motions to a park bench and they both sit, but then a flare of anxiety shoots through Theo’s body.

“Do what?”

“Text your family, and your friends. Let them know that you’re alright and that you’re working through things. I told you I’d help with it.”

“Oh, right…” Theo pulls his telephone out and holds it tightly, but does not turn it on.

Coward, I whisper in his mind, simply for my own amusement, and because I do not like how much attention he is giving Ben. You are afraid they have forgotten you, that they will not reply, that they no longer care for you.

Shut the fuck up, he retorts silently.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asks.

“I just…I think that’s been the hardest part,” Theo sighs.

“I’m close to my family, and my friends.

I rely on them. I’m not one of those guys that’s afraid to talk about my feelings or whatever.

I ju st…didn’t know how to talk to them about this, and it got away from me. What if…what if I still can’t do it?”

“Who said you have to talk to them about your feelings?”

“I guess…no one, but that’s what they’ll be expecting.”

“You don’t always have to do what people expect, you know,” Ben says lightly.

“Sometimes, you can just give yourself what you need, and everyone else can either fall in line or get fucked.” He rests his fingers gently on Theo’s hand, and a jolt of electricity runs through my host’s body as they both laugh.

I knew you wanted him, I sneer. Oh, poor Theo. Do you really think he might want you in return? Do you not see the way he looks at me? What could you possibly offer him that I cannot?

Shut up! Theo cries, and his hands start to tremble.

“Just do it,” he tells Ben, turning the telephone on and passing it over. Ben gives him a strange look, then taps the screen.

“Who’s up first?”

“Uh…that should probably be my mom.”

“Ok, I’m gonna write something and then have you check it over before I send it.

Is that alright?” Ben’s voice is much gentler than it has been since we found him on the street the previous day.

My own senses are somewhat limited when I am inhabiting another body, but I can see the way his eyes soften when he looks at Theo now, and a strange, aching pang runs through me.

Theo seems to feel it too and puts a hand over his heart.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he mumbles. I watch as Ben quickly types out a message, then passes the phone back.

Theo reads it aloud. “‘Hey Mom, I know you’ve been worried about me the last few weeks, and I’m sorry I dropped off the face of the planet.

Everything with Ros and work has just been really hard to deal with, but I’m getting through it.

Thanks for being (sort of) patient with me’.

” He laughs and nods. “Yeah, that’s perfect, except I’m supposed to see them on the 15th, for Tabitha’s soccer game.

” Ben takes the phone, makes several adjustments to the message, then lets Theo send it off.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, and I listen closely to the cadence of Theo’s heartbeat.

It is quick, anxious, but also lighter somehow.

Just as I am about to speak again, his telephone begins to ring. It appears to be his mother calling.

Annoth, could you…get out of my head please?

I’d like some privacy, comes his tense voice.

I do not reply, but simply pull myself out of him and appear sitting on the bench beside Ben.

We are concealed by a small glade of trees, so no one nearby seems to have noticed my manifestation.

Theo stands and walks away, then hesitates for a moment before answering the call.

“Why are you doing these things for him?” I ask Ben.

His reply is soft, but firm. “Because he’s a good person, and he doesn’t deserve this.”

“Does not deserve what?”

“Any of it.” Ben glances at me and I think he is sad, but I cannot understand why. “Nothing I can do about the girlfriend or the job, but…he doesn’t need to lose anyone else in his life, and he certainly doesn’t deserve your bullshit.”

“And what benefit is there for you, helping a complete stranger this way? He threatened to turn you in to the authorities, but you have done far more than what was required by your deal. You purchased food and helped him contact loved ones and let him speak about his feelings with you.”

Ben gives me a strange look. “I dunno what they taught you about humans…down there, but we aren’t all bad all the time, you know. Besides, I’m getting a place to stay and, if everything goes according to plan, I’ll get you too.”

“You want to be my host?” I ask, startled by his response.

“Not particularly, but I do want to help Theo and…I’ve got nothing to lose at this point. You and I deserve each other anyway. A sinner and a demon.” I recognized Ben’s lust the night before, and no w I see even more familiar feelings pass across his face: guilt, regret, pain.

“I am your atonement,” I say softly. “What sins have you committed, Father?”

“I don’t really think you’re qualified to be my confessor,” Ben replies with a dark laugh, “but, we can start with greed…lust…wrath. I’ve lied and cheated and stolen. Hurt people I cared about.”

“I was under the impression that these are standard human behaviors.”

“Ah, so they did tell you that we’re all bad.”

“Yes…they did.”

“Well, it’s a little true,” Ben sighs, “but there’s good people too–more than you think there are. Little bits of light, like stars in a dark sky.”

“And Theo is one of them?”

“I think so, and I’m not gonna let one of those lights go out. So, if you’ve got something to take out, take it out on me. Alright? Not him.” He looks down and adjusts the bracelets on his wrist.

“Is this why you wear the Patron Saint of Lost Causes?” I ask, reaching up to touch his chest. “Because that is how you see yourself?”

He wraps his fingers around mine and gently pulls them away. “You saw my Saint Jude?”

“I came to your room last night,” I say casually. His expression is a mixture of amusement and alarm. Perhaps it is not appropriate to confess that I watched him sleep, but I am capable of feeling shame.

“To do what, exactly?”

“I was curious. I do not sleep and do not understand the…mechanics.”

“Oh, sure,” Ben drawls, his arrogant smirk returning as he straightens up. “I think maybe you were looking for something.”

“You have not answered my question about Saint Jude.”

“If you wanted another kiss, you could’ve just woken me up, mi amor .”

I fight back a smile of my own. “Your kiss was hardly enough to leave me wanting more, Benjamin.” He angles his body toward me, reaching an arm around my shoulders and resting it on the back of the bench.

“Is that a challenge, Annie?”

“Perhaps it is,” I reply, turning toward him. A fierce burning sensation grips my chest, then rapidly spreads to my limbs and core as his dark eyes search my face. He really is very handsome…for a human.

“Well, that was–” Theo’s voice breaks between us, and I move away from Ben. He clears his throat and looks at Theo, who is staring at us with a peculiar expression.

“It went well?” he asks, standing up and leaving me at the mercy of the cold air.

“As well as it could have,” Theo says. “At least I talked her down from driving over here and fussing.”

“Good! Good,” Ben says, running a hand through his hair. “Why don’t we walk a little more, and then we can try another one?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Theo replies with an anxious smile. He looks at me next. “Are you coming along, or are you going to sit there and pick out your next victim?”

I stand and saunter up to him, moving closer than necessary. His eyes are light to Ben’s dark ones, but they take in my face in much the same way: half fear and half intrigue.